Author's Note: I don't own any of the characters, and I promise, I have nothing against Derek/Spencer (as seen by my extensive collection of stories involving them). This song came on shuffle on my iPod one day at work and this idea happened.

I come over, quarter past two. Love in my eyes, blinded by you. Just to get a taste of heaven I'm on my knees. I can't help it, I'm addicted. But I can't stand the pain inflicted. In the morning you're not holding on to me.

Spencer panted, leaning back against the pillows on Derek's bed, a smile across his face. He reached a hand up, running it through his hair as he caught his breath. These nights were what he enjoyed the most: he'd come over to Derek's apartment with permission, he'd open a bottle of wine, and never fail; they would end up in his bed together. It started not long after Haley Hotchner's funeral: Spencer wanted to feel a sense of closeness to somebody, while Derek just wanted to put the job aside for a while. It didn't matter to Spencer, though. He enjoyed being there for Derek and helping him forget.

He rolled over, resting his head on Derek's chest and sighing contentedly. Not long after, his eyes would close from exhaustion, and he'd fall asleep on his arms. The one part that disappointed him was when he woke up. Whether it was in his apartment or Derek's, he'd always wake up to an empty bed. At first, Derek would leave a note with an excuse, such as 'I had to walk Clooney' or 'Went to the gym before work'. As of late, there was no note, and Derek wouldn't have a reason. He'd always shrug it off, taking a quick shower and grabbing the change of clothes from his go-bag before going to work himself. It had been their system for the past few years, and it was familiar enough to him that it stopped hurting when Derek would ignore him afterward.

Spencer sat in the coffee shop, waiting for Emily to get their coffee orders. Ever since he confided in her about his headaches, they'd had a friendship that he really appreciated. At first he kept his 'relationship', if he could call it that, a secret. Eventually, he had told Emily about it, and he was able to discuss it with her.

"Was he there this morning?" she asked, setting his cup down in front of him, taking her seat.

He gave a small grin and shook his head, ripping open a few sugar packets and pouring them in.

She sighed. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

He shrugged, silently stirring the sugar into his coffee, sipping it.

She reached over, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Spencer, you're worth more than just a casual fuck once in a while-"

"Once a week," he corrected, taking another sip.

She exhaled, groaning. "Have you tried talking to him about this?"

He shook his head again, setting down his coffee and exhaling. "I don't want to ruin what we have."

"Honey, I hate to be blunt, but you have nothing. He's using you for sex. He doesn't even have the decency to be there the next morning, even if it's in his apartment."

He sucked in his bottom lip, biting it softly. "I don't know, maybe he's just stressed or something. I'm sure he'll come around."

Having been in those shoes before, she sympathized with him, but also knew it wouldn't end well if he kept up this delusion. She put the lid on her coffee, sighing. "Come on, we're late for work."

He nodded, putting his satchel over his shoulder and grabbing his cup, following her out to her car.

When they made it to work that morning, Spencer immediately threw himself into his work, a habit Emily noticed he picked up after he started casually hooking up. She knew it was more than that to Spencer, but it would never be more than that to Derek. She'd tried to get that through to him on several occasions, but was never successful. No matter what though, every single time Spencer fell apart, she'd pick up the pieces and attempt to make him feel better. In the beginning, after she'd found out, there had been far too many mornings of him showing up at her apartment, slightly teary-eyed and an emotional wreck. She would much rather see that Spencer than the numb mess sitting across from her at that very moment.

Throughout the day, Spencer would glance up at Derek's office a few times, and memories would come back to him. Very rarely, if ever, were there words. Instead, they'd drink wine while watching television, Derek would lean in for a kiss, and before he knew it, they were in the bedroom. He wanted that to change, but didn't want to bring it up to Derek and upset him. Something that also got to him was the fact that it had been over two years, and Derek had taken two trips home since then. Not once did he mention him to his mother or sisters, and Spencer felt as if he should be embarrassed of himself – Derek surely was. There were some nights he couldn't get in touch with him, and he sometimes wondered if there was somebody else.

He bit down on his lip, sighing. He wasn't going to cry in the bullpen, because he'd never live it down. Not to mention Garcia and her mother hen tendencies would baby him worse than he already was, and be persistent until she found out why he was so upset. He quickly composed himself and got back to work.

The next time they were together, Spencer worked up the courage to finally talk to him.

"Hey, Derek," he started, nervously twisting his fingers in the sheets.

Derek raised an eyebrow, looking down at him, confused. "What is it, Pretty Boy?"

Spencer couldn't help blushing – he usually did when Derek called him that. "I um, I was wondering if I could ask you something."

