A/N: I started writing this after Bleeding Through but then Real Life got in the way so I couldn't finish it until today. It completely ignores the events of A Curious Thing.
"Hey."
Emma's voice startles her, she was sure everyone had left. Regina quickly wipes at any evidence of tears still left on her cheeks before she stands up and turns to face the woman.
"Emma. What are you still doing here?"
Emma takes a few slow steps into the room. She takes a deep breath as she moves to shove her hands into her front pockets, before remembering she's not wearing her jeans and awkwardly crossing her arms in front of her chest instead. Regina hates Emma's new wardrobe. It's too much like her own sometimes rather than the Emma she knows. It's a constant reminder that she had left pieces of herself with Emma that day at the town line a year ago. Some days it seems like that's all she is anymore, jagged pieces scattered here and there. Between people who have no idea what to do with them and people who just couldn't care less.
"I wanted to check on you," Emma finally says. "Make sure you were..." she trails off, knowing that none of them are really okay after tonight.
"You do realize your mother just did that?" Regina says simply. No malice, just fact.
"Yeah," Emma shrugs and takes two steps closer, "Doesn't mean I can't do it too." Regina sighs and shakes her head.
"You Charmings and your need to fix everything." She pulls her eyes away from Emma and they skim over the mess of the room instead.
"I'm not here to fix anything." Emma takes another step. There's only a few feet between them now. "You're not broken, Regina." She looks back over at Emma and the woman gives her that little half grin. "I just know that my mother can be very... 'happy, shiny, hopefulness' sometimes." Emma's grins grows a little as she chuckles quietly. "And I just thought, ya know," again she trails off with a shrug, dropping her head to stare at her foot as she twists it this way and that, in heels that seem so very out of place.
"I know tonight must've been complete shit for you. And Mary Margaret, she always wants to just drag everyone out in the sunlight with her. But I just thought," their eyes lock onto each other as Emma looks up again and Regina feels the air get heavier around them. "I thought that maybe you might need someone to just sit in the dark with you for a while." Emma gives her another half hopeful grin and Regina feels her hollow attempt at strength slowly drain away.
Her whole life has been controlled and manipulated and twisted by other people. Even when she couldn't quite see it she could feel the strings unnaturally tugging her this way and that. She could never really trust which instincts and desires were actually her own and not seeds whispered in her ear while she looked the other way.
Somewhere along the way she subconsciously started trying to get back that control by doing the opposite of whatever she thought she wanted. When she felt like crying she laughed cruelly in someone's face instead. When she wanted to run from something she threw herself right into the thick of it. When she loathed someone she laughed and charmed and kept them close. When she wanted acceptance she shoved people away, and when people seemed like allies she quickly turned them against her.
When she loved something... she slaughtered it.
But none of that had gotten her anywhere. Her life still felt like it wasn't her own, her grip on what little she had always tenuous and unsure. And she's just so damn tired. Tired of thinking and planning and plotting every single move just to always end up alone on the losing side. She's tired of denial, tired of fighting. She looks at Emma Swan and she just doesn't have the strength to fight against her anymore. She wants to step closer, to finally give in to that ever present current that always seems to lead back to the woman in front of her.
So she does.
"If Zelena's plan works," Regina's voice floats quietly across the handful of inches now between them.
"It won't. She can't do anything yet, not without the baby. We've got time." Emma's voice is strong and sure.
"We don't know that, it's just a theory. There could be any number of reasons she wanted near that child. It doesn't mean she needs it to cast the spell." Old habits whisper for Regina to pull back, to quickly cover the cracks that are beginning to show. So she sheds light on them instead, letting Emma see each and every one. "She could be casting it right now for all we know."
The thought terrifies Regina more than anything has in a long time. More than Henry being trapped in Neverland, more than Emma breaking her curse. Those were things she could fight against, wars she could win, or at least survive. But if Zelena casts this spell there's absolutely nothing she can do about it. You can't fight if you don't exist.
