This is basically Connie thinking back over her life. Thanks to Mbali97 for pre-reading it for me :D
Disclaimer: all the events and characters in this belong to Julia Golding. The song is Simple Song by Miley Cyrus, originally written by Jeffery Steele.
Please RnR! :)
My life has been pretty hectic.
Okay, that's an understatement- it's been insane. In the last few years, there's never been a dull moment.
Okay, that's a lie. There have been lots of dull moments.
Because having a busy life isn't always a good thing. There were lots of moments when I wished I could stay in bed, shut out from the world. But those moments never came.
Dragging myself out of bed, I faced another day at school. Another day when the animals in the pet corner squealed hysterically when I walked past. Another day when heads turned to look at me, and the commotion I was causing. Another day of wondering why I had this gift- this curse. Sure- being able to talk to animals was amazing, but all I ever really wanted was a normal life.
"If this carries on much longer", I thought, "I'm going to go mad." I couldn't face the same day over and over again any more.
Wake up here I go
Cram it all down my throat
Stomach so full that I wish I could choke
7am, my head's already in a spin
I forced down my cornflakes as fast as I could. Even eating seemed like a chore. The only things that gave me pleasure in my life were the times I spent with my animal friends. I'd sneak to the park after school every day to meet them. But now, I had a whole day to face before I could see them again. I couldn't talk to animals in school, not even in the pet corner; there were too many people around to see. But I couldn't control my gift- they still seemed attracted to me whenever I was near.
As soon as I'm out that door- bam
It hits me like a tonne of those red bricks
Can't dig myself out of this highest ditch
This madness
I grabbed my rucksack and slung it over my shoulder, slamming the door on my way out. As soon as the fresh air hit me, so did the pull of the nature. I felt something tugging me towards the nearby trees- then to the birds circling above me, then to the hedges nearby. I felt like screaming. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling- far from it. It was a pull that made me want to ditch school and run off with the animals. I'd even done it once or twice. But the promise I'd made to my parents about me not ditching school was fresh in my mind, so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and forced myself to walk to school.
I swear sometimes I can't tell
Which way is up, which way is hell
It's all up in my face, need to push it away
Somebody push it away
Sometimes I wish my life were just easier.
And then it happened.
I got sent to live with Aunt Evelyn, and everything changed. I found out about the Society and my life became a lot simpler. I now knew that there were people like me, and people that could help me.
This was the part of my life where the happy music started playing in my head.
So all that I can hear
Is a simple song
Sing along now
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
But of course, having a simple life couldn't last. With the joys of the Society, came the joys of Kullervo. Suddenly my life was manic again.
I had to live with the fear that Kullervo could get me; anytime, anyplace, he could be there. And after he did get me, I felt more vulnerable than ever. At least my friends were able to help me.
After he'd invaded me a third time, he left his mark. He got to me so easily- it surprised me how weak I'd become away from the Society, and how much I depended on others. He'd driven me mad, taking over my brain, and forcing me onto that tiny island inside myself. All around me were dark waters, trying to consume the tiny amount of what was left of me. Only my friends had saved me from Kullervo. And the knowledge that I was powerless to stop him myself made me even more stressed.
Ever since that night when I had almost wiped out the entire coastline with a tidal wave, I could hear his voice insistently in my head. And if I'd ever felt like I was going mad in my life before, it was nothing compared to this.
Midday sun beating on the concrete
Burning up my feet
Too many cars on the street
The noise, the red, the green
Makes me wanna scream
Now his mark was in my head, he could be part of me constantly. His voice filtered into my dreams every night, turning them into nightmares full of blue water, and me drowning in the depths, my screams echoing inside my head, where only I could hear them. Sleeping exhausted me, and every morning I had to prise my eyes open against my will.
And when the Trustees decided they wanted to put my brother at risk- that was the final straw. How could they suggest such a thing? Now I had him to worry about as well. The only way to solve it was to go against the Trustees and find my own way of defeating Kullervo.
Five o'clock now it's bumper on, bumper on,
Bumper horns honking
Nobody's looking but everybody's talking
Just another day on this highway
This made bad publicity for the Universal of course. Everywhere I went, I saw Society people whispering about me, or shaking their heads disapprovingly. A few tried to talk me out of it- but no one would support me.
Even my best friend was against me. I hadn't meant to say that Col didn't care about me, it just came out. But he didn't have to say that the Trustees were right to stop me learning anything. Having Col turn against me was one of the hardest things I'd gone through, and I needed him the most just then.
I swear sometimes I can't tell
Which way is up, which way is hell
It's all up in my face, need to push it away,
Somebody push it away
I honestly wished my life were normal. Yeah, I wouldn't have amazing powers and have the opportunity to see so many amazing creatures, but I wouldn't have so many reasons to keep hurting the people close to me. And nothing was worth that.
So all that I can hear
Is a simple song
Sing along now
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
Hey
Well, maybe I didn't want to be completely normal. I mean, I'd only become close to Col because of the Society. And talking to any creature in the world was just… AMAZING. I can't think of any other word to describe it. But having Kullervo's voice in my head 24/7 wasn't exactly comforting.
I'd have given anything to get rid of him. His voice in my head, every night, driving me slowly insane with his constant whispering… I couldn't take it any more.
What I'd give to turn it off
And make it stop,
Just make it stop,
You gotta make it stop
And now he's gone. Well, not gone- he's still there, deep inside. But I can no longer hear him. My only connection to him is when I shape shift- I feel him inside me trying to come out. But I have him under control- it's my life now, and I won't let him be a part of it.
So all that I can hear
Is a simple song
Sing along now
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la
La la la la
Now, I can't ask for a more perfect life. All the things that ever made me stressed, they're no longer a problem any more. And I hope it stays that way, for the rest of my life.
La la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la
La da da da