Disclaimer: I do not own Terra Nova or any of its characters, this is solely a non-profit fan activity.

Extended Summary: Switching careers after she arrived in Terra Nova on the Seventh Pilgrimage, it takes Hera Hallows some years to get to terms with her new and challenging life in the Cretaceous. Always there to pick her up again each time she fell was Lieutenant Alicia Washington. When, during the occupation by the Sixers and the Phoenix Army, her squad leader is ruthlessly killed by Lucas Taylor, Hera is devastated and momentarily lost in a world which had become a home to her. Soon after heading out on a treacherous mission to the Badlands, Hera struggles not only with her feelings of grief but also desperately tries to contain those she harbors for the colony's leader. Will she be able to overcome all the hardships she has to face along the way? Will Terra Nova ever be home to her again? Meanwhile, Commander Nathaniel Taylor has to deal with feelings of guilt and blame for failing to protect the colony, his colony, when it was overrun by their enemies. He'll need every ounce of strength he possesses to lead the mission to the Badlands even though what they might find there, who they might find there, scares him more than anything in his life ever did. When he faces his son again, will Lucas' hatred of him finally send him over the edge? Will Mira be his ally or enemy? Will Doctor Malcolm Wallace's scientific ambitions proof too much for him to handle?

PROLOGUE

THE world around her was an utter blur; a confusing whirl of colors and a cacophony of sounds hammering against the inside of her head. Reeling she attempted to plant her feet on the ground but it moved under her like the deck of a ship adrift on a restless sea. Hera swayed helplessly and fell to her knees and hands. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths now a dizzying darkness threatened to swallow her whole.

Suddenly, she felt two strong hands grabbing her arms and helping her up with an amazing strength. This time her legs held her weight. Hera clung on tight with a desperate fear to lose the sole anchor that kept her from drowning in that sea of chaos enveloping her. With an immense effort she opened her eyes, barely managing to fight the drowsiness that made her eyelids almost too heavy to lift. Blinding light flooded her vision then a familiar face was close to hers. Its lines were hazy at first but slowly it became clearer. She strained to make out the features until Hera at last recognized Lieutenant Washington's hazel brown eyes looking at her intently.

With a relief that made her heart ache Hera reveled in taking in that strong and yet caring gaze. She reached out and felt the silken touch of dark hair like rivers of ink falling across Wash's face; tangible proof that something good and real still existed in the muddled world around her. Hera blinked and swallowed hard but her voice was lost in a hoarse sound that merely grated her throat. Wash's lips were moving, her words nothing more than incoherent echoes in her ears.

Then her face was gone again. Hera tottered clumsily like a drunk and tried to shout after her in panic though nothing but dry croaks left her mouth. She swirled on her feet, slamming into a wall she hadn't seen and collapsing against it when cold water came out of nowhere and gushed like icy rain over her head. Hera sputtered, coughed raggedly and took deep intakes of breath. Gradually the world around her steadied, her surroundings stopped moving and the sounds around her were no longer deafening to her ears. Then the Lieutenant's face swam before her again and she fixed her eyes on it with all of her might. "Lieutenant- Wash.." her voice finally worked again, though it had been no more than a feeble whisper when she felt she had pushed her lungs to extremity and it should have been a loud shout.

"Easy there." came the Lieutenant's calm reply.

"W-Where are we..?" Hera stammered feebly, struggling to pronounce the words clearly.

"Save your strength-" Wash stopped midsentence and looked over her shoulder in alarm. She turned to her again with an uneasy look on her face. "We have to go. Now." She told her with a tone of urgency that made Hera's hair stand on end.

"W-what's going on?" she asked, her eyes wide and a sense of imminent fear returning.

"Shh. It's going to be okay." Wash comforted her and lifted her to her feet, "Here, hold on to me."

Leaning on the Lieutenant with what felt like her entire weight Hera forced her sluggish body to move. They left the gray walled and red-pillared brig through a heavily damaged steel door, making their way through a maze of hallways beyond until suddenly the building they were escaping from spit them out into a dark night veiling the usurped colony like a shadow of despair.

Barely managing to put one leg in front of the other Hera held on to Wash and trusted her to guide them to a safe place. When they finally stopped she doubled over and gasped for air. Wash pushed her further down when a search light was headed their way and Hera could feel how she bumped into someone who had waited hidden close by. Out of breath and forcing herself not to faint she looked up into Jim Shannon's worried face. Around him in the shadows the rest of his family was gathered; a silent Elizabeth desperately holding a scared Zoe close to her chest, Maddy and Josh pale but determined.

