I don't own Xenogears.
A/N: so many Black family angst fics, yet hardly enough.
Silent Remorse
She watched the man, the words boiling inside of her, about ready to explode. So many emotions, so many things to say. So she just said it.
"Daddy."
That single word escaped her, carrying so much with it.
Memories came at her from years ago.
The man was strong for her and her family, he was there for them. She remembered him playing with her, she remembered him hugging her mother, she remembered him smiling proudly at her brother.
She remembered how she loved him. She remembered how he loved her back.
She also remembered the jealousy she felt towards her brother. She wanted a gun too. But her father kindly reassured her, in the voice meant for her alone-
"You're my little princess. It's your brother's job to watch over you and your mother while I'm away."
And he had been away for the longest times. Longer and longer each time.
So when the girl uttered the small word, it carried great joy, great relief, great yearning. And great resentment.
Why did he have to be away for so long? Why wasn't he home when their mother…
Another memory surfaced.
A horrid memory.
Three gunshots.
A thud.
And her brother's reassuring voice.
"Don't look, Prim, just… don't look."
He held her in his arms, shaking even more than she was. And then…
Three shots more. She felt him freeze, and her mind screamed. Shots, and mom was gone. Three more… she begged him to say something, anything. Even scream.
But the voice that came wasn't his. She didn't like the voice. She didn't trust the voice. She couldn't.
He promised them safety, a new home.
She remembered the look in her brother's eyes. He felt the same. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to live.
But he accepted the offer nonetheless. She stayed quiet in actions as well as words, for it was all she could do for him.
Her brother was happy. He had a goal, he had a reason to go on. Her? Or… that voice? The one she didn't like. And their father was still gone.
Gone!
Where were you, father? Her eyes begged of him behind an icy mask.
You weren't there when our world came apart the first time. Why now?
Came the silent accusation.
Why when our world came apart for a second time? Our… His. You came to gloat? Why? Why?! Why do you have us so much?!
The girl averted her gaze towards her brother, his entire manner full of hope. He begged her for such a simple thing. He asked for her to say his name. To show she recognized him. To show she knew him. To show she loved him.
She did.
He had given his all for her. God help her, she wanted to say it. She wanted to so badly.
Her mouth was open, emotions all over the place. The hope in his eyes intensified, but for the life of her, the voice would not come out.
That one word exhausted her whole being, and she could do nothing but watched the light in her brother's eyes break, her last word echoing through the large room. The one word she loved and hated most in the world, slowly killing the one who was her everything.
"Daddy…"