Slender fingers tapped nervously on the wood of her desk, waiting for the little blue icon to stop bouncing up and down. A sigh of relief came as it finally stilled, and in moments her Skype app filled the screen. Moving her mouse towards the contacts area, Umi felt a smile forming as a familiar picture greeted her eyes. Hovering over the cute drawing of an ashen avian, she immediately clicked on the green call button, anxiously waiting for an answer.
"Umi-chan!" That growing smile officially broke out on her face as she saw Kotori's lovely visage gracing her screen. A hand, calloused from long sewing nights, waved to her, and she happily waved in return. Ever since Kotori had accepted a scholarship to a big design school in their second year, Umi lived for the moments when they could talk to each other through phone calls, or the serene glimpses of each others' smiles through Skype. Now in the second semester of their third year, and with the need to prepare for university having swamped many students, she was even more appreciative of the time they were allowed to have together.
"How have classes been going, Kotori?" It had hurt more than she realized when Kotori had left. She hadn't been outwardly miserable like Honoka had been, but an empty, lonely feeling gnawed at her heart for several weeks after the fact. Even then, she didn't know just how much she missed her little bird until, while on a call with Kotori, she blurted out the three words that would change them forever:
'I love you.'
She couldn't believe she had said such a thing, but when that sweet, sing-song voice returned the words right back to her, she had felt her heart soar to heights unimagined. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and as time continued onwards with their distance never-changing, she fell deeper and deeper in love. Despite both Nico and Maki advising her against continuing a long distance relationship, she never regretted it for a second. She loved Kotori, and no amount of distance was going to change that.
"Good, but tiring." Kotori sighed dramatically, slumping over on her laptop. Umi laughed softly, wishing that she could run her hand over that tuft of hair. "How are you holding up?"
"Fine," she answered simply, which was true enough. Being very organized and timely had its perks, allowing her to balance everything that came her way from school without too much problem. Still, that did leave her with some time to herself, time she used to either talk to Kotori or wait for Kotori to come back online. Maybe it was bordering on obsessive: even Kotori had suggested that Umi start spending more time with their friends, but she couldn't help it. She missed Kotori so bad, it hurt.
Lately though, she had started to notice that Kotori was a lot more tired than usual, and their calls weren't lasting as long as before. School was definitely taking its toll on them, and for maybe the thousandth time she wished that she was there to support her girlfriend better. Tonight was no exception, as she could definitely see the exhaustion in those pretty amber eyes. There was something else there as well: something that looked like hesitance. Tilting her head to the side in confusion, she decided it would just be best to address it.
"Is something troubling you, Kotori?"
"E-Eh? No, not at all!" Kotori chirped cheerfully, brushing off the concern with a wave of her hand. "S-So how has your studying been going?"
"Kotori..." Umi could tell there was something wrong. That unsure voice was so unlike Kotori, it was impossible not to notice, and she didn't want their call to end without her at least trying to do something to help. "You know I'm here to help, right?" Rather than seem assured, Kotori stiffened noticeably, which only increased Umi's frown. Something bad must have happened. "Are you being bullied?"
"Wh-What? No!"
"Because you know I'll come up there and beat them up."
"No no, I'm fine, Umi-chan." At least it got Kotori to laugh, but it was fleeting. They sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a few moments as Kotori screwed up her courage. "Umi-chan, you... you know I love you, right?"
"Of course I do." She had never doubted it for a second.
"Things have just become so hectic here and, well... I've been accepted to a university already."
"That's great!" That didn't sound bad at all. She wanted to congratulate Kotori further, but she was cut off before she could begin.
"It's close to where I am right now."
"... Oh." So that was the problem. Umi slumped in her seat, but tried to put on a positive face for Kotori. "Well, it's not the end of the world, right? We've dealt with that distance already." Her positivity quickly faded away when she noticed that it wasn't having any effect on Kotori. "What's wrong?"
"I..." Tears were pricking the corners of Kotori's eyes, immediately alarming Umi. "I can't do this anymore, Umi-chan!"
"Wh-What?" She was stunned, eyes wide as she stared at the miserable expression on her screen. "What do you mean?" Despite asking, she didn't want to know the answer. She didn't want to even hazard a guess herself. If it wasn't said aloud, then it didn't have to be true.
"I love you so much, but I can't take being away from you, and I'm going to be here even longer."
"Th-That's not a problem though," Umi muttered weakly, feeling like her heart had dropped down into her stomach. "I don't care about the distance. It doesn't change how I feel."
"I-I just can't do this anymore, Umi-chan..." Pain began to squeeze itself around her heart, and Umi tried desperately to not let it swallow her. It was so tempting, though.
"A-Are... Are you..." She couldn't say it. It was stuck on her tongue, refusing to leave her mouth. She didn't even want to give it credence. "Are you... b-breaking up with me?" No answer accompanied her question, and she could feel the vise tightening. "W-We can still make this work, Kotori! The distance doesn't mean anything!"
"Umi-chan..."
"Have I not been good enough?"
"Of course you have! You're amazing, Umi-chan!"
