Why we're here not there
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
I become what I can't be
.
The Ministry of Magic is hosting a Ball for the 30 year anniversary of Voldemort's defeat. Scorpius is there; of course he is: the Malfoys are trying their best to regain social control and recognition. For his grandfather, Scorpius' good looks and promising grades have been a blessing, a ticket back to the top of the world. So he is there, talking to everyone, impressing them, faking smiles, pretending to be the nice, charming young man they all know he is not.
She's there too- how could she not be?- and he knows it. He would recognize that auburn hair anywhere; he would hear this laugh over the shouting of thousands.
Rose Weasley is to him as breathtaking as she has always been. She is also unreachable.
.
The Ball is as boring as the previous ones had been. She has to meet people who don't interest her and listen (for the hundredth time in her 23 years) to how her uncle and parents saved the world. Soon she stops hearing, she just nods and continues smiling, but her mind is elsewhere. Her eyes wander through the room and stop on one particular guest; one with grey eyes; one who is as fake as she is, and she knows it.
He smiles charmingly at ministry officials, socializes and pretends to be the person they all want to believe he is. Just by looking at him, Rose can say that he hasn't changed- not even a little bit; she can see how he's disgusted by himself and the situation.
For a moment his eyes meet hers and she feels her heart beating fast- faster than it has for almost 6 years. But it's only for a moment; soon he looks away, and she feels empty again.
.
When he catches her eye he thinks his heart might just break. He thinks he won't be able to restrain himself any longer; he's about to forget family interests and society values and run to her and kiss her and…
Then he takes his eyes from her as he realizes that even if he didn't care about his reputation- he doesn't, he just cares about his family- he probably wouldn't have done any of these things; Rose Weasley was something that happened to him long ago and, while it had certainly brightened his days, it didn't mean anything; it was confusing and fucked up, just like the two of them. It was over, and he thinks it would be better if it stayed that way.
"Stop staring at her."
"I will stare at whoever I want, Goyle," he spits- not even a flinch of his face to betray his feelings.
"Please…" Anthony, his best friend for years, responds. "You think I'll believe that's the way you usually stare at girls? I was sure something was going on back in seventh year and now…"
He's cut off by Scorpius' glare.
"Shut up." Two words pronounced in such a way to cause fear; pity that Anthony knows him too well for that to work.
"Fine," he simply says but Scorpius understands his childhood friend is not convinced.
.
"Rose Weasley- what a pleasant surprise," a familiar, mocking voice greets her.
She turns around and smirks. "Wish I could say the same, Goyle."
He grins in response, hugging her lightly. "Always delightful, I see."
"It's been a long time but we are still the same people," she notices.
"Probably," he admits. "Well, it was nice seeing you again, Weasley."
And with that he's gone like he'd never been there at all. She was never really close with Goyle- he was just in her year- but she feels a wave of nostalgia for those days when everything seemed so simple, when they had fewer worries and responsibilities.
.
"Come on, Scorpius; let our pathetic Head Girl patrol by herself, and come to the party!" Anthony suggests, sending a mocking look towards Rose.
"Trust me, there's nothing I want more at the moment than to stay away from her," Scorpius responds in the ironically, never taking his eyes from Rose who just scowls. "But, unfortunately, I can't."
It's not until Anthony is far away that she allows him to catch up with her.
"You want to stay away from me, huh?" she whispers seductively, her hands playing with the collar of his shirt.
"More than you can imagine," he responds, pulling her closer.
"Then I can make it easier for you…" she decides, pulling away. "I wouldn't want to disturb you…" She's already walking away by then and he sighs.
"Rose," he calls. "Dammit, Rose!" he repeats when she doesn't turn back.
Once he reaches her, he hugs her from behind and buries his face in her hair.
"Stop it," he whispers against the bare skin of her neck.
"I'm sick of games." is all she says before turning to place a soft kiss on his lips.
They don't say anything more because- honestly- what is there to say when all they can ever have is stolen moments in the dark?
And that was the only confirmation of her feelings he ever had.
.
She can't take it any longer; her head aches and she has never felt worse in her life- and maybe his presence has something to do with this. All she wants is to find an escape; uttering a lame excuse to her parents she heads towards the exit.
But somewhere in between, she trips and loses her balance; of course she had to lose her balance. Cursing under her breath, she tries to fall decently- if that were possible- but something, or rather someone, stops her.
"Rose," he murmurs. "As clumsy as ever..."
She closes her eyes for a moment, pulling her hand away, feeling it burn where he touched her. When she turns to face him, she has full control of her emotions.
