Why?, an instant star fanfic

I don't own anything but the Idea of this one-shot. I was listening to "Why" By Avril Lavigne and thought of this. I know I haven't written anything in awhile and because I am unable to update my stories, I thought I should give you a new one-shot to read while you wait for me to update and thought this would be a nice treat. It seemed so perfect to start this off a few months after Tommy left. I hope you enjoy this..

I have been sitting here for hours. This is my first day back in days, maybe I should say weeks, no days is better. I don't sound as pathetic if I say days. I was unable to come here, even though my job required me to be here. I found a way to prevent it until now. I know you know my story about why I am unable to be here.

Everywhere I look there is something here that reminds me of him. If it isn't a picture, it is his chair, or it is in general Studio 1. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I miss him so much but there is not much I can do about it. I don't know if he is okay. Hell, he could be in a ditch for all I know. He hasn't returned any of my phone calls. I am starting to think that the connection we had between us, was just in my head. I have been thinking that for the last couple of days. I know I should be working but I just can't find it in me to get up off this couch. It is the only place that I don't have very many memories with him. So I sit here pretending to be writing my next hit.

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

I re-read the entry in my journal. Hmm, that's not bad but now I am stuck. I don't know what to write. This has been written in there for three days now. How could he not care? I thought he truly cared about me. I mean really cared about me. I know he has a special look that is only for me. But I never thought that in the end, it wouldn't mean anything. I mean why would it just be thrown away, if it really meant something. Yeah I know I am only Seventeen but guess what that doesn't mean I don't know anything. In the past two years I have learned more about life than most people do in ten years. You can't say, that I am wrong.

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

No that doesn't look right, it is missing something. But what is it? I don't see how I am the only one hurting, because he left. I know Kwest is mad at him but I know he will get over it, because he is just his friend. I know I am not the only one who was let down by him taking off. Let's see there is Jamie, but they never really liked each other, so I doubt Jamie misses him. There is Sadie, I know she dated him but she seems to have moved on, with Kwest. Then there is Darius, but he seems to know the truth so there is no point there. I know what your thinking, "why not just ask him what he knows." I can't, I will show too much interest, but I think he knows by the way I mope around.

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

That looks better, but I am still stuck. Who knows, maybe if I just got up off this couch and finally make it into Studio 1, I will be able to finish this. I slowly get up, I take a few steps in the direction of Studio 1, just to turn around and sit back down. Little did I know but someone important was watching me. I get up again, this time I finally make it to the room I had been dreading for the past three months and three days. Who knows maybe I was right not to go in there before now, I needed the wounds to be some what healed before I went in.

I stood next to the door with my hand on the doorknob for a good two minutes before I was able to let go. Luckily there was no one recording today. No one but me is supposed to have Studio 1 today. I told Kwest to leave since I didn't know when I would be done with my song. Good thing I did because it is eight o'clock and him and Sadie had a big date at like six. I think I told him to leave around four when I was just sitting there looking busy, but really just thinking about that night three months and three days ago. I have finally made it to the couch in here. There have been many memories on this couch. Like the first time we fought I came in here to hide from him but all that happened is I fell asleep crying and when I woke up he was carrying me to his car. I never did tell him I was awake. He smelled so good I just had to forgive him.

I have officially finished my song. I am afraid to go in the booth. I know I can record it by myself but the booth has a million more memories than this stupid couch. Baby steps, that is all I need to take. Baby steps. I have everything ready. I have my guitar in hand, I know I want this one to be acoustic and since I was working on it long before he left, at least the melody, I have that part done. Baby steps. Opening the door between the two booths, baby steps. Setting up the mic, baby steps. Go back and press record. Baby steps.

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

I closed my eyes because the chorus was going to be the hardest part for me and I was already starting to choke with the tears, I was trying to stop from falling. I failed to notice I was no longer alone.

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

I finally let the tears slip through my closed eyelids. So much for never crying over him again, after crying over him for the first two months he was gone. But what can I say; I love him. Or maybe I just think I do. No. I love him. It is almost like I can feel him here but I know he isn't. He hasn't been in Three Months and Three Days.

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

I stand there, take a deep breath and let the last of the tears fall through my closed eyelids.

"Do you really want an answer?" I know that voice. I have missed that Voice. Don't open your eyes, Jude; it is just your mind playing tricks on you. "I repeat do you really want an answer?"

"No."

"Really because from the sound of it you did." He sighs, frustrated, it seems.

"No," It was all I could say. I didn't want to be imagining this. I really didn't.

"Jude, open your eyes."

"No"

"Why won't you open them, Girl?" He asks softly.

"Because if I do and your not here, I'll be devastated." I admit to him.

"Girl, open your eyes. I am going to be here when you open them." He tells me gently.

"Promise"

"I promise," I hear the smile in his voice. "Now let me see those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

I am telling you that it took me forever to open them. I really thought I was dreaming. When I finally get them opened I start to cry even harder than I was before, because I am now looking into the eyes of none other than Tom Quincy. The Man I have been missing for the last three months and three days.

"Hey girl, don't cry." He says gently, he steps forward to cup my face with his hands. His thumbs wipe at the tears streaming down my face.

"I am sorry but I am just so happy."

"I am sorry that I didn't call you, but Darius needed me to do something and I was unable to keep in contact with anyone but him." He explains.

"I knew he knew something…. You could just tell by the way he looked at me…. Man I am going to kill him…. Jeez, I can't believe he let me suffer like that… Man is he going to hear it when I see him again…. Arg."

"Slow down girl…. Are you okay?" He asks, concern written all over his face.

"Yeah just PEACHY" I reply sarcastically. "I find out that Darius knew where you were the whole time, and he didn't tell him even though he knew I was dying inside without you… I had finally told him that I loved you and needed you…" My hand flies to my mouth so fast; you'd thing I had just gotten hit. I stare at one very shocked Tom Quincy, as his brain seems to register what I had just blurted out.

"Wh…wha... what?" He stammers.

"Nothing." I mumble.

"Did you just say you loved me?"

"N…n…n… no."

"Oh well, if you did, I would have to say I love you too."

"Really." I ask. " I love you too."

He leans in and kisses me passionately; it is by for the most passionate kiss, of all of the kisses we have ever shared.

It's funny how today turned out based on how it started. I hadn't wanted to come to the studio, but was forced. Then I couldn't find the words to finish my song. Then I sent home Kwest and things started to flow. Finally get the nerve to record for the first time 3 months and 3 days, cry my eyes out. Tommy comes home. Tommy tells me he loves me. Tommy kisses me and doesn't take it back.

Now to live in the moment and not in that night, 3 months and 3 days ago, where I have been. Because Tom Quincy, the love of my life is home and at the moment is kissing me, I guess tomorrow is going to be better, because he will be here. I guess I had a better day than to be expected.

A/N: Re-edit 5/13/14