Hey! So...I wrote a songfic called Awake and was completely inspired to write more like it. This one is for New Moon again, but solely from Bella's perspective. It is written around the song 'Gravity' by Sara Bareilles. Obviously, I felt the song fit what Bella should be feeling after Edward leaves. I hope you like it. Either way, review and let me know. Feedback means more fics like this, so...you know what to do. Thanks:D Samantha
P.S. The lyrics are in italics and Bella's thoughts are regular font.
P.S.S. You can listen to the song by putting this addendum onto the end of YouTube's address: /watch?v5mULa8WxTa4
Gravity
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
Edward… Everything I see or do or think reminds me of you; the rocker you sat in to spend your first nights with me, my living room where we watched Romeo and Juliet die for their love, Forks High School's damnable walls…I never stop thinking of you completely. Every second of every day is you.
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
It still feels like you're here sometimes. I wake up from these horrific nightmares and almost expect to be in your arms. Walking the halls that hold so many of our memories makes me think you'll be walking around the corner any second…and I am constantly disappointed and crushed when you aren't there.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I know you don't want me. Even my sieve of a mind can process and remember that. Still, I love you with everything I have, everything I am. You still have my heart. It rests in tiny bits at your immortal feet. You still have my soul. Its shattered pieces are yours and with you no matter where you are. What I was with you left with you.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
How can I live knowing I was a waste of your precious time? Knowing you don't want me might kill me; remembering you even in my nightmares will make me lose my mind. Even thousands of miles away, you are still the center of my universe. How can this be? Will it ever stop?
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Please, let me have some peace. Grant me reprieve from thinking of you and how we were. I beg of you, wipe my mind of you so I can move on as you are with your distractions. Help me forget how I felt with you; let me make my way through this miserable human existence that looms ahead. Make this hole in my chest go away.
Here I am and I stand so tall
just the way I'm supposed to be.
I'm faking my way through life. No one really knows how much pain I'm in from this. Every day is a constant struggle to survive the overwhelming pain of your absence. How can these people not see my brokenness? Maybe they do and politely look the other way. Whatever. Acting like I care is hard enough…I can't do anything more.
But you're on to me
and all over me.
Charlie knows I'm not the same and completely blames you. He doesn't like what I am since I've met you. It's not your fault…it's mine for not being enough for you. Nothing I can say to my father will convince him of that. Convincing him to keep me here is the only thing that matters now. Faking it for him keeps me closer to you.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
when I thought that I was strong.
I didn't used to think I needed anyone else. Having Renee and Charlie and a few girlfriends was enough. Now, I can barely function without the seven newest people in my life. I thought I was going to spend eternity with each and every one of you. Now you're all gone and I'm still here…broken and alone.
But you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone.
You were in and out my life in such a short time, but you made me dependent upon you just as quickly. Your voice is one I would recognize anywhere at any time. The sweet scent of you is one I'd know instantly. The iciness of your touch still chills me…I am irrevocably altered by you. Who knew I'd be so weak?
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall
just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me
and all over me.
Leave me to my misery. I can't take having you in my head anymore. Faking my way through life is impossible. Someone will see through me eventually. What will I do when that happens? Explaining all that happened here is essentially forbidden; no one would believe me and talking about you hurts too much to bear.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
You are the air I breathe. I'm drowning in this ocean of pain. Please, do something to save me. I beg you—let me breathe! I need air…I need you. But you don't need me…you are more than I'll ever be. Why do I think you'd want to help someone as insignificant as me? Forget me and be happy…
But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go.
None of this is your fault. You hardly asked for me to fall so deeply in love with you. Was this all in my head? I had to have imagined the feelings I thought you had for me. What right do I have to need you when I was nothing but a burden? I'll make my way through this, even if I have to fight the pain for the rest of my life.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
My heart will always be yours. I can't give it to anyone else, even if I ever wanted to let him take the damn thing. I'll dream of you loving me forever; the man you were with me will be my only companion through lonely nights. How many more years can I possibly live anyway…it doesn't matter.
You're onto me and onto me and all over
All of me is yours. Take it and do with it what you will. You are me. I love you forever.
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
Edward…