"We'll stop her, Regina." Emma brings a hand up to Regina's bicep and squeezes gently. "I promise." Regina takes a deep breath and gives in to the urge to lean into Emma's touch for once. "It's like Henry always says," they share a small smile at their son's name, "it might get messy and painful, but the good guys always win in the end." Emma smiles a little wider but Regina can't share her optimism.
"Emma," she breathes out with a slight shake of her head, "if tonight taught us anything it's that everyone is the villain in someone's story." Emma's lips pull into a thin line and she squeezes Regina's arm again.
"Maybe," Emma says after a moment, "but this is our story. It always has been." Her eyes are filled with such sure sincerity that Regina almost believes her.
She thinks about how all of this could be gone by tomorrow, how they could both just be... gone. She looks at the woman in front of her and she sees two years of missed opportunities, of feelings and thoughts crushed into nothing before they could even fully form, of risks she would never allow herself to take. Regina looks at her and she just sees Emma. Not her adversary or her competition or her undoing. Just a girl. A girl who infuriates her and makes her laugh and saves her life. A girl who sometimes reminds her so much of someone she used to be; a little beaten down and broken by life, but still willing to believe, to trust, to hope. To love.
Regina feels the current still pushing at her, still just as steady and strong as the night they first met, and she finally stops fighting it. For the first time in decades, Regina Mills just surrenders.
She slowly brings a hand up to Emma's cheek and waits, giving her one last chance to walk away before everything comes crashing down. They stay frozen like that for a few long moments, just watching each other, waiting. Then Emma just barely leans forward, just an inch. It's all Regina needs.
She pulls Emma into her, one hand behind her neck and the other at her hip, as their lips fuse together. Emma whimpers and a thrill rushes through Regina as she feels her magic tingling across her fingertips in search of Emma's. She tugs on Emma's bottom lip as just the slightest bit of magic flows from her fingers before she can stop it.
"Fuck," Emma growls and presses into her until they're slamming into the wall behind her. Emma's tongue pushes past her lips and her thigh slips between Regina's. Emma's hand skims up the side of her neck and magic pours out of it. Regina's head slams back into the wall at the feeling and she moans loudly. Emma's lips trail down her jaw without missing a beat and Regina can barely even breathe.
"Emma," she finally manages, her voice hardly above a whisper. "Emma stop, stop." Emma jerks back out of her hold so quickly that Regina almost stumbles forward herself. Emma's breathing is shallow and her eyes are darting across Regina's face as they quickly fill with panic. Regina doesn't quite have enough air in her lungs yet to explain so she just grabs for the front of Emma's shirt, keeping her there before things can spiral out of contol like they always do with the two of them.
"Not," Regina gulps and tries for a deep, steady breath. "Not stop stop. Just..." Emma doesn't speak, doesn't even move except for the flickering of her eyes, still swimming in fear and confusion. "The magic, Emma," she finally breathes out. "You have to control it." Regina manages a half step toward her and finally releases Emma's shirt, her hand laying gently against the girl's stomach instead. She brushes a strand of blonde away from eyes that are still wide and unsure. "Or else this is going to be over a lot faster than I think either of us would like." Regina smirks and a faint grin tugs at the corner of Emma's mouth.
"Okay," she whispers.
"Okay," Regina sighs back with relief.
Emma still looks hesitant, so she reaches for her hand. She feels Emma's magic buzzing through her fingers but it's not nearly as strong, more like the prickling of a limb that's fallen asleep.
"Good," Regina says and Emma gives her a nervous smile before looking back at their joined hands with concentration. "You can't try to just push the magic down, it won't work. It will only surge back up... like before." Emma takes in a ragged breath, her eyes moving back up to Regina's, and her fingers flex as a rush of magic shoots through them. Regina gasps and fists her hand in Emma's shirt again.
"Sorry." Emma jerks her hand out of Regina's. "I just..." she trails off and shakes her head.
"It's okay," she says as she reaches for Emma's hand again. "Just relax." Her magic is back down to a buzz and Regina smiles. "Imagine your skin is a barrier, like a glove. Nothing gets through it."
Emma closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, and the magic slowly recedes until Regina can't feel it at all. Emma opens her eyes and grins back at her proudly and Regina can't help but smile back at her.
