For those who have been following, reading and/or reviewing, thank you.
If you're stumbling across me for the first time, here's hoping you enjoy my efforts.
When I first started, pieces such as this one, my writing was influenced by my reading material at the time, most of which were influenced by the book cover! Han and Leia on the cover, buy it. Anyone else, well, meh, maybe. But then only if a scan through revealed Han and Leia's names and therefore their guaranteed appearance in person. Well, in writing, but you see what I mean.
I don't now recall the book but I remember reading one which opened with Han and Leia having separated. What! My Han! My Leia! No more!
I think it introduced us to the Yuuzhan Vong, who I could never quite get along with.
But it did get me thinking of my own version. One which naturally side-steps the space battle action, basically because I couldn't write that to save my life.
So here it is, my take on how losing Chewie might have affected Han. A brief appearance by the Vong. And, ultimately, how the couple might have reconcilled. I hope it's okay, your thoughts are gratefully received, but please remember I'm not an actual writer, so please, no flames!
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There are sensitive souls who deeply feel a sense of pain and loss on hearing of the death of an unknown and cry tears of joy at the birth of one they will never meet. They are the lucky ones. Lucky, that their love of the all means they never feel the sense of unparalleled agony for the few.
There are those, and we all know of them, who feel sorrow only for the loss of a truly loved one. They are the one's who deserve our pity. And our compassion. For they are the one's who suffer a loss so great, no tender words nor loving embrace can extinguish.
In the aftermath of Chewbacca's death saving the life of his youngest son, Anakin, Han Solo had little by little shut out everyone around him.
It had begun with the Medics who had tried without success to treat his bereavement.
Then his friends, who had insisted Chewie's demise had been an honourable act of heroism protecting the son of the man to whom he owed a life debt.
Then finally his family.
Anakin was the first to be shunned.
The boy had abandoned Han's friend and co-pilot; left him behind to die in Han's eyes. He could barely bring himself to look upon his child, let alone speak to him.
Anakin was fourteen and idolised his father. He had gone over and over the day in question both in his own mind and with tactical analysts. And he knew, knew, that there had been no way he could possibly have saved both Chewbacca and a transport full of refugees. He had explained the logic and rationale for his actions to his father only to be met with a drunken explosion of Corellian expletives and to be angrily told that he 'should have tried harder!'
His mother had been furious and, despite school being out for another ten days, insisted both Anakin and his sister Jaina return to their studies with Luke at the Jedi Temple on Yavin IV as soon as transport could be arranged. She had wanted fifteen year old Jacen to go with them, but he had refused, citing his disinterest in all things Force related and because he was learning a trade hauling freight with his father.
Although Jacen dared not say it aloud, he feared greatly for his mother's safety between his father's spiralling depression and his deteriorating grip on just who and what was really important in his life.
Reluctantly Leia had agreed that Jacen could stay.
"This has got to stop Han! You can't keep driving people away. Your friends...even your own family." She'd told him.
"You! You sent them away, not me. This was your doing. Not mine." He'd pointed his finger angrily at her.
She'd tried to make him understand. She'd been concerned about the effect his behaviour was having on their children. She'd felt under the circumstances she'd had no choice.
"We all of us have choices Leia." He'd snarled. "He chose to leave Chewie behind."
Leia hadn't needed to ask who Han had meant by 'he'. Nor had she bothered to try to defend their son's actions. It would have been pointless. Nothing she could have said or done would have changed Han's opinion. His grief was too strong, his despair too deep.
He needed time and space. Wasn't it she who would have berated him had their roles been reversed.
So she gave him time.
And she gave him space.
Over the coming weeks, Leia had immersed herself in her work while Han had worked transporting merchandise with Jacen as his co-pilot by day and spent much of his earnings on the sabacc tables or in glasses of spirits by night.
He'd returned to the apartment he still shared with Leia on Coruscant when his schedule permitted. They'd shared the occasional evening meal and a bed, but little else, and the strain was starting to show. Dinner was usually eaten in silence and Han would waste little time in heading to a cantina to round his evening off.
If Leia was working late or at a formal function, Han would invite those Rogues he still considered his friends round for a few drinks and some entertainment.
In time, the routine had become so commonplace as to feel normal.
Han Solo stretched out his long legs, leaned his head back into the hands he had clasped behind his head and sighed as he boasted. "Now this, gentlemen, is a classic!"
Wes Janson, Gavin Darklighter and Wedge Antilles exchanged looks. Together with Han they were seated around the apartment's entertainment complex watching a recording with an 'adult' theme.
"The little lady doesn't mind you watching this stuff?" Wedge asked.
"Han Solo don't answer to no 'little lady'. Never did. Never will." Han answered, pressing 'play' on his vid remote.
"Coru-scanties?" Gavin said, reading the box lid. "Sounds classy."
"You want classy Darklighter take yourself down to the Galactic City Ballet." Han scowled.
"Whoa!" Wes Janson exclaimed. "Wasn't expecting that quite so early into the show."
"Hey, I think I know her." Gavin grinned.
"You aint even seen her face yet!" Wedge complained.
"Maybe. But I never forget an ass. Especially one that looks like that!" Gavin bragged.
"Now, that's the kind of ass a guy could suck on for a week!" Wes observed.
"You aint never had a woman that long, how would you know?" Wedge goaded.
"'Cos Wes is an expert when it comes to suckin' ass!" Gavin laughed.
"That was 'suckin ass', wasn't it boys?" Han roared with laughter at his own innuendo.
As the scenes progressed and the alcohol flowed the crudity and volume of the boys comments also increased.
Perhaps it was because of their raucous shouts that none of them heard the the apartment door open and close. Just as it may have been for that same reason that none of them were immediately aware of the petite female's fury at finding her husband and his friends engrossed in the orgy on screen.
It was Wedge who caught sight of Leia's horrified expression and who tugged persistently at Han's arm for his attention.
"What?" Han finally snapped.
"The little lady's home." Wedge mouthed to him before beaming at her. "Leia. You're back."
"Oh, hey Sweetheart." Han called. "You're early."
"Clearly." She answered coldly.
"Why don't you come and join us? One of you, four of us. Kinda like the cutie in the movie." He patted the sofa between himself and Gavin Darklighter.
