"Memories are dangerous things. You turn them over and over, until you know every touch and corner, but still you'll find an edge to cut you."

- Mark Lawrence, Prince of Thorns

Sirius

»Moony, wait! «, Sirius followed Remus outside and he was glad that the other boy stopped, although he did not turn around. Sirius bit his lower lip, I can do this, he told himself.

» I'm not sorry about kissing you. I don't think it was a mistake and I would do it again, if you let me. «

He felt naked, exposed, as he stood on the rain and looked at his friend's back. Remus still gave no sign of turning around, Sirius stepped closer and closer until he was directly behind him.

»Look at me, Moony. «, he whispered.

Finally, Remus moved. They stood there on the pavement, the rain was pattering down on them and once again the time seemed to stand still.

Sirius could see every detail in Remus' face, every eyelash, every pore. A single raindrop ran dawn his nose and stopped at his lower lip; Sirius raised his hand, unsure of what he was doing, and touched it. The raindrop was gone but his hand reminded. Remus didn't pull away but Sirius could feel his heart beating faster; he stroked Remus' cheek, his eyes fixed on Remus' and slowly, very slowly, he moved his face closer to Remus', he could hear his own breath going fast, could feel his own heart rushing in his chest.

Their lips met. It was a shy kiss, full of insecurities and fear but Remus didn't push him back. Sirius' could feel the other boy's hands on his back, slowly pulling him closer. A wave of warmth rushed through his body, their kiss became passionately, jet tenderly. Sirius pulled back.

»Moony, I - «, but Remus lay a finger on his lips to shut him up.

»Don't talk. Not now. «

They kissed again, long and intense and Sirius wished that they would never have to stop.

»Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! «

Sirius started up.

»Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! «

James barged into the room. He was almost screaming, his face was red and his eyes wide.

»Sirius! Padfoot, mate. Oh my god. You won't believe it…She said it. Yes. She said it! I can't even…Oh. My. God. «, James rambled.

Sirius raised his voice, trying to shut his friend up, »What the fuck, James? I just had a perfectly happy dream and now I can't even remember what it was about because you - «

» Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! What do I do? «

»And I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about - «

»And I was just walking up to her, and I thought - «

»- can't just keep a man from his well-earned sleep - «

»- didn't even think she would answer at all - «

»- going to rip your bloody tongue out - «

»- then she said yes and - «

»SHUT UP! «

Both, Sirius and James fell silent at once and looked over to Remus' bed. The brunette looked rather tired like he had just woken up, which he probably had. »Shut up. «, he repeated and then left he dorms. Sirius blinked and turned his head back to James who looked just as guilty as he felt. »Sorry. «, they both mumbled and then fell silent for a second again.

»So, «, Sirius began. »Why exactly did you barge in here like you've lost your mind? «

James face lit up immediately and he got exited again, »Lily! Lily, she was – and I asked – and she just – and then I, and- «

»Stop! «, Sirius held up his hand. »Slow down. What the fuck happened? «

»She said yes, Sirius. «. James whispered.

»What? «

»She said yes. We will go to Hogsmeade next weekend. «, James beamed at his best friend and Sirius speechless.

»I – Wow…I don't know what to say…congratulations, mate. Really. Took her long enough. «, he said, eventually and he meant it. James really deserved it. He had pined for Evans for so long now that it was almost ridiculous but he had never given up on her. James was still smiling, his eyes seemed glassy. Suddenly, he jumped up, »Oh, I have to tell Remus. And Peter. And everyone else. «, and with that he left and Sirius was alone again. With a sigh he lay back on his pillows. He was happy for his friend. He was. But he couldn't help but feel a little sad as well. When James and Lily would become a couple, one didn't have to be an expert to know where James' priorities would lie. Sirius slowly turned his head to look at Remus' empty bed. It had been almost two years since that fatal day. The day he had run away from his family. The day he and Remus had kissed in the rain. It had been a wonderful summer. Warm and perfect and he had been surrounded by his friends and he had had Remus. Sirius closed his eyes.

The sun was burning down on them. Sirius lay on the grass, Remus next to him. Close. So close. He sat up and looked at his friend. Eyes closed. There was a faint smile on his lips. Every time Sirius looked at him, he was struck by how beautiful the other boy was. His skin was pale and rough. His hair shimmered in the sunlight. Carefully, Sirius leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the boy's forehead. Remus opened his eyes.

»Hey you. «, Sirius whispered.

»Hey you, back. «, Remus smiled. »Don't I get a real kiss? «

Sirius grinned and placed his lips on Remus'. It was sweet and loving and Sirius was terrified by how perfect it felt. Remus drew back, his brows furrowed. »Are you okay? «, he asked.

»Yeah, just…this is nice. «

»It is. «

»What are we going to do next week? When school begins? «

»I don't know. «, Remus said and Sirius could see it in his eyes, that he really didn't. They had never really talked about it. About them. If it even was a 'them'.

»Okay. «, Sirius whispered and kiss him again.

»Oi you! Stop snogging and give us a hand here, will ya? «, James called from inside the house. Sirius groaned and Remus rolled his eyes, sniggering.

»Come on, then. «, Remus said and got up. Together they walked down the lawn towards the door.

Sirius woke up again and this time he definitely remembered. He remembered everything. The perfection. The fear. The fights. The pain.

