Author's note: I'm trying something I haven't done before, which is short-format, first-person writing, with more frequent updates. I'm not sure that every chapter will be like this, but it feels right for now.

CHAPTER 1

This is not an easy event for me to form into words. It's a secret I've kept for myself, and perhaps for him, for over a decade. But here it is:

I lost my virginity to Draco Malfoy.

Now that I've written it down, the phrase feels paltry and anti-climactic. After all, no one's first time is meant to be perfect. From what I hear, it's usually wracked by nerves and awkwardness and unsure angling of pelvises.

And after all, I'm now thirty years old and know what it's like to be loved and to be made love to. I've had boyfriends, proper ones that treated me nicely and introduced me to their parents and never called me a mudblood. They should matter more than him, and be enough to be written over him.

So, I've asked myself why does Malfoy matter at all? By all the above logic, he shouldn't.

I've done a good job at dismissing the memory, hiding it well in the recesses of my mind. Still, every once in a while, I'll catch a glimmer of what it was like to be so close to him, the scent of his shampoo and his sweat, the press of lips against flesh – and it will weigh on me. Not too heavily. I mean, I certainly don't think about it every day, or even every month. I know it's there though, like a bit of varnish left on silver or a loose thread in a shawl.

Perhaps, it's simply because he was my first.

I dislike this theory.

Even back then, I thought that Loss of Innocence was an antiquated, sexist concept which placed undue importance on the purity of female flesh. In the moments right before, as lust blurred the enmity between us, I told myself I was above caring about something as old-fashioned as virginity. I want to believe I was right.

I lied about it afterwards. To this day, Ron thinks he was my first. I thought I was being kind by fibbing at the time, but now, after the truth has stewed inside me all these years, I think I just didn't want to admit what really happened after I was left behind at the Manor.

I haven't let myself think deeply about it for nearly twelve years.

Then several months ago, a memo was distributed at work about a mid-morning meeting in the conference room. I walk in and there, standing beside my boss, Alfred Krumperdinkle, was Draco Malfoy getting introduced as the newest member of the Department of Mysteries. Apparently, he's some kind of expert on machine-magic interfacing and a thrilling addition to our team.

I watched him as he gave the room a polite nod, as his eyes glided over me like I was just anyone else.

I kept my cool of course. I am a professional after all.

Then, I quietly excused myself and vomited violently in the nearest toilet.

END OF CHAPTER 1

Omg, I've never posted anything so short, but it feels weird to not end the chapter here. Will try to touch up and post the next one before the end of the week! Because this is such a new format for me, I'd love to know what you think.

xoxo,

bourbonrain