"I think it might be about time for the boys to go home." Leia suggested.
Wedge pushed to his feet, clearing his throat anxiously.
"Nonsense! We got another couple of these to watch after this one." Han told her and waved his hand at Wedge to sit down.
"Leia's right. It's getting late and we really should be going." Wedge smiled, indicating to Gavin and Wes that they should move also.
"Nah, come on." Han assured them. "I told you before, Leia's cool with this. Aint ya honey?"
He tilted his head back and grinned up at his wife's far from cool expression.
"Don't you have an early run in the morning Han?" Leia asked sharply.
"Not to my knowledge." He answered and drained his glass. "And since when have you been my social secretary."
"Look..." Wedge said, hearing Leia's intake of breath and noting her glare at Han. "It's been a fun night, but I got an early morning even if you don't and my boss will have a nerf if I'm late on shift, so I'm gonna have to get going. Wes? Gavin? You coming?"
His question was of course rhetorical and the three of them left with a nervous smile at Leia, who didn't give them a second glance as they left. She merely stood glaring at the back of her husband's head, trying not to lose her control or her composure.
"What do you think you're doing?" Leia finally asked.
"Watching a vid, what's it look like I'm doing?" He answered, refilling his glass.
"Well it looks to me like you're getting your rocks off watching porn, whilst completely oblivious to the fact that our son is in the apartment. Where is Jacen?" She said, her temper rising.
"His room I guess." Han answered with a shrug of his shoulders.
"You guess! You don't even know?" She demanded.
"I don't keep him on leash Leia. You should try it sometime." He sloshed his liquor around his glass.
"And what if he'd seen your choice of entertainment?" She challenged.
"Well I dunno sweetheart, maybe he'd get his rocks off too!" He snapped.
"Why are you doing this?" She pleaded.
"Not this again!" He mumbled.
"Yes Han. This. Again." Her voice was edgy, close to breaking. "Why must you persist in making our lives so miserable."
Han rose, turned off the vid and pushed past her.
"I'm going to bed." He told her stalking to the bedroom.
Leia wanted to stop him. Wanted to have this out with him, once and for all. But that small voice at the back of her head reminded her to be patient. He'd come to her when he was ready. Just as she had gone to him when she'd felt able.
Jacen, meanwhile, working alongside his father every day, was becoming more and more introverted around him. Something which was not lost on his mother.
Two weeks passed and with Han once again out for the evening, Leia took the opportunity to broach the subject with her son over dinner, enquiring how he had found their most recent run had gone.
"Dad was sober." He shrugged. "Going out at least. Then he had a 'couple' of drinks to 'seal the deal' and spent the flight back on the Medical bunk sleeping it off."
"You were okay though?" She asked concerned.
"I can handle her just fine, so long as the flight's straightforward." Jacen confirmed.
"Her? Oh, the Falcon." Leia smiled.
"Don't worry, he doesn't have another woman." He smiled back at his mother. "Not yet at least."
"Thanks for the reassurance!" Leia teased.
"He'd be a fool to do that to you. Honestly Mom, you're beautiful." He told her.
Leia smiled warmly and blushed. "I'm not sure your father even notices me any more Jace."
"Sure he does," he assured her, "I've seen him checking you out when you're not looking. It's just that he's in such a dark place right now you wouldn't think he was interested."
"Does he talk much about Chewie? About what happened?" She asked.
"He doesn't talk much about anything." He shook his head. "A couple of times he called me Chewie by mistake. It was pretty clear from his expression how much it hurt him."
"Well, Chewie was a big part of his life." Leia explained, toying with the remaining food on her plate.
"Bigger than his own family?" Jacen queried.
"It's...it's complicated Jacen. Chewie and your father, they had a bond. A bond that went deeper than mere friendship." Leia continued.
"I just don't get it Mom." He complained. "I don't get how he can turn his back on us."
"He needs to find his own path. And what we need, is the faith to believe that path will lead him back to us." Leia told him thoughtfully.
"I love you Mom. I don't think any of us tell you that often enough."
"I love you too sweetheart." Leia smiled back and gently stroked his cheek. "But it's still your turn to do the dishes."
Jacen cleared the table, made his mother a mug of stim tea and was stacking the recycling unit when his father blundered back into the apartment.
"'S'right. S'okay. Nothin's broke. I'm. All. Right." Han managed amid much tripping over his own feet and banging into things.
"Do you think just once you could manage to come home without being drunk out of your skull!" Leia cursed beneath her breath.
"What's that honey? How'd I do on the table's tonight?" Han held a wavering hand to his ear. "I did great sweetheart. Thanks for asking. Got my stake money back and a whole lot more besides..."
He flopped onto the sofa beside her and threw a not-so-casual arm around her shoulders. His once endearing grin now annoying her.
"Got something in my pants for you. Ya wanna see?"
"Jacen is in the kitchen!" She hissed through her teeth.
"Well good. He can come take a look too. Hey Jace..." Han called. "Get your ass out here a minute wouldya."
"Han!" Leia protested as a sullen looking Jacen entered the living area.
Han started wriggling around on the sofa, shoving his hand into first one then the other pocket of his pants.
"Now where'd I put it?" He continued digging about in his pants. "Don't s'pose you wanna help me out here sweetheart." He leered at Leia who glared back. "Ah! Got it!"
A huge grin broke across Han's face as he pulled a small black box from his pants pocket.
"Now, I know it's not very big." He burped, barely avoiding her face. "But it's from the heart."
He held his hand out at her as straight as he could. Against her better judgement Leia took the box and cautiously opened it. Inside lay a small diamond, set into a small locket on a fine gold chain.
"A Princess cut. For a Princess." Han said, his eyes hooded more from alcohol than passion.
"You...you won this?" Leia asked, frowning.
Han slid down on the sofa, resting his head in her lap.
"That and enough credits to finally get that hyperdrive upgrade for the Falcon. She is gonna cruise like a dream." Han grinned.
"You know what this is, don't you?" Leia asked him.
"Sure I do. It's a diamond. You can tell, 'cos it's all sparkly like. Besides I got it authenticated before I took the bet." He nestled his head deeper into her lap. "No need to thank me Princess."
