Summary: Cas hopes that Dean will remember what he told the angel when he had built him back together. But Dean is stubborn, so Cas has to make a hard decision…

I'm sorry… this story wasn't planned, it just kind of happened. I hope you like it anyways.

Enjoy!

Don't Worry

Cas very well remembered the words Dean had whispered into his ear when he had dragged him out of hell and he sure would never forget them. They were precious and carved into his heart and grace for all eternity:

"I've never seen someone as beautiful as you." – Dean said when Castiel found him in hell. This was the moment Cas felt pride and vanity for the first time. It was the righteous man who said these words and they went straight to his very core, melting him, making him… feel. Feelings were rare in an angel's heart, the winged creatures weren't meant to feel, they barely had the ability to think for themselves. These words have changed something in Castiel, he just wasn't sure what.

"Please… don't let go!" – the Righteous Man pleaded. Castiel knew that Dean Winchester was afraid but the way the words were whispered into the skin of his vessel's neck – desperate, urgent – made him feel something new. Again. He felt sorry for the man, he felt compassion because the angel knew Dean had suffered in hell. More than other souls, most likely more than any other being ever before. His grip on the human tightened, he pressed him closer to the body that wasn't really his own but the human wouldn't care. He snuggled deeper into Castiel's embrace, seeking comfort and solace.

"Thank you, handsome." – Dean said this with a content smile when Castiel gently placed him on the ground, when they were back on earth, the heat and distress of hell left behind. It was nice to hear someone thank him for what he did, for his help. The angel was created to help. He had never heard a word of thanks before and the hunter who now lay in front of him seemed truly grateful. This was all so new for Castiel that he shied away a bit from the man, looking at him with a silent question in his deep blue eyes but the Righteous Man just smiled on and closed his eyes to fall into sleep that was much needed.

"I wanna stay with you." – Dean whispered when Castiel's gentle hands put his soul back together piece by piece. The angel stopped in his movements and looked down at the hunter with the worn but bright soul. Nobody had ever said that he wanted Castiel by their side, he was always there where he was needed but that was never just one person. A reassuring smile formed on his lips before he went on with his work and deep in himself he found a wish: he wanted to stay with the hunter as well to make sure that he was safe and happy and wore a smile on his beautiful face and most of all the angel wished to be the reason for that smile. These new feelings were most irritating. Suddenly he felt warm all over.

"You – you feel like love." – Castiel melted at these words. They were spoken when he gently placed his hand on Dean's naked shoulder to revive his body and soul completely. He would soon bring him back into his old life. They would be separated and most likely Dean would forget who he angel was. Maybe it was for the better because Dean Winchester normally never said things like that – Castiel knew! But deep in his angelic heart that was now so rapidly beating in his vessel's chest he knew that he would miss he hunter and he would miss that he was speaking so bluntly what was on his mind. When he was back in his normal life things would change back to normal and Dean would be a tough, loud-mouthed hunter who wasn't able to say one word about his feelings. It made the angel feel a sadness he had never known before.

"NO! Cas!" – It was a scream torn from Dean Winchester's full, pink lips when Castiel placed his body where it was supposed to be and turned to leave the hunter. It was the first time Dean called him 'Cas' and it made him feel special, different. Something was shifting in his eternal life and the reason was one dirty blonde, well build hunter. So Cas turned back to Dean, seeing panic in his forest green eyes, his hands raised towards the angel in a gesture that urged him to walk back to the human. Once Castiel was within reach, Dean grabbed him and pulled him into a bone crushing embrace that knocked the breath out of his lungs. "Don'tleavemedon'tleavemedon'tleaveme!" Dean whispered into the angel's ear and held him close, so close to his own new, firm body. For a moment Cas gave in and returned the hug, the feeling of a body pressed against his own foreign and new but wonderful nevertheless.