Feeling her consciousness seeping away through the crevices in her befuddled head Hera was only half aware of the hurried whispers spoken between all of them. Then there was a heavy silence that pressed against her ears. She locked eyes with Wash and felt her heart stop when, in a single clear moment, she finally understood the sad but proud look in her eyes. The next moment, she was gone. Hera tried to get up and run after her but Shannon grabbed her by the arm and pulled her with him. Wanting to stop him she buried her heels in the sand but he simply dragged her along now in her weakened state her strength was no match for his. Both her mind and body paralyzed with shock black spots started to dance in front of her eyes as they fled from shadow to shadow, crawled under the fence and at long last reached the edge of the jungle in whose embrace they were finally free from the glaring searchlights.

The moment Shannon had let go of her she collapsed and could feel hands pulling her this way and that; someone's cold knuckles gently pressing against her forehead and busy voices arguing around her. Fighting them off Hera unsteadily got to her feet and stumbled back in the direction they had come from. Despite her blurred vision she instinctively knew where to go. A single thought in her mind egging her on; she had to go back. She had to save her..

Without warning a harsh resounding shot rang through the air making her waver on the spot. Before her brain could grasp the meaning of that terrible sound Commander Taylor was suddenly before her, blocking the way forward with a stern and hurt look in his eyes that she didn't want to understand. Refusing to give up she struggled against his embrace and his hand covering her mouth to muffle the despairing cries that the pain in her heart forced out.

Eventually her knees buckled and Hera slid down against a rover she hadn't noticed before. She caught a fleeting glimpse of the Commander supporting her and laying her down between the tall grass waving in a wind she could no longer hear rustling nor feel it brush her skin now the same agonizingly loud shot filled her head; again and again. Her body shivered as the finality of it painfully tightened her throat. The last thing she saw were his tear filled eyes when she could taste the bitter saltiness of her own on her lips; then everything around her grew inevitably dark.

CHAPTER 1

New Beginnings

IT took a while before Hera realized that she was still alive. At first, it was mostly the dull and terrible pain that numbed all other sensations that convinced her. After all, what kind of lousy heaven would have you keep the pain? As much as it hurt, she held one to it as it coursed through her exhausted body, allowing her to familiarize herself again with every part of it. For a while this was all she could do to keep from losing consciousness again.

After some time she felt enough strength returning to carefully open her eyes. Big mistake. Wherever she was, the light around her was so bright she instantly closed her eyes again and kept them tightly shut. Waiting for the afterimage and dizziness to pass she soon gave it another go. This time she opened her eyes just enough to squint through them and after they got gradually more and more used to the blinding light, the room around her slowly came into focus. There were white cotton curtains draped in front of some of the windows, fluttering lazily in a soft breeze. Forming a sharp contrast with the airy fabric were the cylinder-shaped walls that despite their dull beige color added a rather cold and clinical feel to the place. Turning to the sudden movement she'd picked up with her periphery vision Hera could just see some graphs and an intermittent string of data which flew across a large glass holoscreen fixed to a cabinet nearby.

A trickling sound made her look to her right. Next to the sterilely clean and crisp bed she was lying in stood an IV from which some clear fluid dripped steadily into her body. Following it with her eyes she found the hypodermic syringe that was fixed to her arm. With a considerable effort Hera raised herself up, letting her feet hover over the side of the bed before she trusted them to take her weight. Rather unsteadily at first, she eventually managed to stand on her own. Next was the syringe. She clenched her jaw and slightly flinched when the needle reluctantly started to give way. One last strong tug, and then she was free. Leaning on the hand railing of the bed she slowly made her way to the window on the other side. There were no curtains but blinds were down before it. With a weak wave of her hand in front of the sensor on the wall they slid up in an instant, revealing a deserted main square.

Unprepared as she was for the sight that met her eyes, the ugly scars of destruction and violence that was on it hit her like a punch in the stomach. Desperately trying to stop herself her eyes wandered over the devastated square where some abandoned or forgotten market stands lay scattered like carcasses made out of wood and torn fabric. Here and there explosions had left dark stains and most of the poles had been snapped in two. Only one still stood tall, carrying a white somewhat tattered flag with a green and blue earth on it. All of what she saw involuntarily made Hera shiver. They had the colony back, but at what cost..?

Thinking about those who hadn't made it made her entire body ache even more than it already did. Then, clearest of all, Wash's face and the memories of all that they had shared surfaced. Hera winced and turned away from the window, stifling a gagging sound with her hand covering her mouth. It had been on that same square she now had looked out on where Lieutenant Alicia Washington had been killed..