Jacen sighed, sensed an impending argument and headed back to finish his kitchen chores.
"This is a love-locket. I can't take this." Leia said and snapped the lid on the box closed.
"Waddaya mean ya can't take it?" Han shot up to face her. "I won it fair and square!"
"It's a love token. It's supposed to be given by a young man to the young woman he intends to marry. It's a kind of precursor to an engagement." She told him. "You need to give it back."
"Excuse me!" Han exploded. "I know you didn't say what I think you just said."
"You can't give me another man's love token. It's bad luck." She reasoned.
"Well, sure it is. It's his bad luck he lost it and it's her bad luck she picked such a sucker to court her!" He countered.
"You shouldn't have taken it. I can't accept it. And you have to give it back." She held the box out for him.
"I can't give it back. I don't even know where he lives." He said smugly.
"Well I'm sure a resourceful man such as yourself will know someone who knows someone who can find out where he lives and then you can give it him back." She said and rose to show him she held the higher ground.
"See this is your problem Leia." Han snatched the box from her outstretched palm and shoved it back into his pants pocket. "Everything is black and white to you, good and bad, right and wrong. There's never any middle ground. Maybe if there were..." He trailed off, swaggering to his feet.
"What Han? What? If there were a middle ground, what? Alderaan wouldn't have been blown out of existence? The Empire would have fallen sooner. Would Chewie still be alive? Is that what you think would happen if I had a middle ground?" She was baiting him and they both knew it.
"Maybe...maybe there'd still be a chance for us." He answered quietly and weaved his way toward the bedroom, leaving Leia where she stood, mouth slightly agape.
Jacen heard the exchange, pretending he hadn't when he returned to the living area and asked if his mother would like some more stim tea. She just shook her head at him, her face still registering the shock of Han's words. Then he excused himself and, using a secure channel in his mother's name, called his sister on Yavin IV.
"Damnit Jace, I wish you'd get to grips with the time difference. I just got to sleep like an hour ago!" Jaina grumbled.
"I needed to talk to you." His face was dark with emotion.
"Jace, you look like Hell." Jaina observed. "You haven't gotten some girl into trouble have you?"
"No of course not!" Jacen answered. "It's Mom and Dad."
Jaina rolled her eyes. "Again! What she say to him this time?"
"You know not everything is Mom's fault!" Jacen told her, exasperated.
"Yeah. Well not everything's Dad's either." She countered.
"He's just told her it's over. Well, as good as." He told her, bitterly.
"Huh?" Jaina asked, confused.
"He told her he didn't think there was anything left for them. I think they're splitting up." He relayed.
"That's crazy!" Jaina sat up straight, thinking. "We have to do something."
"I don't know Jay...maybe it's for the best." Jacen reasoned.
"You know what Jace, you're as bad as she is!" Jaina snapped. "You might be prepared to give up on them, but I'm not. I'll think of something."
"Jaya..." Jacen looked concerned.
"If they didn't still love one another we'd feel it through the Force." Her eyes drifted down and then back up what she could see of her brother's body in his dimly lit room. "Well, I would at least."
"Can't you come home?" Jacen pleaded.
"Oh sure! I'm sorry to ask, Grand Jedi Master Skywalker, but my Mommy and Daddy need me so can I go home for a little while please. You understand, you being my Uncle and Mommy's brother and all." Jaina quipped. "Besides, I've got a try-out for Rogue Squadron coming up and you know how hard it is to get picked for a try-out, let alone to actually get into Rogue!"
"You have? That's incredible Jaina." Jacen said, brightening.
"Well, what can I say. They needed the best so they discounted the rest." Jaina crowed proudly.
"I'm pleased for you. Truly." He offered.
"You just concentrate on keeping Mom and Dad from doing anything stupid." Jaina told him. "I'll work out a rescue plan. You okay with that little brother?"
"Good Luck for your try-out." Jacen said, nodding his approval. "Solo out."
Jacen sat back, a plan of his own formulating in his head.
Rogue Squadron.
It was every pilot's dream to be in Rogue.
Wait until his father heard his daughter had been picked to try-out for them. He'd be so brimming with pride nothing else would matter. Jacen would have to pick the right time of course. Too early and his father's euphoria would have worn off before he got home, too late and he'd probably be too drunk to care.
Jacen nodded slowly to himself. Yes, he'd pick his moment. Tell them both together. Over dinner. They'd be overjoyed. Of course, his mother would worry. Rogue had a reputation for being rather 'flamboyant' in their flying and 'aggressive' in their combat routines. But he would reassure her that Jaina was a class A pilot. After all, she'd inherited her skills from her father.
And then pride would replace fear and they'd realise what it was they all had together.
The family they had created.
The love they still shared.
It was perfect.
It was foolproof.
It was therefore destined for disaster. He hadn't reckoned on his father heading for a cantina after working on the Falcon for nearly fourteen hours straight. Nor had he reckoned on his father not coming home until he was close to paralytic. And he certainly hadn't reckoned on how his father and mother might then spend their night together.
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The morning after that fateful night Jacen had deliberately skipped breakfast and taken a sackful of tools and equipment to the Falcon before Han had finally appeared.
He was showered, dressed and trying to ignore the hammer tongs in his head as he made his way into the kitchen.
Leia held the palm of her hand beneath his nose, two white pain relievers shining up at him.
"You might want to take these." She said and he took them with a half-hearted grateful smile.
"Then we need to talk." She added.
What is it with women. Han thought. That they have a constant need to talk.
"About what?" He asked and dry swallowed the pills.
"About last night." She said.
"Oh." He replied. "Well, the thing is sweetheart, last night's a bit hazy for me. Was I any good?"
"You don't remember do you?" She sighed, shaking her head.
"Ahh..." He contorted his face in concentration. "I remember...no, no, that was the night before. Last night, let's see...I came home...you were here...nope, that's about it."
"Do you recall coming into the bedroom?" She enquired, looking up at him expectantly.
His eyes narrowed. "Like I said, was I any good?"
"You were...forceful." She answered, choosing her words.
"Yeah, but was I good? I mean, I know I'm usually pretty amazing..." He leaned down at her, his lips curling into his trademark grin, the headache starting to lift already.