In this very moment Cas knew that he would do anything to make this man happy, that he would throw away his own life in Heaven if it made Dean Winchester happy. The intensity of this feeling in his chest scared him more than he had ever known and it made him feel strange and…human. This feeling was increased when Dean began to kiss the side of his face with hundreds of light butterfly kisses, he felt the human's perfect, pink, lush lips ghost over the skin and stubble of his vessel that felt like his own body more and more. Puzzled, confused, dazed, Castiel – Cas – turned his head to look into Dean's eyes, but they were closed as if the man was enjoying, or trying to ignore a bitter truth but when his face was in front of that of the hunter, Dean pressed their lips together in a kiss that was more than welcome.

Cas' grip around the newly made body tightened and he gasped at the unknown sensations, giving Dean the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Though he had never been kissed before, Castiel was able to tell that the kiss was desperate and needy. Both men clung to each other, holding on like drowning men, while little moans of pleasure escaped both their mouths. It was the angel's first kiss and it didn't end, it seemed to last forever but Dean had to breathe and so their lips parted while they still pressed their foreheads together, breathing in each others breath, forming an intense bond that neither man would ever be able to cut.

"Don't leave me, Cas." Dean whispered, his voice shaking from the force of the kiss and from fear of never seeing the angel again. "Ever." Warm hands restlessly wandered over the angel's face, trying to memorize every pore, the curve of his chin and the feeling of the cheekbones under his fingertips. He was trembling like a leaf in Castiel's arms.

"I promise to find you again and come back to you." Cas said, opening his ocean blue eyes to look into Dean's green ones that were filled with tears. "This isn't you, Dean. You're a hunter, you have always been strong. Don't cry because of me. You would hate that you are attached to me that much once you are back in your old life. You would hate that you kissed a man. I know you well enough to see this coming." The hunter shook his head vehemently.

"No, Cas." He whispered, swallowing down a lump in his throat before he went on. It was strange but Cas had him completely ripped open in front of him, Dean was willing to tell him everything, to share every secret, to share every desire and the love that he felt for the angel. This was new for Dean Winchester, the 'old' Den would never have been that open. Maybe he had done something wrong. But maybe – just a tiny, little maybe – the human really was meant for him and could feel it. This was new to the angel, Castiel wasn't even sure what he should do if Dean loved him but deep within he could already tell that Dean would make him fall someday if he didn't leave him now.

"I will find you, precious one." Cas heard himself say, sealing his fate. Their fate. "But you won't remember me. You will be your old self again." A heartwarming smile formed on the Righteous Man's lips, making Cas feel warm and loved.

"How could I ever forget you?" Dean whispered.

"Oh, you will." Was Castiel's answer and he grabbed Dean's arm tight, letting his grace flow through his hand, imprinting his fingers into the newly build flesh of the hunter in front of him. "You will be mine. I will find you and someday you will remember." The angel's voice turned into a shrill noise that made Dean clasp his hands over his ears and close his eyes. When he opened them again he had forgotten about the angel of the Lord he loved so much.

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Castiel knew why Dean was always feeling as if something was missing. He knew why his hunter was never truly happy but he had to wait patiently until Dean would remember everything they had shared back then though it got harder from day to day. The hunter and the angel have been through so much together, Cas was always by Dean's side when his human needed him but Dean wouldn't remember… Sometimes the angel used the remaining fragments of his fading grace to watch Dean's dreams while the older Winchester was sleeping, he tried to make him see the images he remembered so well but no matter what he did, Dean would wake up and still treat him like a too close friend and still be afraid of telling Cas what he felt.

As he became more and more human with each day, Castiel yearned for someone to hold him, he needed Dean to whisper into his ear like he had done years ago but the hunter had a narrow mind. Though he knew he loved Cas – the fallen angel could read it so well in his words, actions and long gazes – he was too afraid of telling him so. Sometimes when the two of them were alone in the bunker and Sam was out for a jog or a supply run, Dean would smile at Cas shyly (yes, Dean Winchester is able to do that!) and even call Cas his angel. In moments like this Cas was sure that Dean was at least suspecting something and of course he was feeling more than friendship for the raven haired man. Whatever held Dean back Cas hated it and was determined to destroy it as soon as possible. His patience was fading with his grace and he wanted nothing in this world, just Dean Winchester.