The sudden weight of her grief made her fall to her knees. She grabbed the cotton hospital tunic in an attempt to silence the painful throbbing of her heart. It was as if it mourned with all of its might that big gaping hole that had been left now Wash was gone. Her death, her merciless execution, played itself over and over in her head. And each time she felt just as powerless to stop it from happening.

Why hadn't she been able to stop it? Hera thought guiltily, clutching her head in her hands and pressing them against her ears in a desperate attempt to shut out the string of gnawing questions that inevitably followed. She'd failed to stop that bullet from ever being fired. To stop Lucas Taylor to cold-bloodedly and cruelly end a life so much more precious than he could ever understand. And most of all, to stop herself giving up her struggle when the Commander had held her back and that final, terrible shot had ripped apart all her sense of reality. Nor could she now stop that crushing sense of failure that she had not run back in time to save her, so that the world would not be split into two; one with Wash in it, and one without her. She had let her leader down. Because of her weakness she had had to abandon the person she had looked up to the most. The only one who had made her believe that she could actually become a better, stronger person, if only she tried hard enough.

Hera suddenly felt ashamed of all the trust Wash had put in her. Trust that she had repaid only by leaving her with no other choice but to sacrifice herself. To her Wash's strength and courage were unrivalled. From the moment she had stepped through that portal three years ago she had looked out for her. Taken her under her wing. She had given her a chance to proof herself. For the headstrong know-it all engineering scientist that she had been to become part of a close-knitted team; to become a soldier instead and fight for the survival of the colony, for the future of Terra Nova. In her eyes Alicia Washington had been the best of leaders. The best of friends. The closest thing to family she'd ever had in her life. And now she was gone. Hera couldn't put those two together. Not yet. It didn't make any sense. And no matter how hard reality would repeat the words in her head her heart could not, would not, believe it: Wash was dead..

The sound of footsteps approaching startled her out of her uncontrollable sobbing. Ashamed of her moment of sorrow she pulled herself up, hastily wiping the tears off her cheeks and chin with her hospital tunic. She turned to face the window again just in time before the firm footsteps stopped abruptly at her booth. A soft but decisive and above all familiar rap on the door made her heart race even harder.

With a soft hiss the glass door slid open to let Commander Taylor in who, after softly clearing his throat, said in a tone of relief, "Good to see you're awake."

Hera merely nodded without turning around to face him. Instead, she nervously, and as inconspicuously as she could, tried to dry her face again. Why did he have to walk in when her puffed up and red eyes would immediately let him know she had been crying?

"How are you feeling?" he asked kindly and mercifully not seeming to notice her distress yet.

"I'm still alive.." she managed to say with a somewhat hollow voice after a few seconds. She had wanted herself to say 'I'm fine, thank you, sir' with a strong confident voice but the fact that she had succeeded in saying something was better than nothing in the end. She just hoped sooner rather than later a nurse or doctor would walk in so he would be whisked out of the booth before he would see her tear streaked face.

"That you are. Thank heavens we got you here in time…"

There was a silence in which Hera could almost feel his stern gaze against her back, effectively paralyzing her so she couldn't move a muscle.

"Don't worry about the square. We can rebuild it. We will rebuild it." Commander Taylor stepped up just behind her and cast a reassuring glance through the window to the remains of the square down below. His standing so close only made her more nervous. She lowered her head so strands of her blond hair fell around her like the branches of a willow tree to hide her face. She clenched her fists at the same time, afraid she couldn't hold back her tears for much longer. Next to her the Commander leaned forward and rested his arms on the window sill, just as he would do from time to time on the balcony railing in front of his office.

"We lost many fine people. It's been a hard time for everyone. I-" he paused briefly, then a heavy sigh escaped him and he continued with a more tired voice than before, "I know you and Lieutenant Washington were close. It's tough losing someone like her, I understand. Just.. Don't let it defeat you. You're strong. You'll get through this. We all will."

Despite her sadness Hera could not help but feel and admire the conviction in his voice. Even though it was hard to belief in his words right now, it did comfort her. The Commander straightened his back and turned towards her. "You know, in times like these, there's absolutely no need to hide tears."

Hera at last managed to look up into the Commander's face. She was relieved to find that his piercingly blue eyes looked at her with a genuine concern and not the stern disapproval that she had feared.

"You just focus on getting well." he told her and offered her his arm to help her get back to the bed. Hoping he wouldn't see her blushing she accepted his assistance. Once she sat on the bed again she was glad that she had for without his support she feared her legs would have given way under her.

