A/N: This started off with the intention of being a long, TIVA oneshot, but in the end turned out just a bit fluffy :P Anybody who likes music may notice that, whilst trying to come up with a name for this fic, I was listening to 'To be Loved' by Papa Roach; it has absolutely no relevance to what's going on, but I'm useless when it comes to thinking up titles :) Enjoy!
To Be Loved
The engine of the car roared as she pressed her foot down hard on the accelerator. Blatantly ignoring the stoplight and the other cars' horns blaring at her loudly, she kept on driving, barely able to see the road through the tears pouring from her eyes. Lifting up a shaking hand, she tried to wipe them away, but to no avail. If anything, it just made her sight even worse than it had been before.
How could she have been so stupid?
Her visibility was now near enough non-existent, and her sense of self-preservation forced her to pull up onto the side of the road. Fortunately, it was late and so not very busy, meaning that there weren't any cops around to chase her up.
She just needed some time to think.
She sat behind the wheel, her shoulders shaking as she failed to suppress more sobs. Tears continued to trickle down her face, as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, trying to take control of her tumultuous emotions. Short, sharp gasps racked her body, as she tried to breathe through the all-encompassing misery.
Why had she let it get so far?
She was supposed to be the strong one. The one who always kept her emotions in check, and never let anyone get close enough for them to hurt her. But, after Roy…
She'd just needed someone to love her.
Chris had been nice; both kind and generous, without completely smothering her. With him, she'd felt like she'd was wanted, something even her own father had failed for the whole of her life. Stupidly, she'd opened up to the man, let herself trust him. She'd truly believed that he was The One. They'd only been dating for a couple of months, but she'd hoped that it would last forever.
God, she felt like a fool.
How could she not have noticed? The missed calls, the times when he had completely dropped off the map, sometimes for days? Was she so blinded that she was unable to see that he was… what was the phrase for it? 'Pulling the wool over her eyes'? How could she have let that happen? She wasn't some gullible child anymore, yet she had fallen head over heels for him like some teenager with a crush.
But it was far more than a crush.
Never had she truly had the opportunity to love somebody, not with all of her heart. And neither, up until now, had anybody ever bothered to show her any true sign of affection. Admittedly, when she was younger, she'd had her fair share of relationships, but after joining Mossad, her personal life had been greatly limited.
Anyway, nobody wanted to date a killer.
Even her work colleagues were afraid of her. Not that she'd ever tell them, but every time she was around them, acted like she'd been taught to act, the fear in their eyes made her just that little bit sadder on the inside. Of course, when it was intentional intimidation, such as when DiNozzo was being really, really annoying, it was actually rather satisfying to see him squirm. But then there were the other times, when she let her training take hold during difficult cases and arrests, when they couldn't get out of the room quick enough.
Sometimes, she felt like she was dying inside.
She had though, no, expected them to reject her when she first joined the team. After all, as far as they were concerned, she was replacing Kate, somebody who had meant a lot to all of them. The fact that she had died at the hands of her own half-brother, somebody she was in charge of (even though all of them, except Gibbs, only knew of the latter) simply added insult to injury. Gibbs was one of the first to warm to her, after a difficult start and an initial cautiousness that was understandable due to her relationship with the (just as new) Director, he had accepted her as part of his team. McGee was just as quick; he knew first-hand how it felt to be new, and sympathised with his colleague. He had also openly admitted that he was glad that he was no longer the 'new guy', and the butt of Tony's jokes. DiNozzo…
DiNozzo had taken a bit longer. It was obvious that he had been close to Kate, and the fact that she intimidated him (not that he'd ever admit it to her face) didn't really help. After a while, though, he had grown on her, in a childishly immature way.
Abby said that there was a lot of sexual tension between them.
Abby. She'd by far been the hardest when it had come to accepting her. She, of all people, picked up instantly on how little emotion she tended to show, and disliked it. A lot. Tension had always been high between them, reaching breaking point when Gibbs had been left in a coma after the explosion, but now…
Now Abby was one of her closest friends.
Smiling through her tears at the mere thought of Abby, she wiped the wet, salty liquid off her face and leaned back against her chair, trying to compose herself. It was late now; a cloak of darkness had covered the world, illuminated only by the crescent moon and small specks of light in the far reaches of the sky. The quiet, country road was now completely silent besides the loud hooting of an owl in the nearby trees and her own, deep breathing. Closing her eyes wearily, she leant forward and rested her head on the steering wheel, trying to get some rest in the hope of collecting her thoughts before going to work the next morning. She was fully aware that, in her current state, driving back to her apartment wasn't the wisest of ideas.
As she sat there, her head resting in tired arms; hardly the most comfortable of positions, she drifted into a deep sleep.
--
She awoke abruptly to a loud tapping on her car window, and instantly reached for her gun, holstered in its usual position on her hip. Cautiously winding it down, and prepared to pull the trigger in a moments notice, she couldn't help but gape at the sight that greeted her.
DiNozzo.
"You just gonna sit here all night, Zeeeva?" He drawled in a slightly playful tone, dragging her name as he usually did. In the back of his car, she could see the all-too familiar sight of pizza, beckoning her. In her vaguely befuddled state, she was unable to pull together enough words to come up with an answer. "You're gonna start catching flies." He pointed out cheerfully, noticing her mouth, which was hanging open thanks to her mild shock. "So, gonna tell me why you're sitting on the roadside at the dead of night?" Pulling herself together, she simply shook her head, finding herself very surprised when he didn't press the matter. Instead, he leaned closer towards her, his face next to her ear. "How about you come back to my place?" He grinned widely. "I've got pizza!" He looked so hopeful.
She laughed lightly.
It was only when she was at his apartment, now in the early hours of the morning, and lying in his bed (that he had so graciously given up for her) that she wondered how he'd known how to find her. But then, it didn't really matter. Despite his childish attitude, Tony was a brilliant investigator, and it was no wonder that he'd been chosen for Gibbs' team.
Smiling softly to herself and burying her face deeper into the duvet, she paused for a second, hearing her colleague's deep breathing in the other room. With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes, he body relaxing completely.
She was loved, after all.
A/N: Short, I know, but aren't all of my pieces? Blame my short attention span :P
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