When they were alone tonight, Cas carefully knocked at the hunter's door, his lean form close to trembling when he waited for the door to open. It didn't take long until Dean was calling him in and so the angel opened the door and stepped into the room of his hunter. Dean's wonderful scent was the strongest within these four walls and Cas was inhaling it deeply, wishing that he could bury his nose in Dean's neck to soothe himself from all his pain and fear. The angel's chapped lips escaped a gasp when he looked at the bed where Dean sat with his long legs stretched out in front of him, clad in tight jeans and his upper body naked. It would be so easy to walk over and press his nose into the warm skin of his neck, to inhale him deeply.

"Hey, Cas." The hunter greeted and his eyes gave away that he was really happy to see the angel. As always his gaze lingered too long, he watched Cas' blue eyes and pink chapped lips too closely for a friend and when he averted his eyes there was the familiar blush on his face. It wasn't deep, just a light pink on his high cheekbones that every other person on this world would miss but not Cas, because he knew the hunter so damn well. A distant smile was playing around his hunter's lips, making him even more beautiful in the dimmed light of his room.

"Do you remember what happened when I raised you from perdition?" Cas blurted out before his courage could fail him. He watched Dean closely who sat up straighter on his bed and eyed the angel suspiciously.

"What do you mean?" He demanded to know, his eyes narrowing as if he knew what Castiel wanted to know. Maybe he did, how could the angel know? Nobody he had ever met was as good at hiding feelings as Dean Winchester.

"I mean if you remember anything from that day. What I told you." He hesitated for just a second and went on barely audible. "And what you told me." Now Dean's eyes went wider for a second, his face a little bit redder and he licked his lips with his tongue. These were the signs that the older Winchester got nervous, Cas could easily tell. For a while they just stared at each other, the angel's heart was racing in his chest when he waited for Dean's answer, his slender fingers restlessly smoothing down his clothes and hair. Did Dean know something? Cas was praying to his missing father that he was. Already fallen from grace and wandering earth as a human the ex angel had nothing to lose, he couldn't stand it any longer, he needed an answer, he needed Dean.

"I don't remember anything before we met in Bobby's barn." Dean finally said and Cas' heart sank as well as his shoulders. A strange sting was felt at the back of his eyes and he had to blink because his vision blurred slightly around the edges. The former angel nearly winced when he felt the wetness that ran over his cheeks and onto his sweater, he was shocked that he wasn't able to hide his disappointment better than that but his heart just broke in his chest because he KNEW that Dean lied straight into his face. That was enough to disappoint the raven haired man but his heart shattered to pieces because this one issue was of such great importance to him.

Dean's green eyes widened when he saw the angel's tears and he opened his mouth to speak while he got up from where he was sitting but by the time he was standing, Cas already turned on his heels and went for the door to run from this room that smelled too much like Dean leaving a very puzzled hunter behind.

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Dean knew he had made a mistake when he saw tears stream down over Cas' face once he was finished speaking. Oh fuck, it had never been his intention to hurt the former angel, Cas was way too precious to him but damn! Dean just didn't know how to mouth his feelings, he was afraid of the things that grow in his heart when it came to Castiel, he was afraid to let go and just admit that he… The hunter shook his head, such thoughts weren't acceptable. Those feelings had to be killed, he had to bury them deep inside of him, no matter how much his heart ached the second he saw those tears. If Cas hadn't run from him, he might have given in. Maybe he would have embraced his angel, caressed his hair to soothe him, whispered into his ear to calm him down, kissed his sweet, pink lips to reassure him that he wasn't alone in this world.

Another vigorous shake of his head. Dean Winchester just didn't do things like that, he didn't even THINK things like that. So he just stood next to his bed, staring at the door through which Cas had just disappeared. It would hurt the angel but in the end it would be for the best. Everyone he loved died too soon and he was so damn afraid that Cas would share this fate. Losing his angel was not acceptable. So he would just play the tough hunter who never cared because he cared too much.

