Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Academy Award. (Although I would like one of each) The characters belong to the lovely J.K. Rowling and any movie names are made-up to make a fictional Oscar Awards ceremony. My apologies to the celebrities who may get picked on during this harmless bit of fun.
Description: Sequel to Harry and Draco at the Movies. You may want to read that one first. Harry points out the absurdities in Draco's favorite awards show. Takes place sometime in the future, long after the war, etc.
Harry and Draco at the Movies: Oscar Night
"Hurry up, Harry! It's starting."
"I'm coming," said Harry, dashing into the living room with a huge bowl of popcorn.
"Harry, it's not even a movie and you have to make popcorn?"
"Hey, if I'm going to be forced to watch this non-movie about movies that weren't really that great, but they were made by people with too much money, so they get an award, then I'm going to at least have a snack while doing it!"
Draco rolled his eyes. "You act like it's a tragedy."
"No, the tragedy is that after living with you for an entire decade, I still haven't figured out a way to get out of watching this disgusting fashion show. I should have learned my lesson back when Brokeback Mountain lost Best Picture."
"You're not still bitter about that, are you?"
"I'm not bitter. You sulked for a week and wrote to the Academy of Motion Pictures that you felt that their loss was a perfect example of homophobia in Hollywood."
"I'm telling you they were robbed! How can the director win and the picture not?! How can he have done the best job if another film was named the best? It's inconsistent!"
"Shit. I'm sorry I brought it up. Just watch the bloody show or you'll miss something."
"It's just the red carpet pre-awards show."
"No! I did not agree to watch this!"
"But it's one of the best parts."
"It's a fashion show hosted by people who look like they got dressed in the dark and put their make up on with a putty knife. It's a little hypocritical if you ask me."
"Nobody asked you, so shut up."
"So who's nominated this year?"
"Don't you ever read?"
"Why yes, I read Quidditch Monthly every month."
"Well, that new Spielberg film is the most likely for Best Picture. And if Heath Ledger doesn't win Best Actor then I think it's time for another letter to the Academy."
Harry rolled his eyes and stuffed a hand-full of popcorn in his mouth to keep from making a rude remark.
"Remember that Spanish movie I made you watch?"
"The one with the subtitles I couldn't read?"
"You didn't try to read them. Anyway, it's up for Best Foreign Film."
"Foreign Film," Harry snorted. "And then there's the award for the cartoons and the documentaries. How can you possibly remember all of this?"
"You have to separate the feature-length and short animations and documentaries."
"And the award for Best Erectile Dysfunction Medication Ad goes to..."
Harry was cut off by Draco pushing him harshly.
"You can stop making fun of me any time now."
"I'm not making fun of you. It's just that, there's an award for every obscure little thing. I wouldn't be surprised if there's one for the guy that brings Spielberg his coffee."
"The Academy chooses to recognize all cinematic efforts with a wide variety of film categories. And all the specific duties given awards are crucial to the film-making effort, no matter how 'obscure' they may be."
Harry blinked a couple times and tilted his head to the side. "Was that an official press release?"
Draco glared and turned back to the TV where Reese Witherspoon was just arriving on the red carpet.
"She looks amazing."
"She looks pale." When he received another glare from his boyfriend he rushed to explain. "Well, she does. I think her skin is even lighter than yours."
"You don't like my light skin? Would you rather me look like an Oompa Loompa, like some of these people who fake bake until they're orange?"
"No, I love your skin and everything else about you. I just think that a little color might look healthy... for her I mean."
Harry knew he was pushing his luck pretty far. Draco took his awards shows very seriously and watched them religiously. It was nights like this that Harry cursed the day he insisted on buying a TV and living in a muggle neighborhood.
"Oh, look. It's Heath! He looks good."
Draco was practically drooling. It was that fucking Brokeback Mountain that did it! Ever since they saw that movie Draco had seen every movie Heath ever made and watched them repeatedly. He claimed that he wasn't obsessed, but Harry knew better. One of Draco's favorites was Ten Things I Hate About You, one of Heath's earlier films. Harry knew that it was getting bad when he walked into their flat one afternoon to see Draco dancing around the living room, holding a can of Pepsi as a microphone, singing I Love You Baby along with the movie. Harry hadn't watched a Heath Ledger film since.
"Oh, look," said Harry, pointing to the screen. "His wife looks fabulous as well!"
