Returning
I was doing it again, staring. Staring had become my regular pastime, although I preferred to call it observing. Yes observing sounded better. It's not like I could avoid it. The thing I wanted most in my life, my dream, was right in front of me. I glanced over again. I watched them with the infant in their arms, in awe. They were a unit, the three of them were locked together in their own world. I tried to suppress the pangs of jealousy attacking my body. Ever since Bella became pregnant with Renesmee, the wound that I thought had healed began to open.
I got up from where I was stting and went to my room. I glanced out the window and caught sight of my reflection, I was an image of perfection to the naked human eye. I used to want eveyone to think I was the most beautiful person they'd ever seen, not anymore. I only wished I was living a perfect life,but that was never going to happen, not now. Being immortal made sure my idea of a perfect life could never happen. To me, being a mother, was my idea of perfect but that choice was taken away from me. My maternal feelings were so strong, nothing could dampen the burning desire within me mixed with pure rage. Rage from knowing the one thing I yearned for, was the one thing I could never have.
It was moments like this that made me evaluate my past and how I'd come to be the immortal Rosalie today. I had Emmett, who was my soul mate.I remembered the first time I'd seen him,lying on the leaf and twig covered ground, waiting to die after being mauled by one of the bears in Cherokee was something about him that lit a light inside of me. I studied his face, He had dimples even when writhing around in agony, his brown curly hair matted with his blood, even when he was grimacing in agony, I couldn't distract myself from the innocent look on his face. I'd seen that look before, a long time ago, on a friends child. I suddenly became protective of him, I had to save him.I knew I couldn't leave him to die , but I couldn't change him myself, but I knew Carlisle would have the strength to change him.I lifted him over my shoulders and brought him to Carlisle it took everything I had to resist his blood, but I did., and Ninety something years on we're into each other as much as we were just after his change,but we'd never be parents. It would never be us cradling our child, watching in awe what we had created.
The sickening thing was it could of been me, if only I had figured out earlier, when I was in Rochester what was truly important in life. Even thinking the word Rochester sent a stabbing pain through my body. It didn't matter how many years it had been, the pain was still there. I tried to block out the memories the vivid pictures in my head, it was like being back in 1933 only worse, I knew the ending of the memories that were making their way to the front of my mind. I had to be alone, to fight the demons of my mind., I didn't want anybody to see me at my weakest again.
I went down to the garage and got in to my car. I tried to distract myself with work I could do on the array of cars parked there. It didn't work, all the thoughts I was trying to avoid came creeping back, I turned the key in the ignition and pressed down on the gas pedal and sped off. Where was I going, I hadn't decided maybe I'd just stay driving around. Unfortunately there was only one place my head was going, to 1933 and all the memories of Rochester or more so the nightmares.