"I should just have you charged." Leia hissed calmly and started to walk away.
Han grabbed her arm and swung her back to face him.
"Just what are you talking about sweetheart?" His patience wearing thin.
"Last night." Leia twisted her arm free. "You...you forced yourself on me!"
Han snorted a laugh.
"Honey, if I had wanted you last night. I would have taken you last night." He boasted. "And if I can't remember the 'wanting' or the 'taking', then I must have been too drunk even for the 'trying'."
"Oh you did more than just try!" Leia pulled back her sleeves to show the deepening bruises where he'd pinned her wrists to the bed.
"Could be anything." He dismissed with a shrug. "Besides, you're my wife."
"So, what exactly? Non-consensual sex is allowed? Is that what you're saying?" She asked astonished.
"No! I'm saying that I'm not the kind o' guy who needs to force himself on a woman." He scowled at her.
"How would you know, you were too drunk to even remember!" Leia snapped.
"Well you sure have developed a short memory. Have you forgotten how you used to sneak aboard the Falcon to steal the odd snifter from my stores after Alderaan? But, I can see what this is all about. I had a couple of drinks..." He started.
"A couple!" She barked.
"...A couple of drinks with some old buddies of mine." He continued. "And just because I was a little rougher than Her Worshipfulness likes, I get accused of assaulting her."
"I said 'no'!" She hissed unaware that Jacen had returned to the apartment and was just the other side of the kitchen doorway. "I begged you to stop."
"Begged me? Begged me?" Han pointed his finger in her face. "You aint never begged anybody for anything in your life sister!"
"I reminded you Jacen was just next door, but you didn't care. You didn't care if he saw or heard or felt what you were doing!" She spat.
"Might not hurt the kid to see what it is grown ups get up to in the bedroom. Might help him get himself a girl better than all that fluff and flounce you give him about mutual respect and honour."
"He knows Han. He knows what you did." She growled at him angrily. "Are you proud of yourself? Proud of showing your son it's okay to treat his wife like..."
She was breathing heavily and the room was starting to swim a little before her eyes.
"Like what, huh?" He thundered back at her. "Like a prostitute maybe? Like the one who taught me about sex?"
"Like she doesn't mean anything to you!" Leia answered back. "And you obviously already think of me as a cheap whore seeing as you try to buy me off with trinkets won from other men."
"Be thankful I was gonna give it to you and not some other bimbo." He taunted.
"He's fifteen Han. He needs your guidance. And your love." Leia ignored the jibe.
"He gets plenty of that from you." He continued. "Though not all of it's good."
"I have never let him down the way you..." She started to reply.
"Aw come on Leia! You coddle him. You know you do." Han countered, loudly. "Ever since he was born an' his cord got stuck round his neck you've felt that you and you alone understood him. I never got a look in. None of us did. And now you want me to be his role model."
"I want you to stop treating us all like we don't exist." Leia lifted her face up into his, her eyes pleading. "Chewie's gone. But we're still here. Let us help you. Please Han."
"I don't need your help. I don't need you." Han took a breath. "You're just a piece of ass to me now."
The words stung.
But his lack of feeling stung her harder.
There were no words. Nothing she could say. Nothing she any longer felt she wanted to say.
Blinking back all emotion, she drew her hand back and slapped his face as hard as she could.
Han's head whipped back, his hand gripping his jaw where she'd hit him.
Then he drew back the length of his arm to lash out at her.
"No!" Jacen screamed from the doorway and, with his eyes blazing, careened across the kitchen, between his parents, grabbing his mother's shoulders and twisting her in his embrace away from his father's reach.
Gasping for breath, Han's eyes darted between mother and son. Then with a howl and a violent punch to the refrigeration unit, creating a fist shaped dent, he swept past the two of them and out of the apartment.
Jacen held his mother tightly in his arms soothing her.
"Go after him." She said, when she could get her breath.
"No. I'm not leaving you." Jacen told her.
"Please Jacen." She asked him. "You saw how he was. He's a danger to himself if not to anyone else."
"But you need me, here." He reasoned.
"I need you to take care of him. By doing that, you'll be caring for us both." She implored.
"He doesn't deserve you." Jacen struggled with his emotions as he hugged his mother again, kissed her cheek and reluctantly headed out after his father.
Just a piece of ass. You're just a piece of ass to me now.
The words repeated over and over in her head.
Leia tried to shut them out first by immersing herself in her work. Then later, after Jacen had confirmed that he and his father had secured a contract leaving immediately, by unwinding with a glass of Han's favourite Corellian Brandy.
Perhaps it felt like retribution to be drinking his brandy.
Perhaps it just felt good to be drinking anything.
Perhaps it just felt good not to feel anything except the taste of the brandy.
And the warmth of the room.
And the oblivion it brought.
Leia woke with a start, the ringing she thought was just in her ears turning out to be her personal communicator. She was sprawled across the table, exactly where she had fallen asleep earlier.
Wiping a hand across her face and shaking herself awake, she answered her call.
"Organa Solo." She announced trying to focus on the screen before her.
"Mom. Are you all right, you look a little...fuzzy or something?" Jaina asked.
"I..er...it must be the screen." Leia answered, forcing a smile. "How are you honey? How's training?"
"Fine." Jaina replied studying her mother's expression. "Is Dad there?"
"Er...no. He and your brother are on a run." Leia told her.
"Have you been drinking?" Jaina demanded.
"A small one. To help me sleep." Leia waved her hand nonchalantly.
"You're drunk!" Jaina exclaimed.
"I am not drunk!" Leia explained. "I had one, maybe two, small glasses just to help me unwind after..."
"You are such a hypocrite!" Jaina glowered.
"Jaina..." It was too late. Her daughter had signed off. "Great. Just great Leia!"
Leia looked at the bottle of brandy, glared at it taunting her with it's rich, deep colour. Then poured herself another glass. And didn't stop until the bottle was empty.
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"What the Hell!" Leia groaned and turned away from the light.
"You're awake. I thought I was going to have to call for a Medic." Winter said, adding beneath her breath. "Or a mortician."
Having attempted to contact Leia on a number of occasions without success, Winter used her access code to enter the apartment to discover her friend apparently passed out somewhere between in and on her bed.