With a sad sigh Dean sat down on his bed again, this time he rested his elbows rested on his knees as he leaned forward and clasped his hands together. It was unfair. He had long ago began to remember what he had said to Cas when the angel had put him back together. Dean could still taste the kiss they had shared and since the day he remembered, he wasn't able to kiss a woman without thinking of Cas. Hell, he hasn't slept with a woman since that fateful day and the simple reason was that no women could ever compete to his raven haired angel. Fuck. The poor thing was in his room, now, most likely crying because Dean was such a damn fool and before he knew what he was doing, the hunter was on his feet and walked over to Cas' room, that was opposite his own. Always close to the angel.

For some long minutes he just stood in front of the door and tried to suppress the feelings that boiled within his chest. He shouldn't go in there, feeling such love because it would lead to problems he wasn't ready to face. Ever. The problem was that Dean was very well aware that he wouldn't be strong enough to resist Cas forever because, hell, the man was beautiful and such a wonderful being. Truly, Cas was everything Dean had ever wished for and it was just his luck that the angel was the one thing Dean would never be able to have. Again, the memory of their short time together came back to his mind, teasing him, flooding him with warmth and love. This was such a weird situation.

But Cas shouldn't suffer because he hurt him and so Dean raised his hand to knock on the former angel's door but before he could knock, the door was opened and Cas stood in front of him, his jacket on, a bag in his one hand, a letter in the other. When he saw Dean he looked like a deer caught in the headlights and just stared into green eyes, his mouth open, too stunned to speak. Within seconds the hunter realized what this meant and anger rose within his chest, making him see red.

"What the fuckin' hell do you think you're doing, Cas?" he said, his voice raised and full of anger. His angel didn't even flinch, he held his head up high and looked straight into Dean's forest green eyes.

"I'll leave." There was ice in his voice. "I hate when people lie to me." With these words he pushed past Dean, stalking through the corridor towards the library and exit.

"Where will you go?"

"What do you care?" Cas shot back and looked over his shoulder angrily. So Dean's mistake was even worse than he had expected but he was sure the angel wouldn't leave the boys behind. He had nowhere else to go, he didn't have any money and he sure wouldn't live on the streets again, would he? It nearly got him killed the last time and rage thundered through Dean's veins when he thought about the woman who had slept with Castiel. So the hunter followed Cas and when they reached the library, Sam got up from where he sat and stared at the two men entering the room and Cas ready to leave. Dean watched as Cas gave the letter to Sam and said his goodbyes, his brother not really registering what was just happening.

"Cas?" Sam asked and looked at Dean while the raven haired walked up the stairs towards the door. "What have you done to him?" He asked accusingly.

"Me? He got his pants in a knot and runs away… That's not my fault." He could see that Sam didn't believe a word he said. Once Cas was out the door Dean slumped in the chair next to the one where Sam had been sitting and buried his face in his hands. Cas had every right to leave and maybe it was better for the two of them. This way Cas wouldn't get hurt or even worse. But Dean couldn't look after him either, he wouldn't know if Cas was safe or if somebody had killed him or… oh shit. Things just got worse because he was such a damn jerk.

"Why is Cas leaving us?" Sam asked slowly, threateningly. The way his brother acted was more than a confession that it was his fault and Sam was thinking the same as Dean – minus loving Cas. Dean just shook his head, thinking things over. Back when Cas had built him back together he had been able to speak what was in his mind and heart, he had told Cas that he wanted him to stay and that he felt like love to him. He had even kissed the angel, unafraid of the consequences and he wished that things would be just as easy, now. "Let me guess: denial? For heaven's sake, Dean, this man is hopelessly in love with you and you're just the same." Sam was right. Dean knew. He shook his head again, a frustrated scream rising in his chest when he noticed that he had lost.

The older hunter jumped up from the chair and ran up the stairs to yank open the door. He was still not wearing a shirt and it was icy cold outside. He didn't feel the cold, the only thing that was on his mind was Cas. He should never have hurt his angel, he should never have let him walk away from him, not even for a split second. Why was it so hard to talk about his feelings, why couldn't he just show them like he had already done. It should be so easy with Cas…

And where was this damn ex-angel? Dean couldn't see him anywhere. Snow was falling again and soon he wouldn't be able to see Cas if he stood in front of him and so Dean ran faster into the direction he suspected and hoped Cas had gone.

