May 20th, 2009

Christine Ashley

Any Other Day

The first thing that woke me up was the dawns light sifting through my curtains onto my face. I sighed and closed my eyes again, hoping that the day would fast forward it self and it would be time for bed again. But I knew it wouldn't happen. I'd been dreading this day for the past week now and it was finally here. I'd prayed for it to come swift and painless but somehow I didn't see that happening in my case.

Slowly, I rose. My hand greeted my face as I wiped away the tension in my muscles and a few stray hairs that I could manage. I swung my legs over and started my day. It was going to be like any other normal day so my wardrobe would be the same. I picked out a clean T-shirt and a pair of jeans from the unfolded clean pile, threw them on and headed out my door to the kitchen.

I opened the refrigerator door but nothing looked appetizing to me at the moment. I closed the door and looked around the kitchen. It must be the nerves I told myself as I closed door after door of pantry doors looking for some breakfast. I gave out a sigh and sat over at the table by the kitchen window.

After a while, I sat up straight and decided to stop procrastinating and set out to do what I had planned. I walked to my bedroom door quickly and grabbed my keys and purse off the bookshelf. I fixed everything I was wearing and put the strap around my neck and got the right key in order as I walked back to the front of the house. Walked around the last corner to find my mom had risen for the day.

We stood there a couple of minutes before she smiled and patted me on the shoulder as she gave me a side hug. We looked at each other one last time in understanding before she kissed my on the side of the head. She blessed the rest of my day and walked back to the kitchen. I turned and smiled grimly as I opened the front door and walked to my car. The day was starting off cloudy.

The drive to the grocery wasn't too long. The car must have been empathing my mood though as the radio started playing "Apologize" by One Republic a few minutes after I started the car. I looked at the sky again. I was hoping this day wouldn't be so dreary. Another prayer unanswered by my god. I pulled into a parking spot and got out.

I rushed into the store. I wanted a quick in and out experience to day. I really didn't care for the customer service as usual. I knew what I wanted and didn't have the patience for the people around me. I walked over to the florist area and bent down at the glass doors that kept in the cold and moist air.

I examined each flower and the prices carefully until I found the right one for my special occasion. I picked it up carefully so I wouldn't damage the flower with clumsiness and brought it to the front counter. The lady working at the counter looked up from her ribbon cutting and smiled at me.

She asked the usual questions. What color of wrap I wanted. How long I wanted the stem of the flower to be. Did I want my leaves organized so you could see the better see them? As she started finishing up the wrap of my flower she asked the more personal, What is this for? I just smiled and started tapping my foot against the floor. I must have seemed like another rude customer to her.

As I took the rose from the lady and started heading over to the register, she called me back over for something. With a jittery sigh, I turned around and walked back over to her. She grabbed a little "to and from card" from the rack behind her and showed it to me. She told me it was free of charge and that it comes with all flowers. I quickly turned it down and made a quick decision and answered her last question before I began to turn away again. It was an anniversary present.

I checked out quickly and without many words to the rest of the store employees. I rushed to my car and hopped in, being carefully to set the flower on the passenger seat with a little more caution. I popped in my Skillet CD and skipped to the song called "Collide". I would need my music for this portion of the drive. I did the speed limit but it never felt fast enough for me.

I got aggravated at the people around me, cursing them as they lagged my progress further. I let out a couple of choice words to the slow vehicles in front of me and darted around them all. I normal didn't do such things so recklessly but I was nervous about today. Finally, I saw the entrance of my destination come into sight.

I turned on my right turn signal and entered the area. I drove against the wishes of my aching foot. The speed limit was only 10 mph in the vicinity, which wasn't a bad thing. There were other people coming back from their destinations, some of them with children in hand. I finally pulled in front of my own destination and put my car in park. I reached over and grabbed the rose carefully. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, put them in my purse then looked up the side walk.

I got out with flower in hand and started up the side walk. I kicked up dirt and got rocks out of my way as I made my way to the final point. I didn't look at anything around me as my nerves got more frantic at what I was doing. I finally stop and turn to look at the single tombstone on the side. I didn't mind not looking around. The graveyard I was in was especially morbid for me today.

I kneeled in front tombstone gradually and studied it. I ran my hand over the face of the stone slowly. My finger tips running along the name that was chiseled into the rock face with perfect precision as I thought of the appropriate words for what I was about to say. Finally, after what seemed like for ever, I got what I wanted to say made up in my mind. My hand stopped wandering and placed the flower to my feet for a moment. I started to talk.

"Happy Anniversary."

I stopped short as I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. His death had been hard on a couple of people, particularly me. I wiped the sweat from my hands on to my pants and stared down the unfeeling stone. After a few minutes I gather up the courage to say the rest of my speech. I clasp my hands together as I started back up.

"I can't believe it's been a year since I last saw your smiling face or held your hand when I was down. We made some pretty crazy decisions while we were together, some not always getting a good outcome. I want to say I don't regret any of them, except for the last one that night when I let you drive home alone."

"I've had a hard time forgiving myself since that night but I finally have. I'm not going to let this stop me from living my life. You wouldn't have wanted me to turn into a hermit because you loved life way to much. One day, I'll be happy and successful and I know that you'll be smiling down from above with joy."

"I came here for a purpose today. One was to see you. The other was to say two last things. I will always love you and you will never be forgotten or taken in my heart. The last one is much shorter. Good bye."

I put my hand on the top of the stone and run my hand over the course top one last time. I reached back over to my side and picked up the single bright red rose. I played with the cheap store paper a bit, remembering our history together, before I lay it in front of the stone.

I stood back up and cracked my back as I looked down at the grave one last time. I gave out my last sigh for the day and turned around to look at the scenery quickly. My gaze quickly gave its attention to the sky. The outcast had cleared, leaving it a clear and bright day out. The sun cast down warmth that not only gave life to the planet but to my own dreams and ambitions. I smiled as I walked back to my car with new hope, just like any other day.