A/N: Merry Xmas! This was supposed to be written for the anniversary of the end of Merlin and for the holidays but alas I didn't manage to finish it.

It was a brief flash at first, an image of her in the most gorgeous silk dress, someone placing a crown upon her head.

She ignored it and continued with dinner. Jason was chatting happily about his day with Sefa – they'd gone to the beach and he'd made a sandcastle – and Gwen tried to focus on him. She had little enough time with her son. Strange pictures in her mind shouldn't be distracting her from him.

Gwen was washing up after dinner when she remembered. The bowl in her hand clattered into the sink as she gripped the edges, steadying herself as several scenes flashed through her mind, scenes that felt so real, as if she'd lived through them.

"Are you alright, mum?" Jason peeked into the kitchen from the doorway.

Sucking in a deep breath, she turned to him. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Just feeling a little dizzy."

"I finished my drawing," he said, padding towards her, a paper clutched in his small fist.

She dried her hands, then walked over to her six year old and ruffled his hair. "What did you draw?"

"I drew a dragon. Look!" Jason pushed the paper towards her. "And here are some knights fighting him. They won't win because the dragon can breathe fire! But the wizard has magic and he'll shoot the dragon with his magic and the dragon will die. Mum? Mum? Did you hear me?"

"Yes of course. It's lovely," Gwen said distractedly. "Why don't you give it to me and I'll put it up on the fridge."

"Put it next to the zoo picture ok?"

"Ok. Why don't you get ready for bed? I'll come and read you a book when I finish."

Jason grinned. "Ok. Is Uncle Dan coming today?"

"Uh, no. He's busy."

"Can you read me a book about knights?"

Gwen nodded and watched as Jason walked away. She looked down at his picture, the knot in her stomach growing. Jason's recent obsession with knights and castles and dragons, and her own exhaustion was causing all these ridiculous images in her head. Not only was there no such thing as magic or dragons, the idea that she'd lived another life was even more outrageous. Shoving the images out of her mind, Gwen finished up the cleaning and made her way to Jason's room.

" … and then the knight went home to his son, kissed him and they lived happily ever after."

Jason yawned, snuggling closer to her. "One day, I'll be a knight and I'll kill a dragon," he murmured.

"Of course, sweetie. But a future knight needs his sleep." Leaning over, she pressed a kiss on his head, her heart swelling with love for her son.

"Sefa says she'll bring me to the zoo tomorrow. Do you think there'll be dragons there?"

"Maybe," said Gwen. "Now close your eyes and go to sleep." As usual, she lingered in the doorway, watching Jason sleep before finally tearing herself away.

Dan called as usual and although she tried to sound like she usually did, he quickly realized something was wrong. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, it's late and you said you have an important meeting tomorrow morning," Gwen said, her heart warming at his concern.

He persisted. "I can bring my things over and get to work from your place."

"I'm fine, really. Don't fuss."

There was a slight pause, before Dan continued. "I was looking at some tours to Wales. I think it will be nice for the three of us to get away over the Christmas break."

Gwen smiled. "That sounds lovely. We can talk about it more when you come by tomorrow."

"Great," he said. "How was your day?"

The brief conversation reinforced her decision to ignore whatever was happening in her head. She had a good life now.

"I love you too," said Gwen finally.

By the time Gwen was ready for bed, she was exhausted yet she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. She counted sheep, drank a glass of warm milk and even read a few pages of the document she was working on. And yet she was still awake, her mind swirling with images of castles, knights and war. And of a blonde male whose touch made her shudder.

The next day, after she handed Jason to Sefa and kissed him goodbye, she went to the doctor before work and asked for sleeping pills. By the time she walked out of her office at 5pm, at least five people had asked her if she was alright. And despite her carefully planned to-do list, the only thing she managed to check off was 'print out document for Mr Samat'.

"Jason, finish your vegetables," she snapped over dinner, then immediately flashed her son a tired smile to soften her harsh tone. Dan's eyes caught hers and she could see the question in them. Shaking her head, she forced a smile, hoping he wouldn't ask.

Unaware of what was happening at the table, Jason stuffed the broccoli into his mouth. "I hate vegetables," he grumbled with his mouth full, earning himself a glare from Gwen. Sighing at Jason, she glanced at Dan who was, as usual, hidden behind the newspaper. Then she caught sight of his photo on the back of the paper. He wasn't clad in armour but it was him, staring back at her.

