Love that faded
A/N: Alright Fellas, I just felt the need to write something extremely angsty. This story had been swimming in my head for long enough, and today was the only time I decided that I wanted to write it down. This turned out longer than I wanted to, but I hope you enjoy. And this is not betad so sorry for grammar/spelling errors and if it isn't as smooth as I hoped. Another thing as well, I don't how divorce is handled so if I'm doing it wrong, sorry. Definitely only a one-shot, reviews are highly appreciated though!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
Blaine slowly crept into their small cramped apartment, trying to be extra careful about waking Kurt when suddenly a bright light illuminated the darkness, making Blaine wince slightly.
"And where the hell have you been?" Kurt asked calmly, but Blaine knew better that Kurt was absolutely seething inside by his facial expression.
"I'm sorry." Blaine sighed, "I was out with some friends. Work finished late and after that my co-workers and I decided to grab some drinks."
"And so I wasn't important?"
"Why are you so angry? It's not the first time I've done this, I thought you would have gotten used to it." Blaine argued.
Kurt glared daggers at Blaine, "Doesn't mean if I'm used to it, I like it. Goddamit Blaine," Kurt bit out, "I waited for two hours for you! No text, no calls…"
"Why was today so important for you?!" Blaine retorted, trying to walk back to their bedroom.
"You forgot didn't you?" Kurt gritted out in disbelief.
"Forgot what?"
"Our anniversary you dumbass!" Kurt cried, standing up from the couch he was on before.
Blaine froze, tears were glistening in Kurt's face with betrayal and hurt.
"Kurt I-" Blaine started.
"Don't!" Kurt stopped Blaine from advancing, "Don't apologize. I don't need your pathetic excuses."
And from that, Kurt turned away from a shell shocked Blaine and walked stiffly into their bedroom. He bit his lip to prevent the tears from spilling. The first two years had been heaven for Kurt since they started out happily married, but then that one day late from work everything changed. It became a ritual, a day late became a week later, then the weeks became months, then months became the next longest 5 years of Kurt's life. The shower turned on and Kurt began contemplating their relationship, realizing how often he seemed to be doing this.
What happened to them?
They used to be so perfect, the golden couple. Always able to trust each other. They were more than two people who loved each other, they were soul mates, best friends… But not anymore. Gone were days of seeing each other every morning and before they went to sleep. And with this new habit, their trust was wearing thin, neither could fully trust each other anymore. Blaine was always late coming back and Kurt felt like they began spending lesser time together, almost becoming strangers who lived with each other instead. They were far from happy, neither of them content with their life style and how their relationship had become. They knew that their relationship was in the brink of destruction, but with each destructive blow to their once strong home, they swept it under a rug and let it build up, threatening to burst any second.
Kurt slept in one side of the bed, facing the wall when he felt the other side dip. Kurt glanced a little to the other side, seeing Blaine curl up and facing the other direction hurt Kurt more than words ever did. He knew that their loving relationship became a ticking time bomb, ready to explode within minutes. Kurt was suffocating, he couldn't live like this anymore, he had to leave. He needed to have a mature conversation with Blaine about his discomforts, no yelling involved together. And if the talk didn't end up good, Kurt would sign those divorce papers, pack his bags, then leave Blaine.
Kurt's bottom lip trembled as the tears he held back flowed freely into his pillow, it hurt more than he should. Blaine had hurt him, wounds that only time a part could heal. He made him feel worthless and empty inside, yet… he still loved him. This angered Kurt, he loved Blaine so much that it mentally wounded him to be a part from Blaine. But he knew if he stayed here too long, those wounds would be beyond the point of healing. He knew if he leaved now those wounds could still be repaired, if not a little, become more of scars, not fully healing but it was enough to help Kurt.
Making up his mind to wake up early and sit Blaine down for a conversation that would lead to his next action, Kurt's eyes slowly fluttered shut as the darkness embraced him.
