Title: How to Give a Swordsman a Pill!
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.
Pairings: ZoroxSanji
Summary: Have you ever wondered how hard Chopper's job really is? Oneshot / ZoroxSanji / Yaoi-ish flavored / 100% CRACK!
Warnings: Minor bad spelling & grammar, naughty language, yaoi-ish
A/N's: For anyone that does not like my warnings don't read I guess …it's not like I'm forcing you to.
This plot idea is not my own! It rescued by me from the Plot Bunnies Junkyard on my forum from
BecauseIWasBored
… so this is dedicated to them! Hope I raised your plot bunny right! ^.~
~~~~*x*~~~~
"Ah you're in prefect health!" smiled Chopper to the swordsman, as he then started to pack up from the physicals, Zoro being the last one of the day.
As the ship's doctor the little reindeer took his job very seriously, thus had issued mandatory physicals once a month for the whole crew so he could make sure everyone's health was top notch.
"Great, I'll be on my way then," said the swordsman, and got up only to be halted by the little doctor.
"Not so fast, Zoro you still need to take this!" and Chopper held out one of his little hooves, and on it was a large white pill.
Zoro raised a brow, "What's that for?"
"To help keep you from getting sick," Chopper smiled rather proud of his new medicine.
"Don't need it," muttered the swordsman, and walked around Chopper.
Chopper stood there for a moment, then turned, and trailed after the swordsman, "Now, Zoro this is important, you have to take this pill!"
"Nope. That's only for people that get sick. I don't get sick, so I don't need the pill," Zoro explained, and kept walking.
"That is no reason not to take it! You have can't possibly know you will never get sick!" Chopper tried to rationalize with the man.
"Then …" Zoro paused in his step, and speech.
Chopper smiled looking up to him, and held out the pill out to Zoro thinking he finally had talked sense into the swordsman.
"I'll leave it to fate," the swordsman finished, and started to walk again.
Chopper deadpanned and fell over.
~~~~*x*~~~~
When Chopper came to he sat on the floor, and thought about this all carefully. His doctor and man integrity were at stake here. He was the ship's doctor, and if people didn't listen to him, and take his medical advice, what good of a doctor would be?
The little reindeer sniffled, and fought back tears. This was no time to be a baby! He had a job to do … and it was for Zoro's own good! If reasoning with the swordsman would not work Chopper would just have to take action!
The little reindeer then got up and tracked down the swordsman. Of course he was up on deck in the grass sleeping the day way, but that was ok! This would make Chopper's job a lot easier!
Holding the pill out in one of his hooves the little doctor slid a step towards the swordsman, "Softly … softly …" he whispered out loud, as he took step by step so not to alert the swordsman to his presence. The little doctor kept his knees bent and his hooves in the air, as he inched closer and closer to the sleeping swordsman.
Zoro cracked open an eye looking to Chopper.
"AHHHH! ZORO IS AWAKE!" cried out Chopper in alarm, his plan already going South, "Back up plan, back up plan!" cried out the little doctor and jumped on to Zoro's head.
Zoro opened both eyes as Chopper started to yell, and opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, when suddenly he had the little ball of fur cling to his head. "Mrfh ..." mumbled the swordsman.
Chopper would not miss his chance now! Quickly he stuffed the pill in the swordsman's open mouth only then to lose his hold on the green haired man as Zoro pulled him off. Yet Chopper had did it! He had got the pill in Zoro!
The pill hung in Zoro's throat not moving one way or the other, and the swordsman let Chopper drop to the ground, as he grabbed at his throat turning blue.
Chopper's eyes widen in alarm, "Oh no you're chocking Zoro! Ahh! Doctor! Doctor! We need a …oh that's me!" he paused and blinked.
"No fair! I wanna play to!" suddenly cried out Luffy, and rocketed over from who knows where, only to crash into Zoro.
