Title: It All Goes On
Author: Nina90
Rating: T
Classification: GSR Angst
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: none
Summary: She was never supposed to hear that voice again. She turned her body around and saw the most beautiful and horrifying thing. Gil Grissom stood in the middle of her apartment. And Sara thought that she had finally lost it. Character Death
Status: Complete
The sun shown brightly on the city of Las Vegas. Flowers were everywhere giving off a pleasant aroma. The grass was green and still wet from the sprinkler that had gone off thirty minutes before.
And yet it was such a horrible day.
The casket was being lowered into the cold, hard ground.
Sara Sidle watched as his coffin took him away from her.
He was gone. And now, so was she.
She looked at the headstone that his mother had picked out for him. There was no 'Beloved Husband' or anything of the sort. Just the simple,
Gil Grissom
1956-2005
Sara took a shaky breath and looked around her. The night shift, swing shift, day shift, and a few others were present.
Sara had noticed how Nick, Catherine, Warrick, Greg, and Sophia all stood in a small line, hands linked. Soon they would notice that she stood alone and try to change the fact.
She needed to get out of there.
No one noticed that she was suffocating.
Drowning in her loneliness.
And she wouldn't let them.
Sara walked away, shame slowing her down. If she had been there thirty seconds earlier she could have stopped the bullet that took his life. She rushed away, and only noticed that she was running when she grabbed onto a large tree to hold herself up.
He was gone.
It was her fault.
End of story.
Sara tried her hardest to breathe, although as hard as she tried no oxygen reached her lung, she felt dizzy.
She fell into the tree, her leg, arm, and cheek getting scratched on her way down.
Why did it have to end this way?
"Sara, I have so many unanswered whys."
Yes he had said that, her first day in Vegas. Not that it mattered now.
"Sara?"
The voice seemed so far away, a distant voice that held so much sadness. Sara looked up to see Greg Sanders, CSI 1, former DNA tech, making to kneel in front of her.
Sara wanted to tell him not to, he would ruin his nice suit. She didn't want him to ruin it because of her. But her voice wouldn't work.
Greg, propped up on one knee, raised his hand to push back a strand of hair behind her ear. Bringing a painful memory that made her close her eyes. When it was in its place he cupped her cheek.
A reminder that she wasn't alone. Only the truth was that she was alone.
She leaned into the contact. She desperately needed to know if she was alive or not. She was pretty sure she knew. No dead person could feel so much pain.
Sara looked up at Greg to see his mouth moving, why wasn't she heating anything? She strained her ears to hear, only to hear distant cries. She turned back towards the funeral, the source of the sobs.
They were crying? Why wasn't she crying? She had been the last person to touch and hear him speak. She had been the last person he saw. Why couldn't she shed tears for him?
Suddenly she was being lifted. She turned to Greg who was pulling her up by her forearms. Then Sara was in his embrace, her arms automatically went around his midsection, and his head came to rest on her shoulder.
Sara felt moisture on her exposed arm. He was crying, why wasn't she?
How long they held on to each other, she didn't know, but when she felt Greg pull away she did too.
His eyes were sad and red.
"I'll take you home." He said pulling her by her shoulder to his car. People were already leaving, it was over.
Sara saw Catherine walk past her, expecting to see sympathy and grief in her eyes, she was surprised when she saw something else.
Accusation.
Well, at least someone knew the truth; it was Sara's fault.
Greg sat her down in the passenger seat of his car. He fastened her seatbelt before climbing in herself. The ride to her apartment was quiet...dead quiet. The same quiet it was in the house that she and Grissom were carrying out a warrant.
They had split up; he took the master bathroom when she took the teenage son's room. Sara had set off in search of Grissom when she found a bloodied towel under the son's bed. In the hall she heard it. Three shots, one right after the other. Sara dropped the towel and ran off in search of Grissom pulling out her firearm on the way. She kicked the door open with her foot and was met with the smell of copper and a body pouring blood in the corner.
"Sara." Greg said quietly, trying not to startle her out of her trance. She responded by looking at him and slowly unbuckling her seatbelt.
Greg climbed out of the car to help her, and then he led her to her apartment door. She entered and left it open for him. He followed in, seeing that the house looked as if Sara hadn't paid attention to it since the shooting.
Sara walked straight to her bathroom and hurriedly changed into a pair of sweat pants and a large T-shirt, she gave a humorous laugh.
Life sure was funny. Debbie Marlin, Sara's doppelganger, was murdered in a bathroom. The case had driven Grissom crazy. He wasn't sure if it was Debbie or Sara who was in that bathroom. Now it was Grissom who had died in a bathroom.
Sara walked back into her living room deciding to sleep on the couch rather than the bed. She had to keep in mind that the other half would be empty.
She lay down, not checking to see if Greg was still there or not. Sure he had been the only person to pay attention to her after the shooting…but he was only Greg. She had soon fallen into an uneasy sleep.
"Gris?" Sara asked. When she got no reply she ran to him on the floor.
"Jesus." She said, setting down her gun, and then taking off her forensics jacket and placing it over the three bullet holes in his chest.
Holding the jacket down with one had, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Brass's number. After hastily telling him to call an ambulance, she turned her attention to Grissom, whose eyes were on her face.
Sara set the phone down and reached out to smooth his hair. Tears filled her eyes as warm liquid touched her fingers through the jacket.
She took a deep breath before resting her hand on his cheek and caressing it with her thumb. She held her breath when one of his own hands covered hers. She sat there hoping he wouldn't pull her hand away and was instantly relieved when he just held onto it.