The large beeping of them alarm clock startled Blaine conscious as he reached blindly into the night stand to stop the annoying sound. Blaine groaned as he wiped his face with his hand exasperatedly. He reached back to the night stand to grab his glasses and propped them up on the bridge of his nose. Kurt and himself had an argument again last night. But unlike other times, Blaine knew he was to blame. He felt dreadful for forgetting their anniversary… it was supposed to be a happy night. Filled with praises and it should have been the night that they patched things up, the night they try to make amends to their life which somehow on the way, became utter havoc. Blaine wanted to have the strong relationship they had before, but was it too late?
Blaine slid off the bed and slipped on a pair of slippers, lazily sliding across the wooden floor. Blaine slowly approached the kitchen with half a mind to apologies to Kurt and have their wedding anniversary tonight instead. He could fix this, he knew he could. He seemed to keep things going for the last 7 years right?
"You're awake already?" Blaine asked sleepily at Kurt, watching him cook eggs on their stove.
Kurt turned at the sound of the voice and took in Blaine, he was an adorable mess. Dark masses of curls were falling into his thick framed glasses. He was wearing a white shirt a size to big, and most likely Kurt's. His black pants were more fit to his size and rested just right below his ankle, perfect. Kurt smiled sadly,
Blaine was so cute
An overwhelming feeling of sadness encased Kurt as he looked at his husband. He liked it like this. When they were having casual conversations, when they weren't yelling. Kurt suddenly found it hard to believe that he hadn't been this civilized with Blaine for a long time.
At Kurt's pause, Blaine thought that Kurt was still mad about him last night,
"Listen Kurt," Blaine frowned, "I'm sorry about last night-"
"Actually, I think we really need to talk about that." Kurt breathed out.
"Okay."
Kurt left the eggs on the pan and went over to Blaine, gesturing him to sit. Then Kurt took a seat opposite of him cautiously.
"I know that the past years haven't been exactly," Kurt paused, trying to find the right word, "Pleasant."
"And I think you could sense that as well," Kurt smiled bitterly, reaching over the table to take Blaine's hand.
"Yes, I've noticed that and-"
"Blaine, before you say anything, answer this question," Kurt paused, smiling sadly at Blaine, "Do you still love me?"
There was silence as Blaine had a startled look on his face as Kurt's sad smile turned more into a look of lost hope at Blaine's lack of words.
Did he love Kurt?
The answer was simple, yes, yes he did. But now when he thought about it more, he couldn't really be sure anymore, he felt something for Kurt, he knew it was in there. But he didn't think he loved him anymore.
"I-I guess, I just don't know anymore," Blaine whispered quietly, eyes downcast.
"I know," Kurt whispered softly, squeezing Blaine's hand reassuringly, "I've known for a while now. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but I know your feelings for me had changed. Do I love you? The answer is a simple yes. But this thing we have," Kurt gestured at the both of them.
"Can't work if we only have one sided feelings. And-and" Kurt's voice hitched at the thought of what he was about to say, "And if you can't be happy in this relationship, neither can I. The only reason why this relationship is working it that we try so hard to keep things together, trying to build from our feelings, trying to keep us from floating a part. But now we know that we have nothing to work on any more. You-you," Kurt chocked down his tears.
"You don't love me anymore so I think-I think its better if," Kurt looked down, not even bothering to stop a tear that slid down his cheek and falling down his chin, "If we're not married anymore."
"Are-are you suggesting a divorce?" Blaine stuttered, he was confused with how he felt for Kurt now, but he felt a painful tug in his chest at the image of not returning to the apartment if Kurt wasn't there.
"I think it's for the better." Kurt forced himself to say, he was giving up the most important thing in his life for the sake of said person to be happy.
There was eerie silence as the two refused to look at each other.
After a couple of minutes, Blaine decided to break the ice by talking first.
"I think so too." Blaine spoke softly, his voice scratchy.
Kurt released his hand from Blaine's and settled to playing with them nervously underneath the table instead, biting his lip and nodding slowly.
"I'll make a few calls then," Kurt murmured, "I'll-I'll text you once I get an appointment."
Kurt stood up promptly, refusing to show anymore tears as he stood up to take the eggs from the pan and placed them on a plate.
