Breaking Dawn – the pregnancy from Bella's POV MY own version
Since Edward had found out, since we both found out that I was carrying his child, hiding away inside of my round stomach, I think we've both been in shock. I didn't expect Edward to take it as badly as he had and I know I wasn't supposed to see it, I know it was meant to be a secret, the fact that he wasn't coping with the fast approaching due date of our baby, but he couldn't hide anything from me. Thinking of my baby, I dropped my hand to my lower abdomen on instinct, gently soothing the skin there, soothing my baby. In response to my cool touch came a nudge, a small bulge kicking out of my skin for a second, and then popping back in to hide again, like a shy snail that wanted to see the outside world, but was too afraid, or too cosy, to leave his shell. It seemed like an alien idea to me, a foreign life to consider, one with a husband and a child, only this child was not of the ordinary. This child, my little nudger, was the only thing I could see now.
My new family had been extremely supportive of my decision to risk my life in order to protect this child, although Jasper seemed systematically cautious of everything since the news had broken. Rose, my only support, had put her differences aside towards me to be my rock; since Edward had changed into a different man, I had nobody who truly understood my love for this baby. Of course, Emmet supported his true love as she supported me, even though I could see he agreed with Edward; that this baby shouldn't be born. The thought made me quiver, which instantly caught Edward's attention.
"Bella, are you cold?" Edward asked with pure concern coating his words. Even though lying to him seemed like a good idea, to protect him from how much I was suffering, I couldn't keep anything from him.
I nodded my head weakly, just once, as I felt that too much energy wasted on simple gestures like this could be better spent on keeping our baby secure inside of me.
He draped a heavy blanket over my ballooned torso within a second and was back to sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the couch with his head tilted to lean on the cushion, right by my head. As discretely as I could manage, I pulled myself toward him and took in the scent of his magnificent hair. He smelled like orange and lilac today.
The smell of Edward always calmed me, although if I admitted this to a shrink, I'd probably be locked up, but then again, that would be the most sane thing I could say, considering the circumstances I had found myself in since I'd moved to Forks.
Edward seemed to notice my effort to be close to him, as he twisted around to look at me, his fingertips ever so gently brushing down my cheekbones.
As he did this, I felt my stomach lurch and I knew what was coming. I pushed my hand passed his knees and reached for the bowl that had been assigned to me for puking. With the bowl securely at my lips and my hair acting as a curtain from the horrid sight beneath it, the bile from my stomach made its entrance and splashed in the silver canyon underneath me. I was handed a piece of toilet paper by unknown hands, which I used to wipe my mouth with. The bowl was taken from me by Carlisle, who took it to the kitchen to dispose of the contents. I blushed weakly.
"Would you like to spend some time together in my room?" Edward had asked me, and the prospect of some peace with the man I loved seemed too tempting to resist.
"Alone" He added, obviously meant for the prying eyes that never seemed to give us any alone time.
"Yes" I managed to croak, and at that moment in time, I was thankful he had super hearing, for I could barely hear what I had said myself.
Very carefully, I was lifted up into his arms. Being so close to him after so many days of distance between us sent a shock through my body, and my nudger responded to that. I smiled up at him, and nestled my head into the space between where his shoulder and neck joined. At human speed, he took me up the flights of stairs and placed me on the bed he had brought the previous year. I thought that my weight, combined with my baby's weight would surely break the bed frame, but no – luckily.
He came and sat on the edge of the mattress, fluffing up a pillow and placing it behind my head so I could sit up. His eyes seemed strangled, almost dead as he looked over me, taking in my bulging stomach and my pale features. I knew that I didn't look the best I could, but that didn't matter to me, the only concern I had was that it seemed to bother Edward.
The silence inside the room seemed so loud that it rang in my ears, and simply moving my hand over to touch him broke the calm in the space we were in. He touched my fingertips first, moving his fingers up my arm and across my shoulders. He rested his hand on my chest, just above my left breast, which had become swollen within a few days of the pregnancy. My breath got stuck in my throat, which he noticed. For the first time in weeks, he smiled and seemed to mean it.
