This is an idea I had rolling around my head. I like traps and SW so it seemed like the perfect idea. Plus, loser perv protags are always funny.

However, I'm not too certain on THIS chapter. I didn't want to go through several boring chapters of him joining and trying to not get caught, and I thought getting to the good part would be better. But who knows? Maybe I'll rewrite this. We should be getting into the comedy soon anyway.

Also this will probably get ecchi and /ss/ as hell at times. I can't help it, I like that kind of thing.

Chapter 1: This Is A...Situation.

My name is Aston Princeton. I am 13 years old, and one of the few male witches in existence.

My 13-year-old sister, Holly, had just joined the Strike Witches. I had quickly joined after her. Oh? Men can't become Strike Witches, you say? Well, let me tell you that I was so girly and effeminate-looking, with luscious and long blond hair and red eyes, that I was able to sneak past and get in. I thought I was hot stuff, let me tell you that. Literally surrounded by women who all thought I was a woman. All I had to do was uphold the secret, and my voyeuristic desires were to be fufilled every day.

Well, right now I was surrounded by women, but not in the way I wanted.

The entire 501st Joint Fighter Wing was standing in front of me. All of them had looks of either disgust, confusion, anger, or disbelief.

One in particular, however, Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke, looked like she wanted to murder me, her face scrunched up into grimace of both disgust and rage.

The fact that I was wearing women's clothing probably had something to do with that. I was wearing the incredibly high-cut uniform/suit of many Strike Witches, flared at the bottom to expose the white panties I was wearing. Unfortunately for me, my "little friend" was currently very happy to be inside women's underwear.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Astra Princeton." Minna angrily said to me, going incredibly slow, as if her rage was making it hard to speak. "..or should I say, Aston Princeton? You've forged a fake identity for yourself, joined the Strike Witches despite being male, had a very expensive experimental jet striker made for you, and have been caught peeping on your female coworkers."

"...Shit." It was about the only thing I could say. About a gallon of sweat was pouring onto my face every minute. I just stared down onto the ground, not wanting to look in the eyes of anyone else. It had been less than a week since I had joined the Strike Witches, and I had already been caught.

"Look at me when I'm speaking!" Minna yelled. Her presence was so overwhelming that I immediately did as told, even though I didn't want to.

"I-I...ye-yes ma-mam..." I could barely speak. Every word was just jumbled up on the way and came out a mess. In my mind, I saw my life flashing before my eyes. That cold feeling, of when you get caught and your blood turns into ice, washed over me, making me feel like I was in the middle of a blizzard.

"As I said, if you have any ways of saving your ass right now, you better start talking."

"Yes..." I took a massive gulp and tried to clear my throat. In my head I tried out as many different excuses as possible, but they all were bullshit. My heart was quickly sinking into a dark abyss as the realization that nothing I could say would get me off scot-free would work. But I had to try something... "Ms...Wilcke...I-I may not be a girl, but...I still can use a Striker Unit!"

Her eyes narrowed. The others behind her simply glanced at her. "Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that the Strike Witches are a female-only force."

"But...why...I mean, if I can use the units, why can't I be a Strike Witch!?" Even I thought I was sounding ridiculous, but I had to try something. And besides, if I could stick my legs into one of those things, summon a familiar, and fly, then why couldn't I be a Strike Witch?! I mean, I did join to peep on chicks, but I was a half-decent fighter...sort of.

"Because the rules say so." It wasn't Minna this time, but another girl next to her: Mio Sakamoto. I was honestly terrified of this woman even when I had been decieving everyone. She brandished her sword; it was all that was needed to make me recoil and cover my head in fear. "It may be unfair, but when you male witches comprise roughly .05% of all witches worldwide..."

Minna walked over to me. Her imposing form was enough to make me start to walk backwards in fear, but she simply glared at me and I stayed rooted to where I was. When she was less than a foot from me, she thrust her arm out and grabbed my uniform, pulling me close to her face. Less than 3 hours ago, I would have found that to be a dream come true, but now I wanted to piss my pants...not that I was wearing pants in the first place.

"Aston Princeton," She put intense emphasis on my real and male name. "Stay here for now. I'm going to be calling up the Britannian Air Forces soon, and you can look to be discharged within a day. Pack up your things by tomorrow, and if you touch one of us for even a second you can look to be court-martialed for indecent behavior." She let go of me. It was too much. I just collapsed onto my knees and shivered. Tears were this close to leaking from my eyes.

