A/N: Don't own these characters at all, the typical disclaimer stuff. Also, this is my first Digimon fic in a while, feels good to be writing them again. This story was written according to some pretty strange guidelines in a challenge for the month of September. Kind of rushed. But please tell me what you think!
Matt stares at the flamingoes without really seeing them. They move gracefully, but he sees them as nothing more than pink shapes with the clarity of something he might catch in the corner of his eye. He is aware of the children laughing and screaming at his feet, and he is aware of his best friend talking to his wife. No, he is not aware of his best friend's conversation – he is focused on it. He sees them in his peripheral vision, standing close and holding hands. He smells her perfume, stronger than the stench of the zoo around him. He feels every movement and every word rushing through his veins, colder than ice. He can hear their voices, gentle, speaking words meant only for each other's ears. Worst of all, he can imagine what his friend must taste like to her when they make love at night. Tears are burning in his blue eyes, the blonde hairs covering his body are standing on end, and the jealousy is forming into goose bumps down his arms and legs.
"Daddy!" his daughter cries, tugging on his pant leg. But he ignores her, afraid to face her with those tears, afraid that if he acknowledges her, a sob might escape his lips and damage her forever.
"Matt, I think your daughter wants you," Tai says, placing a hand on Matt's forearm. The contact brings Matt from his reverie.
He blinks back his tears, looks up at his best friend for support, finds nothing there but feigned friendship (for the real thing has long dissolved into a much more adult relationship) and turns to his youngest child. "Yes?" he says to her, voice quiet and shaky, and he is afraid someone will notice.
"I wanna go see the tigers!" she whines.
Matt opens his mouth but says nothing, afraid his words might be too harsh. Tai's wife comes to his rescue, and he hates her even more for it. "Why don't I take the kids, and you two can have some time alone to catch up?" she suggests, wearing that friendly smile, oblivious to how strongly Matt loathes her.
"Great idea!" Tai says, and kisses her on the cheek. Matt's fingers clench tightly into fists, and he grits his teeth in a snarl hidden beyond his artificial smile.
He says a momentary goodbye to his daughter and son through a fog, not really seeing them or registering their kisses on his cheek. It's all been done before, and he is working on autopilot. They rush off with Tai's son and Tai's wife, and Matt feels as though he has lost a part of himself.
"Something's wrong, Matt. I can tell. What's going on?" Tai asks immediately.
Matt turns back to the flamingoes, and again pretends to watch them ruffle their pink feathers and ignore the crowd that gawks over their awkward legs and flamboyant colors. I love you, he wants desperately to say. And to grab Tai's face and kiss him and ask him why their bond has vanished. Matt wants nothing more than the friendship that redeemed him as a child, and made him what he is today. It's unbearable for him to go to the Digital World and pretend to live up to his title as the Digidestined of Friendship, when the friendship he pines for so distraughtly is long dead. "Sora and I are getting a divorce," he says instead.
"She told me," Tai says, leaning against the fence of the flamingo exhibit beside Matt, their arms touching, sending shivers up Matt's spine. "She said it was because you guys are too close of friends to really continue living a married life together."
"It's true, I suppose," Matt replies, pressing closer against Tai's arm. He wonders if Tai notices how close he is, or how he trembles. "But that's not why we agreed to get a divorce."
Tai looks at him puzzled, an eyebrow raised. "That's not the reason? Then what is it? The kids? I know you said that you regretted having kids."
"I do. But that's not it, either," Matt answers. He knows he's in dangerous waters, and wonders if he should really continue diving this deep, swimming closer and closer towards the truth.
"Well then, what is it, Matt? Stop playing these guessing games. Are you going to tell me or not?" Tai insists, glaring at Matt with a sort of playful fury in his deep brown eyes.
Matt is fighting with himself. Should he tell Tai? Should he ruin Tai's life, too? "I don't think I should tell you," Matt says quietly, avoiding Tai's eyes.
"You started to tell me, so you're going to finish," Tai urges him on, looking genuinely irritated.
Matt takes a deep breath, swallows even though his mouth is dry, and wipes some sweat from his forehead. It is miserably hot today, and a zoo has no air conditioning. That only makes the moment more dismal. "I'm in love with another person."
Tai is utterly shocked, but after the initial surprise he realizes that this is not entirely out of character for Matt. More likely than not, Matt married Sora because it was expected of him, and had children with her because that is what a married couple is expected to do. Matt is prone to thinking of public opinion rather than his own happiness. "Sora knows this?" he wonders.
"Yes," Matt says, and nods his head, blonde bangs falling into his eyes. "I actually asked her about it a few months ago. She had the nerve to laugh about it; she thought I was joking. But when she realized that I was completely serious, she said she was proud of me. She said it wasn't like me to admit my feelings to myself, and then continue to admit them to someone else. She said I had definitely matured. And then she told me that we were friends, too close to be married like this. We both knew it was true because everything intimate between us seemed like we were actors in a movie."
Tai smiles. "I'm kind of proud of you, too, Matt. Because Sora's right. You need to stop holding everything in. It's caused some pretty serious problems in the past." He pauses to shove Matt teasingly and continues. "So who's the lucky lady?"
"It's not a lady," Matt snaps back quickly, before he even realizes he is saying it. He buries his face in his hands, mortified. It wasn't supposed to come out. He wasn't supposed to say that.
The next silence is so awkward that Matt feels like vomiting. He is focused on Tai, again. This time he can see the horror plain as day on his face, he is suffocated by the palpable emotions, and Tai has moved a foot down the fence, away from Matt and closer to the children reaching through the planks of fence towards the pink birds that look as ungainly as Matt feels.
"Whoa, a little too much information," Tai laughs, breaking the silence only to cause another one.
