I do not own Escaflowne, Excel Saga, Fushigi Yuugi, Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Samurai Deeper Kyo, or any other anime in this fanfic.

Panda And Hooters Messed Up Story

Once upon a time in an alternate universe lived a princess with enormous boobs. Her name was Princess Hooters. Although she was very stupid, she managed to get a Boyfriend by giving him a lap dance. The young prince's name was Naraku. But, despite there love for each other, Princess Hooters' parents did not approve of this arrangement. So they summoned the two lovers to the Throne Room.

"As you can tell, me and your father do not approve of you seeing this monster you call Naraku." Said Queen Millerna. "He is messy, rude, and on top of it all, he's a friggin' psyco."

"But mother!" cried Hooters "Our love is like diarrhea! We just can't hold it in!"

"Such vulgar words you have started using since dating this freak." Said King Dryden

"Shut up father!" yelled Hooters "You're just a stupid hippie with a bow in his hair!" 

 Well, during all of this fighting, Naraku managed to get to get a hold of a sword, a chicken, and some butter. Now we can't really say what he's going to do with these items but it didn't matter, because just outside wandering around the outskirts of the castle was a crazy Pyro that planned to ruin their meeting.

"What! Why is this castle still standing?!?! I should have burned it by now! Well no matter, I'll burn it now!" with that Dilandau whipped out a flame thrower from his back pocket. "BURRRRRNNNN!!!" Screamed Pyro Boy in a high pitched squeal.

"Huh? What's that noise?" said Hooters "It sounds like a dying rabbit!"

"Let's get out of here!" Yelled Queen Millerna

"But mother," said Hooters "Where's father and Naraku?"

"I think Dryden is off getting his tie-dye shirts and bell bottoms and Naraku… He's play ing with the chicken and butter in the corner again" the queen replied. With that, Millerna and Hooters ran through the burning surroundings of their castle.

"Oh my, who could have done this?" asked Millerna

"Heh Heh Heh… I did this. Isn't fire such a beautiful thing?" said a voice from behind them.      

"Huh? Who said that?" Hooters asked turning around, "AHHHHHHHH!!! It's a transvestite from hell!!!" She screamed staring at the figure fully dressed in leather standing before them.

"WHAT!?!? How dare you call me a transvestite you little bitch!" Dilandau yelled slapping hooters across the face. Queen Millerna step forward.

"How dare you slap my daughter across the face you-"

"BUUUURRRRRNNNNNN!!!" Dilandau yelled out as he burned Millerna to a crisp.

"Aiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!" Hooters screamed as she ran around in circles.

"Grrrr…Stop running! I can't get a clear shot!" he screamed at her as he tried to get her on target. But she just wouldn't stop running in circles. "AHHHHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! STOP RUNNING IN CIRCLES!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!JAJUKAAA!!!!!!! JAJUKAAAAA!!!!!" Dilandau screamed as he huddled himself into a ball on the ground. Hooters stopped running.

"Huh? He stopped. What's wrong with him? Why is there a girl on the ground? Where did he go?" Hooters asked many questions that could have been answered if she had ever seen Escaflowne. "Well as long as he's no here anymore then I guess I'm okay. But I can't say the same about my family." She said looking back at her castle in ruins.

"'sigh' well, maybe if I travel to another kingdom I can find someone who can help me." Hooters said as she looked down at the ashes of her mother and the girl huddled on the ground.

"Ummmmm….Excuse me but why are you on the ground?" Hooters asked, poking the girl with a stick.

The young girl turned her head towards Hooters.

"Well, actually, that is a good question…." She said getting to her feet.

"Hey!" said Hooters. "you're wearing that same armor that that boy was wearing. Are you two related?"

"What boy?" the girl asked looking confused. No that she looked at the girl, she really did resemble the boy a lot, but then thought no further of it.

"What's your name?" asked Hooters

"Selena" replied the girl.

"Do you have a family?"

"I have a brother. His name is Allen. He got captured when I fell into a coma. I fall into a lot of those. That's why I was wondering how I got here. He's really cute. You could ask his bitch but you can't because I BURRRRRRNNNNED HER!!!!!

"Wow, that's freaky. Listen, can you lead me to the nearest city?" asked Hooters

"I'll take you to Kuto. I live there. You can see Empress Panda. She's nice if she likes you. If she doesn't then she KILLS YOU!!!!! Or sends you to Emperor Tomo and with his Feathers of Doom and his Army of Gays."

"That's cool" she said nervously, "Lets go."

End chapter

Hope you like the first chapter. This is what comes out of mine and Panda's heads over the summer. Next chapter up soon! It will be funnier I promise.