"What time is it?" Leia croaked.
"A little after three." Winter replied, picking up discarded clothing.
"In the morning! Don't you have a life?" Leia blurted.
"Afternoon Your Highness." Winter explained. "It's three in the afternoon."
Leia sat up in bed, regretted it and cradled her head in her hands.
"Ohhh!" She moaned.
"Here." Winter held out two pain killers and a glass or water. "They'll help."
"Thanks." Leia said sheepishly and swallowed the pills and water. "What brought you round here?"
"Mon Mothma called. Said you'd missed a morning meeting and wasn't answering her calls. When you failed to arrive for your lunchtime briefing she got worried and called me. So I explained that I had double-booked your diary and apologised." Winter advised. "She's sending over the notes from the meeting and the briefing and will await your comments."
"Oh Winter!" Leia said apologetically, lying back and pulling the covers up on realising she was naked. "Thank you."
"So..." Winter sat on the edge of the bed. "You want to tell me why I had to lie to our Chief-of-State about your whereabouts for the first time in forever?"
Leia and Winter had been friends since they had been little girls growing up in the Palace on Alderaan and had shared a lifetime together. As children they had played together. In the early days of the Rebellion they had worked alongside one another. And in the New Republic they had remained as both friends and colleagues. But even the closest of friendships could be stretched to it's limits.
Taking a breath Leia decided to confide in her friend, whilst remaining economical with the truth of the events of the last forty-eight hours.
"I think Han has left me." She answered simply.
Winter's sigh sounded a lot like 'I told you so' to Leia. "Take a shower and I'll make you some stim tea. And then we'll talk."
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"He struck you!" Winter asked, astonished.
They were in the living area. Leia was wearing a thick robe, her hair drying in a wrap. Winter was beside her, noting the bruises to Leia's wrists she was trying her best to hide and the dark shadows at her eyes.
Leia had given an outline of the row she'd had with Han, keeping specifics to a minimum whilst guessing that Winter suspected there was more.
"No! No." Leia reassured her friend, shaking her head. "He wouldn't...he'd never have actually hit me."
Winter canted her head to one side and raised her eyebrows.
"Okay. So maybe he would, but he'd have regretted it right after." Leia said.
"Oh. That's all right then" Winter said, her voice laced with irony, and sipped her stim tea.
"You don't understand. He's under a lot of pressure." Leia told her.
"He's under..." Winter's brow knitted into a line. "He's under a lot of pressure you say. And what do you think you're under?"
"I knew you wouldn't understand." Leia said, shaking her head.
"Then you're right, I don't. And if you ask me, which I know you won't because you already know what I think of him, he doesn't deserve your loyalty." Winter watched her friend through the steam of her stim tea. "Or your love."
"This thing with Chewie, it's...it's hit him real hard." Leia tried to explain.
"Has he done this to you before?" Winter queried through narrowed eyes.
"No, of course not." Leia replied a little too quickly.
She averted her eyes, stared into her own mug of steaming stim tea and recognised the sadness of the lie reflected in her eyes.
And her thoughts went back two nights when Han had come home, drunk, stumbling through the apartment to their bedroom which Leia had just entered from their en suite 'fresher.
"Well, ring-a-ding-ding!" He'd grinned lopsidedly at her.
"You're drunk again I see." She'd admonished.
Leia secured a hair wrap around her head and pulled a nightgown from a drawer.
"Don't hamper my performance none." He'd drawled and swaggered his way over to wrap an arm around her waist whilst undoing his belt with his free hand.
"No Han. I'm tired." She easily shrugged him off and stepped away.
"Sure you are!" He'd said and tugged the towel from around her, tossing it aside.
"Oh Han." She'd sighed, as first one boot then the other was tossed across the bedroom.
"Okay, so, be honest..." He'd slurred, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it where he stood. "And tell me you don't want a piece of this."
His fingers fumbled briefly with his pants before they and his shorts were on the floor too.
"I don't want a piece of that." She'd said, totally deadpan.
Han had waggled his finger at her and snorted a laugh, snatching the nightgown from her hand and throwing it away over his shoulder.
"I am so not in the mood for you being like this tonight Han." She'd said, too exasperated to argue with him further. Instead she turned and opened a drawer for another gown.
"Don't you take that tone with me!" He'd ordered, angrily and reached around her to slam the drawer shut again.
He'd grabbed her arms then and as good as thrown her onto the bed, climbing on top of her and forcing her legs apart.
She'd protested, asked him to stop, told him he was hurting her, she'd slapped and thumped at this chest reminding him that their son's bedroom was only a short distance away but it was all to no avail.
He'd heard her faint gasp and felt her tense when he'd entered her, his hips pinning hers to the bed and when she'd continued to hammer on his torso after he'd ground into her a couple of times, he'd grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed beside her head.
"Don't fight me!" He'd hissed at her.
Leaning above her, her chest heaving, he saw in her face a look he had seen her wear only once before. An expression of both determination and fear. He'd seen it in the bunker on the forest moon of Endor, when an Imperial Officer was threatening to make him watch while he and his men raped her.
Han's eyes slowly drifted from her face to her left breast and the fine silvery scar just below the areola. The scar left by the same Imperial Officer before Han had killed him.
With dawning realisation, a trembling Han had released her arms and pulled himself free, hearing her cry and feeling the rasp of her dry inner walls as he did so.
He'd sat back on his haunches, eyed the reddened marks on her thighs that would most certainly bruise and, still shaking, bent forward to lay his head on her abdomen heaving a great sob as his big hands clasped her hips.
Han Solo was a Corellian. Corellians did not show emotion.
Leia could count the times she had seen him shed a tear on one hand; the day the twins were born; at Anakin's birth; on the loss of their fourth child; after Chewie's death.
Hearing him crying now and begging her forgiveness, had made her heart ache.
After a time, she'd reached down to stroke his unruly hair. No matter how he parted it, it always found a style all of it's own.
Her comfort had calmed him, soothed both his temper and his soul.
Slowly he had crept up to lay beside her, eyes closed and red from his tears, he'd whispered how sorry he was, how very sorry.
And he'd begged her to let him show her how repentant he was.
