Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, all credit goes to Takaya Natsuki. This story is written just for fun, no money made.

Warning: This story isn't rated M for nothing. There will be some lemons in future chapters. If you don't like it, I suggest you read my warning on each chapter, so you can skip it. This chapter is save though, so go ahead!

Spoiler Warning: The first few chapters of this story are based on the manga. If you haven't read until at least chapter 107 (vol. 18), there will be spoilers for sure, since I followed the storyline.

And now, let's get started!

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For want of a horse

Chapter 1 – A little hurt along the way

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It was a sunny and nice day, quite warm for this part of the year as well, after all it was just march. The sand in the playground was still wet from the yesterday's rain and crunched under his shoes as Haru made his way to the swings. He wasn't particulary fond of swings – after all an ox isn't meant to fly – but Rin liked them and they always met there. So he hopped on one of them, his legs still not long enough to reach the ground, but then he was only 6 years old. Normally his parents wouldn't allow him to wander outside alone, but the Sohma's playground was right next to his parents' home. He looked wistfully in the direction he knew Rin would have to come from, but she was nowhere to be seen.

He sighed. Today wasn't the best of days. His dad had been angry and scolded him, after he broke a window. He had been angry himself, when his parents had teased him about his hair and how it showed of his zodiac. He knew that they didn't mean to hurt him, but still he didn't like to be teased about it. He didn't like being the ox – the dumb ox, who had allowed the clever rat to ride on his back – and he didn't like his hair. It wasn't about the color, it was just that it made him… different. And everyone commented about it. That was what he hated the most.

So today, it had been too much – again. He had become angry – again. And he had turned what his parents called "Black" – again. He had broken a window - …again. It happened once before, out of the very same reason. He didn't even do it deliberately, he had wanted to box against the wall, but somehow he had missed that he stood beside the window and it shattered as his fist made contact. His father had grounded him for a week - starting tomorrow. His mother hadn't commented on the accident, just told him that he had to get ready if he wanted to meet Isuzu-san at the playground, even though he still had 20 minutes left. Her eyes hadn't met his.

He was jolted out of his thoughts as two arms flew around him from behind and he was suddenly enveloped in a cloud of flowery aroma and a unique scent, that he knew belonged to none other than Rin.

"Haru, you are early". Rin smiled a sweet smile at him as she let go of him and sat down on the swing next to his. "Here, I brought some chocolate for us", she said and shoved a little package at him.

"That's great. I love chocolate." He smiled at her. It was easy for him to forget his dark thoughts when he was with Rin. She knew him well and always managed to make him smile – just as he knew her.

"What is it, Haru? You look sad…" There. She knew him too well.

"It's nothing much, Rin. I just can't play with you for the next week." He didn't meet her eyes.

"Why?"

"I'm grounded", he mumbled and suddenly felt more ashamed than he had felt with his parents. "I broke a window."

"A window? Why?". She jumped off the swing and kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in hers and looking at them intently. The chocolate fell to the ground forgotten. "You didn't get hurt, did you?". He blinked at her and was suddenly quite aware that his parents hadn't once asked the same question.

"No, I'm fine". He blushed under her searching gaze. "I didn't even want to break it. It was just an accident, really." He jumped off the swing, stuffed his hand in his pockets and kicked a stone across the ground, where it bounced from a trunk with a satisfying thud. He felt misunderstood all of the sudden. Everyone blamed him for these accidents his black side caused, but really, he didn't want them to happen. He was just so… angry. Rin stood beside him, leaving him to his thoughts for a moment.

"I know. It's ok, Haru." He turned to her, disbelief written across his face.

"What?"

"I know that you didn't do it on purpose." She smiled at him again and he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. She understood, as usual.

"Why did you get angry? Did they say something mean?" He blinked at her again. Was he really that predictable?

"My hair. It was about my hair, again." He sighed. It was always about his hair.

"I don't see what's so bad about it. I like your soft white hair. It's cute." She smiled again, a sweet, ice melting smile, that normally would have made him blush again. But now, he just stared blankely at her. She liked his hair? Someone liked his hair? Cute? Rin laughed at his expression and ran to pick up the chocolate.

"Come on, Haru! Let's have some chocolate." She sat down on the swing again and broke the bars in equal pieces. He joined her without a word. She liked his hair… Was that a compliment? Wasn't the guy supposed to compliment on his girl? Should he compliment her? Was Rin "his girl"? He blushed again.