"…Okay?"

He took a deep breath, exhaling. "I was wondering if maybe-"

He was quickly interrupted by Derek's ringing cell phone, which he leaned over to answer.

"Is it Hotch? Is there a case?" he asked hopefully. Sometimes while they were on cases, Derek would offer to share a bedroom with Spencer so they could spend more time together.

He shook his head, answering it with a smile on his face. "Hey, Baby Girl, how's it going?"

He buried his head in his pillow, groaning. He'd get his revenge on Garcia for this sooner or later.

At work the next morning, Spencer leaned back in his chair, sighing.

Emily looked across at him. "Everything okay over there, genius?"

He ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, it's fine, it's just…" he took a quick glance around the room and leaned over his desk, lowering his voice, "last night I tried to talk to Derek, and I mean really talk to him, and Garcia called and interrupted. Afterward he just laid back down and went to sleep."

She raised an eyebrow. "Garcia called him last night?"

"Yeah, why, did I say something else?" he asked, confused.

She shook her head. "I was with Garcia last night, all night. It was ladies night and we watched movies, then fell asleep at my place. Her phone was charging the whole time."

"But… he answered the phone 'Baby Girl'. It had to be her."

She thought about it for a minute, and then her heart broke for Spencer. He was in yet another predicament: not only was he a casual fuck, he was the other person.

She wouldn't dare to tell Spencer about this and making him feel worse than he already did about the situation. Instead of talking to him, she waited for him to go to the bookstore on his lunch and shot up from her desk, walking to Derek's office and closing the door behind her.

He looked up at her. "…Can I help you?"

"You have some nerve," she started, leaning against his desk, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"And by that you mean…?" he said, confused.

"Spencer Reid is worth so much more than being a casual fuck when you're lonely, but that's not why I'm mad at you. You're making him the other person while you're already in a relationship?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! You know how messed up he is after his withdrawals and how paranoid he is about becoming schizophrenic. He's vulnerable and he's scared and he needs to be able to lean on his friends and coworkers for support. You've taken that and you've twisted it and turned him into an object for your personal use. Does your girlfriend know about him?"

He straightened the folders on his desk. "I don't think that's any of your business."

"It became my business the second you started hurting Spencer."

"Why do you care?"

She groaned, practically gritting her teeth. "Because he's human. Now, does she know about him?"

"Why would she? He's nothing."

"Nothing? You've known him for years, slept with him for two and a half, and he's nothing?"

"The whole situation, it means nothing."

"You could've told him. How long have you been with her?"

He thought to himself. "Two and a half years."

"…So you've been with her as long as you've been with Spencer?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, it's been about that long, why?"

She groaned. "You are such an ass, Derek Morgan. You need to choose: do you want Spencer, or do you want this girlfriend?"

He got out of his seat, picking up one of his case files and walking out.

She followed him. "I wasn't done talking to you."

"Well, I was done listening."

She could feel the rage boiling inside of her. "Hey!"

He turned around to face her. "Yes?"

The last thing he expected was for Emily Prentiss to swing at him, but that's exactly what he got. He didn't have enough time to duck out of the way before her fist made contact with his eye. "Stop being such an ass."

He winced, reaching up to cover his eye. "What the hell, Prentiss?!"

Hotch stepped out of his office. "Both of you in my office, now."

Spencer raised an eyebrow as he walked back in with his bookstore purchase, setting the bag on his desk. He quickly turned to JJ. "What's going on with those two?"

"Spence, you just missed quite the show. I don't know what Derek said or did, but Emily was pissed. She was screaming at him in his office, and when he ignored her? She gave him a punch in the eye, and he's definitely going to have a shiner."

He winced slightly. "That's not something I'd ever want to be on the receiving end of."

She nodded in agreement. "Indeed."

He sat at his desk, waiting to see what would happen with the two of them.

Emily emerged from Hotch's office twenty minutes later, her badge missing from her belt. He looked over at her as she walked over to her desk, pulling on her coat.

"I'll see you guys on Monday."

"…What happened?" he dared to ask.

She shrugged, going through her drawers. "Week's suspension, but I'd say it was worth it."

"What was that even about, Em? I've only ever seen you that pissed off in the field, and it's not very often."

"I was just sick of his piss poor attitude, that's all. I probably shouldn't have hit him, but I can't take it back now."

Spencer bit down on his lip. "Emily…"

She gave him a slight smile. "Reid, it's fine. How about I buy coffee tomorrow morning? I'll even get us breakfast."

He smirked. "That sounds great."

