Role of a Lifetime
Everything's an act,
When you're pleasing everyone.
And he assumes that role
To such renown.
He plays a perfect part,
Straight from his heart
Knowing the risk he takes
And hoping that the house
Is not brought down.
Merlin knows that everything Arthur does is an act. He tries his very best to please his father and make him proud. He plays the perfect son and prince to everyone. Knowing that they might get caught someday, he still took the risk of being with him.
The role of a lifetime is living a fantasy.
The trauma that you struggle to erase.
Thoughts battle words over deeds
A war with such casualties.
All played out behind a smiling face.
The role he played for everyone is something even Merlin can't do. The time that his father caught two homosexual lovers in Camelot, he executed them without giving a second thought. This made Arthur more scared and frightened for himself and his lover. He always keeps the smile on his face even if in reality he's very scared.
God I need your guidance
Tell me what it means
To live a life where nothings as it seems.
Spending days in silent fear,
And spending nights in lonely prayer.
Hoping that one day when you wake,
Those feelings won't be there.
God is his only refuge. He always asks for his guidance and prays to him. He's always afraid to what might happen to him and his prince, always praying for their safety. And someday, he hopes that his feelings for the prince will just vanish like they've never been there at all.
So confused because I feel complete with him
When we're alone it all somehow makes sense.
Look into his eyes for some compromise
Remember the word, forget
And try to bury something so intense.
Merlin always feels complete when he's with him. Just like the dragon said, they are two sides of the same coin. When they're alone, he always wants to make the moment to last. Looking into those deep blue eyes, he needs to know how to forget and try to bury those feelings deep in his heart.
You learn to play the straight man,
Your lines become routine.
Never really saying what you mean.
But I know the scene will change,
White picket fences, and a dog,
A trophy bride and children
God I know that's what he wants
Arthur learned to play the straight man and flirt with the girls in the court. But Merlin knows that is not the real him. Still, he's afraid that someday, he will take a bride and have children. He knows he needs to have an heir but he can never give him that. He saw him being comfortable with Gwen, spending time with her so that no one will suspect about them. Knowing that the smile on Arthur's face is real when he's with her, his heart broke into pieces because one day, maybe he'll pick Gwen over him, the sweet and lovely Guinevere.
But Jason what role do I play,
Am I a saviour or a phase?
Am I here to damn you?
Or to help you navigate this maze.
Where confusion is a crime,
So you fill your life with sound,
And if you dance like hell,
You hope you never touch the ground.
He's confused because he doesn't know what he means to Arthur anymore. Don't know if he's someone who still matters to him or just someone that will damn him to hell. He just watched while Arthur danced with the flow, of whomever his father made him to dance with.
What happens when the music stops?
In the silence will he stay one day,
One day you'll realize that these feelings aren't going away
So we drive ourselves insane,
Spinning circles in our souls,
As we dance around and play pretend.
Then once again,
Reprise our roles.
One day he'll realize that these feelings won't go away. So he'll just continue to do their routine, acting like their just master and servant. Pretending that there is nothing more going on between them. They'll just play their roles in the stage we call life.
-Fin.
The song is called Role of a lifetime from the musical bare: a pop opera reviews are All of my fan fictions are unbeta-ed so sorry for the wrong grammar.