Title: "Slowly but surely"
Author: Kannachan27
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Characters: Axel, Roxas, Demyx
Genre: Angst
Note: Origionally written on/for AkuRoku day 2007. ConCrit is very much appreciated!
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Slowly, but surely, he's changing.
Everyone can see it. Demyx notices first; one day the two of them were sitting together in the Hall of Empty Melodies, just Demyx, his sitar, and him. Demyx was telling him that he had made a new song, "Do you want to hear it?" The other boy just grunted; Demyx didn't know if it was a yes or a no, but he started playing anyway.
When he finishes, Demyx looks over at the shorter boy who always had an opinion on his music, always had appreciation of what it 'meant' to him. 'So? What did you think?'
The other boy shrugged. There was no vocalization of his thoughts, nothing. And when he stood up and left Demyx there on his own, well… Demyx knew that there was something going on in the younger Nobody's head, and it wasn't good. He knew that he had already been lost, and there was nothing that he could do.
----
Axel notices. He just pretends that he doesn't.
He notices the way that Roxas won't look him straight in the eye anymore. And when he does… there's so much guilt in those deep blue eyes, so much pain that Axel wishes wasn't present. So, he pretends that it isn't.
But it hurts. He wishes that he could still pretend that it doesn't.
"Roxas," he calls out to the younger boy one night when he sees him heading to his room.
The blonde stops and looks at Axel. "What do you want, Axel?" he asks.
The taller grins and saunters up to him, wrapping a long arm around the boy's shoulders. "Wanna go somewhere with me tonight, Rox? It'll be fun, I promise!"
Roxas let out a small noise. "I doubt it," he said, slipping out from Axel's hold and resuming the walk to his room, with Axel trailing behind him, of course.
"It will! We can go to that-- that place you like. The one with the freaky sky that's always orange and we can get ice cream! You'll have so much fun, I promise!"
Roxas stopped and turned so he was facing Axel, and the redhead thought that he had agreed. A smile broke out on Axel's face.
"Axel," his voice was so soft that Axel had to lean towards him to hear, even though they were only a few steps apart. "We're nobodies," the smile on Axel's face dimmed as he realized what would be said next, "And Nobodies don't have feelings." and just like that, the smile on Axel's face -and in his eyes, but when had that ever been real anyway?- flickered out.
The smaller boy turned and continued to his bedroom, opening and closing the door with a small 'click' while his best friend stood in the hall.
'It's already too late…'
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The day that he left, that's the day Axel will always remember. It's the day that he truly felt like he would never be whole again.
"You can't turn your back on the organization!"
"No one would miss me."
And, just like that, he was gone. Just like that.
There was nothing he could do.
----
Slowly, but surely, he was breaking.
Everyone could see that.
Well… maybe not everyone.
Demyx sure could. Maybe he was the only one who could.
He was fine in the beginning… he was just like all the others. He didn't feel anything, or… didn't try to convince anyone that he did. But, he didn't tell Demyx that it was foolish to believe that he had a heart, either. He was cold. He fought, trained, and did missions as he was told. He didn't seem to mind spending time with anyone, but the also didn't seem to mind spending time alone.
He didn't really do much of anything, really, until he came along.
Number 13. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one.
There was something about the kid that made Axel suddenly… feel alive. Or, that's what Demyx would call it.
Axel would joke around with everyone; he'd spend time with Demyx without having to be asked by the Nocturne. He'd piss people off -and he could because even though anger is an emotion it's the only one that Nobodies do have and they must exploit it and revel in being able to accomplish something that Somebodies have- just for the reaction of it. All because he showed up.
But usually, Axel would try to flirt with the kid, get him to open up. It never worked. Roxas wouldn't say anything, and in the end Axel just walked away furious. But always more determined than before to make the kid talk to him.
That was when Demyx got a bad feeling… he knew something bad was going to happen, but couldn't say anything. The fact that his friend was actually doing something was more than enough reason for him to stay quiet. Or, that's what he told himself.
Axel tried even harder to get Roxas's attention, and eventually it worked. Roxas looked at Axel.
"What do you want?" he'd asked, not really caring -because he was a nobody and nobodies can't care, can't care, can't care, cant-
It was enough to make Axel's eyes widen, and for his heart that he didn't have but knew that it was there- skip a beat. He wondered… what did he really want? Why was he bothering this kid like nothing else in the world mattered? But before he could even think a bit on it, or realize that he was thinking these thoughts-- he had spoken. "You. I want you, kid."
Roxas nodded and just said "Oh."
And just like that, it seemed, Axel was in love-- and Roxas knew it.
---
Demyx didn't get it. Why was Axel so insistent on getting Roxas to open up to him? Why did Axel allow himself to be toyed with?
Demyx could see it. Every time Roxas said 'no' or blew Axel off in favor of something else, Demyx saw it. And he knew that Roxas could see it too.
Each time that it happened, Axel's heart -not that he had a heart, because he's a nobody and nobodies don't have hearts- broke. Then he'd try harder and harder for Roxas to say yes. And he would. And then, the next time he was asked, Roxas would say no again, crushing Axel, and breaking his "heart" even more. But it never deterred him, every day, without fail, Axel asked Roxas to do something with him, be it as small as take a walk, to things such as going on a mission with him.
Every time he said 'no,' Axel smiled -but it was never real, Demyx noticed, every time it was muted and barely there at all- and said "Oh, maybe next time." and left.
And every time he said 'yes,' Axel smiled -but it never reached his eyes, never completely… he always knew that he would be rejected again later- and it was like a band-aid that was put on his heart… until tomorrow, when it would be ripped off and the wound would be ripped back apart and the bleeding would continue, until there was no blood left to bleed.
Axel knew this. Demyx new this. And Roxas knew this.
They all realized what was to come of it, too. But each of them only really knew one part, and guessed at the rest.
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"You can't turn your back on the organization!"
"No one would miss me…" he left.
"That's not true…" the taller slumped to the ground. "…I would."
Around the corner, watching his 'friend' cry in the rain, the musician summoned a portal and went back to his room, alone.
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End
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