"Scorpius," she greets him with another fake smile, wishing for a moment that she had said 'Malfoy'. But too many things happened to use his surname. "I see you are still the nice young man you always were."
He huffs and makes a sound very close to a chuckle. "You know this too well, Rosie…I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the As. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me."
And then she's laughing- loudly and honestly for the first time that night. "Unbelievable. That's what you are."
.
They are patrolling silently. They do everything in silence lately; there are no fights between them anymore.
A loud thud comes from behind him and he hears her cursing. When he turns around he's not surprised to see her on the floor, having tripped in the trick step.
He chuckles. "Only you could manage to fall while being stuck in the trick step, Weasley."
"Shut up and get me out of here," she answers, blushing.
"Why would I do that, Weasley? Especially when you didn't ask me nicely…"
"I'd rather stay here all night than beg you," she stubbornly decides.
He sighs and extends a hand to her. She takes it cautiously, afraid he'll let her fall in again at any moment.
But he doesn't. Instead he helps her stand, smiling softly. She raises her eyes, looking into his and before she knows why or how, his lips are on her lips, her eyes, her nose, her neck, her ears… His hands pull her closer and for some reason she cannot understand at the moment she kisses him back.
And that's how it all began. The memory and the feelings come to his mind as soon as he touches her hand again.
.
"How are you doing, Rose?"
She smiles softly. "Great."
Liar, he wants to scream at her. Because that's what she is: a liar. A liar and a fool, for believing he can't see behind the mask she's wearing. They never were friends but no one knows her better than the one who spent 7 years studying her, trying his best to better her grades, her accomplishments.
But he chooses not to tell her, not to remind her. That's their silent agreement, after all; those years- and especially the last one- never happened.
"I can see," he tells her at last, an ironic tone to his voice.
She looks at him, examining his expression, seeming unsure of what to do next, of what to tell him; they are both trying to keep a conversation alive while the things they really want to say are not be saved, neither here nor anywhere else.
"Life…" she begins, the difficulty of her words obvious. "Life doesn't always turn out as you imagined. Or, more accurately, as you wanted. You are young and you think you can make it, you think that just wanting to make it is enough. You believe you will succeed in making dreams reality."
He nods, silently wondering why she is telling him all this.
"But you and I never were like that, were we?" comes her answer.
.
She smiles shyly- almost sadly- at his surprised expression. It is obvious that he didn't expect her to say that, to talk about how well she actually knows him. But she did; and she's determined to continue because she hasn't seen him for almost 6 years and she has missed him too much.
"We were never immature, we never had illusions. We knew what we wanted and we knew if we could get it or not. I really thought it was good back then; being unable to be surprised by anything, always knowing what to expect, knowing yourself, your abilities… But now… now I wish I was a little bit more spontaneous."
He chuckles, avoiding her eyes for a while. When he looks back up, she's waiting for him to say something. He wants to agree, he wants to share his thoughts with someone.
But he's aware of the side looks people are giving them, and thus he realizes he doesn't have much time left with her and he's waited too long to waste this opportunity.
"I really loved you, you know," he tells her.
.
Now it's her turn to be surprised. She doesn't show it, though, not as much as he had before. She just raises her eyes and looks into his, for the first time in such close proximity for years.
"I realized when we made the bet, about who could make the other jealous, and you won," he continues. "I wanted to tell you on the last day when we were in that classroom. But I left, knowing it would be easier for both of us to go on with our lives if I didn't tell you."
"Get me out of here," she says. It's something between a plea and an order, and he can't do much but obey her. He can't deny her- Merlin knows that he will never deny her- so, he takes her hand and he can't say how or why but soon he finds himself in her apartment.
She pulls him closer to her- her hands are everywhere, her lips covering his after so long- making him feel 17 again.
That's how he falls for Rose Weasley a second time, like a sick man, like a drug addict. Because he's so addicted to her, so intoxicated by her that she controls all his senses and he doesn't even need to know if she loves him back or not.
Happy very late Birthday, dear Amy! You are such a sweetie and I honestly wish you the best!
I hope you enjoyed this Scorose, it was something I wanted to write for quite some time.
This story was written for the Rose Vs Lily Competion. Quote given was from the Book Thief (just a coincidence, Amy?):
"I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me."
It can also be considered a sequel to "This is the way we love"(it had an unhappy ending and I hated so I decided to write an angsty sequel), but it can be read separately.
Beta read by Dragons in the Orchard: Thank you so much;)
Leave a review, everybody!