That's Amore

By Somebody's Angel

"This thing with Campbell Fulton," Nav suppressed the gag reflex that came up when she mentioned his name – she hadn't told ET about what had happened between her and the Marine Protection agent, and she didn't intend to; he had already been hurt protecting her reputation and she didn't want to think about what might happen if he knew. "that was close. It was way too close."

She stared into his grey blue eyes, which were imploring her to reassure him, to tell him that everything would work itself out and there would be a time when they could be together. But she couldn't give him a definitive answer, and when he nodded in understanding and spoke those tragic words: "his word against ours" she couldn't handle looking into those cerulean orbs anymore, so instead she turned around, leaning on the rail closest to him.

Now she couldn't look into his eyes, but she could feel the heat of his body beside her. She felt him stiffen, could tell he was repressing the urge to wrap his arms around her, and had to cross her arms to restrain herself from taking hold of his hand; for she knew if she did she would never want to let go.

They both stared out at the dark night in front of them, the sea and sky only distinguishable by the lights that reflected off the water.

Nav thought back to the moment she had realised she was in love with him. It wasn't when she first thought she may lose him, rather when she heard the lengths to which the crew would go to save him.

When X had warned her about the last resort option, she hadn't even questioned her feelings for ET, on the contrary she had a fleeting thought that if he had one leg he wouldn't be able to work on ships and thus they could be together.

The thought scared her witless. It was one thing to be in like, or in lust with a guy, but to instantly know you would stand by him if he had a leg amputated, there was nothing for that but love.

But the seriousness of the situation didn't actually hit her until she was back in the water with ET, holding him above the water as the CO explained their last option. ET's initial gut reaction told her what he thought of the operation; his whole body drooped, and she was barely able to hold him up.

And it was only when she realised how much the Navy meant to him that the tears came; as much as she wanted to be with him, she would hate for him to give up the job he loved. He tried to make it better, telling her it would be alright, even cracking a joke about parking spaces, and yet she couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face. The thought of him being miserable, stuck in a shore posting or worse, out of the Navy altogether, broke her composure entirely.

Nav's older brothers had always told her that she deserved the best, that the man she fell in love with would be perfect. Her dreams had evolved through these statements, and she imagined her love would like the same things as her and treat her like a princess and be sweet and kind and never cruel. He'd have long intellectual debates with her and his world would revolve around her.

ET was sweet and kind, but in a charming way that wasn't always endearing. He had never treated her like a princess, and while she was definitely a significant part of his world, by no means was she the epicentre. But Nav had grown up past the girlish fairytale, and she had realised that you didn't love somebody in spite of their imperfections. You loved them because of them.

She loved ET because he knew how to use his charisma. She loved him because he could be jealous and insensitive, because his ears turned red. She loved his infectious grin, and she loved his fierce, unwavering loyalty to his friends. She loved his messy hair, and his penchant for misadventure, how childish he could be. She loved his apologies, however disjointed they were. It never failed to amuse her that he could charm his way into or out of anything and yet stumbled over his words when trying to express emotions.

Nikki Caetano was in love with Josh Holiday, and she wanted him to be happy more than anything.

A gust of cold air brought Nav back to the present, and she looked down at his face. She smiled despite herself, imagining the feel of his cheek under her palm, his lips against hers. They had kissed, once, after their first date, just after the old Hammersley had been decommissioned.

He had walked her to her front door, and declined her invitation inside. They stared at one another for the longest time, Nav's keys dangling uselessly from her fingers. She would never know who kissed whom, just that their lips met somewhere in the middle, closing the tiny gap between them, because her eyes had closed in passion and anticipation.

Their kiss wasn't like any other first kiss. There was nothing tentative or wondering about it. It wasn't clumsy or hasty. Instead, it was almost instinctual. Like they knew exactly how to mould their lips to each other: his lips nibbling on her upper one, while she did the same to his lower one. And then he slanted his head and pulled her body flush against his, and all she could do was react by opening her mouth and giving in to him, aligning her body fully with his.

She was clinging to him, wanting more, needing more. He tasted so good, and he was so hot. Her fingers tangled in the slight curls that rested at his collar, while her other hand slid up his chest underneath his jacket, touching him over his shirt.

He was the one to pull away, saying that he didn't want to rush things. Three weeks and zero dates later he dashed all her hopes when he climbed into the RHIB on the HMAS Melbourne.

Now I know what relationships were like in the 1800s, she thought, all feelings, no actions.

Before she could descend further into that train of thought he looked back up at her, and she had to avert her eyes quickly. She didn't trust her self-control when their bodies were in such close proximity and there was no-one else around.

Despite what had happened with Campbell Fulton that morning she felt completely comfortable around ET, for she knew he would never intentionally hurt her in any way.

She stared back out across the water, and remained silent until she could no longer feel his eyes on her face.

"I thought I'd lost you." She kept her eyes on the dark water, allowing her head and heart to roam free while she kept a tight rein on her body.

They both heard the underlying message in her words, and he moved a tiny bit closer, so their shoulders were pressed together.

"You're not gonna lose me." With those words ET snaked his hand under Nav's arm and grasped her fingers in his own.

She sighed and briefly closed her eyes, relishing his touch. To anyone looking from the bridge they were simply standing side by side, but for the two of them it was the most intimate contact they had had since ET was posted to the Hammersley.

The joining of hands was highly under-rated in the acts of intimacy. You kissed acquaintances or colleagues, casually to say hello or goodbye. You might even kiss a close friend chastely on the lips. You might quickly hug anyone you knew. You might even meet someone at a party, take him home and sleep with him, never to see or hear from him again. But to join hands and stand holding each other that way, with the electricity of possibilities flowing between you? The tenderness of it, the promise of it, was something you only shared with a few people in your life.

Nav was bursting to tell him how she felt, but there were two, no three things holding her back. The first, of course, was the fear that he didn't reciprocate her feelings; yes he had told her that he cared for her, but that had been almost a year ago, and he hadn't expressed any further development of said care. Secondly she wasn't one to share her emotions on a whim; she had moved out of a house full of manly men to a ship full of manly men, thus her girly inclinations tended to be rather muted.

And the final reason? When she told him she loved him she wanted to be able to show him. As long as they were on the same ship she had resolved to be professional, and there was no way she could make this declaration without some form of physical affection…and making out with the man you loved was not professional, not by any definition.

So she kept her feelings to herself for the moment, staring out over the never-ending sea, and resolved that one day, somehow, she would tell him of her realisation.

THE END

A/N: I know this is kinda contradictory to my other fic, with Nav being so comfortable around ET, but IMHO this was the way she was acting at the end of the episode, more so than my Nav in Aftermath.