"Hey, you look like you saw a ghost." Dan shoved the newspaper away and stared at her. "Are you sure you are alright?"

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she replied, "Yes. Can you pass me the papers?"

Dan didn't seem convinced but he handed over the papers. As calmly as she could, she turned to the photograph.

"Mum!" Jason whined, interrupting her wayward thoughts, "I've eaten half of my broccoli. Can I leave the table now?"

Lowering the newspaper to look at Jason's plate, she replied, "Yes sweetie. Wash your hands before you go play."

As Jason slid off his chair and scampered out of the kitchen, Gwen turned her attention back to the newspaper.

Arthur Knight out on town with his latest girlfriend.

There was no doubt about it. Arthur Knight was the man haunting her head, the man who seemed to be in every image that floated through her mind. When she realized she was caressing his photo, she quickly folded the newspaper and tossed it onto the empty chair, willing her thumping heart to slow down.

It was then she realized that Dan was watching her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She glanced down at the newspaper again. "Uh, there's a sale on diamonds. I've been thinking of getting one."

Dan smiled, his hand reaching out to grasp hers. "Is that a hint Gwen? Because you know –"

"No!"

Jerking away his hand, Dan blinked.

"Dan, I'm sorry. I'm not ready yet."

"We've been seeing each other for a year now, Gwen. I want to settle down, be a husband to you, a father to Jason." He sighed. "We've had this conversation before." His eyes settled on the newspaper she'd placed on the table. "I'm not Arthur Knight. I'm not going to run away with a newer, better model every few weeks."

It was getting too much – Dan's subtle proposal, the images in her head, demanding something. Pushing herself away from the table, she gathered up the dishes and went to the sink. Her back to Dan, she finally replied. "This isn't a good time to discuss this."

She felt Dan's arms encircle her waist, his lips against her neck. "Is it work?"

"Yes," she whispered, hating that she was lying to Dan, sweet, stable, understanding Dan. "You know how it is with a new exhibition soon."

His hands squeezed her waist. "You're far too good for them. Now, let me do the dishes. You go spend time with your son."

Jason, his tongue sticking out, was frantically colouring in his drawing when Gwen emerged from the kitchen. Sliding into the chair next to him, she watched as he coloured the dragon purple.

"More knights and dragons?" she asked, thankful that her voice didn't betray her dismay. Why couldn't Jason be into cars or monsters instead?

He nodded, still intently concentrating on the dragon.

"What colour should I colour the knight's flag?" He asked finally.

"Red," she replied unthinkingly. "Can I help?"

"Uh-huh." Jason pushed the paper closer to her, directing her to colour in the sky. In silence, they worked together, heads close. After a while, Dan came out and helped as well. When they finally finished it to Jason's satisfaction, Gwen tucked Jason into bed and kissed his forehead.

"Good night Jason."

Jason shifted slightly, burying his face into the pillow. "Good night mum," he murmured.

Dan was waiting for her in the living room. She curled into his side and closed her eyes. Dan was a good man. She had a good life, with a decent job, a great son and Dan. The images she could ignore.

"Jason is really into knights these days," he said. "I was thinking of getting him the Lego set with the castle."

"You pamper him too much, Dan."

"How else would I get his mother to marry me?" He dropped a kiss on her nose. Firmly pushing away her worries, Gwen twisted so she could kiss him properly, letting him deepen the kiss until he pressed her into the sofa, his hand up her blouse and his length hard against her thigh. "Let's go to bed," he said against her skin.

She nodded, then let him lead her to the bedroom.

Gwen gasped as his fingers stroked her thigh, teasing them open. Then soft, warm lips replaced his fingers, slowly kissing and licking up the inside of her thigh. Need burned in her and she groaned while her hands tried to urge him to move faster, but he was not to be deterred from his route. Finally, finally, his mouth reached where she was aching and the sweep of his tongue made her scream out loud.

"Arthur!"

Her eyes opened and she was alone. Dan must have left in the middle of the night. She'd never felt so thankful for that before.