He'd kissed her face, soft, feathery kisses, his pursed lips brushing almost imperceptibly against her forehead, her eyebrows, eyelids, the bridge of her nose, it's tip. Touching her lips, momentarily, before moving to kiss her cheek, tilting her head to plant a fervent pattern on her ear, it's lobe, the delicate flesh of her neck.
There'd been no kissing back for Leia. She'd let him favour her but she had no desire to return the compliment. At any other time, she would have closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink into the pleasure of his ministrations. At any other time, she would have followed him where they were destined to go. His kisses would have been a precursor to more ardent lovemaking. But tonight she remained cautious, eyes watching his every move, preparing herself should his mood change again.
Leia had tried to remain perfectly still. She had been raised to maintain a certain level of detachment. A level which had proven invaluable in her work with the Rebel Alliance and, during the early days of her association with Han, in coping with her escalating feelings for him. Despite this, she couldn't stop the slight tremble. Not through fear, she was certain, and most definitely not from any sense of passion. However, they kept their bedroom at a fairly cool temperature, the couple preferring to find warmth in each other's embrace.
In her youth, in the Palace on Alderaan, the young Princess Leia Organa had been courted by a small number of equally young Princes. Soft men with soft hands, eager to show willing, slow to deliver. Han was their polar opposite. A strong man, with strong work worn hands. A man who knew how to use them, and use them well. Calloused in part from fighting the continual battle raged by his beloved ship, The Millennium Falcon, his hands were hard to touch but soft to feel. A young, inexperienced man may have grabbed at a breast in more than one heated grope, but Han had known how to hold, how to fondle and caress, how to stimulate every nerve to a point just this side of sheer ecstasy.
Chewie's death had hit Han harder than a lightsaber through the heart. In the days after his death, he had fallen deeper and deeper into despair and depression. He'd refused treatment, refused help, refused even to talk about his grief.
He had pushed his wife, his family, his friends, as far away as he possibly could and in view of his actions of late many believed it was only a matter of time before the Organa Solo marriage became the latest casualty of war.
Recalling her husband's pitiful pleas for forgiveness, the hot sting of his tears on her abdomen and the knowledge that he couldn't sink any lower, Leia watched as the alcohol eventually took it's toll and his head lolled back, a deep snore escaping his lips. Then she'd slipped away and showered, paying particular, if cautious, attention to her nether regions and wrapped herself in the comfort of her favourite robe. The discarded towel, his clothes and her previously chosen nightgown were all deposited in the recycling unit. Han's boots were stored by the dresser where they belonged.
He'd been asleep, spread-eagle on their bed when she'd returned from the fresher so she had covered him as best she could within the tangle of bedlinen and would attend to that in the morning, once he had left.
Then she'd left the bedroom and settled herself on the sofa with a datapad and some stim tea, legs drawn beneath her, keeping her sore undercarriage away from the furniture.
She'd been working for only a short time when she saw Jacen in the doorway between his bedroom and the living area.
"Jace?" She'd smiled.
"You all right? I thought I heard Dad shouting again." He'd asked, his face twisted with concern.
"Everything's fine. Your Dad's asleep and I'm just catching up on a little paperwork." She'd lied. "Go on back to bed honey. Don't want you falling asleep at the controls of the Falcon, your Dad would kill me!"
"You sure? He sounded pretty drunk again." Jacen persisted.
"I'm sure." She'd repeated the lie.
"You'd tell me wouldn't you? If he...if he did anything...or if...you know, if you didn't want him here." He said.
Jacen knew. She could see it haunting his eyes.
He knew what had happened. And however she might be able to rationalise it, she doubted that their son ever would.
"Everything's fine." She'd told him again, a bright and breezy smile lighting her face. "Now go on, go get some sleep."
Jacen had some time before forsaken The Force. Had he seen his father force himself on his mother. Or felt him. And if he'd felt him...had Jaina or Anakin? Had Luke?
Leia felt she had no option but to speak to Han the following morning.
"No." Leia repeated to Winter. "He's never done anything like that before."
"Hmm." Winter said, unconvinced. "So where is he now?"
"I asked Jacen to go after him. He called to say they had secured a charter and were leaving right away. I don't know when they'll be back. Or even if they'll be back." Leia replied.
She closed her eyes and let her head hang back against the sofa.
"And as if that wasn't bad enough, Jaina called last night." Leia continued. "She sussed I'd been drinking, despite my valiant efforts to appear sober, and called me a hypocrite. Which I am! If Han had been in my shoes last night I would have berated him for a week!"
"From what I've heard, Han Solo has taken to getting drunk most nights and not just when he fears for his marriage." Winter relayed. "I think you're still ahead on points."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Leia smiled.
"The question is, what do you want to do now?" Winter asked.
"Well, I don't want to review Mon Mothma's notes that for sure." Leia frowned at her datapad glowing with incoming messages.
Winter arched an eyebrow at her in annoyance.
"I want him back." Leia pronounced, sounding more pitiful than she intended. "I can't turn my feelings on and off like a tap. I was raised to love without conditions attached. I love him and I want him back. Along with the rest of my family."
"I said he'd be the ruin of you and I've been proven right." Winter sighed. "Although...I can't say I'm entirely disappointed."
It was Leia's turn to arch an eyebrow at Winter.
"Well, you never were a quitter. Think how disillusioned with you I'd be if you just gave up on the scoundrel." Winter told her.
"A scoundrel!" Leia smiled again. "He certainly is that."
"His sudden departure is sure to raise a few eyebrows." Winter said thoughtfully.
"Probably only a few more than his arrival in my life." Leia acknowledged, drinking the last of her tea. "And half as many as there will be saying 'it was only a matter of time' and 'I told you so'."
"How can I help?" Winter asked.
"I could use some more stim tea." Leia grinned. "And then I'll make a start on Mon Mothma's notes. I can't think about Han right now. No matter how much I might want to wrap him in my arms and kiss the pain away, I can't. He simply doesn't operate like that. He'll come back to me when he's ready."
"I thought you weren't even sure he'd be coming back." Winter said, sceptically.
"That was when I was in a negative place." Leia rolled her neck, releasing knots she hadn't realised had taken up residence there. "Now, I'm feeling more positive."