Sara bowed her head when hot tears poured out of her eyes; she only looked back up at him when she felt his other hand caress her cheek, wiping away a tear.
The look in his eyes caused her to feel physically sick. She closed her eyes again and leading into his hand as a small sigh escaped her lips.
"Sara, I-"
Sara sat up as she woke up from her dream. She looked around in the darkness to find a glass of water and two aspirins sitting on the coffee table next to her.
Greg was a good friend, taking care of her after she caused his boss's and friend's death.
She took the aspirin and gulped some of the water, before she looked around her apartment. It felt lonelier than usual. Maybe it was because she knew he was dead. He would never go there. Never.
Because of her.
Maybe she was just plain bad luck. Her childhood was a constant reminder of just how fucked up she was.
There was definitely something wrong with her.
Sara pushed herself off the couch and walked across her one-room apartment to the kitchen. On the counter sat a note from Greg that asked her to call him when she woke up, and let her know that he would bring breakfast over.
She crumpled it into a paper ball and tossed it in the trash.
Sara turned to the medicine cabinet and searched for her sleeping pills. She pulled out two and swallowed those too. She looked at the bottle. It could all end. She could be with him. Sara shook her head; she could never do that. But the longer she held the pills in her hand, the harder temptation was getting. She was about to open it again, when a voice stopped her.
"Sara."
Sara blinked. She was never supposed to hear that voice again. She turned her body around and saw the most beautiful and horrifying thing.
Gil Grissom stood in the middle of her apartment.
And Sara thought that she had finally lost it.
She didn't know how long she stood looking at him, but as soon as she moved, she had his face being cradled by her hands.
His skin was warm under her hands. He was alive and dead at the same time.
She gave him a small smile that was returned.
"Am I dreaming? Or did I finally go crazy?" She asked, as a chuckle escaped her lips.
His answer surprised her.
"Yes."
She closed her eyes against the pain that filled her chest.
"I wish I wasn't." She said sadly as she felt his arms come around her and pull her to him.
"Open you eyes." He whispered. His breath was hot against her face. She slowly obligated.
The sadness she saw in them hurt her. "I'm sorry I let you get shot. I was right around the corner, If I was a few seconds earlier-"
"I would have been you." He finished for her. Sara moved her hands from his face to his shoulders. "You have to listen to me know. I can't come to you all the time, this is the last time you'll see me when you are alive."
Sara was about to interrupt him, but he silenced her with a finger on her lips.
"This was not your fault. It was my time to die, I needed to die."
Sara leaded her head against his chest as tears stinged her eyes, but didn't fall out.
"Sara, you still have your life ahead of you. Don't give it up now."
Sara pulled her head back to show red, puffy eyes, but no tears.
"Gris, please take me with you."
He gave a small, haunted smile as he traced where a tear would have fallen.
"I can't. You're still young; you still have a life to live. I want you to move on. Talk to Greg after you wake up. He's a great guy. Crazy at times but a great guy, he'll help you get through this. You're still supposed to have a family. Please don't let me hold you back."
Sara buried her face back in his chest. "I wish you would have said what you said that day a little earlier."
"Me too." He said as he pulled her face to his. "But now I want you to be happy."
He gave her a feather light kiss.
Sara gave a small sigh into his hand.
"Sara, I…I love you."
At the words a sob that she was holding back escaped her lips. She looked into his eyes to see that he was telling the truth.
"Hey, don't you talk like that. Don't even try to say your good-byes …you're stuck with me now." She said looking away from his eyes, and looked at her hand that was covered with his blood.
His finger pulled a strand of her hair behind her hair, causing her to look at him.
"I always…wanted to do...that." He said between painful breaths.
"God, Gris, I love you too, but that does not mean you can die on me or anything." She said as tears fell from here eyes.
A smile crossed his face.
"Thank you, Sara."
Tears poured out of her eyes.
"Dam nit, Gris, you can't leave me!"
Three Emergency Medical Technicians and Jim Brass ran into the room. The EMTs pushed her away from him. Brass held her back as they watched as the EMTs fought for Grissom's life and failed miserably. When they pronounced his TOD, Sara felt as if someone punched her in the stomach and started falling to the floor. Brass held on to her as she covered her face as she sobbed hysterically, Grissom's blood from her hand was on her face.
Sara shot out of her dream, breathing heavily.
She was in her apartment. Grissom was still dead.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she heard a cabinet closing in her kitchen. She looked to see Greg heading towards her with pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
"Sorry If I woke you up…but you keep your aspirin in the strangest place…in the bread box? Who in their right mind you put medicine in the bread box?"
Sara gave him a small smile. "Thank you." She said as she took the pills and water from him.
"No problem." He said as he looked at her as if he really wanted to talk about something, but was holing back.
"What are you thinking?" Sara asked, making room for Greg to sit next to her. He took the seat and looked at her.
"I, well…Sara, I just hope you know that I'm here for you if you ever need-"He was cut off by Sara leaning against him as tear finally fell from her eyes.
"To talk." He finished as he pulled her closer and rubbed her back.
Sara opened her eyes a few hours later to find that she was still in Greg's arms. He was leaning onto her, snoring softly. She closed her eyes.
Knowing that Greg would be with her whenever she needed him brought a small smile to her lips.
She would eventually move on.
But she knew that Grissom would always be looking after her.
The End.
(A/N: Please leave me a review! ...You know you want to!)