"You think I'm joking?" Matt finally asks, his heart twisting into knots.
"Well…" Tai stutters, looking down at his hands as he cracks his knuckles. "I mean, look at you!" He gazes up at Matt and gestures in his direction. "You're handsome! A total ladies' man. Blonde hair, blue eyes, physically fit, and you're filthy rich! Not to mention that you've got a personality every woman dreams of: so quiet and mysterious. And you're a musician, which puts the icing on the cake! Perfect, if you ask me."
Matt almost melts under the pressure of all of the compliments. He is blissful, and doesn't want to ruin the mood by saying anything stupid. He stands there, no, floats there, wearing a light pink blush across his cheeks and a dreamy smile that could have swept a girl off her feet. He can't keep his mouth shut anymore; his brain is so caught up in Tai's words that it's oblivious to the signals it's sending to Matt's mouth. "I love you, Tai."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa… Matt? WHAT?" Tai cries, shocked, nervously running fingers through his hair. "I didn't mean what I said, not that way… Get a grip, buddy!" Then something seemed to dawn on him, and the embarrassed smile drained away. "Wait… you broke up your marriage because of me?"
Matt is so horrified by his confession that he can't speak. He hides his face behind a curtain of hair and covers his face with his hands, so that Tai cannot see he is on the verge of tears. "Yes," he whispers, the word wrapping around his throat and strangling him.
"Matt, don't take this the wrong way," Tai says quietly, reluctantly scooting closer to Matt so that their conversation could not be overheard. He even more reluctantly drapes an arm around Matt's shoulder, and pulls Matt closer to him, oblivious to the weird looks they were beginning to get. "You're my best friend in the whole world. I love you more than my wife! But in a totally different way. I mean, we've been best friends since we were three years old. Are you sure you're not confusing two entirely different types of love?"
"I'm pretty fucking sure, Tai."
Tai keeps his arm around Matt, but Matt can feel that he has lost a connection with Tai. The moment is painful. Tai continues. "You realize that I'm not going to destroy my marriage for you?"
Matt pulls away and straightens up, brushing hair from his face and clearing his throat. "I'm going to go sit in the car," he says quietly.
"There you go again," Tai sighs. "Running away from problems. Keeping everything to yourself and making everyone miserable."
Matt knows Tai and Sora are right. "If you're going to bitch about it then come to the car with me. There are too many people here." He storms off, not really wanting to know whether or not Tai is following him. He leaves through the gift shop, surrounded by giant displays of stuffed animals, and begins the long journey to the back of the parking lot. He hates zoos, and how no matter how early you get to one you always have to park far from the entrance. He wants to run, but he's afraid that Tai is following him, and will say something nasty again. Instead…
"Will you relax, Matt? It's not like I'm gonna catch up to you and stab you in the back or something." Matt slows down, and Tai is suddenly at his side, hands in his pockets, looking more worried than Matt has ever seen him. Matt pulls Tai over to his car and they both get in, Matt at the steering wheel and Tai in the passenger's seat beside him. Matt starts up the car and turns the air conditioning on. Tai sighs, "Thank god for the AC."
Matt jumps right back to where they left off. "Look, Tai, I don't want you to leave your family. I just thought that you deserved to know."
Tai shrugs and kicks his feet up onto the dashboard. "I guess." He closes his eyes.
Matt studies Tai carefully since he has been given the opportunity. The other man is tall and thin, his hair cut short and brushed carelessly. He is like a boy in a man's body. His entire adulthood has been an elaborate game of Life, and even though he has barely paid attention during his turns, he is still going to win against Matt. Matt is jealous of Tai for being the person he is and of his wife for marrying him.
"Will you promise me something Tai?" Matt asks, his voice shaking with every word. He is not sure that he should be saying this. In fact, he is quite sure that he is going back into those dangerous waters.
"Sure," Tai says.
"This is serious, Tai. I want you to promise me that…" his sentence dissolves and he feels hot tears against his eyelids. He takes a deep breath and grips the steering wheel tightly for support. He wants to turn on the radio, or beat on the horn. Anything to interrupt this moment. "Well… you know…" he takes a deep breath and releases the steering wheel, his fingers throbbing. "… If anything ever happens… between you and your wife…" he swallows the lump in his throat. He pulls at his hair. "Well… I…"
Tai understands. He opens his eyes and looks up at Matt, wearing a solemn smile. "You'll be the first to know."
Matt was certain something great might have happened then, except for Tai's wife chose that exact moment to call. Tai pulls his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans and answers, "Yes, dear?" as if to spit in Matt's face and scream MY WIFE AND I LOVE EACH OTHER, YOU SELFISH JACKASS! There is a pause. "Certainly. Meet us in the parking lot." Another pause. "I love you too." He hangs up and grins at Matt in a way Matt interpreted as condescendingly. "We've got to go. The kids are hungry. I'm taking my son to McDonald's. You wanna come?"
Matt shakes his head.
"Oh, stop moping," Tai grumbles, putting his feet back down on the floor. He unlocks his door and prepares to get out, but then turns with something else to say. "Matt, listen to me. Don't you dare persevere with this idiotic crush." He gets out of the car and leaves without a single goodbye or a look over his shoulder.
Matt sits and cries. As Tai's loving words to his wife echo in his mind – I love you, too – he doesn't know that six months after his divorce he will get a phone call from Tai. "Hey, Matt, do you remember that promise I made?" Tai will say, and Matt will be able to tell that Tai is crying, because Tai has always been pitiful at masking emotions. And Tai will show up at his house twenty minutes later, crying so hard that Matt will be terrified and start crying too. Matt and Tai will share their first kiss with salty tears on their lips. They will last longer together than either of their marriages combined, and Tai will finally say it to Matt - I love you, too.