Title: The Hard Way
Rating: T
Summary: Follow up to Slip Out The Back. Sam's POV as Dean cuts him out of his life. Set to The Hard Way by Fort Minor
Disclaimer: Still no takers on my offer for a Chips Ahoy in exchange for ownership of the boys.
Sam woke a few days after Dean canceled on him with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He tried to shake it off as he got ready but couldn't shake the bad feeling. Finally he pulled out his phone to call his brother and make sure that he was alright.
"We're sorry the number you have dialed is no longer in service." A mechanical voice said after two rings.
Sam hung up and tried again thinking he'd dialed the number wrong, only to get the same message. Third time wasn't a charm and he gave up realizing he was going to be late to class. He'll call with his new number, he rationalized trying to push the growing feeling of foreboding.
Sam went through the motions through the rest of the day, waiting for his brother to call. He waited for days, trying the number again and again, not giving into the panic. He thought about calling his dad to ask what the hell was going on but the old anger still burned and he wouldn't be the one to bridge the gap between him and his father.
Come with me let me walk you through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I'm mistaken
You can meet and talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you can tell me why everybody's so distant
Is it me or maybe when I look around daily
I don't even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now their acting so different
I'm still the same person why doesn't anybody listen
Can somebody please explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we'd be?
Right now I don't why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losing hope
A week passed, then another and another. Dean's e-mail address had been deactivated and he didn't know where the poltergeist Dean was supposed to be hunting was. A sense of loneliness came over Sam. He never realized how talking to Dean constantly had kept him from feeling lost and alone in his new environment. Sam withdrew inside himself, away from the few friends he'd made at school a nd threw himself into his school work.
Deafening voices
Frequency inside my head that says
I'm goin at it the hard way
I focus
Everything inside out of my brain
That claims
I'm going at it the hard way
He called associates, asking if they'd heard from his brother at all. Pastor Jim said Dean was alive and well when he talked to him a couple of weeks before. Around the time Dean was supposed to see him again. Sam thanked him and hung up his phone staring numbly at his dorm room wall. If Dean was fine, why had he disappeared from Sam's life?
Was it something I did, Sam wondered swallowing hard. He flipped open his phone and scanned through the phone numbers. He stopped on the entry marked 'Dad', his finger hesitating on the dial key. He closed the phone and tossed it onto the bed.
Come with me let me walk you through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight
But nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna something but you can't cause their not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won't even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we'd be?
Cause right now I don't know how I push the pain that I got through
And I'm losing hope
Deafening voices
Frequency inside my head that says
I'm goin at it the hard way
I focus
Everything inside out of my brain
That claims
I'm going at it the hard way
'Fine, fuck him. I don't need him.' Sam thought drinking deep from his beer. It was his third and three more than he usually drank.
He'd just gotten off the phone with his father, finally caving under the weight of his need to know why Dean was mad at him.
"Maybe if you hadn't walked out on him, you'd know." John had said hanging up on Sam. Sam threw his cell phone against his dorm wall, smashing it to bits, then he stormed out to the nearest bar.
I told him, Sam thought. I told him it wasn't him I was walking away from. Sam swallowed the last and hunched over further trying to disappear from the pain of his family's rejection.
Can somebody just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we'd be?
I don't why I push through the pain that I got through
And I'm losing hope
Gimme one reason not to
Deafening voices
Frequency inside my head that says
I'm goin at it the hard way
I focus
Everything inside out of my brain
That claims
I'm going at it the hard way
"Are you okay?" A voice asked him. Sam looked up hesitantly to see a beautiful blonde girl he recognized form a couple of his classes, looking a t him with concern in her blue eyes. What was her name, Jaime, Jennifer….
"We have a few classes together and I just wanted to introduce myself." She said smiling at him. She held out her hand. He looked at it for too long and she dropped it awkwardly.
"I just saw you here and I wanted to see if maybe you'd like some company."She said with a bit of doubt and self consciousness creeping into her voice.
Sam watched her frowning. He was still getting used to having new people approach him, even after two years at Stanford. He'd never really reached out for friendshipthere because his brother, his best friend was always just a phone call or an e-mail away. Not anymore, he thought bitterly.
"I'll just leave you alone."Shesaid taking his silence for rejection. Sam stood up to fast and swayed, nearly falling over.She reached out a hand to steady him.
"You alright?" She asked.
"No, I mean yes. I mean…" Sam stopped trying to get the words together in his head.
"I'm sorry, I was rude before. My name's Sam. Sam Winchester." Sam said holding out his hand, exhaling with relief when she took it with a smile. He didn't want to feel alone anymore, without anyone to talk to or laugh with. He decided he'd try to forget his old life and he'd start right there with her.
"Jessica Moore." She replied.
-Fin