"Cas!" He yelled, hoping his angel would hear him, but the snow swallowed all noise. "Cas!" It took Dean five minutes and when he had nearly reached the street he saw a figure walking towards it that was slightly smaller than himself, dark hair a sharp contrast against the white all around. "Castiel!" Dean said when he grabbed his angel's shoulder to turn him around and pull him into his arms with such force that the breath got knocked out of Cas for a few seconds. "Don'tleavemedon'tleavemedon'tleaveme." He whispered into his ear, his hand gliding into his black hair, feeling the soft strands between his fingers, grabbing a handful to turn his head the way he needed it to place feather light kisses to his cheek, letting his lips run over that stubble he had always longed to touch.

Cas wasn't able to say a coherent word, he was just shocked by the desperation of Dean's actions, feeling complete finally. A moan escaped his lips that made Dean search for Cas' mouth, kissing those pink, sweet lips softly. He gently deepened the kiss, enjoying Cas' taste, mapping every inch of his mouth he could reach. The bag in his angel's hand fell to the ground and finally Cas encircled Dean's neck with his arms, holding on to his hunter for dear life. When they came apart for air, he let his face fall onto the slightly taller man's shoulder, inhaling his scent, feeling it flooding him with love.

"Aren't you cold?" Cas wanted to know when he noticed that Dean didn't wear a shirt and his face turned slightly pink when he realized that he was holding on to a half naked man, standing in the falling snow right next to a busy street. Dean smiled widely, the crinkles next to his eyes deepening. He looked truly happy and that was enough to make Cas smile as well.

"Believe me, Cas, I feel warm." The hunter answers and grabs the lapels of Cas' jacket to pull him closer again for another deep kiss, this one slow and gentle, Dean took his time, holding his angel as close to his body as possible. "Damn, you're so sweet, Angel."

"I'm not an angel any more, Dean." Cas answered, his huge blue eyes locking with Dean's again.

"Yes, you are."

"We should go back home. Or you will freeze to death out here." Cas muttered, his hands roaming over Dean's naked chest and sides, goosebumps following in their wake. They weren't caused by the biting cold, it was the gentle touch that made Dean close his eyes and his head falling back lightly.

"…or I will take you in a heap of snow by the side of the road." Dean growled, his eyes darkened when he looked up again. Castiel gulped, his cheeks turning an even darker shade of pink. Dean thought it was adorable.

"Dean…" Cas chided him mildly, smiling nevertheless because, really, the idea wasn't that bad. He was still willing to do whatever made Dean happy. The hunter lightly kissed his lips again, he couldn't get enough of his angel but after some minutes he grabbed the bag from the floor, threw an arm around Cas' waist and lead him back towards the bunker's entrance. Thank God he had found the courage, thank God he had not let Cas get away from him. His arm pulled the former angel even closer, melting him into his hip as they walked down the stairs where Sam sat, reading a book that lay in front of him on the table, the letter that Cas had given him neatly tucked in between two pages. When the two men entered the library, he looked up and smirked, opening his mouth to speak.

"One word, Sammy, and I will tell everyone about what happened in Missouri, got it?" Dean said with a death glare. Sam held up his hands, making a zipping move over his lips and went back to reading, still grinning like a maniac. He and Cas exchanged a short glance but then Dean dragged his angel towards his room. He was cold and needed to get warmer and he had a good idea what could help him… "By the way, Cas, what stood in that letter you gave Sam?" Dean wanted to know as he pushed open his door and let the man enter, then followed him.

"Never mind, Dean." Cas whispered and let his fingers glide down Dean's side again, marveling at the stunning reaction he got. He didn't ask again.

Sam sat in the library and pulled the paper from between the pages of the book, still grinning while he read it again. Cas really knew what he was doing:

'Don't worry, Sam. Dean is just about to realize that he loves me. I'll be back in a few minutes.'

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END

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