"You… You have cute hair, too." He said, before he lost the courage. Rin looked at him with surprise in her eyes. Then she laughed her sweet ringing laughter.

"Thank you, Haru. You are always so nice." Then her expression turned serious. "So your parents are angry at you?". He nodded.

"Will you be… will it be okay?" She sounded insecure.

"Well. They're pretty angry right now, but it will be ok in the end, I guess. It's always like this in a family, isn't it? You get angry at each other and then you apologize and it's okay again, right?". He looked at her and was surprised to see shock written over her face.

"It… is?" She lowered her gaze. "I'm… I don't know. We… my parents and I, we never have a quarrel. We are always having fun and…" She trailed off.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?". He really wouldn't miss getting grounded.

"But… Is it possible to have fun all the time? Isn't there something that my parents are sad about, too?". She looked at him, as if he would know the answer.

"How would I know? You would have to ask your parents about it." He grabbed a piece of chocolate and jumped off the swing, leaving Rin sitting there, deep in thoughts.

"Here!" Rin nearly jumped in surprise as Haru shoved a snowdrop flower in her face. "Take it and don't look so sad." For a moment she was speechless, but then she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Haru." He smiled and placed the flower behind her ear. "There you go. You look like a princess now." He exclaimed and grinned widely. It was her time to blush and his smile only got brighter.

They played a long time and the sun almost set when Rin's mother came to pick her up and they had to part. Rin hugged him and pressed a light kiss on his cheek as goodbye.

"Take care, Haru. I'll call you, so you won't get too lonely while you're grounded. Bye!" He waved at her until she was out of sight and entered his house.

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It wasn't far to Rin's home and her mother, as usual, chatted happily.

"So, Isuzu-chan, you had a good time with Hatsuharu-kun? Did you play?", her mother asked with a bright smile on her face.

"Yes, we had a lot of fun", Rin answered.

"That's great. But what did you say? Hatsuharu-kun has been grounded?", she inquired.

"He broke a window and his parents got angry." Rin looked at her mother, her gaze searching.

"So? Well, Isuzu-chan, you can be glad, because you have such a happy home, right?" Her mother met her eyes with a bright smile on her face. "Now, what do you want for dinner? How about tonkatsu? You like tonkatsu, right?" Rin looked down again. She had such a happy home… Then why didn't her mother know that she didn't like tonkatsu? But it didn't matter in the end, because her mother kept chatting anyway.

"You know, I met Momiji's mother today in the shopping center. She has another baby, a baby girl named Momo and she seemed really happy. Although I feel sorry for Momiji himself. It must be awful to have your mother turning against you, right, Isuzu-chan?" They finally arrived home.

"Tadaima!", her mother called. "Isuzu-chan, would you like to go play with your father for a little, while I prepare dinner?". Without waiting for an answer, she went to the kitchen.

"Ah, okaeri. Isuzu-chan, how is my little princess? Come join me", her father called. "Would you like to play another round of cards? You could teach me that game again. I didn't get the hang of it yet." Rin laughed. Her father was terrible at card games and even at the age of eight, Rin beat him almost every time.

"That's because you have too much going on in your head to concentrate on the cards, dad." She laughed again and went to pick up the cards. Then she settled herself in the living room for a game of cards. They weren't finished when her mother called for them to come have dinner.

"Ah, we will just leave it for later. Perhaps your mother wants to join in? She doesn't know the game yet, so I might have some chance to beat her." Her father grinned.

"No way, dad. Mom is quite good at card games. She'll beat you in no time." During dinner, her mother and father chatted happily and they all went to have another game of cards after dinner. They had a lot of fun.

"See, dad, I told you mom would be better." Everyone laughed as her father finally admitted defeat and settled himself with the newspaper instead.

"Isuzu-chan, I made you some jelly. Do you want it?", her mother asked.

"Jelly, yay. Can I have it now?" So her mother did know that she liked jelly, after all.

"Of course, dear. You wait, I'll just go and get it." Her mother left for the kitchen.

"Something interesting in the newspaper, dad?", Rin asked.

"Nothing important, princess, just the usual." He smiled at her and turned the paper.