"If you want some eggs," Kurt cleared his throat and gestured toward the plate, "Just get some okay."
And with that said, Kurt wiped away the tears that he couldn't stop and took his bag gingerly from the countertop. The door shut behind him and that was when Kurt completely broke down in front of the door, screaming into his hand, trying to muffle his pain. He slowly slid down his door and just sat there, shoulders shaking as he sobbed.
When Blaine arrived to work he was greeted with David who worked in the same building with him.
"Hey man!" David greeted Blaine, but immediately frowned as he took in the look on Blaine's face, "are you okay dude?"
Blaine shook his head and he whispered hoarsely, "Can I talk to you?"
"….and I don't know what to do!" Blaine cried in anguish, threading his hand through his hair, instantly regretting it as he winced at the amount of the gel he gathered up in his palm.
"Dude, you say you don't love him anymore but here you are, upset about losing him!" David glared, apparently distressed, "I just don't get it man, do you love him or don't you?"
"I don't know!" Frustration building up in him, "I'm sure I feel something for him, but I'm confused if that's what love feels like."
Blaine sighed at the bewildered look of David's face, "We haven't had a talked like that for a long time, we're practically strangers now."
"Blaine Anderson, I've always found myself confused about you. Ever since Kurt showed in the Dalton stair way, I thought you guys were meant to be. I don't know, you guys just had this instant chemistry, as friends or as soul mates, I couldn't tell, but there was always something going on between you two." David shook his head sadly at Blaine, where in Blaine simply raised his eyebrows as a sign of him to go on, "Did Kurt feel the same way? About not loving you anymore?"
Blaine gulped down his guilt, "No. He was crying."
At the very thought of Blaine making Kurt cry angered him. Even if his feelings have shifted for Kurt, he would never be okay with making Kurt cry.
"Damn man," David, scratched the back of his head, "You're a mess."
"I know," Blaine growled, "Not helping David."
"Alright," David rolled his eyes, "Then best you can do is think about Kurt all day."
"Like what?"
"Like the things you like about him, his smile, his laugh, whatever made you fall in love with him in the first place."
Blaine nodded thoughtfully, "I'll try."
Later that day, Kurt had texted him that he just contacted their lawyer and he when Blaine should go home at 5 to sign the papers.
"The sooner the better." He quoted.
Blaine made sure to be on time, his last time to be Kurt's husband can't be out of place. On the way there, Blaine thought about Kurt's…everything. And just a couple blocks from their apartment, a thought floated in Blaine's head.
Was he doing the right thing?
He didn't even know anymore, he was just so confused.
When Blaine entered the apartment, he was greeted with Kurt who had blood shot and puffy eyes. It was obvious that he had been crying and he felt like the most terrible person on Earth for making the person who didn't deserve to feel this upset, cry.
"The papers are in the kitchen table, when you're done, just give them to me and I could just go hand them to our lawyer." Kurt sniffled, gesturing towards the kitchen as he hurried back into their bedroom.
Blaine slowly approached the kitchen and immediately glanced at the kitchen table. True to his words, a bunch of papers neatly stacked were placed conveniently on the right side of the table, where he usually sat. The kitchen table was hardly rectangular, more square, with four seats on each side. Mostly for guests… or when they would adopt kids.
Blaine shook his head from the thought and settled into the chair, reading the papers and signing his name into the dotted lines.
Back in the bedroom, Kurt was breathing in stuttering breaths as he packed the last of his clothes and belongings. He bit his bottom lip as he unpinned his notes and reminders stuck on the small corkboard to the right of the small balcony connected to their bedroom. Then he proceeded to carefully take down his Broadway posters and carefully rolled them up, putting them into the tubes he originally bought them in. He kept the tubes just in case if they would move to a bigger house, it had been 7 years since he first put them up so the tubes were coated with dust.
Was this really happening?
Kurt thought bitterly, he didn't think it was fair. It was for the best, but Kurt wasn't okay with it. He was furious at Blaine for not trying harder. But…. You can't force someone to love you if they don't.
After Kurt was done packing, he left his bag at the foot of their-Blaine's bed and headed out the door, greeted by Blaine, shuffling towards him with the papers.
