A Mama's Fears
Author's Notes-
This fanfic is based on (and set during) the events in episodes 127-128 of InuYasha. You can find a summery of those episodes at but I like to think that the narrative is easy to follow without depending on a detailed summary.
For those who haven't seen the episodes, or who have and are wondering "what the heck?" after reading this: I chose to use Mama Higurashi's POV strictly. What she thinks Kagome is thinking/doing and what the episode shows the viewer that Kagome is thinking/doing are two different things!
Thanks to SaiyaMan for the fansubbed translations.
Last: I must say I'm hesitant to post this, but the idea took me over and forced me to do it. Beware—SPOILERS.
Enjoy!
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It's only natural for a mother to worry about her daughter—even more so when her daughter becomes a time-traveling miko fighting demons and monsters in a world where she can never, ever reach her.
It was worrisome when we realized what had happened, and saw the fuzzy-eared boy that had become her companion. A dog demon! When she started coming home less and less—and looking more bedraggled and exhausted each time—Kagome's safety and well-being began to truly gnaw at my soul.
She was gone so much… what if she never came back to me—to us?
As a former Shrine Maiden I did believe in magic and destiny and possibility beyond the realm of modern cosmology. Accepting that the centuries old well was a time portal really didn't faze me. Kagome's tales of famous travelers and historical figures, of sleeping on the ground and bathing in cold water slid over me. Each day she was home I searched her face for new shadows, hints of what she was going through that I could not imagine.
She told us about the monsters—some of them, at least. I have no doubt that she withheld some details. She talked about the Shikon no Tama, though more to me than to Jii-chan, who would immediately wax poetic about his own evil-fighting strength. Though Kagome ignored his boasts with grace, I knew that my father's powers were as real as Kagome's, or that they had been at one point. Miko powers are, after all, hereditary.
My favorite times were when she would come home—tired, perhaps annoyed, perhaps jubilant—to stay for a few days. Time when I could fix her food and watch her rest. For a short time, she was my little Kagome again.
And then she would disappear again, jumping down the well with a smile, and the worry would begin once more.
* * *
This time the shadows in her eyes scared me. She brought us food, then disappeared into her room.
* * *
I never saw her anymore. Was it any surprise that I wanted to attend the Cultural Festival? Was it wrong to defy my daughter's wishes and encourage her youkai friend to attend as well?
Perhaps, somewhere in my heart, I thought that he would see the world that she belonged in and leave her alone. No more knocking at the door and whining, no more popping in and gulping dinner and saying that Kagome had to leave immediately.
Did it matter why he went? Really, truly, did it matter what the impetus was?
* * *
"Wha…?"
I stared at the monster that loomed over my daughter. She was oblivious, somehow. I felt my heart pounding, climbing up my throat. I wished I had time to throw myself forward, but my legs wouldn't move and I found I couldn't even speak or scream for her to run to safety.
Huge, with long teeth and giant yellow eyes, it loomed over her. Its mouth was bigger than she was! Its breath ruffled her hair—how could she not be aware of it?
"What is that thing?" Souta asked, pointing.
"That's a Death Cup Mushroom!"
My mind whirled. A mushroom? That … that thing was a mushroom? My stomach rolled and I wondered, abstractly, if I was going to vomit.
A blur shot past me, startled me, and I stared in wonder as InuYasha, the obnoxious, aggravating, furry eared hanyou that seemed to do nothing but argue with my daughter and annoy our cat, flew headlong at the thing. With a scream of anger he attacked, sharp talons outstretched and rending the beast.
My heart thumped once.
Kagome hadn't moved, hadn't ducked. Hadn't flinched as he flew at her, dive-bombing with inhuman speed and screaming that attack at the top of his lungs.
There was silence in the hall. InuYasha knelt, head down.
"Kagome, that was clo…"
I waited, hoping that my sweet, innocent, loving daughter would realize what her friend had done for her.
"Just what the hell are you doing here?!"
Her shout sent him skidding backwards, the cap that he wore (an ingenious idea, no?) nearly flying off with the force of her cry.
Biting my tongue, I waited for the rebuttal. Far from screaming at her about how he saved her life, how she should be grateful… he asked her (after one scream to calm her… a technique even I can appreciate) what she had done. What she had done? What on Earth… ?
* * *
It was a nasty, nearly unbelievable story. The dried himono, the treat she brought home to share with us all… the treat that I had eaten so eagerly… Youkai! They were youkai!
Destroying them was paramount… but there were four of them at the school that day! The Death Cup mushroom had fallen prey to InuYasha's claws. The rest? Kagome was busy… too busy to hunt youkai.