Her body was heated with a need she hadn't felt in a very long time and she sucked in a shuddering breath. It was harmless, she told herself, as her hand drifted to where she ached, her fingers slipping inside, her thumb pressing down on her clit. Arthur's face, his eyes dark with desire, drifted into her head, her imagination easily replacing her hands with Arthur's. His name was on her lips when she came so intensely that her hips jerked off her bed and she continued to tremble long after.

Gwen took the next day off, told Sefa she didn't need to come in to work and spent the day playing with Jason, trying to keep herself distracted. Yet at random moments, another new image would strike her. They were nothing concrete, just small scenes of her in a medieval city with Arthur Knight by her side. She was sometimes a servant, dressing a noble woman, sometimes a queen, ruling over a round table of knights.

As the day passed, it took more and more effort to keep the images at bay and even Jason started to worry. Eventually, she told Jason to play on his own and she made herself a hot mug of tea and settled down in front of the television. Reaching for the remote control, she switched on the television hoping the noise and images would keep her mind busy.

When a man's face appeared, the mug dropped from her hand. In a panic, she switched off the television and sat silently on the sofa as the hot tea pooled at her feet. Shakily, she hit the button on the remote again and the television blared to life. On the screen, a man, Marvin, was being interviewed about a robbery that had taken place in a cafe he worked at.

"I have no idea what happened. I wished that the man would drop his gun so I would have a chance to tackle him and he did. It's almost like magic."

The knot in Gwen's stomach grew. Marvin looked exactly like one of those people in the images pummeling her brain. First Arthur, now Marvin. What was happening?

By the time Jason came out of his room, Gwen had pulled herself together. The tea had been cleaned up and she was feeling slightly better, having repeated to herself her determination to pretend she didn't remember.

Gwen didn't sleep that night either and took another day off work. This time, Sefa came over to look after Jason. Clearly, ignoring the images in her head was not going to work. She had to do something.

The cafe was dingy and in a part of the city Gwen would normally not venture. Gingerly, she pushed open the door and peered in. A handful of people were scattered around and as she scanned the cafe, she noticed the man from the news at the cash register. As nonchalantly as possible, she walked in and stared at the sandwich selection.

"Hi!" Marvin called out and her heart jumped. Did he recognise her? Was he having the same images in his head? "Never seen you here before."

She pasted a smile on her face and turned. "Hi. I was just passing by and felt a little hungry."

"Welcome then. I'm Marvin."

"I'm Guinevere but most people call me Gwen." The words slipped out of her mouth and she wondered where they came from. Her name was most definitely not Guinevere. But her words had an effect on Marvin. The white-knuckled grip of the countertop, the slightly glazed look and then the utter shock in his eyes.

"Gwen."

She nodded. He sounded like he knew here but here were too many people here to do anything more, so she grabbed a sandwich from the chiller and passed it to Marvin, who rang it up almost automatically.

"Do you have a moment?" She whispered. Perhaps she and Marvin could sort this out and she could then go on with her life.

"I could close early. Maybe around 3?"

"I'll come back."

"Right. Wow," Marvin breathed. "You look good."

Gwen's responding smile was tight, unnerved by the fact that he seemed to know her. Then she turned and walked away.

As the sun blazed down on her, Gwen made her way through the now familiar path and stopped in front of the cafe door, now with the sign closed on it. She knocked.

"I wondered if you were going to come back," Marvin said as he pulled open the door for her. "I closed immediately after lunch. The memories kept buffeting me. It was horribly distracting."

"Memories? You mean the images?"

A slight frown marred Marvin's forehead. "Yes, the images."

"Why do you call them memories? They aren't real." Her laugh sounded desperate to her ears. "They can't possibly be real."

His hand covered hers. "Gwen, they are real. They happened. A long time ago."

"I don't understand," she whispered, pulling her hand from his. "How can it be real? Who are you?"

"We should probably sit down. Come." Marvin led her to a small table and pulled out a chair for her.

She sat down, her mind trying to make sense of what Marvin said. "You're saying that all the scenes in my head actually happened?"

Marvin nodded. "It was a life we once lived. A long time ago."

"What? This doesn't make any sense."

"My name is Merlin. You're Guinevere –"

Gwen laughed. "Are you saying we were characters from the Arthurian legends?" He was nuts. She should have known that when she saw him babble about magic on the news. This whole thing was nuts. Grabbing her bag, she stood. "Thank you for your time. I have to go."