"Then why?! Did you find someone else?" She was expecting to be refuted. Why, she didn't know, but she just automatically expected it. When it didn't come, when Kotori looked down silently at her keyboard, the first crack in her heart appeared. "You... You found someone else." The words fell from her lips with no emotion, her mind seemingly shutting down yet simultaneously filling with every thought she was so desperate to ignore.
"I-It's not you, Umi-chan! You've done nothing wrong! She's just... closer, and I don't know how often I'll be able to visit anymore." She was barely listening though, her mind having fallen into a dark pit with no ladder in sight. Her vision became blurry, and that face she had never been able to go a day without seeing was becoming obscured. "You deserve someone better, someone who can... be there..." It seemed that Kotori had noticed something, as her voice trailed off, only to adopt a despairing tone. "Oh Umi-chan, I'm sorry!"
It sounded like Kotori was crying. Even as cracks continued to form upon her stabbed heart, it hurt to hear the one she loved cry. She wanted to fight for their love, she wanted to do anything possible to keep their relationship going. It wasn't over: it couldn't be over. "Please, Kotori... Please, it... it can't be over. We can't break up! I'll do anything!"
"Umi-chan..."
"I can move there. I'll apply for that university."
"It's an art school though, Umi-chan." Logic wasn't going to get in the way of her desperation, though.
"I'll learn to sew! You can teach me!" It was impossible now to pretend she wasn't crying, and it was obscuring her vision of Kotori, so the expression on her girlfriend's - well, ex-girlfriend's - face was too difficult to make out. Clearly though, it was not a positive one. "Please... Kotori..."
"I'm sorry, Umi-chan. I-I... I have to go. I-I just... I can't. I..." I love you? They never ended a call without saying it. "I'm sorry." The call ended, just like that. No goodbye, no I love you. It was over.
It took a few more moments for the reality to really sink in, but when it did, she didn't take it well. She slammed her fist against the desk and screamed, howling in pain. Her heart was shattered into many tiny pieces, strewn across her floor to be picked up, but she didn't want to pick them up. She didn't want to do anything.
Why did she have to leave?
Her room was a complete wreck. Frequent fits of miserable rage caused her to throw everything that was unlucky enough to come within arm's reach. She had barely even left her room in the last two days, having lost the ability to compose herself properly to be around others. Her stomach growled loudly in protest at her lack of eating, but she paid it little mind. She didn't want to eat: she didn't want to do anything.
Not even her parents could reach her, as she had locked her door and refused them entry. Whenever she thought that there couldn't possibly be any more tears to shed, more would come, leaving her incapacitated for up to twenty minutes at a time. It was when she had just come back from another round of crying that a new noise startled her: something hitting her window.
It wasn't just a hit, though: it was knocking. Confused, Umi stood up and turned to the window, nearly falling over at the sight of Honoka trying to keep herself up by hanging onto the windowsill. She hurried over and opened the window, backing up so that Honoka could pull herself up and fall into the room in a mess of tangled limbs. "Honoka? What are you doing?"
"I... came as quickly as I could," Honoka gasped out, having apparently run the entire way there. "Nobody... answered when I knocked on the door, so I... had to use the window." Well, at least it made sense, though it was a risky move. Why did she come over anyway, though? What could be so important that she just had to run all the way over and somehow get up to her window? "I... I heard about what happened." Oh.
Immediately her mind abandoned the distraction of Honoka trying to get in through her window, returning right back to where it had just been. Without waiting to catch her breath, Honoka moved over and wrapped Umi in a tight hug, ignoring her friend's token resistance. "I'm here for you, Umi-chan. I'm right here."
That caused the dam to burst again. Though Umi had been sure that she had cried out all her tears for awhile, she found herself sobbing pitifully against Honoka's shoulder, soaking the material of her shirt. "I-It hurts... so badly..."
"I know, Umi-chan." Honoka could only imagine what Umi was going through. As a friend, she couldn't take away the pain, but she could be there. Hopefully it could help in some meager way.
"Wh-Why did she leave me?" That was a question Honoka couldn't answer. She didn't want to make rash assumptions, but she also couldn't believe that Kotori would hurt Umi like this. Instead she stayed silent, running her fingers gently through Umi's hair as she cried miserably against Honoka's shoulder. This was going to be a long, painful journey, but she would continue to be here. She wouldn't abandon her friend.
Honoka spent a lot of time at Umi's house over the next two weeks. For once, she took the role of the caretaker, holding Umi while she cried, listening to her pain, and making her eat something so that she didn't end up starving herself. The information about what happened had slowly began trickling down to the other members of Muse, but Honoka made sure that they didn't all come at once and overwhelm Umi.
One morning, Umi woke up and felt somewhat lucid. She could still feel the dull throb of pain in her heart, but for once it wasn't immediately followed by stinging tears. Standing up, she walked over to the window and opened it, looking out as the sun began its ascent over the horizon. The call of the birds echoed in her ears as they flew out of the trees and into the sky.
Umi watched them fly away, reminding her of her own little bird that had flown away. The pain may not ever truly go away, at least that's how she felt. Every morning she would see those birds flying away, and she would remember Kotori. Perhaps no bird should remain caged, and they just needed to roam free, soaring unencumbered through the blue skies.
That was when the tears finally came again. They were never-ending.