"Good."
Emma smiles at her for a moment before her eyes slowly turn worried again. "What about..." She pulls her hand from Regina's and lays it gently in the middle of her chest.
Regina immediately understands and covers Emma's hand with her own. The terrified look in Emma's eyes, like maybe this is only happening because her heart is missing, maybe it doesn't mean anything, would be enough to break Regina's heart even if it were on the other side of the world.
"That enchantment I mentioned? It keeps me connected to my heart no matter where it is. Like it never left. That's why she can't control me with it." She squeezes Emma's hand against her chest and brings the other up to cup Emma's cheek. "I'm still here, Emma. I promise." Emma leans into the touch as Regina drags her thumb across her cheekbone.
In this moment, with Emma under her fingers, looking at her like that, Regina can't even remember why she's fought this for so long. Why she ever thought they could end up anywhere else but here. Emma Swan has always felt completely inevitable to her.
"I don't..." Emma starts, but her words get lost in an unsteady breath. She rests her forehead against Regina's and closes her eyes. "I don't know if I can just forget about this tomorrow." Her voice sounds like an apology, like a reluctant admittance of weakness. "I don't want to forget it," she adds in the smallest, broken whisper.
Regina kisses her then, slow and sure. Because she wants to. Because she's wanted to a thousand times. Because, in this moment, she can't possibly do anything else. After a minute, she pulls back enough for Emma to open her eyes and look at her.
"I think we've both done more than enough forgetting, don't you?" Emma's eyes are desperate and pleading, but she doesn't speak. "We've wasted so much time," Regina gently traces her thumb over Emma's bottom lip. "You were right, Emma. This is our story."
Emma brings their lips together again and there's a dangerous amount of feeling behind it, on both sides. But Regina doesn't run from it, doesn't push it away. She's done thinking and worrying. Tomorrow they'll plan and they'll fight and maybe they'll even win. But maybe they won't. This could be her last night, her last chance. And she'll be damned if she wastes it.
Her hand threads through blonde hair and tugs. Emma moans against her lips and pushes her back against the wall. The soft urgent kisses quickly turn into needy teeth and tongues and hands roaming everywhere.
Emma tugs at Regina's shirt trying to free it from her slacks, and Regina's breath catches.
"Jesus," Emma growls against her lips after a few seconds with no success. "What is this, a fucking nightshirt? How long is this thing?"
Regina laughs loudly, like she hasn't done in ages, and after a moment of glaring Emma can't help but join her. They lean against the wall, just holding each other as their laughter chases away the last of the tension and doubt. When it finally dies down and Regina just looks at Emma, eyes sparkling and a smile still on her face, she feels so much lighter than she has in years.
"I'm glad you stayed," Regina whispers, not even sure which of the thousand ways she means it.
"Me too." The look in Emma's eyes makes her think that maybe she means it in a thousand ways too. Emma's soft smile shifts into a smirk as she leans forward. "Now let's get you out of this ridiculous shirt." Regina chuckles as Emma's lips cover her own.
"You're one to talk." Regina mumbles and Emma pulls away.
"Hey! This shirt is -"
"Terrible," Regina finishes for her. "I mean what is this?" She pokes at one of the padded points on Emma's shoulder and the blonde swats her hand away, trying not to laugh. "It's not you, dear."
"Fine," Emma relents with a grin and moves to start unbuttoning her own shirt. Regina grins back and then waves her arms in between them.
When the purple smoke of her magic clears they're in her bedroom, both of them stripped down to their underwear. After the confusion slowly leaves Emma's face she just rolls her eyes.
"God, you're such a damn show off." Emma smiles and shakes her head as she pulls Regina back into her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"You know, when I got up this morning, this is the last place I thought today would end."
They're lying in bed, both on their backs, close but not quite touching. Regina quietly hums her agreement.
"Actually, this wasn't even on the list," Emma finishes with a chuckle. Regina turns her head to look at her.
"Having second thoughts, dear?" Regina's voice is light and teasing but she knows, if Emma looks closely, she could see just a hint of worry in her eyes. For once she doesn't try to hide it from her.