Hunt youkai? Even as they discussed it, my mind whirled. She had told stories of youkai, monsters, evil demons and rotten-to-the-core people—but I had never once pictured her actively destroying things like the mushroom that had stood over her head and nearly swallowed her whole. Surely, I thought, these himono youkai—special youkai that Kagome didn't know about. That even InuYasha hadn't, apparently, know about… they had to be larger, more messy, more … everything, than the beasts that she fought. Right?
I noticed too, during the conversation between Kagome and InuYasha, that their relationship had changed. In the month or more that she had been in that other feudal world, something, I knew, had happened. Gone was the constant confrontation. Instead, though they were still bickering and arguing, something… respectful… had entered their tones. Something equal… something that said "your opinion is of value to me. What you think counts."
Jii-chan, of course, pounced on the fact that Kagome had carried off no less than four of the himono. InuYasha retorted that he could handle the puny things…
I bit my lip to keep from smiling. Even, it seemed, hanyou had the human-like habit of posturing.
We all agreed. We would help hunt the youkai, though kami-sama help us if we found one!
Kagome had argued that we should leave the fight to them… besides the fact she had no time to hunt and kill youkai (my daughter?? The thought left me faint!) I knew that my Kagome had no business confronting monsters. Couldn't she simply leave such things to the hanyou… wasn't he the one who protected her from all the monsters? Wasn't he the one who made sure that she didn't get hurt?
After seeing his defense of Kagome, I began to develop a new appreciation for his place in my daughter's life. I resolved never again to gripe about all the ramen he gulped when visiting.
Kagome was dragged off to sing. InuYasha leapt away, disappearing in a blur of red and long trailing mane of white. Jii-chan, Souta and I headed to wander the fair. I hoped we found nothing.
* * *
The day had, so far, been uneventful. There was no sign more Death Cup mushrooms, no sign of anything.
Kagome's singing was beautiful… angelic.
I excused myself, feeling cramped by the crush of the crowd, and left Souta and Jii-chan their prime spots to listen while I headed for the peace of the emptiness. My mind was still whirling with the facts of what I had seen.
I happened to glance behind the crowd, and saw something indescribably strange. It looked like a giant flower… with eyes! I knew it was a youkai.
Kagome's solo soared over the crowd. My heart filled with pride at my daughter's voice. The youkai chilled the rest of me.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to get my father and throw him toward that thing… he had 'Holy Higurashi Power'… wouldn't that defeat it? I looked around, nearly frantic. What could I do?
Again, he caught me by surprise, leaping in a blur, soaring high over the plant-thing and crushing it in one blow.
The youkai exploded into a shower of golden sparks.
The hanyou stood triumphant, smiling toward Kagome, who was still singing, still oblivious to the … rather cute… youkai that had been scrambling around so close.
At least I could swallow once more. The Death Cup mushroom had been large, but it was still nothing more than a plant monster. InuYasha was half-youkai as well… yet he seemed more human than anything.
I began to wonder if allowing Kagome to skip school to tramp around in ancient Japan was really the best choice that I could make as a parent.
* * *
I caught up with them in the school building. My goal, I suppose, was to tell Kagome that one of the youkai had been destroyed.
"There's two of them left. If you don't find them soon…" I could barely hear her, though the two of them ran right past me, pacing each other, black and silver hair flying out behind in tandem.
"Damn! It's just hard to pick up the scent mixed up with all this food!"
Scent? They kept running, and I watched as they made their way down the hallway. Could Kagome always run that fast?
Her name was called from far behind… they both skidded immediately, InuYasha turning—no doubt to see who was calling. Kagome froze… they caught her… she was carried off to the play.
I watched as the hanyou stared after her with a puzzled expression, then cursed, and turned to run once more.
For some reason, the sight had left me no small bit confused.
* * *
I knew the plot of the play. Kagome had given me the script to see, and we had practiced together—we had to, she had such a short time to learn her lines.
Why, I wondered, was she changing so many things? The story was rushed, and I knew that she was at the heart of the changes. Had she forgotten her lines? Was the threat of the youkai driving rational thought from her head? I wondered…
We hadn't caught the last two… half of the four that she had brought, though Jii-chan and Souta had attacked more than one foul-looking but innocent passerby with the "Holy Higurashi Power" and Souta's copied hanyou attack. The rumors, I was sure, would be flying thick over the next few days. It wasn't anything new.
The play progressed in record time, flying through drama with humor, angst with impatience. I sat in the front row, center (I had gotten there early) and watched as the final scene unfolded.
