A/N: This is my first writing a Glee fanfic and the first time writing in God knows how long. This just popped into my head and I had to get it out, it might be a little rough because I didn't re-read it enough but since it's currently 3 in the morning I'll just do it later. I hope you like it and reviews are always welcome.
When you're on a downward spiral and you just wish you could give everything up or maybe just take a break from life and everything surrounding you, there is always this moment when all you want to do is break down and cry and just can't.
You think that no, I won't do that. I'll just try and hold on a little bit longer because then maybe, things will get better. It hurts though, physically and emotionally. When your eyes keep welling up but no actual tears fall down. When you feel like you can't breathe and yet there you are, still alive and still breathing. When you think that maybe sleep is the answer but you rest your head on your pillow and just lay awake for hours, thinking and feeling even worse about yourself. And when you just know that there is nobody out there to tell about all of those things because no one cares and no one will understand.
That's how Kurt Hummel feels.
He hates himself for thinking about this. He has friends; he knows he should be grateful for that. But what use are those "friends" when you can't tell them anything. When the conversations that go on between them seem to always revolve around music and fashion.
They don't notice when he withdrew from them. It came gradually. At first he was less talkative then before he knew it, he stopped fighting Rachel for solos, started caring less about what he wore and didn't even flinch when he was thrown at the locker. After that came the thing the cracked him, he got kissed.
The kiss that had reduced him to the Kurt Hummel he barely recognized. His first kiss got stolen away from him, he hated Karofsky for doing it but he seemed to hate himself even more after that incident. He hated how weak he was because of how much it shook him. He hated the bags that had formed under his eyes from the lack of sleep because of the nightmares. Most of all though, he hated how he had no one to tell what had happened to. He had no one to comfort him, no one to tell him it was going to be alright or even tell him that that kiss doesn't count because it was forced.
He was alone, in every sense of the word.
And yet, he can't bring himself to cry yet. He doesn't want to give up, he still has hope that it will get better somehow. He doesn't stop wishing for a prince charming that will just swoop in and save him. And if anything, that hope is the only thing keeping him alive. If it wasn't for that hope, he would have been in the headline of some newspaper a long time ago.
'I just need to keep holding on' Kurt thought, just as he did every night as he was drifting to sleep. 'Just a little bit longer because who knows, tomorrow might be the day everything finally changes.' Then as always, he shakes his head, disbelieving everything he just thought of and drifts to sleep.
Lucky for him, tomorrow was really the day everything was going to change.