The hit was just what the swordsman needed for once, as it dislodged the pill and it came flying out of the swordsman's mouth, rolled on the deck then off, and fell into the ocean.
"Oh no the pill!" Chooper cried out in alarm, his hooves grabbing at the rim of his hat not sure what to do now.
"Eh? … I'll get!" Luffy offered trying to be as helpful as he always was … of course the outcome was easy to predict.
Luffy jumped into the ocean for the pill and started to sink, Chopper then jumped in after Luffy to save him and started to sink … Zoro jumped in and saved them both.
~~~~*x*~~~~
Chopper sat in his medical room with a towel around his shoulders. Chopper should have seen that had been a bad plan … can't sneak up on the swordsman so dead on.
Taking the towel off from himself, he got down from his chair. What would the Might Captain Usopp do in a predicament like this? Chopper then questioned, and at once had the idea for his next course of action!
One visit to both Franky's and Usopp workshops, and Chopper was the prized new owner of an automatic sling shot! It would not shoot very far but that was ok, it could get the job done for what he needed it for.
Taking his new weapon Chopper tracked down Zoro again, this time finding him on the back of the ship training, lifting his weights. Yet there was one problem. How was he going to keep hiding and get Zoro to open his mouth?
"Is everything ok doctor-san?" Robin asked then from behind the doctor.
Chopper jumped in the air and turned around, his arms held up to the side, for no real reason other then panic.
Robin smiled softly at the cute reaction but held back her laughter, "I'm sorry, doctor-san I didn't mean to frighten you. You just looked troubled."
Quickly Chopper straightened himself out and shook his head, "Oh it's ok, Robin … well," he then thought about it, and smiled, "Hey, Robin can you help me with something?"
After filling Robin in on what was going on they came up with a plan and set it into action.
Zoro lifted his monstrous weights high over his head and counted off the new set, "5987," just under his breath, and then lowered the weights, his arms flexing and muscles burning with the light and easy workout.
Suddenly out of the blue he had a pair of arms pop out from his chest and start to tickle at his sides and stomach. Zoro blinked down at them and raised a brow not at all being ticklish by their attempts. The hands then paused in actions a blue eye blinking up at him from the palm of one of the hands. Zoro blinked back at the eye and tilted his head to the side, wondering what Robin's game was. Dammit, didn't she know he had training to do?
Zoro was just about to voice his annoyance when the hands next reached up and grabbed hold of his nipples through this shirt and twisted. The swordsman's eyes bugged out of his head and he yelled out in pain.
Next Zoro found himself under attack by many white small objects in the air pelting him, but before he could defend himself against them, one of them went sailing into his mouth and into the back of his throat.
The assault on the swordsman paused, as Zoro stood there looking rather oddly.
"Ahh …" said the Zoro, and added again. "Ahh…"
Robin and Chopper from around the corner looked at each other in question then looked back to the green haired man.
"Ahhh … CHOOOOO!" cried out Zoro in a sneeze, and the pill snot-rocketed out of his nose in alarming rate of speed, and smacked right into the little doctor's forehead knocking him out cold.
~~~~*x*~~~~
Chopper sat at the table in the kitchen, dinner just about to be severed. He was very upset with himself, today was not going at all like he planed. On that thought Chipper checked the X crossed bandage on his forehead, which he had put there to help heal the small wound he had gotten from the backfire of his last plan.
He had gotten help by many of his nakama today but nothing seemed to be working. Zoro was so darn bullhead! Chopper's eyes then landed on Nami as she came in with Robin.
"Hello, doctor-san. Feeling better?" Robin questioned.
That was it! He could be sneaky like Nami! "Tons! Thanks, Robin!" the little reindeer cried out joyfully. He was then up and rushing over to the cook.
Sanji turned around and almost stumbled over the little doctor, as Choper looked up at him. The cook bit down on his current cigarette in his mouth as he eyed Chopper with a frown rather annoyed at this disruption to the flow he was in.