Marvin – Merlin stood as well. "Guinevere –"

"I'm not Guinevere."

Marvin waved his hand and butterflies appeared, fluttering around the tiny café. One flew past her face and she could almost feel its wings brush against her cheek. She gasped and stared at him.

"I'm Merlin," he said softly, "and you're Guinevere, Queen of Camelot. And experience tells me that it's not something we can run away from."

She sat down again, far too shocked and confused to process everything. "What happens now?"

One look at his face and she knew he had no answers for her. "I don't know, Gwen. We usually learn to live with the memories. Let's just hope Morgana isn't out to get us this time."

Gwen swallowed. The name Morgana sent a chill down her spine but she had no idea who Morgana was.

"Do you remember Arthur?"

"No. I think I know who he is." She sighed. "Merlin, it's not that easy is it? Learning to live with the memories?"

Merlin shook his head. "Not always. Sometimes it's easier than others."

"I have a son and a partner."

"We'll work this out," said Merlin with far more confidence than she felt. "We always do. As long as we stay together."

"We?"

"You, me and Arthur."

Arthur. His name alone made her heart jump.

"Maybe he'll have a better idea of why we're remembering all this." Merlin sighed. "Maybe if the three of us are together again, we can figure this out again."

Gwen nodded. "Fine. I guess it's just a matter of getting an audience with him."

Getting an audience with the rich Arthur Knight was a bit more difficult. Messages left with his staff yielded no answer and their one attempt at intercepting him at his office building led to Merlin being bundled out by two burly security guards.

Gwen found herself constantly thinking about Arthur, at work, at home with her son and even in bed with Dan.

"You've been distracted the past few days," said Dan as he stroked her hair. In front of them, the television blared.

"Hmmm." Gwen didn't know what to say to Dan. She barely believed what was happening to her life herself. How could she possibly explain it to him?

"Arthur Knight was spotted at his favourite restaurant with actress Katheryn Hendrick –"

Gwen sat up and stared at the screen, a plan forming in her head.

Arthur was used to being ambushed by the paparazzi. He wasn't quite so used to being ambushed by a tiny, determined-looking female who marched into the exclusive restaurant with the maitre'd hot on her heels. All eyes were on her, and on him. Unwilling to make a scene, he rose smoothly from his seat to meet her. He expected her to flirt, although she didn't seem dressed for seduction. He expected her to accuse him of something or the other. He did not expect her to stare at him with wet eyes and then reach out to touch him gently on his cheek. He certainly did not expect the sizzle of desire that shot through him at her touch.

"Arthur," she whispered hoarsely. She was obviously nervous, very unlike many of those who tended to ambush him. And unlike the others, when she touched him, he literally felt his heart kick up a notch.

"What?" He jerked away from her touch, his mind a mess of confusion. "Do I know you?"

"I'm so sorry Mr Knight." The maitre'd roughly grabbed hold of her.

Without thinking, he put a hand out. "No, I want to talk to her. Thank you." The maitre'd made his disapproval quietly known but let go of her and stepped away.

"Can I help you?" He asked politely. Her stare unnerved him and she didn't seem to be in a hurry to answer him. Something tugged at the edge of his mind. "You seem familiar. Have we met before?"

She licked her lips, a nervous gesture. His eyes dropped to her lips and he felt his body tighten in response. "We have. A long time ago."

"I'm sorry but I really don't remember." Regret was building in him. His date would be here soon and this lady didn't look like she had any intention of leaving anytime soon. He should have just let the matre'd deal with her. Now he would have to get his hands dirty. "Look Ma'am. If you have anything urgent to speak to me about, you should call my secretary to arrange -"

"My name is Guinevere."

Again, something tugged at the edges of his mind but he was unable to focus on it. "Guinevere? That's an unusual name. Still, this is my personal time -"

To his complete and utter shock, the lady stepped up to him, cupped his face and kissed him. For a moment he simply stood there as her lips moved across his, then memories began to swirl in his head. Memories of lavender dresses, kisses in alcoves, picnics and death.