When Winter returned with another brew of stim tea, Leia was leaning on the arm of the sofa, her chin resting on her arm, seemingly a million miles away as she gazed out across the ever moving Coruscant skyline.
"Your Highness?" Winter enquired.
"You know you're the only person who still calls me that." Leia responded, turning her face toward her friend but keeping it on her arm.
"Along with Mon Mothma. And General Rieekan. And most of the Senate. To your face at least." Winter placed Leia's tea on a low table beside the sofa.
"I have an assignment." Leia told her.
"That should help take your mind off things. Where are you going?" Winter asked.
"A border dispute. According to Mon Mothma, I am the 'ideal candidate' to mediate." Leia said.
"That's good. Where?" Winter persisted.
"My powers of persuasion are, to use her words, second to none. If anyone can find a resolution it's me." Leia continued.
"Hmm. And for the second time of asking, where?" Winter asked suspiciously.
"And my Royal background and inside knowledge should prove invaluable." Leia finished.
"Oh no!" Winter exclaimed. "She wouldn't. She wouldn't ask you to go there!"
Winter looked aghast.
"I leave for Hapes tomorrow, late afternoon. Once I've had time to familiarise myself with the full details of the dispute." Leia said and curled herself into a cushion. "She knows. The rumour mill has started already."
"But...even if that were true, Mon Mothma likes Han. She wouldn't try to set you up with Isolder. She may be filled with single minded determination where the New Republic is concerned, but surely she wouldn't be so ruthless as to take advantage of your current situation."
"Hapes never did fully convert to the ideals and principles of the New Republic." Leia said, closing her eyes. "But if the New Republic's most-probably-jilted Princess were to find herself irresistibly attracted once more to the Hapan's most-definitely-jilted Prince...who knows what uneasy alliances might be formed."
Leia sighed, unable to fight the urge to sleep any longer.
She'd nap. And when she woke, she'd fully review the specifics of the border dispute so that she might be as prepared for her visit as possible.
By being prepared, she felt she might be able to keep her time on Hapes to a minimum.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
As it was, the border dispute was as good as resolved by the time Leia stepped from her transport to a fanfare welcome and a hearty hug from the Queen Mother.
"My dear, it's so good to see you again!" She gushed.
"Queen Mother." Leia deferred to her rank and bobbed a curtsey graciously.
"Come along inside where the holo's mercifully can't follow us." The Queen Mother said, clutching at Leia's arm and hustling her into the Palace. "My son so looked forward to seeing you again. Alas, he is too ill to alight from his bed."
"Isolder is unwell?" Leia asked.
"A malaise of the heart my dear. Though, of course, a malaise of the heart can be every bit as debilitating as one of the body." The Queen Mother confided.
"How true." Leia muttered.
"My dear?" The Queen Mother asked.
"I hope he will be well again soon." Leia said.
"Perhaps you might be just the tonic he needs." The Queen Mother suggested. "I could try to encourage him to see you."
The Queen Mother guided Leia into a sitting room and indicated for her to take a seat.
"Maybe we should concentrate on the reason I was asked to come here first and then, if time permits, I might be able to spend some time with Isolder later." Leia offered.
"Oh the border dispute is virtually resolved." The Queen Mother waved away Leia's concern. "It's nothing our own negotiators can't complete without external intervention."
"Queen Mother." Leia tried not to sound exasperated. "I've had a very long journey, on the understanding that my presence here was necessary."
"Your presence is always very welcome my dear." The Queen Mother beamed.
"The word I used was 'necessary', not 'welcome'." Leia commented.
The Queen Mother's smile remained fixed, though it was plain even without being Force-sensitive that it did not penetrate any further than her lips.
"Well, you're here now." She said simply. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"I'd rather review the progress your negotiators have made." Leia told her.
"The thing is, my dear." The Queen Mother leaned forward and considered her words. "My people feel that your...involvement...may not...enhance...the discussions and could possibly even...reverse...the progress already made. And I have to confess, I agree with them."
"There is no border dispute. Is there Queen Mother?" Leia asked.
The Queen Mother pursed her lips to form her reply before shaking her head, sadly.
"My son is in a very dark place Leia." The Queen Mother confided.
"I can't help you with that. I'm sorry." Leia replied, rising.
"I think you can." The Queen Mother looked at her earnestly. "And I think you know how."
"Queen Mother, I made my choice almost two decades ago." Leia answered.
"Yes. And how is that working out for you my dear?" The Queen Mother rose also.
"Han and I may experience our difficulties..." Leia sighed, "...from time to time. However, we resolve to repair our relationship whenever the need arises."
"A little difficult when you are so far apart." The Queen Mother countered.
"Indeed. Something I intend to remedy forthwith." Leia answered.
She had every intention of leaving, however, as she prepared to exit the great doors swung open and an ashen Isolder lurched into the room.
"I heard..." He coughed, violently. "I heard you'd come."
"Isolder!" Leia frowned her concern and rushed to his side, supporting him.
"Didn't I tell you Mother." Isolder said. "Didn't I say she'd come."
Isolder coughed again, struggling to get his breath.
"Has he seen a physician?" Leia asked.
"Insists he doesn't need one." The Queen Mother answered, sadly.
"You must get him to see someone." Leia exclaimed. "This is no malaise of the heart. I think he's sick. Really, really sick."
"I'm feeling better already." Isolder said emphatically. Then passed out in her arms.
The Prince was returned to his chamber where Leia sat beside him and cooled his forehead with a damp cloth. Her triage experience told her he needed immediate medical attention, something she felt should have been administered much sooner. There was little Leia could do other than appeal to the Queen Mother's common sense.
"Queen Mother you must see that he needs proper medical intervention." Leia asserted.
"I cannot go against his wishes. It simply isn't our way." The Queen Mother explained.
"Maybe not. But I can!" Leia answered angrily and rang for assistance.
When an aide arrived at Isolder's chamber, Leia asked that he call for a Medic.
When the aide looked to the Queen Mother for approval, it was grudgingly given by a nod of her head.
"Leia..." Isolder groaned.
"Sshhh now." Leia soothed. "There's a Doctor on their way. We'll have you back up and on your feet again in no time."
"I never loved her." He rambled. "Teneniel Djo. That was the problem from the start."