She waved to both of them, leaning against JJ's desk on her way out. "Let me know how that thing shows up," she whispered, motioning toward her eye.

She gave her a quick thumbs up and watched as she walked out toward the elevators.

Spencer had to admit that was the wrong way to go about the situation, but it felt great that he had Emily there to defend him. Through everything, at least he had her as a friend.

Garcia ran into the bullpen moments later. "Does somebody want to tell me what happened in here?" Before either of them could ask, she answered. "I was watching the security cameras in my lair and I saw Emily swing at Derek. Is there something in the water here that I don't know about? If so, I'm totally switching over to bottled, because I love you all and would never want to hit any of you, I promise."

JJ shrugged. "I was hoping you could tell me. All I know is Emily was shouting at him in his office, she got pissed, and she punched him. She's out for the week."

She gasped. "A week? What could he have done? I've never seen her get mad before like ever."

"You've never been in the field with her," Spencer said, opening one of his case files. A few seconds later, his phone buzzed on his desk. He reached over, checking it. Seeing it was from Derek, he quickly read it.

Tonight, my place?

He smiled slightly, looking up at his office. Garcia had rushed up there with an ice pack, and his head was leaning on his desk. He bit his lip before sending his response.

I'll bring the wine.

He sighed, hoping that what just happened between him and Emily was a dose of reality and that Derek would turn himself around, finally committing to him, or at the very least, treating him like he existed after sleeping with him.

Tell me what's the point of doing this every night. What you're giving me is nothing but a heartless lullaby, gonna kill my dreams. This is the last time, baby make up your mind.

While they sat on the couch, Spencer poured their glasses of wine, handing one to him.

"How's your eye feeling?" he asked, motioning toward it.

He shrugged. "It doesn't hurt too badly. Who would've thought Emily Prentiss would have such a fist on her?"

He smiled, sipping his wine. "So, can I ask you something, now that it's just the two of us, no interruptions?"

Derek glanced over at the TV, noticing it was on commercial. "Sure, go ahead."

He bit down on his lip. "Why are you never there when I wake up in the morning?"

Derek finished his glass, swallowing, setting it on the table. "I thought the conditions of this were clear."

"…What?"

"This was our way to put the job aside and do something else for a while. This isn't a relationship, it's just sex."

Spencer pushed back his emotions, nodding in agreement. He wouldn't let Derek see him upset, and he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of breaking in front of him. "Sorry, you're right. It's just sex. Nothing more."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

He nodded, smiling slightly. "I'm fine, really." He finished his drink, exhaling and pouring himself another. "I um, I've actually been talking to somebody, so now I don't need to feel guilty."

"Really, Pretty Boy?"

He was lying through his teeth, but knew he couldn't let Derek know. "Really, so you don't need to feel anything here."

"That's great news, because… I've actually found someone."

Spencer emptied his glass again, swallowing and setting it down. "Who?"

"She works in counter-terrorism, and she's really sweet. Her name's Cameron, she's been with the FBI for about six years now, she's funny, she's interesting…"

Spencer's mind started nagging him. She's everything you're not, and everything you never will be. He's not interested in you, and he won't be. He's with a girl for crying out loud, Spencer. How could you be this stupid? You're the stupidest genius out there.

"Do you like her?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I do. I think it might really become something, somewhere down the line."

He bit down on his lip, choking back the tears threatening to fall. "I'm happy for you."

Derek smiled. "Maybe sometime, the two of us could double-date."

He shrugged, leaning over and capturing Derek's lips with his. He knew if he started talking again, he'd only break down, and that's the last thing he wanted to happen. If he did, he knew Derek would end this, and this, as sick and twisted as it was, was his grip on sanity. He held his emotions in as he reached down, pulling off Derek's shirt and trailing kisses down his chest. He was going to continue this as they always did: wordlessly. He wasn't going to let her get in the way. In this moment, he didn't give a single damn about her. All he wanted was to prove to Derek that he was worth something, and that he was better than her.

That night, Spencer curled up beside Derek wrapping his arms around him. He'd be damned if he'd forget him and want to walk away again. Now that he knew what they were, he was set on changing his mind. He panted softly, running a hand through his hair and resting his head on his chest.

Derek glanced down at him. "Can I help you, Pretty Boy?"

Spencer shrugged, tracing circles on Derek's chest. "Tonight was great, thank you."

"The pleasure was all mine," he ruffled Spencer's hair. "Now get some sleep."

He nodded slightly, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. Something about tonight felt, for lack of a better word, right. They'd actually talked and held several discussions, not to mention the sex seemed to be getting better, if that was at all possible. He fell asleep, tightening his grip around Derek's waist.