"Is it shameful to want you right now?" I whispered, hoping he'd catch on to what I had meant. His head shook from the left to the right twice, and he chuckled throatily.
"No." He replied, looking deep into my eyes. I bit my lip.
"I want you too." He told me after a few minutes of silence.
To match his words, he moved his hand that was on my chest over my breast, thumbing it gently as his hand moved over my skin through my nightgown. My eyes grew heavy and closed, but I wasn't tired, just lost in the moment. When I felt his hand slip away, I opened my eyes. His face was closer, his breath tickling my nose. His lips carefully came down onto mine, and I was sure I felt them curve upwards into a smile, but any hint of that was gone when I looked up at him again.
"I love you." He whispered quietly before kissing my forehead once, twice, a third time.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked him when he sat back down. "Is there any way that I can make you happier?"
His eyes seemed to bulge with anger at my question, "You do make me happy, Bella." He said through his teeth, but I knew that right now, at this moment, he was nowhere near happy. In fact, whilst finding his way towards happiness, a trickster on the corner of the road told him that to find the joy he desired, he must go back, and so he did, believing this creature was telling the truth. What he did not know was that he was pointed in the direction of self destruction, hatred and sadness, and that was all that seemed to consume him now. The breath puffed out of me in a gust as I sighed, my eyes drawn down to my hands, which held one another in a bid for comfort and protection. I only partly noticed when he got to his feet and scooted me to the side as he climbed into the bed with me. We lay down, facing towards each other, heads touching and bodies nearly connected. No words could describe this moment we were sharing, not the feeling that tingled through me as his hand ran down my waist, not the elation we both felt as our mouths joined and our lips smothered each other. Nothing could top this moment right now, when our worries were forgotten and our fear stopped dead in its tracks. We were in love, and nothing could compare to that.
That evening saw the breakthrough we had all be waiting for: our baby wanted blood. A simple solution when you considered where its gene pool lay. Coming from within a family of vampires, he was bound to feel the throaty burn I had been warned to brace for. My stomach churned, full of acid ready to spew out of me as I was handed an opaque cup. I knew what was inside, but I couldn't let myself think of that sloshing blood contained within the flask, the bodies it had come from...
Think of the baby, I kept reminding myself mentally. The baby, the baby, the baby...
My mental block was building around me, and with blank eyes that stared out of the back window, I took the first experimental sip.
'Huh, not that bad,' I thought, wondering what all the hype was about. With the worst of it over, I placed my mouth more securely around the straw and sucked harder, feeling my strength return to me in sudden, large gulps. I tried as hard as I could not to look at everyone who was staring at me, especially Jacob. His stare seemed to scar disgust straight into my skin and down through my bones, and it hurt. I could almost hear him wince when I ended up pulling at empty air, making a loud sucking sound from inside the cup.
My eyebrows furrowed together as Edward approached me.
"I know. It's not the best method for getting it into you." He sighed heavily, but he didn't know how wrong he was.
"It's not that..." I started, wondering how on Earth I'd phrase what I wanted to tell him.
"I like it...I-I want more..."
I felt my cheeks flush with their first bounce of colour in weeks, but I also felt Edward slump beside me, as if he'd been defeated. That was when Rose stepped in and Jacob ran out. The pull on my heart seemed to drag my mind to wherever Jacob was, my body aching with the feeling of loss and grief, although I knew he was perfectly fine. How strange. Upon Jacob's exit, the baby began to stretch and I knew exactly what was coming. Before the pain took over, I grabbed Edward's hand as my back arched and currents of excruciating pain splintered down my spine. Everyone was on their feet in seconds, crowding around me.
"It's okay." I panted heavily, squeezing my eyes shut because I knew that I was causing pain for Edward, and I didn't want to see that.
"He's just, stretching." I added at the end with my last breath before he settled back down and went to sleep inside of my cocoon tummy.
"I think he's sleeping now..." I mumbled, lost within the thought of my baby.
Edward's face was buried within one of my pillows, so I slid my hand under his chin and lifted his head up.
"Don't be sad..." I whispered. As I was feeling a lot stronger than this morning, I leant forward and pressed my lips to his frowning mouth.
