I did this fic because in Skyrim, my character has become a skull hoarder. I'm serious. The jokes and concepts made are from me, my friends, and my elder bro. I'll even put up tips on how to become a skull hoarder too afterwards!

Lydia walked into Breezehome that evening to find that her Thane's skull collection took a turn for the worse. Really, she couldn't leave for... she glanced at the clock (nearly hidden behind a pile of skulls)... 3 hours to get a drink at the tavern without the house filling to unnecessary and rather obsessive degress with skulls!

The floor was covered in them, so she could hardly walk without stepping all over them. And she found her Thane curled in a ball at the one unoccupied corner of her bed, with a skull craddled in her arms and twenty others on her legs.

Her Thane, Jadeah, was a dark elf with a red right eye and a white left one. Two streaks of red face paint overlapped her dark ash colored skin down to her neck. She was tall, but regardless of her height, she looked small and weak in her current position. It was... alarming.

"My Thane?" Lydia nudged Jadeah's shoulder, and the dark elf blinked hazily before glancing up at her and closing her eyes.

"Oh... hello Lydia..."

Somehow, the low, unsatified sound in her voice made Lydia worry. "My Thane, where did all these skulls come from?"

Jadeah sighed. "I rescued them. They're not alone anymore..."

"Um... they're not alive." Lydia pointed out.

"They're forgotten..." Jadeah breathed, almost murmuring. "Forgotten... and alone..."

Before Lydia could say anything, she heard a shout down stairs.

"GREAT GODS AND ABOVE! MY LOVE? WHAT HAPPENED HERE?"

That was Jadeah's husband, Onmund. Of course, the moment anything was misplaced in this house he would freak out. But now he was probably in a full blown panic.

Lydia was careful in weaving around the skulls littered on the staircase as she approached Onmund. The man was standing at the door with his eyes wide as moons and jaw near hitting the skull covered ground. He blinked and looked ot Lydia. "W-what in Skyrim happened here?"

"Um... I think my Thane has decided to expand her collection," she answered, rubbing the back of her neck. "Umm... well..." she looked at the skulls, feeling disturbed by the empty eye sockets facing her way. "C-can I speak with you outside?"

Onmund nodded and he and Lydia walked outside, Lydia kicking a skull back inside through the door before shutting it behind her. The Winterhold student turned to her, arms crossed, and asked, "Now what's going on?"

"Something's wrong with her," Lydia said shaking her head. "It's like she thinks that she's rescuing the skulls from loneliness or something. Maybe we should consult someone who can help her."

"Do you know anyone else who might have an answer?" Onmund asked.

Lydia counted them off on her fingers. "Let's see... There's the Companions, the Thieves Guild, the Dark Brotherhood, perhaps the Jarl... I'm not sure."

"Well we could also ask Toldir as well, and maybe Sheogorath!"

To that, she arched her eyebrows. "The Daedric Prince of Maddness?"

"That's the one," Onmund nodded.

So they set off to find their answers.

Jadeah turned on her back and held the skull over her face, it's jaw hanging wide open. "They don't understand... They don't get it at all, Skully."

"No! No! Put me down! I FUCKING HATE YOU! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

She narrowed her eyes. "Why are you all so mean to me? I saved you."

"Saved us? We were fine by ourselves! I don't like anyone here!"

Sighing heavily, she let her head fall against the hard bed, staring at a troll skull she left on a trunk. "At least you don't hate me."

"No! We luvs you!"

Smiling now, Jadeah closed her eyes and for a moment for herself at peace with the skull resting on her chest. At least they wouldn't leave her. No. They would never. But Onmund and Lydia... her hands clenched into fists. She was stupid for marrying a Nord. Nords like Nords, like Lydia. What was she thinking? Getting him his family heirloom back and hoping they would be happy forever. Maybe the fact that he always was talking about how they shouldn't have disturbed that tomb should have given her a clue.

Oh well, Onmund can cheat on her with Lydia for all she cared. At least she could trust the skulls she kept.

Yeah, kind of weird. My character in Skyrim is very messed up and paranoid. Well, here's the skull hoarding tips I got for you!

1. Finding skulls is easy, as long as you know where to look. Places like Halls of the Dead, Dungeons, College of Winterhold, Dark Brotherhood Santuary, Dawnstar Santuary, ect. are bound to have tons of skulls just waiting to be taken. You can also steal from houses and stores if they have skulls.
2. Check in with general stores, sometimes you can find skulls for sale.
3. When placing your skulls, it's a major pain. If you happen to have more than five (and I usually come back with 30 at a time), you have to play with a slider to drop a certain amount. DON'T DROP MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME! If you press drop all, it comes as one object with (#) next to it. And if you plan on showing off the actual number, this isn't going to help you very much.
4. Clear out your house of all things you can pick up. That way you have more room for skulls.
5. Things'll get cluttered. So don't stress if your floor gets covered in skulls. Right now, my current collection is all piled up on my bed and the troll skulls are all over the floor. The pile's at the point where the occassional skull will slide off.
6. Don't forget to show off your Skyrim Skull Hoarder! Make pictures, videos, and fics about it!