Because it's so funny. Just a oneshot, unless people want more.

Word count: 1237

Thor discovers… the oven!

Thor woke early that morning, eager and ready to enjoy the day. He was going to prepare a feast for his fellow Avengers. It was his chance to do some cooking and give his friends food, rather than waiting for someone else to do it, like he did when he was in Asgard.

He went down the kitchen and looked at the clock. It was six o'clock in the else was awake.

Thor remembered what Tony had said about food.

"When you cook, big guy, make sure you don't poison me. Please."

Thor didn't see how that gave him any advice. Thor decided he would cook a chicken (a strange Midgardian animal) to go in the middle of the table, and maybe get Steve to cook the smaller things to go around it. Thor was thinking about what his friends would think when they eat the best meal they've ever had, when he realised something. He needed a chicken.

He came back an hour later, chicken in hand. It was squirming and making loud noises, but Thor assumed it was normal. He stood in the kitchen, and a note caught his eye. It was stuck to the fridge, and when he went over to look, he recognised Steve's neat handwriting. The note said:

We've gone out. We'll be back in an hour or two.

Underneath that, what Thor could only assume was Tony's handwriting said:

If you break anything while we're gone, I swear, I'll make you pay for it.

Thor read the note again and felt rather pleased. If the rest of the Avengers were away, that meant that Thor had a whole hour to prepare a feast worthy of Earth's saviours. He still had the chicken under his arm, so he opened the door of the oven and put the chicken inside. Of course, Thor had no idea that putting a live animal in a oven was inhumane and totally wrong, but he couldn't be blamed. His ignorance of Midgard was mostly due to the fact that majority of his time spend on the planet was because of a mission or duty. At first, he was banished and he tried to get Mjolnir back, and then there was the whole Avengers thing.

He twisted one of the knobs on the oven that had numbers on them.

That must be how long you want it to cook for! Thor thought. It must be in minutes… I've got an hour… how many minutes is that?

Thor had never bothered to learn Midgardian currency or time.

I think it must be very high… maybe three hundred? He thought.

He twisted the knob to three hundred degrees Celsius and waited. After two seconds, Thor's short attention span got the better of him. Five minutes later, he was asleep with the book Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone resting on his face. A squawking (coming from the chicken that was slowly being burnt alive) was waking him from his slumber. Groaning, he sat up, and when he looked at the oven, he flinched. The chicken was still moving, and it was on fire.
"I can not give my friends ad burnt meal," he said to himself, and rushed over to the oven to extinguish the flame. When he opened the door of the oven, the chicken burst out, landing on the floor and running around like a mad thing.

Don't animals move less and make less noise than this usually? He thought.

He was brought back into the world of reality when he noticed the curtains were on fire. He rushed over to the fridge to find some water, and when he found a jug of ice-cold liquid, he ran back to the fire and splashed all of the water over it. When he tore his gaze away from the charred curtains, he dropped the jug, water spilling all over the expensive floor. The lounge, cushions, wardrobe and television cabinet were all on fire. They all looked very expensive.

Once Thor managed to put out all of the fires, he grabbed the chicken and looked it in the eye.

"You are not to cause any more destruction in my presence. You are to allow yourself to be cooked, and do not get burnt," he said.

With that, the chicken went back in the oven, where Thor tried to ignore the creature's pained screams. He put in devices Tony called "headphones" which were connected to something called a "phone", which he could listen to music from. When he figured out how to play the music, he found himself listening to a band called Slipknot. Apparently, the song he was listening to was about someone who was in love with a girl, but he ended up killing her. Thor was confused about that song, and why the singer was screaming. He hit a random button on the phone, which happened to be the next song button. A band called You Me At Six started playing a song called The Swarm. Thor found it was more to his tastes than the other song. He thought it was catchy, but it wasn't that good, in his opinion. He hit next one more time, and a terrible sound filled his ears. It was a group of people singing about what made someone beautiful, uncreatively named What Makes You Beautiful. Thor shuddered and tore the headphones out of his ears. He had to go check on the chicken.

When he peered into the oven, he noticed a few things. One, the chicken was no longer alive. Two, the chicken's feathers were burnt. Three, a horrible smell and black smoke were coming out of the oven. He pulled open the lid and grabbed the chicken, not realising how hot it would be. He dropped it to the floor as he grabbed his hand in pain. The chicken had burnt him. He looked at the chicken again. It was burnt, and that was a huge understatement. Everywhere on the chicken was black and looked incredibly hard to eat. He picked it up, saddened by his failure, when he heard a cough from behind him. He set the chicken down on the counter and turned. Tony, Steve, Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Pepper were standing there. None of them looked happy, least of all Tony.

"You destroyed the room!" He yelled. "Look at the furniture! That cost me heaps, and then you come along one day and decide you want to cook, and you end up setting the place on fire!"

Pepper sighed from her position amongst the other Avengers. She wouldn't be so bold as to confront Thor face to face, but she would be writing him a letter afterwards, once she looked at the security footage and saw what he did. Who knows, maybe she could get a laugh out of it. Once she replaced the furniture… and found a way to get Tony to be calm again. She was glad Bruce was the Hulk, not Tony. He'd have destroyed half the city if his anger became anything other than temper tantrums. For now, she just joined in with the rest of the group, either glaring (Tony) or staring (everyone else) at Thor.

"Sorry?" Thor said.

Tony turned red.

"Sorry?! You destroyed my kitchen! What made me think I could trust you…!"

Pepper sighed. It looked like Tony wasn't calming down for a long time yet.

Also, this oneshot is sort of a story version of a chapter of one of my other stories, Written Words Have More Meaning. You can check that out as well, but it's basically the same thing, but in a letter from Pepper to Thor.

A review is just a click away.