All Secrets are deep. All Secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets. ~Cory Doctorow
Secrets
Chapter One: Pain
I yawned as I walked through my apartment, boxes still everywhere. I had recently moved down from New York. I had been there for school, I took and majored in Criminal and Forensic Psychology and minored in theater. I had performed a few things on Broadway and at the Met and now performed at the local theater in D.C. I was getting ready for work; I had to be there at 5:30 am. I would be the only one there till three this afternoon, when I went to profiling class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I had rehearsals and auditions.
I had recently acquired the leading role in 'The Phantom of the Opera' and I was singing my part as I got ready. As I pulled my very long dark hair into a fishtail braid on the side I was looking through my clothes. I wanted to look nice, but be comfortable. As I finished my braid that was brushing against the top of my hip I decided on my black yoga pants and a fitted ruffle gray t-shirt. As I finished getting dressed I pulled on my tennis shoes and grabbed my purse. I grabbed my water and my ham and cheese sandwich for lunch and an apple for breakfast.
I walked the two blocks to the coffee shop where I worked by myself till three, the owner rarely came in. I unlocked the door and turned on the lights. Front room had an accent wall that was painted a bright red while the rest were painted a muted beige brown color. The woods were rich and dark and the lighting soft, like candle light. On the wall next to the door was a huge bay window. I went to the back room and hung up my purse and started the coffee.
The back room was cold compared to the front, white walls and stainless steel. The front had an almost homey feel, the back felt like a hospital. As soon as I had all the coffee brewing I flipped the sign in the door to indicate it was open. I then put on my music and began to sing, practicing for rehearsal tonight. While singing I busied myself with baking scones and other pastries. I kept the dough premixed in the fridge and freezer so the next day all I had to do was throw it on or in a pan, then throw it in the oven. This morning I had cinnamon, blue berry, and raspberry sconces to fix, all of them going at once. Once those were going I started the sweet rolls which I did have to make from scratch.
"Think of me, think of me fondly
When we've said goodbye
Remember me once in awhile
Please Promise me that you'll try
When you find that once again you long
Too take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment
Spare a thought for me
We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me
Think of all the things
We've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things
Which might have been
Think of me, think of me waking
Silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying too hard
To put you from my mind
Recall those days
Look back on those times
Think of the things, we'll never do
There will never be a day, when I won't think of you."
I fell silent for the part of Raoul, when I heard the little bell above the door ring. I turned to see a young man standing there. He had soft brown eyes that looked as though he was swimming in a sea of pain, his hair was a light brown, wavy and brushing his shoulders and he stood about 6'1. I greeted him in my usual custom, "Good morning sir, what can I do you for?" He wore a white dress shirt, a colorful tie, a black sweater vest, a suede brown jacket, a purple scarf, black dress pants and shoes, and a leather messenger bag hung over his shoulder. I also took note of the gun clipped to his belt.
"A large coffee with six sugars," he said looking around.
"I'll be right back with that honey," I said turning around and heading back into the back going through the beaded curtain I had set up. I started singing again where my part picked back up.
"We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But please promise me
That sometimes you will think of me
Flowers fade, the fruit of summer fade, they
Have their seasons so do we, but please promise
Me that sometimes, you will think of me."
"Phantom of the Opera?" the young man asked when I had finished.
"Yeah, you know it?" I asked stirring sugar into his coffee. I then grabbed a lid and put it on coming back out.
"Yeah, great play," he said as he took his coffee taking a sip. "This is great, what do I owe you?"
"Three fifty," I said ringing him up. "So you like Phantom of the Opera?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied handing me a five. I gently took it from him.
"In a few weeks it will be playing at the theater just over a few blocks, I have one of the leading roles. If you want me to swing you a ticket or two let me know," I said handing him his change and recite.
"Thanks, I'll think about it," he said leaving.
"Have a wonderful day," I called after him. He turned back and gave a small wave with the hand that was holding his coffee, the other on the door handle, door open. I smiled slightly. I moved on to another song I had to sing, humming this time when another man walked in.
"Hey sis," I looked up to see none other than Derek Morgan.
"Hey brother," I replied smiling. "You coming to the play?" I asked jumping over the counter to hug him.
"You know it little sis," he said hugging me back. I playfully punched his arm.
"I'm almost taller than you, I'm not that little," I said laughing.
"You weigh about 100 pounds soaking wet," he said laughing and I shoved him.
"What do you want? No, no let me guess, black with a few tea spoons of cream and a pinch of sugar."
"You know me well," he replied giving me his absolutely dashing smile.
"I know how your whole takes their coffee," I said smiling heading to the back. "And just because I'm small doesn't mean that I can't kick your ass from here all the way back home to Chicago." He chuckled at that, knowing full well that I would do it too.
As I was banging around in the back he asked, "Did I just see Dr. Spencer Reid in here?" I sighed coming back out of the back.
"Yeah you did, I don't think he remembers me. It has been awhile since we last met," I said giving Derek his coffee.