"Please," Emma smirks as she rolls onto her side. She runs a hand through Regina's hair as she leans in close. She pauses just long enough to chase away the doubt in Regina's eyes with the conviction in her own.
Emma's kiss is slow and deep and Regina feels her addiction to the girl growing somehow stronger with each brush of lips and tongue. Emma trails her hand down Regina's neck, letting a light, steady stream of her magic seep through. It's a trick Emma had somehow managed to completely master over the last few hours.
"God, you are insatiable," Regina groans as she pushes Emma away. "The adults need sleep, Emma." She feels Emma's laugh rumbling up underneath the hand she has against her chest.
"Sorry, I forget you're decades older than me," Emma says with a smirk. "You should get some rest grandma."
"Not funny." Regina glares at her, and Emma just grins as she leans back in.
"It's a little funny," she whispers against Regina's lips. They share another slow, lazy kiss until Emma finally breaks it. She stays on her side and curls her arm up underneath her head.
"Is it always like this with magic?" She trails a hand down Regina's arm, letting just enough magic through to illustrate her point. "Or is it because we both have it?"
Regina thinks back to her few times with the only other magic user she's ever been with. Maleficent's magic had been strong, almost as strong as Regina's, but it hadn't been anything like this. Their magic had been a pleasant buzz between them at best, barely even noticeable.
Emma's magic has the potential to be stronger than anything she's ever seen. But the strength of Emma's magic doesn't explain why her own can cause the exact same effect on Emma with just as much overwhelming force. Regina's not sure exactly what that means, but she decides to keep it to herself for now. There's been far too many revelations and truths already today.
"No, not always," she finally says. "I think it's mostly because of the strength of your magic. Or maybe because of the true love rooted in it. I'm not entirely sure, to be honest."
Emma hums in response, her eyes tracking her fingertips as they trail up and down Regina's arm. The loud ringing of Emma's cell breaks her out of her trance.
Emma props herself up on her elbow and looks over to where Regina left her clothes, magically folded in a neat pile on a chair across the room. She concentrates and then waves her hand, her phone appearing in her palm a second later. She glances over with a smug grin and Regina rolls her eyes as she leans just enough to see Snow's name and picture on the screen.
"You should be asleep, it's nearly midnight," Emma says in lieu of a greeting. "Okay," she says after a few moments, "...really?" Regina gives her a questioning look but Emma just holds up a finger for her to wait. "Yeah, that's fine." Regina hears the buzz of Snow speaking again and Emma closes her eyes as a warm grin spreads across her face. The grin only grows wider and warmer as Emma's eyes open and lock with her own. Regina feels her breath stutter through her chest. "Yeah, we'll be there. Okay. Bye."
Emma rolls over to put her phone on the nightstand behind her and Regina tries to even out her breathing as she rolls her eyes at herself. She's not a fifteen year old boy for God's sake, she's a Queen. She should be able to have a pretty girl smile at her without turning into a panting idiot. Then again, she's never quite been able to feel like anything more than just Regina around Emma Swan.
"That was Mary Margaret," Emma says as she rolls back to face Regina, settling her head back in the crook of her elbow.
"I gathered that."
"Ruby was at the apartment watching Henry so they filled her in when they got back and she thinks she might be able to help." Regina raises an eyebrow but stays quiet. "So we're all supposed to meet at Granny's at 7 to talk it over."
"What on earth could Red possibly know about time travel spells?" Regina asks doubtfully and Emma just shrugs a shoulder.
"Something about... some guy she met back in the Enchanted Forest who was from... somewhere." Emma gestures vaguely with the hand not under her head and Regina's eyebrow raises even higher.
"Thank you, dear. That's very helpful." Emma shrugs again.
"It's what she knows that matters, not how she knows it," Emma offers simply.
"That's true, I suppose." They fall into a comfortable silence and just as Regina's mind starts to wander Emma speaks again.
"So... Mary Margaret knows." Regina looks at her questioningly. "About... this." Emma gestures a hand in the air between them. One of the overhead light bulbs shatters and Emma flinches.