What was going on?
"… After all I've been through, I've finally found a husband!"
Finally, she was back to the written lines!
"You don't have to say any more. Jump into my arms!"
Kagome stood with Hojo-kun, a boy from her class that she had talked about more than once—a boy who often visited and asked about her, though Kagome didn't know it. Queen Escargot and her lover Pierre threw themselves at each other, heedless of the play's decorous, ponderous structure, heedless of the broken narrative, the shattered viewer expectation. A happy ending, at least, seemed likely.
The explosion tore apart the stage and sent dust flying from one end of the auditorium to the other.
"Just wait a damn minute!"
His eyes gleamed with inner fire, even in the bright stage lighting. His sword was drawn, and I felt a shiver skitter across my back. Was this what hanyou meant? Half-human suddenly took on a new aspect.
Kagome stepped back. I nearly stood, but knew that I could not interfere. She spent time with him… she could handle this, right?
InuYasha's landing blew both Kagome and Hojo-kun off their feet.
The confrontation was bone-chilling. I heard the angry growl as the dust began to clear, and realized that it came from none other than the hanyou! He stood, straight as the God Tree, larger than life and armed to the teeth with a huge sword and larger claws—hadn't I seen him demolish not one but Two youkai since breakfast?—between sweet Kagome and innocent Hojo-kun.
I tried to tell myself that he was protecting her.
"Just who the hell do you think you are?"
I heard the gasps echo around me. The audience thought that it was part of the play.
Hojo-kun stammered, on his rear and hands on the stage.
I wouldn't have liked to face InuYasha then…
Kagome jumped to hear feet. I nearly screamed. She grabbed onto the red robe and spoke in clear sweet tones, tones so appropriate for the stage that they confirmed the semblance of normality that had fallen over everything, "Don't do this, I beg of you!"
InuYasha's confusion was clear, but Kagome's argument was lovely. Passionate. Luminous. She glowed beneath the spotlight, her slight form silhouetted against the taller, broader form of the hanyou. She was holding his clothing, pleading with him face-to-face. She hissed to him in tones that I couldn't her – if I couldn't, no one could, and his face melted and changed and became something more familiar, something more human.
I could still see the echoes of the beast within him reflected in his eyes, in the cold cut of his cheekbones and in the suddenly inhuman glitter of his hair. His talons, the long nails sought, it seemed, the touch of his sword, were suddenly more than just nails.
Hanyou.
Half-demon.
"Pierre! Run away!"
Kagome's hands were clenched, her body taut and ready for flight. I had never seen her like that… so… prepared. So focused.
Hojo-kun, of course, refused. The play could not end without Pierre getting his Queen Escargot!
"… I will fight you for her!"
The temperature in the auditorium wavered…
InuYasha drew his sword.
Fire raced along the blade. I gasped, unable to help myself. How could such a blade fit within the sheath that was strapped to InuYasha's side?
Kagome finally stepped back again, letting loose the clothing that she clung to so indecorously.
The rumble shook the floor, the stage, and everyone in the audience. From beneath the stage the beast arose, huge, ugly, green—looking like a giant melon. With teeth.
Himono youkai!
Even InuYasha looked stunned. Kagome stumbled with fear. Galvanized, I stood, unable to wait in the sidelines any longer. I stepped toward the stage… the atmosphere was leaden and tense.
The youkai's teeth were bigger than my head!
The crowd rushed to its feet—mostly the boys, at first, excited at the drama and action that was unfolding for their entertainment.
Kagome was shaking. I ran to the side steps, watching as she shivered and stared at the crowd and the youkai and the hanyou who arrogantly stepped forward to confront the threat.
Didn't he realize how horrible the thing was? This melon youkai was larger, more protected, and overall twice the size—at least!—of either of the morning's youkai. Did he think his claws could defeat this one also? Could that sword slice even this monster to bits?
Hojo-kun rushed the beast. I started to mumble prayers, knowing the boy was going to be hurt. Kagome screamed. "Inu… Pekopon, do something!"
InuYasha drew that sword once more, though, and screamed an attack—a phrase I hadn't heard before. The wind whistled through the room… unnatural… and then the sword swished and the wind split… the youkai's scream echoed in my ear bones and sent me crashing to my knees.
Then the auditorium sundering, the ceiling caving in even as the youkai flesh dissolved. Dust once more stained the air.
The afternoon sunlight beamed down through the auditorium's gaping wound. I stared in awe, fear, wonder… fear… at the sight. I knew that it had been the sword… the sword had wreaked such destruction.
