Her Gift – Her Curse, Side Story.

A/N: This is a short little side story I decided to write for HGHC to try and tackle my writer's block, and I just thought I'd post it as an apology for not updating for… well… a year almost! It kinda worked, but bear in mind it's like… half eleven at night, I have school tomorrow and I want to go to sleep, plus I was thinking of it when I was in the shower and therefore I wasn't really able to jot down my initial ideas xx; it kind of worked… heh. Written in Lily's POV once again lol. If you haven't read Her Gift – Her Curse first, um… you might get a little confused, but then again, you might be really smart and get most of it anyways lol ;) and this extract will not be in the main story, or as part of the main plot… I don't think… -haven't decided yet lol-

—×True Bliss×—

Dear Diary,

I can't remember when I'd first started writing a diary. I think it was when I first came to Hogwarts, and the dreams came. I'd felt so lonely then, so I turned to writing, secluded in my own little world where only happiness and laughter exists. I needed escape – to leave this environment and lock myself up in another to conceal who I really was and wanted to be.

It was then that the young, innocent Lily Evans died.

I can no longer remember my childhood days. They seem like a distant dream that may have never happened. The moment I'd turned 11, the moment I'd been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, my naivety had been washed away, my true natures uncovered, along with my gift; my curse; the sole meaning of my existence.

I hated it.

I had been warned. I was not allowed to make friends; they were forbidden fruit, waiting for me to be picked; yet I held my discipline. I forbade myself to go near people. I stayed quiet, lonely, isolated at a desk of my own, through each semester of my first year… then second… third… I willed myself not to be observant, for observation manipulates the mind. Observation allows insight into the social world in which I desire so much to yet would never be allowed to join.

Until I saw him.

He was like an angel, descended from the heavens above to save me. Every night I woke up drenched in cold sweat, screaming my throat hoarse, I would will myself to calm down, and just the thought of him allowed me to do that. His messy tresses of ebony, his thin framed glasses, his mesmerizing bright brown eyes, sparkling with mirth.

I'd noticed him, and for the life of me I wished I hadn't, yet that would have been virtually impossible for me. He was so popular, so outspoken it was difficult not to. I knew I shouldn't have, but every time I see him I feel my heart skip a beat. I knew I shouldn't have, but every time he laughed I felt my breath catch in my throat. I knew I shouldn't have, but every time he smiled at one of his friends my heart would ache in knowledge that that smile would never be directed at me. I knew I shouldn't have, but I knew I had.

I'd fallen in love.

He was a drug, and I was addicted. I found myself looking at him when I was sure nobody would notice. I found myself liking him more and more; and I found myself yearning for him. Yet I knew it was not to be. But in spite of that I couldn't help myself. I couldn't control my heart; I couldn't control my eyes. I wanted to see him. Always. I had become the flower of my name, and he was my light.

I knew he'd never look twice at me. He was a king, and I was a lowly chambermaid. We would never mix; we were from two different planets, but his very existence was enough for me to strive on; he was my string of sanity in the pool of darkness called my 'gift'. The very thought that we were living under the same roof, in the same common room made my heart flutter and my spirit rejoice.

I didn't need my feelings returned… Just to be able to admire him from afar was enough.

But it all changed in my seventh year. He had come into my life – properly into my life, introduced himself, befriended me, knocked down the walls around my heart with a single smile, and destroyed my shell of solitude… He weakened my resolve. And I allowed him.

My heart had been deprived of life for too long. Being with him was like breathing my first breath all over again, and it felt so good. Past feelings rushed back into me… feelings I'd been trying to suppress; and I felt alive once more. To be able to feel – to really feel the emotion I'd locked away – once like finding oxygen in a sea of deadly gasses. I wanted to feel once more, and I allowed it.

I have a friend. Remember James Potter? That's him…he befriended me, and I permitted it to happen. I don't care if it is going against everything I've been taught to believe in… I love him. I'd never tell him, but I do – you know I do. It's like a dream… like an ultimate fantasy become reality. I feel so alive like I'd never felt before. I want to feel again. Let me have this moment of selfishness. Let me be pulled out of loneliness, and have someone to console in; to rely on… even for a moment, it's enough.

Lily.

I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me into an embrace and I quickly close my diary. I do not pull away. I know whose arms they are; I'd know them anywhere… they belonged to the man I'd been watching ever since I was 11; the arms of the man I love.

"What're you doing?" he whispers softly.

We are not lovers. We would never become lovers… I don't even dare to think of it. He would never think of me that way, and I realise that. My heart constricts painfully, but being friends is more than I'd ever have wished for in my wildest dreams. He is kind to me. He knows how lonely I am, therefore he holds me gently; a silent message saying, "I'm here for you".

"Nothing." I whisper back.

I lean into his embrace, feeling the toned muscles of his stomach through his shirt, feeling the rise and falling of his chest, feeling the comfort his presence gives me. I close my eyes and smile as I experience true bliss, etching this moment into my memory forever.

—×—

A/N: Yeah. Apologies for it being so short… I had originally intended for it to be longer, but then again, things rarely ever go as planned for me… Anyways -yawns- I'm so tired. And I have school tomorrow. Arg gonna die. xx;; Well, as I said, this was just to resurrect my faith in my own writing skills, didn't really work very well, so review if you're very kind and nice and blah etc., but if you don't review… well, personally I don't blame you… --; …Arg so tired… Again, apologies to my very faithful readers who haven't given up on me even though I've been a lazy cow!

L8r,

—×Kuri×—

AKA LivingDreams