"He's been through a lot sweetie, give him some time," Derek said giving me some cash. I nodded as I rung him up and passed his change back to him. "I'll see you for our run tonight, same place?"
"Yeah, same time," I replied smiling even though I knew it didn't reach my eyes.
Spencer's POV
I walked down the still dark streets of Quantico, heading for the metro system. That girl in the coffee shop, I had met her somewhere before. Just as the sun started to peak through the skyscrapers I descended down into the metro system boarding the sub car. I needed to get to work, paper work had to be done, and it would take my mind off of things. For some reason I found that relaxing. I thought about that girl at the coffee shop as I rode into work.
Her hair was in an unusual but beautiful braid that brushed the top of her left hip, she was about 5'10, pale skin with a hint of a darker tone there, maybe African American, and she was very thin. She didn't look like she could weigh more than 100 pounds. Her face, she had high cheek bones, a sharp and yet somehow soft jaw line, soft round eyes of the most beautiful hazel. And her eyebrows were perfectly sculpted.
I nearly jumped as the doors to my subway car started to close; I slipped through, before I missed my stop. I quickly ran up the stairs and out into the sun light. It was now about six fifteen. I had five minutes before I would be late for work. The rest of my team wouldn't be there till seven, but I was always there at the same time. By now I had finished my coffee, I would have to go back to that little coffee shop, the coffee was excellent.
I walked into the office at my usual time and set my stuff down on my desk then went to the little kitchenette to get some more coffee. I poured the sugar in as Derek came in behind me. He stopped for a coffee refill, "I see that you met my sister and cousin this morning," he said.
I looked at him confused, "Sister and cousin?" I asked taking a sip and adding more sugar.
"By blood she's just a cousin, but she spent her teen years growing up at my house so she basically is my sister," Derek explained.
"Her teen years?" I asked. I was still trying to figure out who the hell he was talking about.
"Yeah kid, she lived in Las Vegas till she was about 13. She hasn't changed much since then, other than the fact she's taller now."
"You talking about that girl at the coffee shop?" I asked taking another sip of my coffee, this time it was perfect.
"Yeah, I came in as you left."
Sabrina's POV
It was now nine in the morning and I was continuing to sing, now that everyone was at work business had slowed. A few college kids had been coming in, some had ordered scones, which is why I got here early, I had to cook and bake. Three and half hours later the lunch traffic came through and had left. I sat down with my own cup of coffee, my ham and cheese, and a scone I had baked. I had flipped the sign to say 'closed' before I sat. I sat down at a round table next to the window so I could people watch. I was about to take a bite from my sandwich when someone knocked on the door. I looked up to see Spencer, I waved him in.
"You back for more coffee?" I asked taking a bite of my sandwich.
"Yeah, and I wanted to talk I guess," he said sitting across from me.
"I'll let you gather your thoughts and go get your coffee." I got up and left, heading to the back room. I quickly made his order as he had asked this morning. I came back with a sandwich for him as well. I set his food and drink down in front of him and retook my seat. I took another bite from my sandwich and stared out the window, watching a couple having what appeared to be a heated discussion.
"I know I met you before but I can't remember where," he said. I could see the guilt in his eyes.
"Don't worry about it Spencer; honestly I'm not all that surprised. We met in high school, but the first time we fully acknowledged each other was the time the football team hurt you. I was the only one to interfere. After that I wouldn't let my mom move until you graduated." I took a sip of my coffee.
"I didn't see you do that, I was squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I was scared." I grabbed his hand. He looked up at me and once again his eyes looked like he was in a sea of pain. I wished there was something I could do to help him. "You placed your jacket over me right?"
"Yeah," I said. I could see that his eyes were brimming with tears. I moved to sit closer to him. "What's wrong Spence?" I asked slipping my arm over his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you with this, I barely remember you," he said trying to get up. I pushed him back down in the seat.
"I made you a promise a long time ago Spence, that if you needed to talk about anything, I would be there. So bother me," I said trying to lighten the tension. With that the flood gates opened up. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to be comforting.
"Four months ago, my girlfriend was killed in front of me, and there was nothing I could do," he sobbed getting everything out in a rush.
I rubbed circles in his back, "Easy Spence."
"I didn't tell her that I…before she," he said getting choked off in a sob.
"Come here sweetie," I said pulling him towards me. He fell into my chest and wrapped his arms around me, I hugged him back. "She knew Spence, she knew." I continued to rub his back and I just held him close. There was absolutely nothing that I could say that would take away the pain he was feeling. Nor was there anything I could do, I could only be there for him.
"I should have told her."
I pulled back slightly and lifted his chin so he had to look at me. "Spence, trust me, she knew." That brought on a fresh wave of tears and I pulled him back to me. "I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain, but there isn't. The only thing I can say is that it will get better, the pain will lessen."
"It doesn't feel like it," he said starting to take deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "How do you know?" he asked looking at me.