"O-okay..." My voice was cracking as I choked out the words. She walked past my sobbing wreck of a human being. Mio soon followed after her, but not before saying "Keep an eye on him. If he does anything funny, restrain him if you must."

/

I spent the next hour on a couch. I couldn't get off of it. The two girls sitting next to me, Gertrud Barkhorn and Erica Hartmann, were making sure of that. The others in the 501st were whiling away their time in the main room of the base as well. I said nothing. In fact, I mostly just sat as still as possible and stared at the floor in shame.

Eventually, however, my fellow Britannian, Lynette Bishop, said something. "It's a little awkward when you never speak." Her boobs were honestly gigantic...I sort of liked her clumsy personality.

I said nothing at first, but eventually cracked out a scared meep. "I thought I could get away with it..." My beautiful plan was in ruins. Had I just bitten off more than I could chew?"

"Get away with what?" Gertrud spat at me, glancing at me with disgust. "Crossdressing and entering the Strike Witches? What kind of sick bastard are you?! Man, back when I thought you were a girl, you were actually kind of sweet. But now you're just a complete sicko!" She slammed her fist down onto my head, the impact nearly throwing me off of the couch. My head was burning and throbbing with such an intense and pounding pain I wanted to cry, but I forced myself not to. She was honestly pretty cool, and I had a thing for older women. But her rage was just indescribable. Every conversation with her felt like you were maneuvering through a minefield.

"OW, dammit! Augh...yeah that was my plan, I'll admit. I'm just a sick bastard like that." No use denying it at this point.

"Well go be a sicko somewhere else, then! It's even worse that you're some baby-faced barely-13 little shit!"

I looked at all the girls around me. Lynette was awkwardly drinking tea, Eila Juutilainen was shaking her head in disgust, Sanya V. Litvyak was copying her, Yoshika Miyafuji was giving me a dirty look, Francesca Lucchini was laughing at my plight along with her friend Charlotte E. Yeager (god I wanted to stuff my face in those boobs, dammit!), and Perrine H. Clostermann looked like she wanted to strangle me to death.

"You know," It was that boisterous Hartmann this time. I kinda liked her, I guess. "I do have to admire such a brazen plan. It's never happened before, has it?"

"Not that I know of." Eila responded to her, crossing her arms over her light blue uniform. At first I had thought she was a person to look up to, but she always spent time with that Sanya chick..."But that's mainly because most male witches wouldn't be girly enough to sneak past the registration." She glanced one eye at me. Actually, they all glanced at me. I looked more like a girl than they did, in all honesty. "Is that seriously how you look like normally?"

"Yes..." I mumbled quietly.

"Sheesh, you look more like a girl than most women."

"That's why I thought I could get away with it." I furrowed my eyebrows in disappointment at my own failures.

"Well, you clearly see just what being an indecent scumbag gets you." Now it was Perrine's turn to make me feel like shit. God, her uppity voice was enough to make me want to strangle her. "I can't believe that a man is currently in my vicinity..."

"Are you all just gonna take turns wailing on me?" I grimaced from the verbal beatdown I was getting. Jesus, did you sexy gals all have to take turns wailing on me? Even my lewd dreams were never this bad.

Just then, Minna came into the room, but she seemed...rather distraught. She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm discharged, aren't I?" I asked her, expecting that to be the answer.

"In actuality, no."

The atmosphere in the room completely changed. Everyone stared at Minna in utter confusion.

She cleared her throat, looking like she really didn't want to say what she was about to say. "It turns out that despite it being the unwritten law worldwide, there..." She took a deep breath. "is no actual written law banning male witches can become Strike Witches if they can fly a striker unit. As Aston here already has a jet striker made for him, if he can fly it...then he can become a Strike Witch. Male witches are so rare, however, that not one of them has ever actually joined."

At that moment, I, Aston Princeton, had a shot of becoming an actual Strike Witch. Well, if I could actually fly my jet striker. Not that anyone could tell I was a guy. But my celebrations were cut short when someone else walked into the room. A young girl with long and luscious black hair with one blond streak, and red eyes. She was petite, yet walked with a confident stride.

"Hello, I'm-" She then saw me. "Big Bro!? What the hell are you doing here?!"

My little sister, Holly, had apparently been transferred into the 501st.

God dammit. Now my voyeuristic plans were gonna get derailed. I was never going to catch a break, was I?

Shit, I didn't even know how to fly a damn striker in the first place!