He figured with how tightly he held on, Derek would still be there in the morning. He had to admit, waking up to an empty bed that morning with no note hurt more than it ever had. He suddenly felt cheap, wrapping the sheet around himself. He also noticed the room currently stunk of air freshener – not only did he want to act like Spencer didn't exist, he wanted to get rid of his smell as fast as he could. The only company he had in the house was Clooney, and he only wished Derek cared about him half as much as the dog did. He got out of bed, searching for his discarded clothes. He was able to find them all, stuffing them into his go-bag. What he didn't anticipate on finding was a bra under what he considered 'his' side of the bed. He finally let his tears fall while he took a shower.

Of course her things are here, you idiot. He loves her. He said so himself that he sees himself going somewhere with her. You're nothing but a toy to him. You don't matter and you never did.

He sat down in the shower, wrapping his arms around his knees, hoping to avoid the oncoming panic attack but failing miserably. He whimpered, trying to catch his breath, letting the tears stream down his face.

You are nothing, you mean nothing, and you've always meant nothing.

He shook his head, burying it in his hands. He finally snapped out of it when he heard the door slam and two people walking in. He rushed to dry himself off, getting dressed and walking out.

He came face to face with his enemy, the girl he'd never met, who the man he loved was in love with. He wished she had been somehow physically unattractive, or something was wrong with her that would make him more appealing. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. She was beautiful, and exactly Derek's type, or at least what he guessed his type would be.

"Who's this?" she asked, looking up at Derek.

He wrapped an arm around her. "This is Spencer, one of my coworkers. The shower broke at his place, so I let him come over."

She gave him a smile, holding out her hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm-"

"Cameron," Spencer finished, shaking her hand and smirking. "I um, sorry, I have to go."

Before either of them could say another word, he threw his bags over his shoulder, walking outside the house, slamming the door behind him.

He took out his phone, calling Emily, praying that she'd pick up.

She smiled and shook her head as she answered the phone. "You're late, Reid. Your coffee's getting cold." She heard labored breathing and sniffling. "What's wrong?"

He wiped his eyes, walking down the street. "Emily, there's someone else."

She gasped, face falling. "No…"

"He brought her to the house, knowing I was there. He introduced me to her."

"Spencer…"

"Just my luck, right? I find someone that matters to me, and he's in love with someone else, who's much prettier and much more his type."

"Maybe they're not sleeping together?" she suggested, attempting to make him feel better.

He bit his lip. "Her things were under the bed, Em. She's slept there before. He's slept with her in that bed."

She sighed. "Spencer, do you realize how much you matter now? You're better than that. He's heartless and you're a lover. This wouldn't work out."

"No need to rub it in, I'm already feeling like an idiot," he said, walking into the coffee shop and over to her table.

She hung up and stood up, wrapping her arms around him, hugging him and rubbing his back. "Do you know what you have to do?"

He sniffed, nodding against her shoulder. "I have to stop," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist, sighing.

'Cause I can't keep sleeping in your bed if you keep messing with my head. Before I slip under your sheets, can you give me something please? I can't keep touching you like this if it's just temporary bliss.

Spencer left Derek's texts unanswered for a few days, needing to come up with the perfect way to end things between them. Since his father had walked out on him and Gideon had only left a letter, he didn't want to seem impersonal: he wanted to be direct in how he felt. These were his emotions on the line, and he wasn't going to continue to cry over this. Instead, he was going to put a stop to it, putting himself in a better place. He thought Derek was his one way to find love, but after he waved his girlfriend in front of his face, he'd had enough. Not to mention Derek refused to be with him sober – he had to split a bottle of wine with him first. That was probably what hurt him the more than anything else: he could only be with him buzzed.

Friday night, he sat in his apartment, curled up in a blanket with a book, a steaming cup of tea on the table beside him. He adjusted his glasses and sighed, turning his phone off and putting his attention back on his book. He made it through several chapters before he heard a knock on the door. Raising an eyebrow, he set his book down, getting up and adjusting his robe, tying it. He assumed it must be Emily, considering she's been his rock through this entire thing. He looked through the peephole and saw Derek standing there, a bottle of wine in his hand.

He exhaled, collecting himself before he unlocked the door, opening it. Derek leaned against his door frame, raising his eyebrows suggestively and holding up the wine bottle.

Spencer sighed, stepping aside and holding the door open, allowing him to come in.

He set the bottle on the living room table, looking Spencer over. "You don't look dressed for a night of movies, drinking, and sex."

