Why hello valued reader, come on in. How are you doing? Good? That's great. Welcome, my friend, you have wandered into my very first fan-fiction. Exciting, exciting, I know. There are about roughly a gatrillion dough half-baked fan-fiction lying in my Word Document folder, but this little story is the first of the bunch to see the light of the day. That may, or may be because I have entered jbuffyangel and rapid4olicity's competition Letters to Oliver, which has the incentive of a prize! I am fairly illiterate when it comes to fan-fiction lingo so I am unsure as to whether this is a drabble or a one shot. If someone could take the time to clarify that would be fantastical.
And I would really really appreciate feedback, so if there is something you feel that I should work on (I'm assuming there is a lot) please tell me.
Okay I'm done.
A Letter To Oliver:
Felicity was rubbing the heel of her stiletto against the fluffy mint carpet of the waiting room. She looked around the room in disgust, she hated it. Logically she had no proper reason to hate it, but she really didn't want to be here, so perhaps she was projecting. She probably was projecting.
"You don't have to wait with me Digg." She muttered to the mass of muscle sitting stagnant beside her.
"Yes I do Felicity." He said, breaking the terse silence he had held all morning.
"I'm not going to bail this time okay. So just go, please, you probably have lots of things you need to do."
Digg simply fixed Felicity with a look that begged no further room for argument.
"This is ridiculous. I don't need some stuck up therapist telling me how I should grieve."
"You're not grieving Felicity, you are falling apart."
Felicity sneaked a quick glance at Digg. He was staring straight ahead at the wall with his jaw clenched shut and his hand balling into tight fists. She could see he was just as uncomfortable as she was.
"You need help, Felicity," he said, his voice quiet and measured "and I honestly don't know what to do anymore."
Felicity's heart clenched with guilt as she turned to face Diggle. She realised she didn't know what to say.
"Felicity Smoak?"
Both Diggle and Felicity's eyes snapped upwards towards the smartly dressed lady who was poking her head out of the door.
"We're ready for you now."
Sighing Felicity raised herself out of her seat and made her way towards the door, but not before sneaking one last glance at Diggle.
"Please" he mouthed, concern for Felicity etched into the slightly weathered corners of his face.
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Felicity slammed her front door behind her, throwing her handbag carelessly on the floor. She knew it would be no help, she knew it. She had just sat there nodding quietly, speaking when absolutely necessary and just saying the generic things she thought would keep the therapist happy. But Felicity knew she saw through the pretense. She had even given Felicity homework. She told her to write a goodbye to Oliver. Utter crap. The therapist had even given Felicity stationary to write on. Scoffing, Felicity made to scrunch it up and throw it the bin, but then Diggle's worried eyes flashed through her mind, and the small, hesitantly hopeful smile he gave when she lied about the session through her teeth.
Please.
Sighing Felicity trudged to the kitchen table, grabbing a pen as she went. She pulled up the chair and stared at the blank piece of fancy paper in front of her.
"I can't believe I am doing this."
She picked up the pen in her hand, rolling it though her fingers.
"This is for you Digg."
Taking a deep breath and clearing her mind, she put the pen to the paper.
After a few false stars, Felicity realized the words weren't coming. Closing her eyes she conjured up the image of Oliver with his bag hoisted up on his shoulder ready to leave, and suddenly, she knew exactly what to write.
Oliver,
I want to thank you, for seeing me. No-one ever really did. I had begun to accept that as my life. I began to think I would just hide behind the safety of my little office and let it all pass me by. I had begun to think I was fine with that. But then you found me, and I still don't know fully how you did it. It amazes me that someone like you would be able to see something in me that I couldn't see myself. Thanks to you I have become stronger and braver. I have become the version of myself I once could have only dreamed of being. I have looked down the face of death and come out the other side because you were beside me. You seem to do that with everyone you meet, Roy, Sara, Barry, Laurel, you all gave them the will to be better people, to be heroes. And what breaks my heart is that you were never able to see past your flaws to see how much good you have done. You will never know how inspiring you were to everyone around you.
I loved you Oliver. I loved everything about you. I loved the small smiles that could make my day, your unwavering loyalty, your compassion, your determination, even your stupid angry outbursts. But most of all I loved the gentle soul that hid behind that gruff exterior. It reared its head in the small ways, when you said my name, in the gentle touch of my shoulder, the tender way you would cup my face in your hands, or when I would seek your eyes to find they already softly gazing at me. It was in those little moments I knew I was irreversibly, irrevocably in love with you. No-one had ever made me feel so amazingly invigorated and so blissfully safe. I don't think anyone ever will again.
So even though the pain is unbearable, I don't think it will ever lessen, I don't regret loving you. It was my greatest privilege.
But I do regret not telling you. The regret eats me alive every waking moment. I should have told you just how much you meant to me. I shouldn't have relied on little gestures, hoping you might understand what I was trying to say. I should have said it loud and repeatedly, to the point where you were sick of hearing it. You were a man who deserved to know just how much you were loved. And for that I am so sorry.
But, I promise you hold on to your legacy. I promise to love unselfishly and to cherish what I love the way you taught me to. I promise to dedicate my life to ensuring the people I love are safe and happy, because you find the meaning of life through those around you. You showed me this, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Forever Yours,-
Felicity threw the pen down onto the table, wincing at the sudden clatter. She backed away from the letter as if it was coiled to attack, knocking her chair to the ground. She wasn't prepared for the word to come that easily. Felicity backed further away from that damned letter until her fell into the wall. Her breath was coming out in shaky stilted breaths, and she knew what was coming before it did. She sunk down to the ground, curling herself up into the ball. The sobs were loud and ugly, each heaving sob juddering her entire body. The tears were falling hot and heavy down her cheeks when she realized something.
Ever since Oliver's disappearance she had screamed and shouted, she had fainted, she lashed out, she had ran away, she had drank until she blacked out, she had nightmares that left her screaming, she had more than a few panic attacks but she had never truly cried.