"Guinevere," he gasped, wrenching his mouth from hers. His heart thudded heavily and he felt slightly light headed. "It's you." His hand cupped her face and he stroked her cheek. "It's you."

Smoothing her dress, she stepped away from him, her eyes everywhere except on his. "We need to talk. Call me." She slipped a card into his hand, then left. He wasn't sure for how long he stood staring at her disappearing back.

"Mr Knight? Ms Brown has arrived."

Dragging his thoughts back to the present, he nodded. "Yes, thank you." Years of being in the spotlight had honed his acting skill and he quickly slid a smile back on his face. "Sabrina! You look gorgeous."

He wasn't one to drink alone but he figured learning that he was once the King of Camelot was a pretty compelling reason to be sitting in the dark, drinking. In his other hand, he held the card Guinevere had passed to him. By now, he'd read it so many times, he knew what it said without looking.

Gwen Thomas
Research Assistant
The Roland Art Gallery

Images of her laughing as he carried her to bed, kissing his neck as he attempted to undo her nightgown, burrowing into his embrace during the cold winter nights rushed through his mind. And there was Merlin, mocking him, pledging to always be by his side, promising they would never fail Camelot. But they had. She looked different now, dressed in a plain t-shirt and jeans, her hair cut short, but inside, he knew, she was the same Guinevere he had loved and will always love.

He grabbed his phone. It was 2am but he doubted Guinevere would be asleep.

When she finally answered after several rings, her voice husky with sleep, his stomach clenched as he thought of how she looked in the early mornings when he woke her with kisses.

"Guinevere? It's me, Arthur."

The cafe, though only a short walk from his office, was not a place he would typically venture. The shades were drawn and the cafe looked dark and empty. Frowning, he dug up the scrap of paper with the address. No, this was the place. Cautiously, he pushed the door open, jumping slightly at the tinkle of the bell above the door. Light shone from a room at the back of the cafe and he made his way towards it but before he could get there, someone stepped out of it.

"Merlin!"

"Arthur!"

Arthur awkwardly patted Merlin on the back and for a while, they just stood in silence, examining each other. Merlin looked no different from the last time they'd met, perhaps forty years ago. Large ears, eyes that held too much knowledge and pain contradicting the carefree grin on his face.

"Glad to know you're still a rich prat."

"Good to see you too Merlin. Is Guinevere here?"

Nodding, Merlin showed him into a tiny room - evidently Merlin's office - where Guinevere sat. Desire to grab her and hold her slammed into him and he stopped at the entrance of the office. She looked up and the moment their eyes met, he tingled. Her smile was tight, but she gestured for him to take the chair next to her. Arthur wasn't sure it was a good idea to be so close to her but there weren't many other options in the room.

"So," Arthur said as he sat down, "We're together again." And as he looked around at the other two, he felt that familiar sense of belonging, that familiar shiver of excitement. An adventure awaited them and for the first time, the sense of ennui that he'd been trying to shake off, disappeared.

"No."

Arthur looked up at Guinevere. Then at Merlin who didn't seem surprised by her reaction.

"I can't do this," Guinevere said quietly. "I don't want to think about a life I had before. I want to live the life I have now."

"The life you have now?" A small voice in his head warned Arthur it was dangerous to probe, but he did anyway. He didn't reach the heights of success today by being a coward.

"Yes," Guinevere dropped her head and stared at her hands. Affection coloured her voice and a small smile ghosted her face. "My life with my son."

"I see." He should have known. He should have expected it but the words still punched him in the guts and for a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe. "Are you suggesting we all just pretend that we don't remember anything? Then why look for me? Why jog my memory?" Why remind me of how much I love you?

Guinevere continued to stare at her hands.

"Well," said Merlin, "an old man came into my café this morning, ordered a cup of coffee, then paid me with this." He dropped a coin onto the table.

Arthur grabbed it. "It's a gold coin from Camelot."

"What?" Guinevere snatched it from him. "Oh my god. Who was the old man?"

"I don't know. It wasn't Gaius." Merlin retrieved the coin from Guinevere. "He also gave me this. There's an address on it."

"Looks like we're making a trip to – uh – Southend-on-Sea," said Arthur as he examined the address scrawled on the plain white card. His eyes met Guinevere's. "You coming?"

A resigned sigh escaped her. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there."