Little Red Riding Hood
(kinda)
Long ago, far away,
A little girl was born one day,
And in the middle of the wood,
A little cloak with a little hood,
Was being knitted by her gran,
Who only lived on bread and jam.
Thirteen years later, in the wood,
A girl called Little Red Riding Hood,
Was walking the well-trodden road,
A carrying quite a heavy load.
She passed a tree, and oh, it shook,
When a giant wolf jumped down and took
Her cloak and ran away; she followed,
but he stopped quick, and turned, and swallowed,
the little girl completely whole,
she disappeared straight down his hole.
The Gran, expecting her young grand-daughter,
thought a while and thought she oughta,
better go and see the man
who drove the white wood-cutting van,
and ask him to go and find the girl,
who'd stolen all her favourite pearls.
Meanwhile, the girl in wolfie's tummy,
was crying, "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!"
The wolf himself was on his way,
to see the granny, so he may,
have double dinners, but fancy that!
The girl was having NONE of that!
In Wolfie's tum she'd hatched a plan
to text the nice woodcutting man,
and ask him to go to Granny's hut,
and with his axe to CUT CUT CUT
up the wolf until he found,
little old Red, safe and sound.
When big bad Wolf got to the house,
he crept as silently as a mouse,
to the Granny's dressing table,
and-unfortunately-was able,
to use the woman's make-up kit,
to make himself look quite a bit
like the little girl he'd swallowed whole,
then silently the wolfie stole,
into the bedroom, where the Gran,
was about to, with a pan,
hit herself upon the conk,
but dropped it suddenly with a "PLONK"
when she saw, with great surprise,
that her grand-daughter had BEAUTIFUL thighs!
"Oh Granny dear, how are you?
I wish I'd come earlier, TRULY I do,
but as I'd gotten out of town,
this big wolf came and SWALLOWED ME DOWN!"
With that the wolf jumped, with big claws out,
but the woodcutter jumped up with a shout,
and hit the wolf upon the head
with the pan, and knocked him DEAD.
Then with his axe he cut off the head,
and pulled from the neck poor little Red.
Who fortunately was quite all right,
but had gotten quite a fright.
So now this tale is quite complete,
and what's for dinner?
You guessed...
WOLF MEAT!