There's a long second of complete silence before Emma starts snickering. She brings her hand up to cover her mouth and Regina just glares.
"Did you," Regina starts a moment later, "did you plan this?" The thought makes her nervous and wary.
"No," Emma reaches out to run a hand along her arm, "no, nothing like that." Her voice is quiet and sincere, any hint of laughter long gone from it. "She just knows I stayed behind to check on you and now it's midnight and I'm still not home so..."
"Trust me, dear, this is the last conclusion your mother would jump to."
"She might be a little naive sometimes but she's not blind, Regina. I mean, we aren't exactly subtle." Emma grins at her, hand still trailing up and down her arm, and Regina feels her nerves start to calm. "I could just hear it in her voice, ya know? She knows. And she's okay with it."
Regina takes a deep breath. She very much doubts that Snow is okay with her arch nemesis sleeping with her daughter. But there's no point in worrying about it tonight. Snow White's righteous indignation will just have to be another of tomorrow's problems.
"I'm sorry if you didn't want anyone to know just yet," Emma says. "But she won't say anything to anyone else or anything like that. Well, except for David." She chuckles quietly. "Who will probably try to give you the 'protective Dad with a shotgun' speech even though you could kill him with your thoughts." Emma smiles and rolls her eyes.
Regina stays quiet, not knowing exactly what to say. Emma is speaking in long terms and she has no idea how to handle that. This whole night had been about not thinking or planning, not worrying any farther than the next second and the one after that. She hasn't let herself think about what happens when the harsh light of day spills over them.
"Hey," Emma tilts Regina's face toward her with a hand on her chin, "I'll talk to them in the morning, if you want. Let them know that that conversation is completely off the table for now."
"What conversation would that be?" Regina says after a moment. Emma scrunches her eyebrows together in question and Regina takes another moment to gather the courage. This is definitely not a question she wanted to be asking tonight. But Snow White's insufferable nosiness has once again tipped her hand, it seems. "What exactly are we doing here, Emma?"
Regina has spent a long time teaching herself not to want anything. Especially things that rely on other people. People are weak and selfish and unreliable. Since she was a little girl everyone who ever started off beside her always ended up across the line from her, staring her down instead. It took a piece of her every time someone crossed that line to her just to eventually step back over to the other side without a second glance. So Regina had finally just built a brick wall over the line. To protect the small scrap of her that was still intact.
Emma's fingers run along her cheek and bring her back to the present.
"I think you know," is all Emma says. Her smile is soft and the backs of her fingers still trace Regina's cheekbone.
Regina closes her eyes. She sees Emma standing beside her, in front of the gaping hole she's made in Regina's carefully constructed wall. She sees people start filtering in on the other side: Ruby and Granny, Archie and the dwarves, August and Blue. Emma moves closer to the wall but her hand is still in Regina's. Then comes Hook and Charming and Snow. Emma lifts a leg over the rubble, keeping a foot on either side. Regina's fingertips just barely holding on to her's. Then she sees Henry. Emma looks back at her with a sad smile and Regina tries to tighten her grip. But Emma slips away. She steps through and the wall mends itself behind her, leaving jagged little cracks in the brick. Just enough for Regina to see them and hear them, to know exactly what it is she's lost.
"Jesus, you're shaking." Emma's voice is quiet and worried and Regina's too tired not to give in to the urge to lean that little bit closer. After all, Emma's already through now. She might as well enjoy what little time she has before the bricks start stacking back up.
"Look at me." Emma runs a hand through Regina's hair, her nails scratching lightly. Regina takes a deep breath and opens her eyes. Emma gives her another soft smile as her eyes trace over Regina's face.
"My whole life there's been this part of me that always just felt restless and anxious. I've never felt like I could just be still. The night we first met, when you finally stopped and looked at me, I felt that part of me start to…. kind of settle, I guess." Emma smiles at the memory and Regina just focuses on matching her breathing to the steady rhythm of nails against her scalp, "And it scared the living shit out of me." Emma breathes out a laugh. "It still does sometimes."