"Hey, Sanji can I help you with setting the food on the table? I can take Zoro's plate so you can see to Robin and Nami," offered the little doctor.
At once the cook's frown lifted and bright smile was born on his face. "Ah such a friend! Here you go! Thanks a lot for the help, Chopper!" he said as he handed one of the plates he was balancing on his arms to the little doctor.
Chopper smiled brightly taking the plate and waited for Sanji to hurry off and fuss over the girls, then at once pulled out a bottle of pills from his pocket and sat the plate down on a near by stool. After getting one of the pills hidden in the fried rice and the pill bottle put away, he rushed over to deliver Zoro his food, and retook his own seat again.
The little reindeer then went on to enjoy his meal very much so, as he guarded it from Luffy's wandering hands.
After the meal was over Zoro got up and left the table, and slowly the others started to leave the kitchen as well. Sanji worked to clear the plates away, but when he got to Zoro's he paused and frowned.
"What the hell is this?" he questioned picking up a large white pill from the swordsman's plate.
Chopper looked up from the table at Sanji, as the blond held the pill up. The little doctor gawked at the pill his mouth hung wide open. HOW HAD ZORO KNOWN!
Brook looked over Sanji's shoulder at the pill and leaned on his cane.
It now just being the three of them left in the kitchen.
"Chopper-san has been having some troubles if I'm not mistaken trying to get Zoro-san to take some medicine," the skeleton then explained to the cook, having from the sidelines been watching the antics all day.
Sanji then eyed the little doctor and Chopper nodded sadly at him. "Tch…" Sanji breathed out a puff of smoke from his cigarette he had in his mouth. "Shitty, Marimo making trouble."
Brook then started to walk to the kitchen door. "A shame, Chopper-san does not have someone strong enough to help him to get, Zoro-san to take his medicine," Brook hinted and slipped out the door.
The cook nodded, "I'll help you Chopper."
The little doctor looked up with stars in his eyes, "Really, Sanji?"
"Sure just let me finish up here in the kitchen," replied the blond and went back to clearing away the dishes.
Chopper smiled and breathed out a sigh of relief. Surly he could count on Sanji to get the job done!
~~~~*x*~~~~
Two hours later outside of his med room Chopper paced back and forth waiting. The doctor had rounded up Zoro, and got him to go inside the med room like Sanji had asked him to do, then the blond had shown up and told him to wait here, outside and not to come in no matter what he heard. Yet that had been forever ago. What was taking Sanji sooo long?
Chopper frowned at the door as groaning and banging was heard yet again from behind it.
Franky and Usopp waking by at that moment paused.
"Hey what's going on?" questioned Franky.
Chopper looked up at them and then summed it up short and sweet, "Oh … huh well Sanji is helping me to get Zoro to take a pill."
Curiosity tugging at Usopp at hearing this leaned over to the door and looked through the porthole window, into the med room, and froze up at the sight he saw. Slowly he pulled away with sweat drops running down the side of his face and his eyes very wide.
"Usopp?" questioned Chopper, not sure what the man had seen to shaken him so badly, as Chopper had not thought to look before.
Franky pulled his shades up, to rest on top of his head, and then took a turn to look in the porthole to see what had freaked out the long nose man so badly. At once after the sight he got an eyeful of he jerked away, looking much like in the state Usopp was in.
The long nose man finally having calmed down enough now sputtered out, "H-hey … Chopper erm … just exactly how did you tell Sanji the pill needed to be inserted?"
The little doctor stood there with the other two men in the hallway and silence seemed to be the only thing to fill the halls with them, till it stuck Chopper what Usopp meant. The little doctor's eyes widen, and he looked back at the door as more grunts and banging was heard.
Chopper reached up grabbing his hat rim and pulled it down over his eyes. "ERGGGHHH!" Not his med room! Dammit! Some days it was really hard being a doctor on this ship!
~~~~*x*~~~~
A/N's: Tee hee!
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^.^