"Ain't That Tough Enough"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Total Drama or the WWE. Total Drama and it's characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis and World Wrestling Entertainment and its wrestlers are owned by Vince McMahon. Anyway, I was inspired by WWE's Tough Enough, so I figured what if Owen were to send his own video submission, auditioning for the reality show itself. Well, this is what you get. Enjoy!
It became yet another clear day inside Playa Des Losers. So far, while the contestants, old and new, were busy taking a break from all the turmoil they have suffered due to the host, they figured some rest and relaxation would do the trick.
However, Noah didn't feel that way. Oh sure, the know-it-all was definitely resting, but he was definitely not relaxing. He was bored out of his mind, laying on the couch and sighing with a camera in hand. Apparently, Noah was waiting for something, or especially someone. After hours of waiting, he shouted.
"Owen, what the hell's taking you so long?" Noah whined.
"Don't worry, I'll be out just a minute!" Owen shouted back.
"Well, I can't wait for another minute, okay?" Noah groaned again. "My butt's feeling tired so much, I can't even feel it! It's like I was born without a butt at all! And I can't even believe we have to do this crappy thing. I don't even watch that much wrestling to begin-"
"OKAY, I'M READY!" Owen shouted.
"Uggggh, about time..." Noah rolled his eyes again as Owen exited out the bathroom and ran into the living room.
Owen was dressed like the Ultimate Warrior, to be exact. He had the exact facepaint, trunks, stringy boots and tassels quite like the Warrior in his career. Owen looked really big and fat enough to be a wrestler. He could pretty much take on everyone inside Playa De Losers with that kind of body mass.
"Are you ready?" Owen replied.
"As I'll ever be." Noah rolled his eyes as he started filming.
As the know-it-all started rolling the camera, Owen into his Warrior phase and gave out his best taped promo.
"RAAAAAAAAGH!" Owen growled. "This is I, The Ultimate Owen-!"
"Wait a minute?" Noah said, cutting Owen off for the moment. "The Ultimate Owen? That is by far, the worst wrestling name I have ever heard of. You might as well call yourself The Flying Fart for all I know."
"But I like The Ultimate Owen better," Owen pointed out. "It's like a tribute to the Ultimate Warrior, but with Owen replacing the word Warrior. Now keep filming. I want this to look good."
"If you say so..." Noah sighed as he kept on filming.
After another deep breath, Owen went back to his promo.
"RAAAAAAAGH!" He growled again. "This is I, The Ultimate Owen, coming to you live from an intergalatic trash heap from the heavens above called Parts Unknown! I have been sent by my warriors who have flown through these veins to give you, Mr. H and Mrs. McMahon, an opportunity to see a future champion from the heavens above! I am best for business, and I also know how to burp out the entire alphabet, with the help of 2-liter soda! Get ready to breathe the air of a conquerer who's been sent to destroy and eat tons of crap fed to him!"
However, Owen didn't notice Courtney walking by the fatman. Apparently, the C.I.T. didn't want anything to do with Owen's corny little submission tape as she headed for the kitchen.
"If you choose me to be on Tough Enough, I, The Ultimate Owen, will make sure to rip Seth Rollins's arm off and feed it to the bloody sharks that are filled with the veins of the warriors and the power of the third dimension!" Owen declared, "Anyway, I am the Ultimate Owen, the champion of destinies, and the almighty ten wonder of the wooooooooorld!"
And just to close out his tape, Owen let out a fart so big that it spreaded through the kitchen. And without warning, Courtney got a huge whiff of it and passed out, choking heavily on his fart gas.
"AGGGGGK!" Courtney heaved. "Fart air! Too strong... to withstand."
While Courtney nearly laid half-dead on the floor, Owen and Noah looked on with concern.
"Oh crap, I think I knocked out Courtney." Owen gulped.
"Ya think?" Noah said, clenching his nose tight.
"Yeah," Owen nodded before changing the subject. "You think we've got it all on tape?"
"Yeah, it's all on there." Noah nodded as well.
"Awesome!" Owen shouted out. "Once Triple H and Stephanie McMahon sees this, I know they'll let me on Tough Enough! I just know it!
-A week later-
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon were at WWE Headquarters with burnt eyes. Apparently, they were so disturbed and creeped out by Owen's submission tape for Tough Enough, that their eyes were burned right off their sockets.
"Well, that was a disaster," Stephanie gulped. "That fat kid with manbreasts really needs a bra."
"I will never look at my wife the same way again because of that..." Triple H gulped as well.
And because of Owen's dreaded submission tape, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon were so blind, they never saw anything again. And that's because no one cared about the Authority anymore.
Yeah, I always imagined someone like Owen creeping out the Authority like this. It's so funny to give karma out to the Authority. They so totally deserve it after the crap they put people through.
Anyway, feedbacks are welcome! Until then, UltimateWarriorFan4Ever, signing off!