"If this town has taught me anything over the last two years," Emma continues, "it's that we don't know what tomorrow's gonna be, that none of this is guaranteed for even a second." Emma leans closer, their noses almost touching. "So I'm done fighting this and being scared of it." Emma smiles again and Regina closes her eyes for just a moment, trying to ward off the tears she feels burning behind them. "Right now, in this moment, I don't need or want to be anywhere else. For the first time in my life, I just… I just want to stay."
Regina loses the fight with her tears and one runs down over her nose. Emma wipes it away and leans her forehead against Regina's.
"And I know it won't be easy," she whispers. "It'll probably be the hardest thing we've ever done." Emma grins at her and she can't help but grin back. "But that little part of me, that part that's somehow always been my parent's daughter, knows that it'll be worth it."
Emma wipes away another tear and kisses her. It's just a gentle, barely-there pressure of Emma's lips against her own, but God, Regina can feel it with every inch of her.
"So that's what I'm doing here," she breathes against Regina's lips. "And if you just stay still, here with me," Emma runs her thumb along Regina's jaw, "I think we might just have a fighting chance." Emma smiles and, for once, just waits patiently for Regina's answer.
She looks at Emma, at her hopeful smile, as she runs her hand through blonde hair. Emma Swan is beautiful and brave and kind, with just enough darkness to understand Regina's and to not be scared away by it. Regina looks at Emma and a part of her is absolutely terrified.
All Regina's ever really wanted was for someone to look at her and say 'my life is better with you in it'. For someone to fight for her because she was worth the trouble. And now someone has. And part of Regina can't help but be filled with doubt. But a bigger part of her is so stupidly hopeful, it believes and trusts in Emma. Some part of her absolutely believes that if she'll just let herself fall that Emma will catch her every single time. Snow's words echo in her head.
'Don't let anything hold you back.'
"Okay," Regina finally whispers. Emma's smile is breathtaking as she kisses her again.
Regina breaks the kiss a minute later with a poorly disguised yawn and Emma laughs.
"Fine," she nips at Regina's lips one last time, "get your beauty sleep." Emma runs a hand through Regina's hair and just stares at her for a moment, smiling. Regina can feel what must be an idiotic smile on her own face but she does nothing to stop it. "I'll see you in the morning," Emma says and Regina hears the message underneath. 'I'll still be here when you wake up. I'll still be beside you.' Emma gives her another smile and then rolls over onto her back, pulling the covers up to her neck.
"Don't think just because you gave some big, sappy speech you get to stay the night now." Regina says and Emma laughs again as she closes her eyes.
"Go to sleep, Regina."
"Fine," Regina smiles to herself as she rolls onto her back and settles in for the night, "but only because I'm too exhausted tonight to physically kick you out."
"Shut up," Emma says simply, eyes still closed. "Before I come over there and spoon the shit out of you."
"You will do no such thing."
"Hide and watch me."
"I do not cuddle, Miss Swan." Regina gives her a glare that even she doesn't really believe.
"Yeah, okay," Emma says sarcastically as she burrows deeper under the covers.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Regina tries to sound stern but it doesn't exactly work either.
"It means I know you, Regina." Emma smirks but her eyes never open.
Regina looks at her, feels that current still pushing steadily, and she smiles. Because somehow Emma Swan does know her, better than she has any right to, in all the ways that truly count. And some part of Regina is sure that Emma would never use that knowledge against her. Where others have always used it to tear her down, Emma would only ever use it to build her up.
She takes a deep breath, then rolls her eyes at herself and shakes her head as she rolls back over to face Emma. The blonde cracks one eye open and stares at her for a second before she smiles and chuckles under her breath. Emma raises her arm up enough for Regina to tuck herself under it and lay her head on Emma's chest.
Regina takes another deep breath and finally relaxes as Emma's hand drags slowly up and down her bare back. She honestly isn't even sure if it's Emma's magic or just the girl herself, but she feels a rare feeling of calm start to wash over her.
"You know," Regina starts after a moment, "if you tell anyone about this I will literally murder you."
"Yeah, yeah," Emma mumbles, pressing a kiss to the top of Regina's head and tightening her arm around her.
Regina doesn't even fight the smile that tugs at her lips.