"I've lost two people I care about, my brother, he died trying to protect me, the other died in a car wreck and the last thing I did was argue with them. The pain is still there, but I can now think about them and it doesn't hurt as much as it did." He nodded and pulled away. "You should eat something," I said keeping a hand on his shoulder. He nodded again.
"What do I owe for this?" he asked.
"It's on me," I said picking up my coffee and taking a sip. At that moment my phone rang. "Hello you have reached the goddess of song what can I do for you?" I asked. I saw Spence give a slight smile at how I answered my phone and I gave him my blinding smiling in return.
I heard my cousin laugh, "You spend way too much time with Garcia."
"Shut up Derek, I could say the same about you. What do you need?"
"Reid with you?"
"Yeah he is, just a second," I said to my cousin. I pulled my phone away from my ear to speak to Spence; I knew what my cousin wanted to know. "Hey Spence, you up for going back to work or do you want to stay here?" I asked rubbing his back.
He took in a shuddering breath and ran his hands through his hair. "I need the rest of the day."
I nodded, "He needs the day, I'll take good care of him," I said the phone now back to my ear.
"I know you will baby girl and thanks for giving him a shoulder, he needed it."
"Sure thing Derek, talk to you later," I said watching Spence as he ate.
"See ya," Derek said hanging up. I put my phone back in my pocket and finished my lunch.
As I reached for my scone Spence spoke up, "Thanks for lunch and listening. I mean I don't even remember your name and you are being so kind to me." He then started to ramble.
"Spence, you're welcome, everyone needs someone to listen to them. And my name is Sabrina, Sabrina Poe. Well it was Poe when I was in high school, now it's Granger, though some people know my last name as Morgan." My name cut off his rambling quite quickly. I had never minded his rambling, but right now he needed to relax. Rambling wasn't going to help him remember anything about me, especially since he had blocked those memories because he didn't want to revisit them.
"Poe as Edgar Allen Poe?" he asked taking another bite and the last bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah, he's my great, great, great, great Uncle," I said.
Just then my boss walked in, "What the hell Sabrina? You're supposed to be working!" My boss was a short, fat, balding man with a short fuse. He reminded me of that cop partner from Glades that Longworth arrested for killing his wife.
"I'm sorry sir; I needed an extended lunch break. It won't happen again."
"I can have you fired for this," he said. Spencer made to say something and I placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"That you could sir, but I am the ONLY person in a tri-county area that will work for you and come in at five thirty in the morning to bake the scones. You fire me you'll go out of business, not that this place gets that much anyway." With that I picked up our plates and took them to the back and washed them and put them in the drying rack. I came back out with two coffee cups and my purse. "Here's for lunch," I said shoving $15 into my boss's hand. "Spence let's go."
He joined me at the door and we walked out together. "I am so sorry about that Sabrina. I could have cost you your job, I should go. I'm sorry." As he tried to walk off I grabbed his hand.
He turned back to look at me, "It's fine Spence, my boss is an ass. He won't fire me. I'm the only one that will put up with him, there's no need to apologize." I handed him his coffee that had been sitting on top of mine. "Besides I promised Derek that I would take care of you, so you are coming with me to my rehearsal." He nodded.
"Thanks for lunch and everything," he said. "So the Phantom of the Opera, which part are you playing?" he asked before taking a sip of his coffee.
"Christine," I answered. I removed the lid from my coffee and took a sip.
"So where is this rehearsal?" he asked.
"A theater in D.C, I'm heading for the metro. It's my way around town," I said moving over to a cross walk. Spence kept going and I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back as a bus blared its horn blowing through the intersection. "Gees Spence, please be careful. I've lost enough friends; I don't want to lose you to." I wrapped my arm around his and took his hand securely in mine.
"Sorry, I've been distracted for a while now."
I brushed my shoulder against his as he looked away from me, his eyes shining. "It's okay Spence; it is quite common to be distracted after a loss." He looked at me, his tears starting to spill over. "It's okay Spence," I said in a soft voice pulling him closer. He leaned into me slightly as we moved across the street to get to the metro. Once underground I swiped my metro card and we headed for the box cars. I picked the one closest to us and grabbed the bar at the ceiling. I felt Spencer press into me, looking for some comfort. I pressed into him slightly.
I was unaware that my shirt had slid up a little, revealing some of a scar on my right hip. I suddenly felt warm fingers gliding across it; I jumped out of my skin and nearly dropped my coffee. "Sorry, I was just looking. Sorry," he said again. I turned to face him.
I took a moment to catch my breath, "It's fine Spence, just give me some warning next time," I said. I saw the tears forming again in his eyes. I put my hand at the back of his neck, my arm resting on his chest, "Hey, it's okay Spence, it's fine." He just nodded. "I'll explain it later, not here and not now." He just nodded again, tears starting to spill from his eyes. "Spence I'm not mad, you just startled me."
"I'm fine," he said trying to compose himself. I pulled him into a hug, not buying what he said. A few minutes later the sub car came to a stop. I grabbed Spence's hand and lead him out into the late afternoon sun.