DISCLAIMER: Joss and other people own all.
DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone else, please let me know.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including "The Gift" is fair game.
REVIEW: Sure.
NOTES: In the future, Spike tells the story about what happened to him personally when the portal closed.
DEDICATION: To the entire One-Good-Day crew who keep a stash of Naked Spikes handy. grin
The shaking stopped. The lightening
stopped. It became suddenly quiet, as if all sound 'ad been snuffed out in
an instant, as if the heavens were stunned into abject silence. I looked
up from my position on the ground t' see that the portal 'ad closed.
*Good, Buffy saved the day. Buffy always saves the day.* I thought
in excitement and admiration for my golden girl. I always called 'er
'mine' in my mind, it made me feel closer t' her. She'd probably 'ave
staked me if she knew 'ow I 'owned' her in my fantasies.
In those first few seconds of relief that
the danger was past, it didn't occur t' me that since the ritual 'ad already
begun, the only way t' stop it was when the blood stopped flowing. And I
don't mean stopped by putting a bandage over it, because that does not actually
stop the blood from flowing. It only stops it from flowing outside the
body, but as long as the body is alive, the blood will still flow.
Therefore, the portals between dimensions would remain open until the blood that
opened them in the ritual stopped flowing... COMPLETELY.
Gradually, I realized that since it'd
started and was now stopped, that Dawn must be dead. *Oh, my poor
Buffy. I let you down. I didn't protect Dawn as I promised I
would. Oh god, 'ow is she going t' get through this?* My thoughts
were filled with grief for Buffy at that moment. For a short time, I
wondered 'ow Dawn 'ad died. Did Buffy decide that t' save the world, she
must kill 'er closest blood relative? No, there was no way that Buffy'd do
that. Dawn must've jumped 'erself. Little bit always 'ad a great
deal of courage and she'd do the right thing, just like 'er big sis. Those
Summers' women were so bloody wonderful. Makes me ill t' think of all the
years I've been on this earth and 'ow much damage I've done. My admiration
for them grew tenfold.
Slowly, as if coming out from behind a
thick fog, it dawned on me that Buffy'd not accept the obvious conclusion.
She'd not allow her sister t' die if there was anything she could do t' prevent
it. I knew this. I knew Buffy. I knew 'er better than anyone,
but it never occurred t' me t' think about another possibility. All the
clues 'ad been there, but all of us, myself included, 'ad ignored the
facts. Not even 'er watcher 'ad figured out that Buffy'd not allow someone
else t' die if she could prevent it in any way possible. I should've known
she'd sacrifice 'erself t' save Dawn and the world. I should've
known. The wheels were turning in 'er head. Death was 'er
gift. Dawn was made from 'er. Their blood was the same. Bloody
hell! I SHOULD'VE known!
When I came t' the realization that there
was only one way our Buffy would respond, I feared t' look up. I didn't
want t' see what I knew I'd see, but I also knew I must. I picked myself
up and moved slowly t' where the Scoobies were gathering. Even though I
knew 'n my heart what I'd find there, the sight of 'er body nearly tore me
apart. My knees gave out and I fell t' the ground. I looked up t'
see if it'd been a dream, a nightmare, but it was not. I broke. I
broke and the floodgates opened. I'd 'eard that expression many times
b'fore, but never really understood what it meant till that moment. I
could not stop sobbing uncontrollably. The tears poured down my
face.
My 'eart felt as though it was gripped in a
vice, as though some giant hand was squeezing it in an effort t' give its
muscles a workout. If I'd needed t' breathe, it would've taken too much
effort. Pain far beyond anything I'd imagined was pinnin' me t' the
ground. I was unable t' move in my grief.
While sobbing there on the ground, images
flashed through my mind. Images of Buffy the first time I saw 'er, the
times I tried t' kill 'er, the first time we made a truce. Images of the
time Red'd put that spell on us. I 'ad secretly cherished those images,
but I'd not 'ave admitted it t' anyone but Buffy. Then I came t' the
images of possibilities lost. All of the possibilties that were lost when
we lost 'er. Everything gone. Just gone.
I don't know 'ow long I was there sobbing
wretchedly, it seemed an eternity. The emotions flooded through me.
The pain of loss, the agony, the despair, and the knowledge that I'd failed
her. I'd let 'er down and now she was gone. My beautiful Buffy was
gone. There was no light left in the sky. I'd no reason to go on, no
purpose in this bitter world. All that was left for me was an eternity of
agony and regret and I wasn't strong enough t' bear that. I'd just about
made up my mind t' walk directly into the sunlight t' put myself out of my
misery, when I felt a tentative touch on my shoulder and then heard a soft voice
behind me.
"Spike..." she said with a question
in her voice, as if she blamed herself, and I knew then that I still 'ad a
purpose. I'd made a promise t' a lady and I planned t' keep
it.
~~The End~~