PROLOGUE

"What the hell is this thing? And why's it outside my door?" a gruff male voice exclaimed at the tall, ugly…something…sitting outside his door.

"Redecorating, House? It's quite an eclectic objet d'art. I just don't see how it will fit in with your décor of choice: stacks of medical journals, countless guitars and empty soup cans." A gentler male voice observed.

"It's not mine. Just shut up and help me move it."

House leaned his cane against his apartment door then each man grabbed a side of the indescribable thing.

"Wilson, this is your type of crap. Want to 'nap it? I'm sure the owner wouldn't miss it." When he went to pick it up, House gasped from the sheer weight of the monstrosity. "I was wrong; there's no way someone COULD miss it. This thing must weigh 5 tons. How can something so ugly be this heavy?"

"Because it's made of brass," a feminine voice joined the cacophony of grunted swearing. THUNK. House dropped his side, making Wilson lose his grip and the heavy roadblock fell with such a force it was quite amazing the thing didn't fall through the floor.

Wilson had been too busy lifting to hear the voice. "HOUSE!" he grunted. Looking up when he got no answer, Wilson saw House staring at something behind him. He turned to see what had his friend so enthralled…and quickly became enthralled himself.

The owner of the new voice had obviously just stepped out of the shower: she was still wet and her trim, shapely body was wrapped in a fluffy green towel, a matching towel wrapped like a turban around her head. Beads of water covered every visible inch of her fair but slightly olive skin. If she hadn't had enough of their attention already, her hands holding the towel together only drew the hormonal, middle-aged and relationship-challenged men's attention even closer to the beads of water quickly making tracks down the valley between her modestly-covered ample breasts.

"And that's supposed to be a coat rack; don't ask me what it really is or what it symbolizes. My mother gave it to me." The woman looked from the object to the men then smiled at their dumb, open-mouthed staring. "I'm new here; I only moved in yesterday." She paused and her look traveled between the two men. "The landlord told me a very nice gay couple lived in this building. Are you them?"

"WHAT?!?!" Wilson shrieked, very eager to dispel that rumor. "No we aren't…me and him? No…far from it. I…um…I don't know why you'd think…" The more Wilson talked the stupider…and cuter…he became. And those dimples certainly don't hurt, she thought, her smiling eyes roaming his face.

House rolled his eyes. "Oh, Jimmy dear, don't deny what we have; our love transcends all hatred or prejudice." His sarcastic tone certainly told her he wasn't serious. He turned his attention to her. "So…" House's eyes eagerly, almost hungrily, eyed the delicacies in front of him; she just raised an eyebrow. "…do you always answer the door this way?" He turned to Wilson who was reddening with embarrassment. "Looks like I'll have to borrow sugar more often, what do you think?"

The woman rolled her eyes and turned on her heel to return to the apartment directly across from House's. "Hey, come back!" House shrieked and turned to the brass object, waving his hands in front of it. "Do something with your…whatever it is. It's blocking my way."

"Then go around it." She yelled over her shoulder and stepped into her apartment. She turned to close the door and saw the men staring at her. "See you boys around." She slammed the door, leaving them groaning in her wake.

After a few moments of both men staring at her closed door, Wilson turned to his friend and asked, "Does this building have any vacancies?"

*****