"Isolder, rest." Leia chided him quietly.
"It was you...you were my one true love Leia." His eyes were wide, pleading for her understanding.
"Get well." Leia told him. "Then we can talk."
"Promise me you'll stay." He begged.
"For a little while." Leia smiled.
"Promise me!" He sounded so pitiful.
"I promise. I'll stay until you're well again." Leia stroked his forehead, bringing her hand to rest against his cheek.
Isolder was still a handsome man. He didn't have the rugged good looks of Han Solo. His skin was soft where Han's would have been rough. But he needed her and right now, Han Solo did not. Was she making the right decision in staying? Time alone would tell.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
When Jaina had been unable to raise her mother at home, she had resorted to contacting Winter. When Winter explained that Leia had been called to mediate a border dispute by the Hapes Consortium, Jaina had been angry that she once again had taken on the burden of others before resolving her own problems.
Then Jaina had contacted her father.
Eventually.
After the relays had finished bouncing her request around and he had finally gotten around to answering her.
"What is it sweetie?" Han asked with a broad grin Jaina could hear even if she couldn't see.
She could picture him sitting in the cockpit of the Falcon, a day's worth of stubble on his chin and something steaming and spicy from Bilbringi inside a wrap clutched in one hand.
"I need you to agree to something for me." She said.
"You're not getting a tattoo or anything pierced!" He told her flatly.
"Dad!" Han could hear the roll of her eyes even if he couldn't see it.
"No, I mean it sweetheart. No tats and no holes!" He said, hiding his amusement.
"I'm being serious Dad." Jaina sighed.
"Okay honey. What is it you need?" Han asked.
"I need you to confirm with the Brass at New Republic Headquarters that you're okay with me trying out for Rogue Squadron."
"Rogue!" Han almost leapt from his seat.
"Yeah. They want me Dad. I mean, they really want me." Her excitement was palpable. "But I gotta have your's or Mom's okay 'cos I'm not sixteen yet."
"So, ask your Mom." He shrugged his shoulders. "She can just stroll on down to HQ and give them her approval in person."
"Can't." Jaina said, huffily. "She's off on one of her mercy missions again. Besides, she'd probably just freak out and tell me how dangerous it would be."
"She'd have a point." Han said, considering.
"But it's Rogue." She said, as though talking about an omnipotent being.
"You know what honey, let me sleep on it." He teased.
"Dad!" She cried.
"Hey, I got a better idea. Why don't I call 'em now and say it's okay. And if I change my mind by morning, I can call 'em right back and withdraw my agreement. How's that sound?" He smiled.
"You're the best!" He could hear the look of pure joy on her face.
"But you better not go getting yourself in any trouble or your mother would never forgive me." He added.
"Hey! It's me." She replied. "Thanks Dad. Solo out."
Han flicked the comm off and leaned back in his chair. His daughter, in Rogue Squadron. It was like a dream come true. A dream with just the merest hint of a nightmare. If anything was to go wrong. If Jaina got hurt...or worse...how would Leia react. How would he ever repair the damage inflicted on their marriage.
Han glanced back. He could hear Jacen tinkering with the Falcon some place. Jacen was no Chewie when it came to his beloved ship, that was for sure. Hell, he was no Anakin either. But he was still his son. His and Leia's. Born out of a love they'd thought could never end. So what was it he was thinking? That they'd been wrong? That their love could and had ended?
Han shook his head. There was time to think about that later. For now, he had to contact New Republic HQ and give his girl the opportunity of a lifetime.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Meanwhile, Leia sat and waited patiently for news from the medical team tending to Isolder. They'd been with him an awfully long time and she couldn't help but remember waiting as patiently for news of Luke after Han had saved him from an icy death on Hoth.
Han!
She hoped he was all right; that Jacen was looking after him, that he was looking after them both.
Jacen had contacted his mother surreptitiously when time had permitted to keep her updated and the last she had heard they were en route to Ord Mantell to meet up with one of Han's old smuggling pals. But she couldn't help worrying. Anything could happen, and quite often did, on Ord Mantell.
Leia rose as the medical team left Isolder's chamber with the Queen Mother by their side.
She looked to the Queen Mother for information.
"He's quite well. Sitting up in bed actually." The Queen Mother smiled.
"I don't...I don't understand!" Leia exclaimed.
"A false alarm, my dear." She gripped Leia's hand. "He wants to see you. To explain."
The Queen Mother nodded her head toward Isolder's chamber.
Leia, temper rising, burst through to doors to find Isolder now standing at his window.
"Explain!" She demanded.
He turned, graced her with a sad smile and turned back to view the gardens illuminated in their night time splendour.
"I asked you to explain." Leia repeated curtly.
"Yes. You deserve that I suppose." He sighed.
"You suppose!" She said angrily. "This afternoon you were hammering on death's door and now just look at you."
"I was so melancholy. After Teneniel Djo left, taking our daughter with her." He looked at her again, his face a picture of raw emotion.
"Melancholy!" Leia repeated. "So you manufactured a border dispute and then what, just 'acted' ill?"
"The dispute was real, but it was resolved almost overnight. When I heard that the New Republic planned to send a representative and that the representative would be you, it felt like the fates had spoken. Teneniel had been a mistake and the fates were righting that wrong."
"And your miraculous recovery?" Leia asked.
"I took a potion, that was the cause of my illness. Once the effects wore off..." He explained.
"But why?" She whispered.
"To see you of course." He replied. "I knew you wouldn't leave as long as I was unwell. I planned to keep on taking the potion and keep you here as long as I could."
"So what made you change your mind?" Leia asked.
"Your son," he admitted, "or more accurately, the call you took from him while waiting for the medical team to arrive. I heard the concern in your voice, not just for his safety but for your vagabond husband's too. And it seemed to me that a bond that strong could not be broken this easily. I should have realised that when I first proposed to you all those years ago."
"Yes." Leia agreed. "You should."
"You're going to leave, aren't you?" He asked.
"As soon as arrangements can be made, yes." She replied.
"My feelings for you haven't changed." He smiled again at her, weakly. "Not even slightly."
"Nor mine for you Isolder." Leia said, turning to leave. "Nor for my husband for that matter."
With that she left him to his thoughts.