The Mist
[A/N at the end]
Huge thanks to Holly for the beta!
~ x ~
"Lily?"
Lily stayed silent as she stared out at the vast expanse of land that made up Hogwarts. All of which, from the Forbidden Forest, to the Black Lake and right down to the gate leading to Hogsmeade, was covered underneath a thin blanket of mist. The droplets of water suspended in the air in front of her looked silvery as the tip of her wand cast white light around her. In the darkness, she could see nothing but the obscured lights of the castle and grounds, hidden behind a thick veil of mist and cloud .
When she had first come to Hogwarts, the darkness had terrified her. It wasn't the darkness itself that scared her so much, rather it was the thought of the monsters that lurked in the shadows. Werewolves, ghosts, and poltergeists had been her greatest fears; she was afraid that something would jump out and harm her.
But werewolves, ghosts, and poltergeists weren't the monsters lurking in the shadows. It was the people whom she used to call her friends, and the people that were self-righteous who were the real monsters. What was darkness, and the shadows of the night, compared to the terrors that hunted in the light of day under the banner of creating a better world? A just world. A world that was purged of supposed 'dirty' blood. A world without people like her.
The hay and leaves strewn over the ground rustled as someone shuffled and sat next to her. Owls that had congregated around her screeched indignantly as the peace was disturbed and the atmosphere rippled with anticipation. The warmth emanating from the newcomer was far more comforting than the warmth she received from the woollen comforter she'd brought with her.
"Are you alright?"
Was she?
People had been asking her since lunchtime yesterday if she was okay, and she had promptly given the questioners a polite smile and a resolute 'yes' before walking off to her classes. She had spent the entire day in a haze, the faces of ghosts flashing in her mind whenever she allowed herself a moment's solitude. It had been twenty-four hours since she had last slept, and the haziness of her mind, much like the crystalline mist surrounding her, clouded her thoughts.
"I know you don't want to talk about it, and we don't have to, but…" He paused.
Out of the corner of Lily's eye, she noticed the way he wrung his hands together, long fingers intertwining and rubbing his nails anxiously.
"But we're worried about you. You've been holed up here since supper."
Lily looked at him and noticed the heavy bags under his tired eyes. He was dressed in his thickest coat and a neatly folded quilt lay on his lap. She contemplated not answering just so he would go away, but the truth was that she hated the solitude. Especially now.
"I'm fine," Lily muttered unconvincingly, pasting a weak smile on her numb face. She had been sitting so still that she hadn't even noticed the biting cold until her cracked lips protested painfully as they stretched to accommodate her smile. "I'd have thought that James would be the one marching up here uninvited."
"Would you really have wanted him up here?" He cocked his eyebrow skeptically and Lily said nothing. "I didn't think so. He's an excellent person, but he doesn't know what this is like."
Lily needn't ask what 'this' was. She knew what he meant, and a pang of grief, guilt, and anger, deep and powerful, echoed in the recesses of her heart, clogging her throat and suffocating her. But it was guilt that she felt most strongly. Guilt for the possible role she had played in the death of her parents. Perhaps if she wasn't alive, or if she hadn't been born a witch, her parents would be alive, well, and preparing for her sister's summer wedding.
Just two days ago she had received a letter from them with polaroids of Petunia. In every single photo, her parents had great big smiles on their faces as they laughed with Petunia and with one another.
And now they were dead.
She would trade her magic a hundred thousand times over if it meant they could live.
"Blaming yourself doesn't help anyone Lily, least of all yourself," Remus said slowly, imploring her to hear him. To really hear him.
Minutes - she didn't know how many - passed by in silence as they sat quietly next to one another. Every few seconds or so, an owl or two would return to the Owlery with a small rodent or bird struggling to get free in their talons. The horizon was gradually shifting from a pitch dark black to shades of pink, orange and gold as the sun made its appearance.
Remus wordlessly draped the quilt around her shoulders and Lily thanked him curtly for the warmth. He nodded at her and Lily noticed the fresh scars on his neck and jaw. Remus pulled out a bar of chocolate from his olive brown field jacket, unwrapped the foil, and broke two pieces off - one for him, one for her. The full moon was approaching and Lily felt rotten for making him feel like he had to take care of her at this time.
"Dumbledore told me that the only thing the Aurors could find was two piles of ashes in the hallway..." she said, voice devoid of emotion.
Her parents were dead, and there was nothing left of them that still remained on the earth, only two piles of ash. They had wanted to be buried in the family plot next to her grandparents, not to be reduced to nothing. The only time that Lily felt anything other than despair was rage at Bellatrix Black and everything she had taken from her.
Bellatrix Black had condemned Petunia to walking down the aisle alone on her wedding day. And why? Because her parents were Muggles.
Lily hated her. Even more than she hated this supposed 'Lord Voldemort'.
The only lord was death, and she hoped now that it was coming for both of them, Black, and Voldemort. Another, darker, part of her hoped that she would be the one to banish them from the land of the living. It would be a small penance for what they had done to countless others, including her parents.
"I know you'll probably want some more time alone, so I'll go," Remus said as he stood up, his knees protesting with a crack. Lily nodded and watched as he dusted the hay off his dated brown trousers before walking away.
Just as he reached the top of the stairs, Remus stopped momentarily, mouth opening and closing soundlessly before he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at her resolutely.
"Nothing that anyone says can bring them back," he said gently.
Lily flinched. Coming out of Remus' mouth, it sounded different, made it all the more real. "But you have to remember that they love you, that, wherever they are now, they do love you. And Lily?"
She looked up at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"We all love you, alright? We don't want to see you alone, but I know that you've got to let yourself grieve before you can move on - and even then, you never will be the same again. Take however long you need to be by yourself and to come to terms with it, but we'll all be waiting for you when you're ready, yeah?"
Remus smiled as Lily sniffled. She knew he was right. He always was.
"Do you still miss them?" Lily asked. It was such a childish question, of course he missed his parents.
"Every hour of every day," he replied, voice catching on his emotions. Lily nodded and wrapped the quilt tighter around her, her finger tracing the silver lined hem. "But I'm not alone. I've got James, and Sirius, and Peter, and I know that my parents wouldn't have wanted me to go through everything alone."
With a final wave and the swish of his scarf around the corner, Remus was gone. Lily listened as his footsteps grew silent before facing the horizon once more.
The golden rays of the sun broke through the misty barrier of the horizon and Lily watched in awe as they chased away the silvery mist that hung above the grounds.
A heavy weight that had pressed against her chest throughout the night eased itself as light and warmth entered her body. The fear of being alone, of being abandoned, left her after the truth of Remus' words. She would never be alone, not as long as the people she loved supported her.
The world she lived in was descending into chaos - terrors lurked in the shadows, people were becoming monsters, and good people were dying. But, like the sun chasing away the mist and darkness, hope and love would prevail over hatred and divisiveness.
It always had, and it always will.
Author's Note
WORD COUNT: 1,500
THC Round 3
House: Ravenclaw
Position: Year 2
Category: Standard
Theme: Love Conquers All
Prompt/s: [Weather] Misty
Hogwarts, Assignment 2
House: Ravenclaw
Subject: Travel and Tourism
Task: 5, Write about someone finding solitude somewhere and spending time alone.
Thank you for reading, and please don't forget to leave a review!
Andy xo