He shrugged slightly. "Not in the mood."

"Spencer Reid the sex kitten isn't in the mood? Say it isn't so."

He sat on the couch, pulling the blanket over him. "I was wondering if we could actually talk for a bit, if that's okay?"

He raised an eyebrow, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a couple wine glasses. He walked back, sitting beside Spencer. "Go for it."

He chewed on his lip, watching as Derek poured himself a glass. He took a deep breath, exhaling. "It's over."

Derek coughed, setting down his drink. "What?"

He bit down on his lip, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "You refuse to be with me without finishing at least half a bottle of wine on your own, meaning that you have to be drunk in order to sleep with me." He took a deep breath, sighing, screwing his eyes shut. "I don't matter to you, and it's obvious that Cameron does. I don't want you to ruin what you have with her sleeping with me-"

"So you're saying you're not enjoying this?"

He twirled the blanket in his finger. "I was. It helped me escape everything at work and feel close to somebody for a change, rather than having someone pushing me away, but then it became just that." He reached up, wiping his eyes. "I thought that maybe something would've happened but it didn't, and I had to wake up, morning after morning, alone and naked. At first you'd leave a note letting me know why you left, but then you didn't even have the decency to do that." He swallowed, trying not to start crying. "I'm worth more than just a casual fuck, Derek. I may not have someone to make me feel that way, and I don't know if I ever will, but I am."

"You said you were talking to someone-"

He mock laughed. "I was lying. God, did you really think I was okay being the person you cheated on your girlfriend with? That I was happy to be someone's fuck buddy? Tell me who on this planet would be happy being treated as less than human, and as something you can get a sex shop and toss to the side when you're finished?"

"You didn't seem to mind it."

"Because I actually had someone who wanted to be close to me and spend time with me. Excuse me for thinking you'd be a halfway decent human being and man up instead of treating me like crap over and over again. You were the first guy I ever gave myself to, I'm sorry I thought it'd actually mean something to both of us."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "First?"

Spencer shrugged. "Stupid of me to think it'd matter anyway, right?" He pulled his knees to his chest. "You should go, take the bottle with you."

"Spencer-"

He shook his head. "Go."

Derek picked up the bottle, putting the cork in, and without another word, left Spencer's apartment.

He didn't even get up to lock the door behind him. He laid down on the couch, wrapping his arms around one of the throw pillows, wiping his eyes.

A while later, he reached over to the table, turning on his phone and chewing on his lip anxiously. There was a new text message from Derek, which he found the bravery to open.

If you change your mind, you know where I live.

He blinked, letting the tears slip down his cheeks and sobbing. It hurt that Derek didn't even feel the least bit guilty about how he treated him, and would only use him again if he had the chance. In that moment, he felt that his self worth was at an all time low. With shaky hands, he texted him back. He thought quickly, and sighed, hating himself.

I'll be there soon, save me a glass of wine.

He swallowed, reaching up and wiping his eyes. As he was getting dressed, his mind wouldn't stop nagging him.

Way to go, genius. He's only going to do it again, you know. He's going to sleep with you and then walk away. Again. You're setting yourself up for disappointment again. Nice to know you think of yourself so fondly.

He shook his head as he tied his shoes. He wouldn't let this be like the last times. In his head, he knew that he couldn't do that to himself again, for fear of where he'd be if he let himself get hurt by it. He just had to turn his emotions off, and stop thinking about Derek. He needed it to be what Derek saw: just sex.

We were on fire, now we're frozen. There's no desire, nothing spoken. You're just playing, I keep waiting for your heart. I am fiending for the sunshine, to show our love in a good light. Give me reason, I am pleading to the stars.

The entire walk to Derek's apartment, he was thinking to himself. He'd just had a moment of extreme bravery, stopping this with Derek, and he couldn't figure out for the life of him why he was going back to him. Maybe he needed to feel the closeness again, or maybe he just needed to do what Derek could and forget about everything. Whatever the reason, he couldn't find it within himself to stop walking and go back home.

He walked up to the front door, knocking. He took a deep breath, looking down at his feet. He shouldn't be here. He should've stayed at home and let things stay over. Instead, he was back at his door for what – a half hour of pleasure, followed by waking up completely disappointed with his self worth lower than the ground? He didn't have much time to consider it before Derek opened the door.

Spencer didn't leave any time for talk, wrapping his arms around Derek's neck, kissing him fiercely. He wrapped his legs around his waist, allowing him to walk them to the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. Spencer didn't let any of his emotions show, staying a blank slate the entire time. As per usual, they didn't exchange any words, or say much of anything to each other. For the first time, Spencer allowed it to mean nothing, pushing aside his feelings.