"Smile for me," My hands twisted up to his temples.
"If you want me to be happy, then I need to see your smile." I told him, and partly noticed when Alice turned away from us with a slight grin on her face. To give him credit, he did attempt to pull his mouth up into a smile, but it looked more like a grimace to me.
I turned to Carlisle, giving Edward a chance to pick himself up.
"Carlisle, if I can keep this down, can I eat?" I asked, "I'm really hungry."
"If after an hour you haven't thrown up, then yes. What would you like?"
I knew my answer immediately. "Eggs," I grinned, turning to Edward, who was almost smiling with me. That evening, I was finally allowed something to eat.
The morning light woke me quiet early with a feeling of grogginess coating over my whole body. Edward was awake, of course, staring at me. He made me feel self conscious when he did that.
"Good morning, beautiful." He said in a quiet voice, winding his fingers through mine. My smile was stronger today; the blood was working.
"Would you like help getting up?" He asked, but I didn't like the prospect of being cooped up downstairs all day; I needed a change of scenery.
"Actually...Do you think Carlisle will let me stay in your room today? I am feeling a lot better..."
"Uh...I don't know, Bella. Downstairs is where you're safest."
This wasn't what I was hoping to hear, so I decided to use a tactic that had always worked on Charlie – The puppy eyes. I was often reminded of when I was a little girl, with my powers of persuasion put to full use. Apparently, I would bow my head to the ground but keep my eyes on Charlie, something that would make him feel guilty and give me what I wanted, and if that failed, then I'd jut my bottom lip out. According to this, I was a very good con artist as a child, and so it should come in use now.
"Please Edward, I can't stay down there for another day, it's driving me crazy." I told him, trying my best to replicate my childlike self. He sighed and kissed my forehead.
"I'll have a word with Carlisle." His words were his promises and so he would stick to it. I was proud of myself; my attempt at guilt tripping him had worked. Go me!
A few minutes later, Edward was back with what I hoped was good news.
"Carlisle said you can stay up here, but on one condition."
I groaned loudly, "Hit me with it." I grumbled, seeing a smile that he was trying to hide creep onto his face.
"The slightest twinge, movement or anything, you have to let me know and accept our help."
"Fine," I grumbled, well aware that my attitude certainly wasn't helping the situation.
The way I saw it, I was an adult, so why couldn't I take care of myself? Oh, right, because I'm carrying a vampires child.
"Plus he'll be checking up on us quiet often."
I grumbled and threw my hands into the air.
"Well that's super vampirific!"
"That's what?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.
"You know, you're all far to caring to be vampires. According to the horror stories and myths, I'm pretty sure you're supposed be more...menacing."
He chuckled darkly. "You want menacing?" He growled playfully, the shadows hiding most of his features as he leant closer to me. His lips came within an inch of my own, teasing me. I growled in response. He laughed again and withdrew, before coming and sitting beside me, pulling his body up onto the bed so his feet were off of the ground. I leant across to lie down, resting my head on his thighs. His hands ran through my limp hair. This was my happy place, right here, right now, with the love of my life resting beside me, whilst our child, a child created from love and warmth, lay peacefully within my skin. I didn't quiet understand why Edward had taken so badly to the idea of becoming a father, but was later informed by Alice that it wasn't the prospect of fatherhood that frightened him, it was the risk of my life being lost.
"It's not that idea of being a father that scares him, Bella." She had told me whilst patting a cool flannel across my forehead.
"Then why is he acting like this?" I had replied.
"He's frightened of losing you, you silly girl. He loves you far too much to risk your life, and as far as he is concerned, your life is more important that anything."
The conversation ran through my head like a skipping record jammed in the stereo.
He seemed to notice the absence of my mind, and tapped me lightly on the shoulder.
"Bella, love, Are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, fine, I'm fine." I somehow managed to splutter out. The suddenness of his voice interrupting the atmosphere had cause my heart to stutter somewhat, inevitably catching his ears.
"Your heart is flying, are you sure everything's okay?"
All I could do was nod my head and he seemed satisfied enough with the movement, so the topic was dropped – for now.