It had been halfway through their sixth year, that things began to break apart. Sirius had been so afraid of his own feelings that he had started to withdraw from his friends; especially from Remus. He had even started to sleep around again. They had never been an official couple and they had agreed that it would be okay to go out with other people but Sirius had still felt guilty whenever he had met someone. And he had still been furious with jealousy whenever he saw someone even talking to Remus. To his Moony. But he had never said anything. Had never done anything about it, and now? Now there was a distance between them. An invisible wall that Sirius was not able to go through. He didn't even know what had happened. Neither did he know why it hurt so much. It was not like he had lost his friend. That could never happen. They could still do everything together like they had used to do. They still did pranks. They still snuck out to go to Hogsmeade and got drunk. They still spent the full moons together. Yet…Sirius felt like he lost something. Something inside of him, that he hadn't even known existed until now.

Remus

Bloody Sirius. Remus mused. Bloody James. Never a peaceful second. Always loud and obnoxious and pretty and – What?! Remus groaned. Sometimes he really hated himself for the thoughts he had. At the lake, he slowed down. He was exhausted and his whole body ached. The full moon had been two nights ago but he was still sore.

»Moony! «, a familiar voice called after him. Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning around; a very exited James came running towards him.

»Yes, James? «

»Sorry about before. «, James said and Remus shrugged. There was no point in complaining. »It's just, you won't believe it. I had to tell you at once. Couldn't wait. It's happened, Moony! She said yes. Lily said yes! «, Remus eyes widened. Every last bit of anger that might have been there was gone. That was wonderful, Absolutely terrific.

»Merlin. That are splendid news. Congratulations. It had to happen eventually, especially with you being Head Boy now…«, he smiled at his friend. James was in total bliss and Remus was happy for him. Of course he had known that Lily's feeling hadn't been anywhere near as negative as she had always said. And James had really changed over the summer. He had become more responsible and even stopped once or twice to think about his actions before doing something. Not like Sirius. Sirius. Remus winced slightly. Better not go there. He told himself. James had started talking about Lily and was completely oblivious to his surroundings.

»- and her smile. Have you seen her smile? Like the sweet breeze on a hot summer's day and she always smells like flowers and sea and her eyes are so wonderfully, so perfectly pretty, and - «, Remus simply smiled and nodded. Of course he already knew of all the things that Lily Evans was. He had listened to James infatuation since he had been eleven. He tried to think of his two friends, tried to imagine their future and just be happy but, like always, his mind betrayed him. Sirius. It was like running circles, sooner or later he always ended up thinking about his other best mate. Everything seemed fine if you looked at it from a safe distance. And even from a closer point of view it was almost impossible to see what could possibly be wrong but Remus was standing in the very centre. He wouldn't even have to see it; he knew.

»What are we doing? «, Remus asked as the rain poured down on them. Sirius was right there. Right in front of him.

»I've no idea. «, Sirius whispered and kissed him again. »Let's just - let's just not think about it too much. «. And they kissed again and again and again and Remus could feel himself shivering. He didn't know if it was because of the rain or the bursting happiness in his chest or the fear that was also there, trying to take control. He was kissing Sirius. Sirius Black. His best friend. Sirius drew back once again, »Stop that. «. he said in a gently tone.

»What? «, Remus asked puzzled. He wasn't aware that he had been doing anything.

»Analyzing this. Just go with it. You always tend to overthink things. Don't. «

»Remus? «, Remus blinked. James looked at him, frowning, »You okay, mate? «

»Yes, I'm fine. Just tired. «

»Yeah. Sorry about that. «

»It's okay. You had a good reason. «

»Maybe you should go and try to sleep for a few more hours. «

»Maybe I should. «

»I could tell Pads to come with me if that would make you feel better. «

»James, I - «, Remus began but then realized he had no idea what to say. There was nothing left to say.

»It's okay. You don't have to talk about it, just…I'm still here, you now. I might spend some time with Lily in the future but that doesn't change that we are still the Marauders and we stick together. «

»I know. «

James smiled at him and together they walked back to the castle.

»Sirius? «

»Huh? «

Remus turned around to look at the other boy. They were both naked and sweaty, laying in Sirius' bed, still breathing heavy. Remus lost himself in those stormy, grey eyes. Those eyes that could never seem to lie to him. Those eyes that meant the world to him.

»What is it, Moony? «, Sirius asked, stroking his cheek and Remus realized that he still hadn't spoken. »Nothing, just…«, he trailed off, unable to find the words he was longing to say. Instead he did the only think that seemed remotely suitable in the situation and kissed him. Sirius looked slightly confused but kissed him back. »There's something you should know. «, said Remus suddenly. Sirius stayed silent so he continued. »I should have told you before but I just couldn't. This…this is really, really nice. Perfect, even, but…we can never have sex, you know. real sex, I mean. «, he added, because Sirius had opened his mouth to say something. »We can't have real sex, because I'm a werewolf and the thing with werewolves is – what? «

»I know, Moony. I know. «

»Know, what? «

»Werewolves mate for life. That's what you wanted to tell me, isn't it? «

Remus nodded and Sirius smiled. It was a lovely and calming smile. »When we found out about you, I read every book there was on werewolves. How do you think we knew that you wouldn't be dangerous for us as animals? I know all that and I understand. «

And one again, Remus was speechless. He had no idea how Sirius always managed to make him feel like that. Why did he have to be so understanding? Wouldn't it be easier if they just stopped now? Now, before it was too late? Before they got into it too deep?

»Thank you. «, he muttered before falling asleep in Sirius' arms