As Derek slept, Spencer couldn't help but wonder if Cameron knew about him, or at least suspected it. She'd seemed like an intelligent girl, so she had to know something was going on between the two. Never having been in a relationship before, he wasn't sure how everyone felt about polyamory. However, he now knew that his relationship with Derek was now nothing but casual, and meant nothing to him. If Emily could see him now, she'd definitely feel ashamed and probably somewhat disgusted, and he'd have to say he wouldn't blame her for a second. Just a few hours ago, he did what he thought he never would and ended the 'relationship', but now look where he was.

After lying awake for what felt like hours, he got out of bed, collecting his clothes and getting dressed. Even though he threw his emotions and feelings out the window, he wasn't sure he'd be able to recover from once again being left alone in the morning. He tied his shoes, hoping Clooney would stay quiet while he left. Luckily he was able to distract him with a dog treat and slip out the front door, walking home.

He chewed on his lip and took out his phone, calling Emily, hoping she wouldn't hate him too much for calling this late. He sat on the steps in front of her apartment, wiping his eyes and waiting for her to answer.

She reached over on her nightstand, squinting at her phone, attempting to read the caller ID. She saw Spencer's name and sighed, answering it.

"Hey, Reid," she mumbled, head still buried in her pillow.

He bit his lip. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

She yawned. "It's fine, what else do I have to do at," she leaned over, checking the time, "1:28 in the morning?" She knew he wouldn't catch the sarcasm and rolled her eyes. "Come on over, we'll talk."

He shouldered his go-bag. "I'm downstairs right now, I just need you to buzz me up."

He heard several shuffling sounds and her stumbling to her door, pressing the button to allow access. He walked up to her apartment, knocking softly on her door.

She wrapped herself in a robe and opened the door, holding it open. He walked inside, dropping his bag on the couch and kicking off his shoes, curling up.

She sat beside him, rubbing his back. "Tell me about it."

He sighed, wiping his eyes. "I broke it off with Derek tonight."

She gasped. "That's fantastic. How'd you do it?"

He shook his head. "Then I ended up at his apartment and it happened again."

"…Beg pardon?"

He sniffed, pulling his knees to his chest. "I told him off, telling him that I was worth more than what he was treating me, and I mentioned how he's only able to be with me when he's slightly intoxicated, and it's not fair to me."

"Okay, I'm with you so far."

"And after he left, I fell for it again. I fell back into his trap and I went back to him and I slept with him."

She reached over, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry. Trust me, I've been there before, and it sucks."

He sniffed, leaning against her. "How do you make it stop?"

She wrapped her arms around him, running a hand through his hair. "You just have to stop it. It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, but in the end it's the right decision. From now on, he needs to only be your coworker, nothing more."

He sighed. "How do I do that?"

She smiled slightly. "You end it and you don't go back. You can't fall for the Derek Morgan charm anymore. You just need to realize your self-worth, boost it up, and know that you matter more than casual hook-ups."

He rested his head on her shoulder. "Why is all of this so complicated?"

"Because you'll do anything to fit in and feel like you matter, even if it sets you at an all time low in the process."

He let go, crying against her shoulder. She sat there and rubbed his back, letting him get all of his emotions out.

He pulled back, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't be."

"I loved him, Emily. He's the first person I've ever really loved that I thought loved me back."

She sighed, rubbing his back. "I know how it feels, and I can't say it doesn't suck, but I can tell you it gets better with time."

He sniffed, grabbing a tissue. "I hope so, because I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Where is Derek, anyway?"

He bit his lip. "I turned the tables and I left him alone for a change."

She gave him a slight smile. "Spencer Reid, you little badass. Aren't you worried about his reaction?"

He sighed. "At this point, I can't say that I care."

She pushed his hair back, taking a deep breath. "You know you deserve better, right, Spencer?"

He nodded slightly, biting his lip. "I do now. I deserve someone who's going to be there in the morning, somebody who's going to treat me like I actually matter, somebody who wants to talk to me, somebody who doesn't need to drink to be interested in me."

"Have you ever had that?" she asked, running a hand through his hair.

He shook his head slightly. "Lila never returned my calls when we went back to Los Angeles, Austin and I only lasted a few months, and, well, you know how Derek went." He sighed. "I'm beginning to think I'm just destined to fall in love and deal with failing relationships for the rest of my life. I fall for the people who have no interest in me or just want something. I never have somebody who actually likes me for me."

