I don't own bleach. Anyone saying otherwise is a liar.

A/N – I can't decide how to end this one, so I'm writing out the two endings. Both of which are angsty.

This is set after the events that took place in 'My imitated smile'. And like that fic this is not written as a yaoi! Got it? No yaoi! Any suggestions made are unintentional.

Advisory warnings on language and some of the content.

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So long and goodnight (aka - Angst, abuse and heartwrench)
Chapter 1: Reunion

"For us there is only one season, the season of sorrow."
-- Oscar Wilde, De Profoundis.

Time has been said to heal all wounds, but that is not true. The trauma caused by the abuse inflicted upon a person can never be fully healed. It can never be removed completely from a persons consciousness. The scars it leaves will never be completely gone. There will be a stain on the person's soul. Always. And this stain will cause insecurity and fear, and an inner sense of filth. Like the soul will never be clean.

This is how Kira Izuru feels.

The abuse he suffered will never heal, the scars and bruises have healed, but his soul will never be the same again. He will not trust as fully, he will fear. He will be insecure again. His abuser may have left him but the abuse he suffered will never leave him. He will be forever scarred, and he knows this.

And he knows it's all because of him. For everything that he suffered, for all that he went through, for all of the bruises and cuts; it was all because of Ichimaru Gin. He exhales deeply, clutching his sword. He did not want his enemy to forgive him. After all, what is the point in forgiveness now?

Sheathing it, he takes a good long look at the horizon, and the corpse of the bird at his feet, emptying himself of all hesitation before disappearing to his final destination.

He is ready.

He is ready for the confrontation. He is ready to face the man that caused him so much pain, so much hurt. Time had healed him somewhat, somehow given him the strength to fight, somehow allowed the time for the wounds to begin to heal, time enough to regain some control and face him.

He had not changed. He had not changed at all.

He was still with that ever perplexing smile that would work its way deep into the mind, still with that unwavering expression that would unnerve him many times before now.

Still with those same red eyes that became filled with relentless anger and fury when those hands beat him and his body hurt him. The cold hands that would hold him down, and dig so hard into him that he bled profusely. Like when he would forcefully take him, rape him, abuse him. Kira remembered the raw agony and the relentless ache in every muscle of his body, how he had felt so filthy and dirty afterwards. How traumatised and afraid he was that he would not eat, and that he could not sleep. How he threatened to cut himself just to rid himself of the despair that had engulfed him and made him feel like this. His heart pounded again with that same sense of innate fear that he once felt upon meeting him, feeling the ever growing panic swell within the very pit of him.

"Ohiyo, if it aint lil Izuru-kun."

As soon as Kira's darkened eyes met his, shock overcame him. And Kira stood there, remembering everything that this man had ever done to him.

"Still a tremblin' wreck I see. I though' I taught ya better than tha' Izuru."

Kira swallowed hard, even just hearing his voice brought back memories that he had tried to lock up, to shut away. Memories of the living hell and torment that he had suffered. Of the abuse and the anguish he had gone through. But no matter how hard he had tried, Kira could not escape from these nightmares, his past.

He could only stand there remembering it all;

The blow to his head from the table, the same cold fingers clenching his hair and pulling viciously. How his eyes widened just enough so he could see them, how he was held down and made to bleed. How the one that he had trusted had betrayed him and torn his fragile body apart. Stolen it. How he cried himself to sleep that night, feeling so filthy and used. Feeling like a dirty whore one could find on the streets and in the slums. Being called his bitch. He would never be clean again, never…

Kira was shaking now, trying to steady his breathing. He thought he was ready for this, he thought he was strong enough to face him.

Maybe he wasn't. Maybe the scars went too deep to ever even begin to heal.

But Kira was strong, he knew that. He had survived it, all of it.

"I suppose you know why I am here."

Kira's eyes were cold now, looking right through him. He pushed all of the memories down again. Now wasn't the time or place for them to resurface.

The other's smile widened. "Payback. Fer what I did to ya."

Kira nodded, unsheathing his zanpaktou.

"Gonna kill me then?"

"Yes."

The other smiled menacingly, smirking defiantly at Kira. "You don't have the guts to kill me, Kira. Ya proved that before."

Kira only glared at him, his cold unfeeling eyes staring straight through him as the both of them readied themselves for combat.

"Are ya ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Gin let his smile widen again, displaying his teeth, giving Kira one of the most sinister grins that would make his blood run cold.

"Good."

Gin disappeared, only to appear behind Kira, who swivelled around to block Gin's blade with his.

"Good reflexes. See ya learned somethin' off me then."

Kira remained quiet. He was only focused on fighting his enemy, facing his abuser. Not breaking down, not giving him the satisfaction. His eyes cold and unfeeling as their swords crossed again, numerous times, and both shinigami's laboured breathing was the only sound that could be heard after some time of this. Kira gave Gin a brief glance. He seemed different from how he remembered him, but then again, Kira had never seen him pushed to the limit like this before. He was fighting to maintain control, Gin was fighting to stay alive.

Kira breathed harshly, neither could continue on fighting each other like this, it did nothing for either of them. It did nothing to fight the pain.

"We should end this, Gin."

The both of them were standing there, ready. Waiting for the other to move. Kira readying his blade into attack position. The both of them are drenched in each others blood.

"Ready, Taichou?"

Gin continued to breathe harshly, not having the entirety of strength left in him any more.

"Attack me. With everythin' ya got."

Kira clutches his blade and Gin's fingertips slowly shift to find their position on the handle of Shinsou, the both of them preparing themselves for what would be the final attack. This was it.

"Izuru."

"Gin."

They run at each other, blades poised high, ready for the kill. Each footstep bringing them closer and closer together. Their intentions now clearly forming in their minds. They run at each other, their pasts coming back now to haunt them. The memories of all the pain and the anger and the hatred flooding back to Kira, getting stronger the closer they came to each other. Until there was nothing, nothing but blood. And silence.

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"Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor."
-- Homer, Iliad