"Um, I've filled these out already." Blaine gulped down awkwardly, handing the paper to Kurt.
Kurt nodded, forcing a small smile as he accepted it.
"I'm just going to give these in now."
And with that, Kurt slowly exited the building, placing the papers into the satchel he was bringing.
Blaine looked at Kurt not so subtly, as he walked out. He covered his face with his hand, this felt like a mistake. A big mistake, but he didn't know how to stop this. He knew that they're relationship was beyond repair, it wouldn't be as perfect as he would like it to be, but they could've mended this right? The whole he day spent thinking about Kurt, he was sure he could fall back in love with him right?
Blaine shook his head again, no, too hard. Blaine knew he felt weak for doing this, but he was only human. That was why he couldn't help but feel a pang in his chest when he entered his bedroom, stripped from the posters which used to adorn the walls, the cute little reminders on the cork board; bottles upon bottles of skin care were missing from the bathroom as well. The room was missing the warmth it used to radiate; did Kurt give him this feeling? When Kurt left, would he be left with these, these blank walls?
He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he had opened their-his closet, more than half of the contents were gone. Kurt's sparkling, bright shirts, pattered button downs, suspenders and everything Kurt was missing as well. He was left with emptiness settling within the pit of his heart.
When Kurt returned, Blaine had been looking at their wedding photos. Blaine's head snapped up as he shut the book and hid it under the couch.
"So, thankfully, the lawyer I got seemed to be very efficient." Kurt cleared his throat, "She said that the papers were enough and-"
Kurt paused, biting his bottom lip, "and so our divorce is final. We're not married anymore"
Blaine nodded stiffly, the obstinate aura making him nauseous.
"Who are you going to be staying with?"
"Um, Rachel has a loft with Finn in west of New York. So I'm staying with them until I could afford my own place."
Kurt worked in vogue and even though they paid quite decently, things weren't exactly cheap in New York so Kurt would have to work there for several more months to be able to buy his own place.
Kurt went inside Blaine's bedroom to retrieve his luggage, already packed beforehand.
As Blaine watched Kurt emerge thei-his bedroom with his luggage, the thought finally settled in.
Kurt is leaving. He's leaving and he's never coming back.
Blaine watched as Kurt go near the door, the wheel of his luggage creating friction on the hard wooden floors. Kurt stopped right in front of the door, hand in the door knob. Suddenly he turned, facing Blaine, with the saddest face Blaine has ever seen. Kurt gave a small sigh, pausing to look at Blaine.
"Come here you." Kurt breathed out after quite a while, giving Blaine a pained smile.
Blaine returned it as he slowly approached Kurt.
"I'm going to miss you." Blaine whispered first.
Kurt took a shuddering breath as he pulled Blaine into a tight hug, "Me too." He whispered in his ear.
As they both released from their embrace, Blaine found his arm resting on Kurt's shoulders.
"T-Take care."
"I will." Kurt whispered.
They just stared at each other for a while, feeling so at peace with each other. It was the happiest and saddest moment the both of them had experienced in years.
Kurt broke the gaze to slide something off his finger shakingly. Then he took Blaine's hand, dropping their farewell on Blaine's open palm, closing it as quickly.
Kurt smiled one last time at Blaine, "Goodbye Blaine Warbler."
Blaine bit his bottom lip form crying at Kurt's old nickname for him
"Goodbye Kurt Hummel."
And with that, the Kurt walked out the door closing his eyes briefly, composing himself as he shut the door behind him. Forever
As Kurt left, Blaine turned back into the room, taking in the apartment without those colorful posters and painting Kurt hung up before. The he slowly glance down, opening his palms. There lay a beautiful silver ring. Blaine slid off his wedding ring as well, and then placed the two in a drawer he wouldn't dare open in fear of seeing his horrible mistake.
A/N: Wow, that was emotional for me to write! I wanted to make it seem a bit longer, because I felt like they got divorced too quick but think about how they've been struggling for 5 years and how tired they must be. Anyway, let me know what you guys think!
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