Harry made an effort to frequently point out that Heath was not only straight, but happily married. He got a sick pleasure out of seeing the look of disappointment on Draco's face. After all, Draco was his, and any thoughts of hunky Hollywood stars had to be banished. Predictably, Draco pouted for the next several minutes. Now, Harry didn't usually enjoy upsetting his partner. Quite the opposite actually. But jealousy isn't called the green-eyed monster for nothing.
"Oh look at that dress! Nicole Kidman is always so perfect."
"She's too thin."
"Do you have something against thin and pale suddenly? If so I can move out!"
"Sorry. I'll shut up now."
Draco huffed and turned again to the television where the red carpet interviewer had just approached Paris Hilton. (What that no-talent rich bitch was doing at the awards Harry still hadn't figured out.)
"Darling, you look fabulous. Who are you wearing, dear?" asked the woman on the TV.
Yes, Harry had promised to shut up, but he couldn't pass this one up.
"'Who are you wearing?'" he laughed. "Who? As if she's got an actual human corpse draped over her shoulders! Who are you wearing?"
"Honestly, Potter! You're the worst gay man I've ever known! She's asking her who designed the damn dress!"
"I'm a perfectly gay gay man! And I know what she was asking... although maybe a corpse would improve that particular dress..."
Draco was clearly horrified. "Harry! That's– that– I can't believe you... Versace, Harry!"
"And it's more proof for my theory that the major designers only serve to pollute the world with some of the worst fashion trends on record."
For one moment Harry thought that Draco might pass out. He was– for the first time in his life– speechless.
"I don't know you."
"Don't even tell me that you like that monstrosity. It looks like a glitter monster puked up on it!"
"As if you know anything about fashion!"
"I live with you, I had to have picked up on a few things."
"Forget it, it's obvious that you don't want to watch this with me, so you win. Go on."
"I'm sorry. I'll stay."
"No, Harry. I don't want you to. Go listen to the Quidditch game or something."
"Draco..."
"Just fucking go already!"
Draco always yelled like that when Harry pushed too far, but he had never kicked him out before. Harry went into the bedroom and shut the door.
Several hours and many long-winded acceptance speeches later, Harry wandered back into their living room, feeling as if he should probably make up with his boyfriend.
"So did he win?"
"I don't know. That's the next one after this commercial."
Draco wasn't looking at him, which was always a bad sign.
"Who won Best Director?"
"Michael Bay."
Harry nodded.
"I hope Heath wins." Harry cringed as he said it, but if it helped Draco get over what they said earlier then it was worth it.
"No you don't."
"Of course I do! Who else is going to win? Not Toby Maguire! His remake of Dirty Dancing was horrible! And Leo... well look at him! He looks like he's about twelve. I swear he hasn't aged since Titanic! It's unnatural!"
Draco finally looked up at him with a small smile. "You really think Heath will win?"
"He'd better. Or the Academy will be getting a letter from both of us!"
Okay, at this point Harry couldn't really believe what he was saying, but he didn't care. Nobody wanted to live with a cranky Draco Malfoy. Draco's smile told Harry that maybe– just maybe– he was forgiven. He finally patted the couch cushions next to him in invitation to Harry, who supposed he could watch the last twenty minutes of the silly awards.
"And the winner is..." Draco literally was on the edge of his seat as George Clooney opened the envelope. "Heath Ledger!"
Draco jumped out of his seat, shouting and running around the living room. Harry hadn't seen him so excited since he discovered that they lived just three blocks away from a very nice adult entertainment store. When he realized that Heath had made it on stage for his speech, he sat again. Harry tried to say that he was happy for him, but Draco shushed him so that he could hear the beautiful words that Heath was about to say. Harry waited patiently, noticing that Heath was indeed a very good-looking bloke. Maybe he'd been too hard on Draco for his obsession.
When Heath's speech was over and he exited the stage, Draco finally turned to his lover and, without warning, pounced. Harry was shocked at first but then gave in and began kissing back enthusiastically. After a few minutes Draco pulled back and smiled.
"I know you only came back in here so that you would still get shagged tonight."
"That's not true..." But it was actually and Draco knew it.
"It's okay. It worked. The only thing is... do you still have that tent?"
A/N part 2: How do you like it? Please review! If you have any ideas for future "At the Movies" fics please let me know. I would really like to continue with these and I always like input! I was going to do one where Harry and Draco watch Pirates and I started it, but then got stuck... perhaps inspiration will strike again!