"What if you did?" she looked him in the eyes, giving him a slight smile.

"Then I guess I'd be extremely grateful that somebody cares about me, and wants to know what I have to say, and puts my feelings into consideration." He shrugged. "If that would ever happen, but-"

She cut him off, pressing her lips against his, allowing an arm to slip around his neck. She pulled back, looking him in the eyes. "You are worth so much more than what he's done, and you deserve to be happy, Spencer. I don't care who it's with, but I can't stand to see your heart break again."

He paused, before looking at her. "Emily-"

She checked the clock and sighed. "It's late, you should get some sleep before work in the morning." She got up, walking to the closet and taking out some blankets for him, setting them on the couch. "If you need anything at all, I'll be in my room. Good night."

He set the pillow against the arm of the couch and kicked off his shoes before lying down. Though the night was confusing, one thing was clear: he had to end it with Derek, and keep it that way.

I'm your one and only, only when you're lonely, baby why you calling me? Not another one night, try'na be your whole life.

Over the next week, Spencer tried several times to work up the courage to finally break things off, and for good. He attempted on Sunday, and they ended up in the same place, though once again, Spencer left him alone and ended up at Emily's. On Thursday afternoon, Derek had sent him a text, asking him if he was coming over tonight. Instead of giving in, he asked him to come by his place. He knew he couldn't keep doing this, not only because Derek had somebody else, but because he deserved better than somebody who would constantly use him and toss him aside.

He sat down on his couch, nervously wringing his hands. He knew that tonight had to be the night, but didn't know how he could end it effectively, considering the last two times it ended poorly. He kept an eye on the clock, waiting for Derek to finally show up. When he heard a knock on the door, he got up, walking over and opening it.

Derek came in, setting the wine bottle on the living room table and making himself comfortable on the couch. Spencer took a deep breath, sighing, closing the door and taking the seat beside him. Derek held out a glass to him and he shook his head, tucking his feet under himself. He ran through several scenarios in his head before finally saying it.

"Derek, this has to stop."

He smirked, shaking his head. "Of course it does. Now drink up."

He swallowed, chewing on his lip. "I mean it this time, this is over. I'm worth much more than being a one night stand on repeat. I can't take waking up to an empty bed and feeling cheap anymore. You need to go."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I'll bite. Why?"

"Why? Because I'm not a fucking play toy, Derek. I'm a human and I have feelings, and I deserve a hell of a lot more than what you're doing to me. At first, this was great for what it was, but you knew I got attached to it and you let it happen. You continued to use me, knowing how I felt about you, and that's not fair. Not to mention that you are in a relationship with somebody, and it's not fair to me or her that you keep doing this over and over again."

"You're kidding."

He exhaled, shaking his head. "I'm not. I could've done this much worse than I did. I could've involved her and made this a hell of a lot harder, but I didn't, because unlike you, I'm human and I feel emotions. I'm not a dog who constantly feels a need to get off. I'm giving you this opportunity to walk out yourself before I do go there and I make this extremely difficult."

Derek just looked at him, dumbfounded.

"After you leave, you'll still be my coworker, and an acquaintance, but nothing more. I'm not going to be a fuck buddy anymore, and I'm going to be something to somebody. I wanted so badly to mean something to you, and for this to actually have some emotions behind it. I wanted there to be an 'us', but you've made it quite obvious you only cared about yourself in this situation. Now, I'm going to ask this politely only once: please get out of my apartment."

What happened next, Spencer hadn't expected. Derek leaned over, wrapping an arm around his neck and kissing him roughly. Spencer tried pulling back, but Derek kept his grip. Finally, Spencer groaned, slapping him. "Derek Morgan, get out of here!"

Derek put a hand to his cheek, looking at Spencer. "You're sure about th-"

"Get out!"

He reached over, grabbing the bottle of wine. "You're posi-"

"Derek, get the fuck out of my apartment! And if I get so much as one more syllable in a text message that isn't work related, I will go down to counter-terrorism, I will find Cameron, and I will tell her everything, and I mean everything."

When he finally left, Spencer locked the door behind him, exhaling. He'd miss the temporary closeness, and he'd miss spending time with Clooney in the mornings, but he definitely wouldn't miss the emotional breakdowns and constantly second guessing himself. He was ready to take the next step in his life, hopefully toward happiness.

He took out his phone, dialing Emily's number, leaning against the door with a smile across his face.

"What's up, Reid?" she asked, setting Sergio down on the floor.

He bit his lip, grinning. "I did it."

She raised an eyebrow. "How long before he texts you and you end up back there?"

He shook his head furiously.