My arms trembled. I shivered.
Kagome stepped forward. Undaunted, but dusty. Unafraid. Unwavering. Unaffected, totally.
Reality, realization, crashed around me.
She had seen that attack. She had seen the evilness of the monster. She had seen the death and the destruction and she had seen the sheer inhumanity of the hanyou that she was with. She looked straight into those dark amber eyes, beast eyes, and those eyes looked right back.
No arguing. No fighting. No bickering. No …. Nothing.
This, I realized, was what my daughter lived through.
Kagome leapt, unthinking, unhesitating, onto the hanyou's shoulder. He leapt into the air, soaring, effortless holding my fragile daughter on his back as he flew into the afternoon light.
Jii-chan and Souta finally helped me to stand.
The applause, upon Queen Escargot's triumphant departure, was thunderous.
* * *
"I'm having trouble sensing it!"
I stared as she ran past, once more not seeing me, her play-skirts flying and the crown still perched jauntily on her head.
I saw them with new eyes, as more than friends. More than companions.
Partners, perhaps? Compatriots, definitely. There was an intimacy between them… I realized that she had spent the better half of the past year eating, sleeping, and fighting with this hanyou-boy.
"Mama?"
I smiled as Souta came up beside me, Jii-chan panting at his side, a wide grin on his face.
"Look at them!"
Kagome and InuYasha looked at each other. Hanyou and human. Something beyond both… I couldn't hear what they were saying… the ground shook, but I was unafraid, because they were no afraid. InuYasha pointed… and I saw, on top of the school building, the last youkai… I didn't care. They weren't troubled.
InuYasha turned his back. Kagome leapt onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist, and the hanyou ran, leaping into the air. Their hair meshed, her face was beside his as they soared toward the school roof, InuYasha leaping off the window sills, Kagome never clutching, the hanyou never faltering. At the roof, InuYasha clung to a bar while Kagome climbed over him. I saw the small red figure standing behind the billowing pink skirts that my daughter wore.
He wasn't attacking. He wasn't protecting.
She wasn't, by any means, cowering behind the hanyou's greater strength.
For the first time, I admired my daughter's strength and courage.
"Wow! I wonder if InuYasha would let me do that?" Souta asked.
Jii-chan laughed.
* * *
The fish youkai had been something of a failure as an entrée—it was one thing to eat sushi, another to eat fish steaks from a fish that was still moving after it had been cut apart!
Kagome was already packed, once more ready to leave. She had taken all of my bandages, much of my ramen, and all of her textbooks. She was planning to be gone a long time. Again.
I watched her eyes.
The table was loud, boisterous. Jii-chan, Souta, Kagome, InuYasha and myself… that was enough to fill any household. Jii-chan was muttering about the youkai fish and the mushroom—he hadn't seen the other two—and Souta was still screaming "Sankountessou" at random moments.
Kagome sat beside the hanyou and watched everything with shining eyes.
"Wow… one cut!" Souta was smiling, hand curved into claws, staring at InuYasha with avid hero-worship. "Was that Death Cup thing a mean youkai?"
Kagome's eyes shifted—I saw them—and a smile flipped up the corners of her lips.
"Hah! That thing?" InuYasha leaned back, stuffing yet more food into his mouth. His ears twitched. He swallowed convulsively. "That mushroom was an easy youkai. Hell, it didn't even fight back!"
"InuYasha?"
"Heh?"
Kagome's sweet tone didn't fool me.
"I was just…" InuYasha's voice faded. He grunted, and went back to eating.
Souta's eyes slid from one to the other, and he shrugged, apparently not feeling the story worth the confrontation.
The shadows had fallen again in Kagome's eyes.
* * *
I caught InuYasha's sleeve as he moved to follow Kagome out the door. The fabric of his shirt was rough, and I let go quickly, but I had caught his attention.
"Eh?"
He blinked at me, those huge amber eyes shining in the little light that escaped from the house and into the night's darkness.
"Take care of my daughter."
"H… Hai…"
The huge eyes blinked once more.
"InuYasha?"
He turned at Kagome's voice, instantly on the alert. His hand fell to his sword hilt. It was only a second before he relaxed, but I saw the smile that crossed his lips and the slight squaring of his shoulders as he turned to meet my daughter at the well house.
"She'll be safe," he said gruffly.
He faded into the shadows and all I could see was the faint glow of his hair in the moonlight. I knotted my fingers in the dishtowel I still held, and listened to their low voices as they went into the well house.
Then, it was silent—and she was gone.
* * *
END