How to Escape Privet Drive during a death eater attack without breaking a sweat:

the explosion down stairs had woken Harry instantly. He peered down the stairs and saw the men in black cloaks and white masks filing in. "So much for the damn blood wards," Harry muttered to himself bitterly. He hid in his room as the Dursley's stormed down stairs/died.

"I need help..." Harry thought. "I need..."

"Does Master Harry Potter sir need helps?" asked a squeaky voice as Dobby appeared with a pop.

"Dobby!" Harry yelped in shock. "There are eight Death Eaters downstairs. They're here to kill me, I need you to..." But Harry couldn't finish asking the House-Elf to go for help because Dobby suddenly got a fierce look in his eyes.

"Says no more, Master Harry Potter, sir. Dobby will gets rid of the bad-wizards!" the house-elf pointed at Harry's bedroom door and it exploded outwards with more force the front door had. The little house-elf charged down stairs. Harry, believing Dobby was doomed, quickly scribbled the word "Help" on a scrap of paper and gave it to Hedwig.

"Wake up, girl," Harry urged quietly. "I need you to take this to the Order, the house is under attack."

"Hoot?" inquired the owl curiously.

"Attack… Dobby the house-elf is down there right now… I'm afraid for him."

"Hoot-hoot!" replied Hedwig indignantly.

"NO!" Harry pleaded as Hedwig opened her wings and swept out the door the way Dobby had gone.

Harry said a silent prayer for his two friends. Despite Dobby's odd definition of "saving" Harry, Harry rather liked him. And Hedwig was, after all, one of his first and most constant friends in the world. What could he possibly do without her? Then he heard the oddest sounds from the hallway.

When the Order arrived on the scene they were shocked. #4 Privet drive was littered with bodies. They stepped over three death eaters just to get through the door. They looked in the kitchen to see the Dursley's were dead in the kitchen. Sitting on top of Vernon Dursley's huge belly was Hedwig, who was thoroughly enjoying her meal of silver-handed rat. They stepped over another four on their way up the stairs. When they got to Harry's room they stepped over another body in the doorway, one that Albus regrettably noted was missing some limbs, and saw Harry sitting on the bed eating popcorn as he watched Dobby and the last death eater.

"Who is you's master?" growled the little elf dangerously.

"m-m-m-m-m.." stammered the poor beaten, broken, pitiable excuse for a bad guy.

There was a sickening crunch as Dobby pointed at the man's knee. "WHO IS YOU'S MASTER!" Dobby yelled again.

"P-POTTER! HARRY POTTER!" screamed the Death eater.

Dobby delivered another smack to the man's face and growled, "Don'ts be forgetsing!"

Harry applauded loudly, which caused the House-elf to twist his ears bashfully. When they noticed the group, Dobby banished the blood from his pillowcase and bowed. "May Dobby be getting Master Harry Potter's guest foods and Treatsies?"

"N-no thanks," stammered Tonks, who had never been more afraid of a being in her life.

"Can I have some water please?" Harry asked Dobby calmly.

"Rights away, Master Harry Potter, sirs!" Dobby said, popping away.

"Harry," Dumbldore asked. "What did you do to these men?"

"Nothing," Harry said simply. "Dobby and Hedwig did it all."

"A House-elf and an owl slaughtered a Death eater hit squad?" Moody growled skeptically.

"I guess slaughter was the best word of it," Harry nodded as Dobby popped back in.

"Sorry it tooks so long, Master Harry Potter sir," Dobby bowed. "Dobby is getting Master Harry Potter sir's water from springs in Tibets. This houses waters is not fits for Master Harry Potter Sir."

"You are such a good house-elf," Harry said with a smile. Dobby began leaping for joy.

"Did... did Dobby torture all of them like that?" asked Albus.

"Oh, no," Harry waved his hand dismissively as Dobby began to be embarrassed. "Just the ones that survived the first encounter." Harry reached down and pulled off the masks.

"Bellatrix and Lucious Malfoy?" gasped Snape.

"Oh yeah," Harry nodded, prodding the now passed out Malfoy with his foot. "You should have seen what Dobby did to Bellatrix. Got her to declare her undying faith in Sirius, and her eternal love of Muggles everywhere." he prodded Bellatrix, a bit harder than he had Malfoy. "You know... before she passed out from the pain and blood loss."

"But house-elves can't kill humans," said Remus in a stunned whisper. "Unless the home is under attack... which by your testimony was done by the time he started on these two."

"Oh," Dobby piped up. "Master Lupies would be suprised what wizards can lives through."

Just then, Hedwig soared back in and landed on Harry Potter's shoulder. "Who's the best owl in the world?" he cooed to her. "You are… I have to remember to get Hagrid something really great. You are the best owl, yes you are."

"Hoot-hoot," Hedwig replied with a smug nod.

Now, Albus Dumbldore was a master of many languages, including Owl-ish. He was able to translate this comment as; "Damn straight"