A/N: this is how I helped myself deal with breaking up with my girlfriend only for it to morph into how I got back together with her. Baby, if you read this, I love you. Forever and always.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the drama.

Ino was watching me, I could feel it, and I knew she was upset with me but I wasn't in the mood to deal with it. This just wasn't a good day for me.

New classes had started today, and my ex was in my math class, Sakura. And while to most that wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that I want to fuck her brains out every time I see her. Just the way her body was, and the little sounds she used to make when we made out. God damn, I missed those. I was dominate in that relationship, but not with Ino.

She was a whole different story. She was everything that Sakura was not. She was dominate, she was... My girlfriend and that's the only way I can think to describe her.

And then, there was Neji. Dear god that boy makes my heart race. It didn't matter that I was dating someone, I wanted him. Just looking at him made me want a cock in me... Well... Not just any cock, his cock. I had cheated on my last boyfriend, Sasuke, with Neji. And my friend from Suna says I'm not over the five years with Sasuke, and that may be true but I'm also not over Neji.

I hope Ino dumps me. I'm hurting her, by being with her and not giving her what she needs. I'm a bad person, and I know that. But that doesn't seem to faze her. I told her that, and that I'm okay with cheating, yet, still she's with me. I'm not sure what else to do.

I knew I wasn't over Neji before I even went into a relationship with Ino. It hadn't been long enough and plus, I'd just ended five years with Sasuke.

I had no right to start a relationship with her. Yet, I did.

And now I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. I wish it was easy, that she wouldn't cry when I tell her that I need a break to sort my shit out, but that's just wishful thinking.

I'm fucked either way: If I stay with her, or if I leave her.

My friend is right; I need to get my shit sorted out. I knew I shouldn't have said yes to her. That I should have followed my rule about no relationships this year, because I knew it wouldn't work with my fucked up mind.

And yet, here I am. Almost three months into a relationship I have no business being in, wanting to fuck my ex-girlfriend and old lover.

What the fuck have I done? And how am I going to fix it?

She was still watching me. I can't take this anymore.

"Ino, I have to talk to you." I said to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her with me as I left the lunch table.

"Hinata, what's going on?" She asked when the doors had closed behind us.

"Ino, I wasn't ready for a relationship. I told myself before this year even started that I wasn't going there, yet I did. And now I'm hurting you." I said, looking her in the eyes as I spoke to her, making sure she kept eye contact with me. Her eyes were filling slowly, breaking my heart but I had to do this.

"What are you saying? You're breaking up with me? You said that was my choice, that you wouldn't take that from me!" Her voice had raised throughout what she'd just said.

"And I was going to give you that, you had that. But you lost it when you refused to break up when I knew I was making you sad and upset. I was hurting you... No, don't say I wasn't. I have eyes, I could see it. I know what pain looks like. I live with it, every day." She was nodding, slowly coming to terms. "I'm not saying forever, just until I can sort my shit out. I'm so confused all the time; I never know what's going to pop into my head at any given moment. I just need to figure out what I'm doing inside right now. I want to be with you, I swear to fucking god I do, but I'm confused at the same time."

"What do you mean? How does that even fucking work?" She blinked at me, staring me in the eye, or trying to, I couldn't meet her eyes. I was a shifty person by nature, but this break up wasn't helping me any.

"I just can't live with being confused. And I know for a damn fact that you can do better than me. I want you to do better than me. Let me go. Find someone who won't cheat on you, who'll love you like you should be."

"But I only want you!" She yelled softly.

"No, that'll change, I promise. I'm not a good person; I want you to move on." I said, pulling back from her. She watched me, her eyes clouding over a little. "Ino, I'm sorry. I just can't be with you the way you want."

"You still love him, don't you? You said you did like two months ago. But is that the cause of this?"

"No, it's not the cause. Yes, I love him, but that has nothing to do with this." She nodded slowly.

Then she looked at me sadly before walking away toward her other friends, the ones I never met.

*Three weeks later*

"Can I talk to you?" Ino asked me just as I sat down at the table for lunch.

I looked around, wondering why the fuck she was even talking to me. Then I nodded and we walked outside to the spot where "it" had happened.

"I'm starting to think this is going to be more than just a week or two breaks." She said sadly as she looked at me from cloudy and glazed eyes.

I hadn't seen her in three weeks and she still makes my heart race. I nod to her.

She nods back, grabs me quicker than I thought she could and kissed my forehead before walking away from me.

I watched, my heart breaking in half knowing that I had hurt one of the only people I truly love.

After almost a month of begging me, I finally give in and tell Neji yes. And it's good. We go everywhere in his car, it's his baby and he's proud that it runs. We drive the back roads for hours and stop in little spots to make out. But it never goes beyond that. Two weeks into our relationship, I start talking to Ino again. She's still heartbroken, and that hurts, but I'm talking to her and its helping.

By the third week, I realize that he has changed, or maybe it's me. Whoever it was, I can't do it anymore.

For the fourth and final week of our relationship, he stopped talking to me, didn't come to see me after school anymore and wouldn't text me. By that time, Ino and I were together enough to have sex, and it was amazing. I was truly cheating on Neji. The next day, I text him and told him it was over.

We fought for a bit but after an awhile, I just stopped texting back.

It wasn't working and by that time I didn't want it to. I was done.

During the five days I was cheating on him with her, I found what I had been missing, the love that has disappeared from my heart when she walked away.

I've been happy with Ino. However, that didn't stop Sakura from making a go at me. The week after I got back together with my love, she came up and cornered me, asking me to be her summer lover again, as I was the summer before. I told her to fuck off as nicely as I could.

Since then, everything has been great, no big fights and even though she's six hours away at a relative's house, we talk every night. I love her with everything within me and I never want her to walk away from me.