Lonelyness. It's the only thing that I've felt for a long time, other than anger, depression, and sadness. I really miss being truly happy...ok so that was a lie. I never have been truly and completely happy. I'm tired. Tired of constantly having to fake a smile and say "I'm fine," it seems like I'm saying it more and more lately. I need to feel loved. In fact that is the one question that I always ask myself, yet always dread the answer. Where can I find love? Will I ever find love in my life? This is my story.

My Name is Summer Smith. I'm 18 and I live in Canada. To be more precise, I live in a small shithole of a town called Ayer's Cliff. I love it because it's home, but I...it just has nothing left for me anymore. Ayer's Cliff, QC is a really small town of not quite 1000 people. Mostly French, there are a lot of English people here too. Gossip kinda revolves around this town, since it is such a small town of course.

When I was around 13 or 14 years old I started to go through a hard time at home. Constant fighting was going on and I started to eat away my feelings. Did I mention that I have a younger brother? Anyways we were both forced to stay at our dads house every second weekend ever since they got divorced. I was 15 when I eventually stopped going to his place, but that's a different story. When I had started to eat away my feelings I weighed about 110-115 pounds. I don't really have any friends so I was always by myself, I still am. Music became my life when I was 13, and so did my art. I've loved drawing ever since I was a little kid and I had always really loved Music too. I play electric and acoustic guitar really well now. Music has become a giant part of my life. Now I'm ready to put the past behind me and move on...I think.

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Today was the same as always, wake up, get dressed, drive to my grandfathers, and get to work. Then at around 4:30 or 5:00 pm go home, shower and get ready for bed. Tomorrow was going to be the exact same thing as today was, long and boring. I was so bored with my life! I looked at myself in the mirror, long straight brown hair with a slight wave to it. Dark and depressed Olive Green eyes stared back at me, nose pierced with a small purple diamond, along with the silver hoop that pierced through my lip. Dark eye make-up washed off for the night. Face free of acne...thanks to birth control of course. The only reason I took it was because of my acne , along with the fact that it's good to take it in case I ever get wasted and end up waking up in a strangers bed. Anyways we're falling off topic. I actually have a lot of money saved up... like A LOT. I've been planning to move to L.A for a long time now, just so I can finally get out of here, start a new life. In fact I was leaving tomorrow. I brushed my teeth, then walked to my room and went to sleep

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I was walking in a beautiful meadow, taking in the beautiful surroundings when I heard something. I turned around quickly, suddenly realizing that I wasn't alone. There he stood, the man of my dreams...James Maslow. He was my favourite out of the 4 members in the music group Big Time Rush. I take a step forward, then he disappears, I quickly turn back around and everything is gone. I'm standing there in an all too familiar setting... my house, when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I was in my bedroom balling my eyes out after a fight. My bother has a habit of beating on me when he gets pissed off enough at me or when we're fighting. I was sixteen and stood about 5'6, i had sadly got my mother's genes height wise. My brothers name is Bryer by the way. Anyways he was 12 and stood about 5'9. My brother was really tall for his age, he took after my dad. My father measures about 6'4 and weighs somewhere between 300-400 pounds. Yeah... my dad is huge! I feared my brother, of course i would never tell him that, but i was scared of him when he was pissed off and running at me full speed. He was quickly turning into my farther, with all the beatings at least...and the temper. Did I really deserve this? Am I really that much of a bitch?

Suddenly, I awoke from my horrendous nightmare. I was in bed breathing heavily. I looked around and slumped back in my bed, i fell back asleep soon after that. Tomorrow was going to be better... I just knew it.

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7:30am. I felt like I was in high school again. But I would totally do this again just to move to my dream city. I took a shower, dried and brushed my hair, then put make-up on. I got dressed and packed some last minute bags and drove to the airport. After getting through all the security and such at the airport I left and got onto the plane. Taking my seat, I pulled out my IPod ands Headphones and blasted my favourite songs the whole flight. I gently closed my eyes and fell asleep, taking a little nap. The flight attendant gently woke me up announcing to me that we had arrived safely in California. I stood up and gathered my belongings and got off of the plane. After getting all my suitcases, I walked out of the airport and breathed in the fresh California air. It actually put a smile on my face, knowing that I was finally here. I grabbed my suitcases and got into a cab. Once I had finally arrived at my hotel that I would be staying at until I found an apartment I checked in and got settled.

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As soon as I had gotten settled in I changed into some beach wear and went down to the pool to try and get a tan going. I had spent the rest of the day laying by the pool tanning.

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I went back up to my room and changed into some warmer clothes. I had decided that I wanted to go for a walk on the beach so that I could do some thinking. As I walked on the beach I started to think about how I needed to get a job and find a place to live. I wonder what my life is going to be like here in Los Angeles? Will I be happier and better off living here? I sat down and ended up falling asleep on the beach that night. The sounds of the ocean really relaxed me.

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I woke up at around five or six in the morning, realizing that I must have fallen asleep last night. After standing up and brushing all of the sand off of myself I started my long walk back to my hotel. I spotted a group of partially drunk guys staring at me while I continued to walk. They all started to follow me, which really freaked me out so I walked a little faster. Just as I was about to start running one of the strange men caught up to me. He roughly grabbed onto my arm and pulled me towards him. They all came up to me and smirked. "Hey, what's a girl like you doing out here all alone?" one of them asked me with a disgusting grin on his face. I spat in his face and he quickly wiped it off. "You're going to regret that little girl." He yelled at me. Two of them pinned me down while he kicked me in the stomach. I gasped for air that never came. All of a sudden they started to take off all my clothes. I screamed and fought but it was no use, only earning me another slap in the face. I prayed to god that someone would save me right now. The last thing I saw before falling into unconsciousness was a tall figure running up and pulling each of the guys off of me. The tall figure started throwing punches at my attackers. Who was this man? Where did he come from?

CHAPTER ENDS