"Here you go, Isuzu-chan." Her mother sat a large portion of jelly and a spoon in front of her and turned to her husband. "You know, darling, I met Momiji's mom today. She has a baby girl, Momo. She's such a cutie with the finest hair you can imagine."

It was the mention of hair that brought back the conversation with Haru in her mind. She remembered his words, that she would have to ask her parents about their feelings.

"Isn't that right, Isuzu-chan? You can be so glad, because you have such a happy home. Mom and dad both love you so much." Her mother looked at her expectantly. Rin took a deep breath.

"Why do we always have so much fun?" Rin felt cold as soon as she asked the question. She hadn't missed the anger that flashed through her parents eyes. "Is there nothing you are sad about?" The atmosphere in their home suddenly changed and for a moment Rin thought that she was dreaming. Such a feeling couldn't be for real. That was, until a vase that had been sitting on the table only moments before, shattered on the floor.

"For whose sake do you think we do it?", her mother yelled, her face contorted with fury. "Now, I've had enough. Every day we try to give you a happy home. Do you have any idea how hard it is for us to have a child like you? Do you?" Her mother burst into tears and sank down on a chair. Her father smashed the newspaper down on the table.

"Go to your room, Isuzu." He looked at her with anger in his face, his eyes cold like steel. She had always liked her father, his eyes had the same color as Haru's, a soft brown, but now they cut like a sword. "Now, Isuzu! Go now!" He took a treatening step towards her and Rin bolted from the room, tears streaming down her face. She ran all the way up to her room and flung herself on the bed to weep into her pillow.

So that was it, the game was over. She had her answer. There really was something her parents were sad about – they were sad about her. That wasn't what Rin had expected. She could still hear her mother crying downstairs and her father's soothing voice, until the door to the living room closed.

Rin buried her face deeper in the pillow. What should she do now? She pushed some hair out of the way and her fingers came upon the snowdrop flower that Haru had placed behind her ear and that she somehow had forgotten. Haru! What did he say? It's normal for families to have a quarrel and then you apologize and everything is okay again. So that's it! She would apologize and they would be happy again. They were a family after all.

She went down again. Her parents were still talking and Rin stood before the door, taking a deep breath. She would apologize and everything would be okay again.

"I just can't take it anymore, darling. It's too hard. She such an ungrateful child. I wish we could have had a normal child. I would give everything in my life to have another child. Some sweet, cheerful little thing, like Momo." Rin stood frozen in front of the door, her hand in midway to the door knob. A sob wanted to escape her, but she swallowed it down and opened the door.

"Mom, dad…".

"What do you want? Haven't you done enough already?", her mother cried. Rin needed to apologize and everything would be okay again. They were a family.

"I'm sorry…" A tear made its way down her cheek. Everything would be okay again. "I really am… sorry". They were a family.

"So you think that makes everything all right again?", her mother yelled. Everything would be okay again. Her father took a step towards her and gave her a slap her in the face that left her tumbling into the wall beside her. They were a family.

"Go to your room" Her father slammed the door shut. A tear dripped down her chin.

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End of Chapter 1

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AN: That's it for now. I'm rather satisfied how this turned out, so I hope you liked it as well. Please let me know what you think.

I would like to thank my beta-reader for… well… beta-reading!

A few notes on this story in general:

I don't like translating a suffix that japanese people use after a name, so I will stick with the japanese terms. If you don't know what they mean (although most of you probably will), here's a short list:

Name-san: A general and neutral suffix, used for both genders. It's often translated as "Miss/Mister XY", but it's often not that formal. Even friends sometimes use last names with san. So it's not as if Yuki calls Tohru "Miss Honda" all the time. It's just a little more respectful than "Tohru-san".

Name-kun: A term often used for boys, but it may also be used for girls when adressed by elders. It's more informal that –san, but more respectful than –chan. Shigure calls Tohru "Tohru-kun" for example.

Name-chan: A term used for kids, for girls or even women between themselves and for people that are very close to you. However, you won't use it for grown up men.

Name-sensei: A term used for teachers of all kinds or well educated persons like doctors or authors. So it's not that strange for Haru to call Shigure "sensei", even if it was because of a deal.

Name-sama: A very formal term that indicates great respect. You would only adress a person with –sama that is very high above your own social class. That's why, i.e. god (in japanese "kami") is referred to as "kami-sama".

If you have questions, please feel free to ask!

Until next time, Joey-chan