"Reid, you're lucky I'm a profiler and could hear that headshake."

He smirked. "Sorry, it's not going to happen. I ended it, I yelled at him, and I threatened him. He seemed genuinely shocked, and ran out of here like a dog with his tail between his legs."

"And his ego?"

"Thoroughly bruised, especially with a nice, burning red handprint on the side of his face."

She gasped. "Spencer Reid, you total badass! Come over with your go-bag, we're drinking tonight."

"Em, we have to work in the morning. I still have to finish my files from the case we just got back from, and-"

"Don't worry, just some celebratory shots."

He rolled his eyes, and knowing it was pointless to argue with her, sighed dramatically. "I'll be there in 20."

He knew this time it was over. He'd put the fear of God into Derek, and it was set in stone that he would never be texting him for a one night stand again. Another thing that occurred to him was Emily: all along, she told him he deserved more, that he mattered, and he could do so much better. What he had been too blind to see was that he could do better with her. She was there ever since she found out, as a confidant and a shoulder to cry on. She always put together the pieces that Derek had shattered, and would always be there, no matter what the situation may be. He arrived at her apartment building, and after being let up, stood outside her door, knocking. She opened the door and, before she could say anything, Spencer crushed his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

She pulled back, smiling. "I was just expecting a hello."

He stepped into the apartment, closing the door behind him and running his hands through his hair. "I was an idiot, Emily."

She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"I ranted to you and I talked and whined about Derek, and all along I didn't notice what was actually here. This isn't just a friendship, and I was too blind to realize that, and I'm extremely sorry that it took me this long to actually realize it. I'm sorry that I was blinded by stupidity, and I hope you can forgive me for being completely oblivious to your feelings."

She shrugged. "You're no worse than any other man."

He blushed. "So do you forgive me?"

She thought about it before leaning in, kissing him again.

"…So is that a yes?"

She smirked, nodding. "That is most definitely a yes. Now, I think a celebration is in order."

"Oh?" he asked, following her to the kitchen.

She poured a shot and slid it over to him, and he picked it up, sniffing it cautiously.

"…Is this coffee flavored vodka?"he asked, setting his go-bag on the floor, watching as Sergio made himself comfortable on it.

"I was saving it for a special occasion, thought you wouldn't mind." She held up her own shot glass. "To new beginnings and giving Derek Morgan a big 'fuck you'."

He smirked. "New beginnings?"

"Just take the shot and we'll discuss this later."

He shook his head, emptying the glass into his mouth and swallowing, wincing slightly at the sting of the alcohol.

She smiled. "My little lightweight genius. Should I expect this anytime we have drinks?"

He rolled his eyes, filling his glass again. "I can hold my alcohol just fine, thank you."

I can't keep sleeping in your bed if you keep messing with my head. I can't keep feeling love like this, it's not worth temporary bliss.

The next morning, Spencer was feeling a range of emotions. He was relieved to finally be free of Derek, and extremely excited with the few steps he'd taken in his relationship to Emily. He also felt somewhat embarrassed that he didn't break it off much sooner, starting a relationship with Emily, considering how easily they got along. However, he could very easily blame his naivety when it came to modern relationship traditions. Nevertheless, he walked into work with a smile on his face, setting his coffee down and sitting at his desk.

JJ looked over. "Well, somebody's in a good mood," she observed, leaning back in her chair.

He smiled. "I had a great night last night. Did something great, and had a few drinks to celebrate."

"Spencer Reid having a few drinks? Come on, we totally need to go out to the bar sometime, my treat."

He thought about it and shrugged. "Sure, sounds like a plan."

She squealed excitedly, looking back at the case files on her desk.

He watched as Derek walked in, and saw the side of his face was obviously swollen.

Emily gave him a look. "…Please tell me that was you."

He nodded proudly, sipping his coffee.

She gave him a quick thumbs up. "Getting more proud of you by the minute."

In the office, the most interaction Derek and Spencer had was discussing case files, and on cases, Spencer would insist on rooming privately, so he could get more work done. He truly felt that he'd had an extreme moment of bravery in ending his relationship with Derek, and was proud of himself for finally doing it, though it took entirely too long. What he didn't notice all along was what was right in front of his eyes: how much Emily really cared for him. Once he did realize, that relationship became a priority, and his everything. He no longer had to wait for a text message or a knock on the door to feel like he mattered. Instead, he had someone to spend his nights with, and the best part was, she was still there in the morning, every single morning. She was never going to leave him, and he was never going to let go. Everything with Derek had been temporary, but he was set on making what he had with her permanent.