"I Think… I Think I've Always Been Yours"
Summary: Payson wondered when she became Sasha's, but there was never one moment. It had always been that way.
AN: So, let's pretend that all of Season 3 except the TC just didn't happen.
I don't own the characters, but the plot of this story is mine and it is copyrighted.
"Is there a problem, Payson?" Sasha barked, and immediately cringed at the harshness in his voice as it echoed through the empty gym at the TC. He felt guilty as he watched Payson's face fall.
"I was just thinking." Payson said by way of explanation and apology, but made no move to get back to her routines, nor did Sasha sense that Payson had any intentions of elaborating.
"Payson?" Sasha prodded gently.
"Just, life after the Olympics."
Sasha willed Payson to look up, to meet his eyes, and she did. When he saw the mixed emotions swirling in her eyes, he reached a hand out to her before he could stop himself, and before he could retract it or change the way his intent would be perceived she took his hand in tightly in hers, as if she was holding on for dear life. Sasha thought back, and remembered the gesture he'd shared years earlier with Nicolai, the way it had anchored him unlike anyone or anything else in his life had. Until now. He realized.
"Go on." Sasha whispered.
"It's just… I've been training for the Olympics for my whole life and they're so close, and then what?"
"Then college, or anything you want, really. Your life does not end at the Olympics."
"No, I know that, but all of my hopes and dreams, all of my goals and all of my plans end in London. And then what? I'm nineteen and I'll have nothing to live for. You know, Emily chose Damon and their baby, Kaylie has Austin, Lauren has, well, I don't know what Lauren has… And me, well, I don't know what I have." Payson looked sadly at the space between herself and Sasha, where their hands were still joined.
"Payson, you have the whole world…"
"I don't want the world, Sasha. I want to be the best, and…" Payson trailed off.
"And what, Payson?"
Payson inhaled sharply as she studied their hands again. "And I want you, Sasha. I thought that having you with me every step of the way would be enough, that I could be grateful to have that, but I can't, it's not enough. I was trying to figure out when I stopped thinking of myself as 'your gymnast' and starting just thinking about myself as 'yours'…"
"And?"
Payson looked up, startled. "And I don't ever remember thinking of myself as 'your gymnast.' I don't even remember beginning to think of myself as 'yours.' It's just like that's the way it's always been."
As Payson avoided Sasha's face, Sasha tried to figure out what to say next, and tried to remember a time when Payson had only been 'his gymnast.' It was then, as he too came to the conclusion that she had always been his that it came to him.
"Payson, Payson, look at me."
When Payson didn't look up, Sasha gently moved her face to look at his.
"Please don't tell me about Nicolai again." Payson pleaded softly, causing Sasha to smirk.
"Payson, I'll be there every step of the way, too. I think… I think I've always been yours, and you've always been mine."
"So, what's next?"
"London." Sasha smiled.
"And then?"
"Anything you want." Sasha laughed.