"I'm no doctor, but it seems your IV somehow managed to disconnect itself from your arm. Funny how that happens." the Commander remarked with a grin when he looked away so she could rearrange the blankets around herself. Hera awkwardly tried to stammer an apology but Commander Taylor held up his hand to silence her, "Not to worry. I'm not a big fan of needles myself, so I understand, trust me." he reassured her. "Now, let me get you your nurse. I'm sure she would like to check on how you're doing."

He was halfway toward the door when Hera hurriedly called him back. "Commander Taylor.. I.. Thank you. Sir." she was glad her voice sounded slightly more confident now. The Commander nodded with a friendly wink and left her to her own thoughts which were soon swallowed by a deep sleep again.

The moment she had woken up that morning seemed to coincide with the very first rays of sunlight filtering through the blinds and into her solitary booth. Feeling she'd slept enough to last a lifetime she had thrown the sheets off of her now they'd started to feel like a stifling cocoon wrapped too tightly around her. She had then carefully tested the strength of her limbs, stretching them before she'd shuffled carefully from the bed to the window and back. With something close to an aversion to sit down and remain this languid as she'd felt for what seemed an eternity, she'd repeated the process until she was reasonably sure she could trust her own body to smoothly obey her commands again.

As busy as the staff were now the medical center was filled to the brim with patients, colonists and soldiers alike, being stowed away in the cramped, secluded booth, most of the bustle didn't reach her. Whenever she had had the rare chance Hera had pestered every nurse that came to check on her to let her go. And each of them had merely smiled politely while they pretended to listen to her pleas, monitoring her bio readings with unreadable expressions on their faces and leaving her booth again shortly after. Every time the door slid back with an indifferent hiss inches from her face Hera balled her fists in increasing dejection as she turned her back on it.

As the day wore on and her frustration grew her mood had barely been lifted by a visit from her squad. Even though she felt grateful for their support, listening to their stories of how busy they were clearing out the debris and mending the devastation the colony had suffered from, made her desperate to do something more useful than staring out of windows or sleeping. If anything, she would welcome the distraction that came with it. Wash kept returning in her feverish dreams that plagued her sleep and she would wake with a start in the middle of the night, sweating and heart pounding.

After another similarly depressing day, her impatience had her attempt to escape on the pretext of finding Doctor Shannon or any other of her colleagues. But on each of those occasions one of those same nurses would gently steer her back to the biobed she no longer had any wish to return to. And so she had waited for another hour to pass followed by yet another in which she paced through her booth, looking up expectantly every time someone passed it, hoping it was Elisabeth that had come to tell her she could go.

On the morning of the third day her mood had been instantly ruined and her hope inevitably dashed when she'd opened her eyes only just in time to recognize the Commander's receding back as he left her booth, no doubt after assuming she was still fast asleep. He was gone before her voice was more than a hoarse croaking sound which grated her throat after she'd forced it out, and so was her chance of asking him, begging him even, to get her out of here. Feeling close to defeated after this, she'd simply stood in front of that horrible sight of destruction again for most of the day, one hand pressed against the glass with her fingers sprawled on it like a fleshy spider.

She had just reluctantly turned away from the window when she realized what day it was. Instantly spurred on by the urgent wish to attend the commemoration service scheduled for this afternoon, she employed all of her powers of persuasion to talk a nurse into bringing her the formal uniform from her room in the barracks. Although looking displeased for being forced to become her partner in crime the young woman returned not twenty minutes later. Ignoring the lingering stiffness of her limbs Hera quickly changed into her uniform. She was till fumbling with the last button on her collar when a familiar hiss was her only warning before Elisabeth entered wearing a bemused and yet stern expression.

Deaf to her pleading request to let her go -an undoubtedly indispensable skill in her line of work- the Doctor had her submit to an elaborate bio scan.

"Three broken ribs, more bruises than I dare to count and a severe concussion, all healed." she summed up, skimming her file on the plex pad in her hands with her brows slightly furrowed, "Of course, the real problem was the drug that they administered. Your blood tests came back largely clean but it has proved to be a very tenacious sedative. I shudder to think about the dose they must have administered.. Are you absolutely sure you feel well enough to leave?" Elisabeth asked, looking enquiringly at her.

"Yes, I do. I'm fine." Hera lied, hoping she didn't look as groggy on the outside as she still felt on the inside. 'Tenacious' was a gross understatement in her opinion. Whatever drug it had been it had made her constantly drift in and out of consciousness so that the last days of the occupation had been nothing more than a haze; momentarily waking from a deep and heavy slumber and falling back again in that vast blackness of troubled sleep. It made a hangover seem like a picnic with lots of sandwiches and no ants.

Still looking at her intently, Elisabeth squinted her eyes, tapping the back of the plexpad with her fingers, clearly not entirely convinced. Hera held her breath in tense anticipation now, as her Doctor and not just a friend, she could almost see the internal struggle going on inside her head as she decided on her fate.

