In The End
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters featured as per usual
Summary: 'In the end Granger, it's your choice. You chose your side and you chose to love me but now you can't have both. We're in the middle of a war and we're on opposing sides and it just won't work anymore.'
Everything I have ever learnt has come down to this. Good against Evil, Light against Dark but I never thought that I would face my deepest fears. I do not fear death, torture or pain. I feared losing the ones I loved; I could not go on, if I lost them. They are my life, now more than ever. Every day could be our last and one day stands out in my mind more than ever, the day I said goodbye to the love of my life, for the last time.
War, Death and Destruction. That's all it is now, the world we all knew no longer exists. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was realize that nobody is a child anymore. We all make choices, choices that affect who we are. Our choices during school should have shaped the rest of our lives and the friendships should have lasted forever. Nothing is right anymore. More and more people disappear; die and this will not change. There are no winners in war; I know that, I have known that for years. One will win the battle eventually but everybody loses. Nobody emerges unscathed, physically or emotionally. Harry and Ron were taken away, hidden, a long time ago. Separated, the Golden Trio has fallen; we cannot rely on each other anymore. No contact just word from an order member that the others are alive. Hardly comforting.
What would they say about me now? I was never a great beauty but the pressure and stifling control of the order has diminished me even more so. Everything I do is watched, scrutinized and the freedom I used to have is nothing but a mere memory. Many things now are memories and shall probably remain memories. Muggles are no longer safe, nobody is safe. Random attacks on people who knew nothing of war. That is its greatest tragedy. The innocent lives it ruins and never saying what needed to be said or saying goodbye to the people you love most in the world. I never got to say goodbye to Harry or Ron. I got up one day and they were gone. Just like that, just like everyone else. But the hardest goodbye was to my lover. It was a choice I made a long time ago. I was no longer to be bound by the opinions and prejudices of others. I made a deal with the devil and fell in love with Draco Malfoy.
As Head Girl and Boy, we were obligated to be together but the arrest, trial and execution of his father meant that Draco was no longer bound to be 'pureblood'. Simple words, pureblood, halfblood, mudblood. These mean nothing anymore. To me they meant nothing then. Blood did not make you the person you became and it would not shape the things you would be capable of doing in the future. Dumbledore summed it up. It was and always would be the choices we made, that determined who we were, are and would be, far more than our abilities and so much more than blood. You could not choose your blood; therefore it did not determine who we are. Even now, they will never know. My relationship with him remained strong through everything until this point, until the day came that sides were truly chosen and we became enemies.
He stepped into my room, undetected as usual. He crept up behind me as I gazed out the window. 'You shouldn't be here Draco. You have chosen your side, which is clear now. Neville did not deserve that death.' I turned around to face him, emotions no longer remained. Hardened by months of war and horror. 'You know that I can't stay away from you, it's too hard. But I must now make my choice and so must you. Do we end it or does one of us swap sides' He watched me through his piercing grey eyes that never missed anything. 'Neither of us will ever swap sides Draco, its silly to even suggest that. I will never betray the order and you shall never betray Voldemort. Do not joke around like this. It's already hard'. He simply kept staring at me, his emotions, so carefully controlled; never betray him, even now. 'The hardest thing to do is to walk away Draco, I can't do that, and you're all I have left now.' I turned to look out the window again, there was nothing even remotely recognizable outside but it was far better than gazing hopefully at him. He moved closer and hugged me from behind. 'All choices are hard to make and once made, are rarely the right ones.' I moved away from him and said angrily 'You're not helping Draco, do you want me yo leave? Do you want me to say that I don't love you? That this never meant anything to me? Is that really what you want?' I turned around, angry. For the first time in months, emotions were returning. I couldn't say that, I wouldn't say that.
He always pushed me to the limit, the limit of everything. Be it my patience, my intelligence, he was always a challenge. He meant everything to me and I always believed that he loved me enough to make the right choice. Again, I was wrong in regards to him. 'I can't, I can't betray them now, Hermione, I'm sorry.' That was always his excuse, he was in too deep, and he couldn't get out. I refused to believe that he had made the choice for himself. I knew that his father had forced him, or I so desperately wanted to believe it. One day, he cracked, completely. 'I MADE THE CHOICE, IT WAS MINE AND MINE ALONE. I LOVE YOU BUT I AM DOING THIS'. He has shouted for hours after he had been to a meeting and hadn't told me. I was devastated. I had managed to convince myself that love, my love could save him. 'How far is it until love cannot save me anymore Hermione?' He had asked afterwards as we lay together. Even now, I do not know the answer. Love solves everything; it is all one needs to survive. Love and friendship conquer the dark or that is what Dumbledore would have us believe. Sadly, many things he has said have not been true, this being another example.
Harry and Ron had always joked that I would be a controlling girlfriend but my devotion to Draco was different to what they imagined. Always different, I'm not predictable anymore. Draco remained where he stood, simply looking at me. 'I would say you would make a wonderful wife, but I cannot imagine you as a Deatheaters Wife. Your beloved boys would kill me.' I glared at him, even when they were long gone, he couldn't lay off. 'I couldn't imagine you as a member of the order, married to one of the Golden Trio, either'. I was sick of this, we always fought but now, we did not need this. 'I love you Draco, I refuse to choose between my duty and you.' He advanced on me angrily, emotion finally appearing in his eyes, they flashed like lightening. 'In the end Granger, it's your choice. You chose your side and you chose to love me but now you can't have both. We're in the middle of a war and we're on opposing sides and it just won't work anymore.' I looked at him, shocked. This is what it comes down to now, I can't have both. 'Why is it so different for you Draco, how can you walk away?' He walked away from me many times before but he always came back and so did I.
He studied me, carefully. 'Its never been easy to walk away from you, it's the hardest thing I have ever done. I need to protect you and this is how I can do it. If it was discovered that I was in a relationship with you, you would be killed and my life and everything else left that means anything to me would be forfeit. I cannot let that happen to you, it would destroy me, more than death or torture ever could.' I loved him then, more than ever. I now knew what I had to do. 'I can't quit Draco, the order needs me and even though it's the hardest thing, I'm sorry, I have to choose them over you.' He smiled sadly and handed me a small box. 'Nobody will know this is from me, wear it whenever you are fighting and hopefully the knowledge that I love you, will keep you safe. I opened it and inside was a silver ring, set with emeralds and rubies. I threw myself into his arms and kissed him, for the last time.
I made a choice, its never easy, to choose a greater cause over someone you love, but I had to. It would have been pointless to love Draco in a world that didn't exist. I know that even now, as I bury him, I made the right choice. In the end, I know that he loved me and he always knew that I loved him, no matter what happened, I would always love him. Harry pointed out later that Draco's choice was never really wrong because to him, it was right. The one thing I regret about our time together that last day, just a week before he died and we claimed victory. Was missing the chance to tell him he was going to be a Daddy, but maybe its better this way. Rest in Peace Draco.
Dedicated to my friend Andrew, miss you forever. Rest In Peace Mate.