She ruffles through the box, running her hands over beaded candy canes and handprint reindeer. She picks up a popsicle stick frame, where a 6-year-old version of herself stares back at her with pigtails. Kate groans, shoving it to the bottom of the box and picking up a ballerina ornament instead. She smiles at the memory associated with it, her 4-year-old dream to be a professional dancer, and begging her mother to buy enough ballerina ornaments to fill the whole tree. It's her oldest memory.
"Hey, you started without me!"
She turns, watching Castle stroll into the room, carrying his own box of ornaments.
"Sorry," Kate shrugs, putting the ballerina back in the box. "This is just the first time I've opened this box since…I just wanted to make sure that I could do it."
Castle sits down beside her on the floor with his box, draping an arm around her shoulders. "But that's why I'm here; so you don't have to do these sorts of things alone."
Her head falls onto his shoulder. "I know. But I had to do this for me, you know. See if I was ready."
She didn't want another repeat of last year. It had been their first Christmas together and Castle had convinced her into getting the old box of Christmas decorations from her dad's. She'd been already to open them, with Castle right there at her side, when she lost it. Opening the box had nearly sent her into hysterics, the memories just too much for her to handle. He'd held her as she cried; assuring her that maybe next year she could do it.
"What changed?" he asks. "One year really make all the difference?"
She shrugs again. "I don't know."
"It's being married to be me, isn't it?" he asks with a laugh, nudging her with his elbow.
"I doubt that," she laughs back.
"Oh come on. Brand new chapter in your life, closure to your mother's case, it's totally me. I'm the reason."
She laughs harder pushing him away from her. He gives her that little cocky grin of his before reaching his hands into her box of ornaments. He pulls out the handprint reindeer and then reaches into his own box pulling out an almost identical one.
"Alexis," he explains with a small smile.
Kate takes them both from him, turning them over in her hands.
"Hers looks better than mine," she pouts, hanging them on opposite sides of the tree.
"That's just because yours is so much older than hers."
"You calling me old?"
"If you're old, I'm ancient."
She laughs, reaching into his box and pulling out a plush snowman. Castle, in turn, dips into her box and pulls out the ballerina. He raises an eyebrow at her.
"I was going to be a professional dancer when I was four," she explains.
"Oh I see. How'd that work out for you?"
Kate hummed, taking the little statue from him and hanging it right up front. "Oh I retired by the age of five."
"Wow tough career. Sounds even more daunting than your current career choice."
"Oh yeah, practice every Saturday morning? It was rough."
Castle laughs, pulling her into his arms. "Such a shame you didn't keep that up. I'm sure that flexibility would come in handy in the bedroom."
"Oh I think we do just fine in that department don't you?" she purrs, her hands scraping at the back of his sweater.
"This is true."
He leans in to kiss her, his hands fisting at the back of her shirt.
"We'll have plenty of time for that later," she tells him after she pulls away. "Right now, we need to finish decorating this tree."
Castle huffs and reluctantly releases her; watches as she bends over his box again, this time picking up a simple glass ball ornament.
"This tree is going to be the most random mix of things," Kate says.
"That's what's going to make it so great." He digs a fistful of beaded candy canes out of Kate's box and hangs them on the tree at random. "Did you make these too?"
She nods, running a finger along the one closest to her. "Used to make a new one every year. I stopped when I was about 12, thinking I was too cool to do that kind of stuff anymore."
"That sounds like Alexis and these snowflakes."
Castle reaches down and pulls out a stack of paper snowflakes cut into odd shapes and decorated with glitter.
"Don't you find it a little odd that you keep comparing your wife to your daughter?"
"Well I'd compare you to me, but I don't exactly have anything to use for that. Besides, I think it's cute, getting to see this side of little Kate Beckett."
She takes the snowflakes from him and hangs them up besides her candy canes as he goes back to search through her box. Somehow he ends up with that stupid popsicle frame she'd hidden on the bottom earlier.
"This is you?" Castle grins, holding the picture up against her face to compare. "Oh look how cute you were!"
"Were?"
"Well I mean, you're still cute, but now you're like sexy, hot cute and not adorable little girl cute," he stammers.
"Uh-huh."
"You know this picture brings a whole new meaning to the phrase pulling my pigtails."
"Shut up," she groans, snatching it away from him to hide it somewhere in the back. "Don't make me go ask Martha for old baby photos because you know she'll give them to me and you'll probably be naked in them too."
"But honey, you can see me naked whenever you want."
She groans at his use of the pet name. "Just for that, I'm asking her for photos when she gets home."
"No, don't do that! I was a chubby kid. I didn't have the awesome physique I do now."
"Even better," she smiles wickedly. "It could be good for your ego."
He bats her on the arm with a plush Santa he's pulled out of his box. Kate pauses as her hand brushes over an ornament from her box resembling a gold locket. She knows what this is and really doesn't want to open it. But she does anyway, staring down at the picture of her and her mother taken when she was about ten.
"What have you got there?" Castle asks, sliding up besides her.
She hands it over to him. He stares at it for a moment, almost as breathless as she was. Suddenly his hand is on her back, rubbing circles.
"It's been 12 years," Kate sighs. "Is this ever going to get easier?"
"I think it already has. Last year you couldn't even open the box. It takes time, Kate. And it may never be something you're over, but you can at least accept it."
Her arms encircle his torso and she kisses his cheek.
"I love you," she whispers into his ear.
"I love you too," he tells her, placing a kiss to her hair. "Let's see what else is in these boxes okay?"
She nods and they finish decorating the tree with the rest of their mismatched ornaments. Kate can't help but think it looks ridiculous. It makes her smile though. It's just so very…them. Castle collapses onto the couch, complaining about his back hurting. She moves behind him on the couch and starts massaging his shoulders.
"You and your old age," she taunts.
"Keep being mean and I'm going to take back your presents."
"You wouldn't dare."
He turns his head and kisses the inside of her wrist. "The tree looks great."
"Yeah it does," she agrees. "But it's missing something."
"What?"
She disappears into their bedroom and comes back out with a small blue box with a silver bow on it. Kate hands it to him, sitting beside him on the couch.
"What is this? Another ornament?" Castle asks.
"Just open it."
He pulls of the bow and opens the lid. He's silent for a moment, staring at the small object that lies inside. Castle gently takes it out of the box and turns to her.
"A silver baby rattle?"
She nods, placing her hand on top of his on the rattle.
"Kate, are you trying to tell me something?"
She nods again, a grin spreading across her face. He looks from the baby rattle to her face before his eyes drift down to her stomach.
"No," he grins back, her smile contagious. "You're pregnant?"
"Sure am."
Castle pulls her into a hug, laughing with joy. "We're having a baby!" His hand comes to her stomach. "There's a little Castle in there."
Her hands grab both sides of his face and she pulls him in for a kiss. When he pulls away from her lips, he bends down and kisses her stomach.
"That's my son in there," he whispers.
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"I already have a daughter."
"Well I don't."
Castle seems to think about this, one hand splayed over her stomach and the other stroking the little rattle. Kate shakes her head at him.
"Merry Christmas, Castle."
AN: Dedicated to my Mini! Merry Christmas!