Eventually she heaved a sigh of defeat, saying reluctantly, "Well, as long as you check in every day for some further blood tests-" before she could finish her sentence Hera had rushed passed her.

"For at least another week!" Elisabeth called after her in a raised voice as she practically fled out of the booth and the sense of captivity it had given her.

"I will! Thanks!" Hera said over her shoulder, almost bumping into a nurse in the process. She hastily wove her way through the staff, bio beds and equipment, finally throwing open the medical center's double doors once she'd reached them.

She took a deep intake of fresh air that came wafting to her carrying the rich scent of exotic flowers and earthy smell of sand that was dark and wet because of the rain that morning. The sun peeped out behind the gray clouds now, its rays warming her face. She exhaled slowly, losing herself in the moment of ecstasy now her senses were bombarded with the sounds, smells and colors of the bustling world outside. Relishing in her newly acquired freedom she started across the square and headed straight for Command Center hoping Commander Taylor would be there.

Recalling his visit to her she desperately tried to ignore the twinge of guilt that came with it. He must have been incredibly busy but still he'd thought of looking in on her. Everyone had been busy with dealing with the aftermath of the occupation. Everyone except her. Taking two steps at a time in her hurry to somehow make up for having been locked up in the med-center all this time, Hera practically skipped the last one as she came out on the balcony. Gathering the required courage to apologize for her lengthy recovery she was about to knock on one of the doors when they flung inside and Commander Taylor stepped over the threshold wearing a somber expression. Seeing her it quickly morphed into a warm smile.

"Ah, Hallows." he greeted her, sounding pleasantly surprised and adding hopefully, "Doctor cleared you for active duty then?"

"Yes, sir. She did." Hera told him, wisely leaving out her promise to check in regularly for further blood tests. There was no way she was going to give him any reason to send her back there.

"Good.." the Commander nodded approvingly, staring at her intently for a moment which involuntarily made her blink and forget the apology she had come here to offer him. He took a step towards her, hand briefly resting on her shoulder and squeezing it in an affectionate kind of way, saying, "It's good to have you back."

"Thank you.. Sir.." Hera managed to mumble back, swallowing hard afterwards and not daring to meet his gaze.

"You know, I was, uh.. I was just on my way to the med-center." he told her, gesturing for her to walk with him as together they started to descend the stairs leading away from his office. "Guess I was kind of hoping you could make it to the commemoration service. You should be there.."

A tense silence followed his words now the prospect of saying their final goodbyes to those who had fallen weighed heavy on them both. Hera didn't doubt Wash's memory was first and foremost on his mind as well. He cleared his throat, continuing with some effort in a lighter tone, "In fact, I was ready to smuggle you out if necessary. But I'm glad you saved me the trouble of braving Doctor Shannon's wrath." he gave her a meaningful wink as his mouth quirked in amusement before they looked up at the sound of a rover driving towards them across the square.

"I'm guessing that's your ride." he halted, tugging at his sleeves even though he'd already banned every crease from the jacket of his formal uniform. Hera quickly averted her eyes when he noticed her closely observe the meticulous effort. His lips remained curved in a subtle smile a moment longer now she still waited at his side, hands clasped together behind her back. Flicking her a sideways glance, he remarked kindly, "All right.. Off you go, soldier."

She hastened to obey as he resumed his way to his own ride waiting for him in front of the gates. Next moment the rover had pulled up at the bottom of the stairs. Inside was her squad, all of them unusually crisp and clean looking in their deep blue formal uniforms. Rafael Hernandez was behind the wheel with Matthew Evans next to him. Sarah Miller smiled at her from the back while Amy Scott half leaned out of the cramped rear compartment and reached out for her with her arm outstretched. Hera gratefully clasped hands with Amy and let herself be pulled into the rover. With a roar it took off and headed for the gate just like a dozen others all on their way to Memorial Field.

"Glad you could make it." Matthew said, turning around in his seat.

"Hear, hear." Sarah agreed still beaming at her. Amy patted her shoulder and squeezed it in her usual sisterly way while Rafael simply nodded at her when he caught her eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"It's good to be back." Hera said when she had swallowed down the tears that had welled up inside her and looked at each of them. It was the greatest relief to her to finally be able to join the rest of her team. Though she couldn't help but feel once again how Wash wasn't there with them, when she always had been. She had been ripped out of their midst, never to return. As the rovers slowly drove on in procession away from the colony, Hera wondered what possible solace there could be now their trusted leader had gone where they couldn't follow her.

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