It had been five years since Ollie had been murdered. It had been five years since she'd so cruelly had him taken from her.
It wasn't long after they'd announced their relationship, she was no longer in government, her kids were old enough to understand and she'd thought that it was time to make herself happy. Nicola kicked her cheating husband out and had moved Ollie in, but not before James warned her that this wouldn't be the end.
It was the building in front of her that changed her life and was home to her worst memories. Every tear on this date she came to lay flowers, but this year the building in front of her was empty.
The memories of going into the restaurant holding Ollie's hand was as clear as if she was still living it, they'd been smiling and laughing. But just a clear where the images of him being shot by someone in a mask, the way he fell to the floor, her own screams and they way his blood was splattered everywhere as she stood in shock.
No one had ever been charged for his murder and neither she nor her kids had ever seen James again.
Five years down the line and the memories were still as clear as if they were happening and the fact that the building was now empty did nothing to ease or dull the pain. Instead it felt worse because the building was empty it felt like none of the events were real anymore. It was almost as if all traces of anything having happened were gone but still played in her head.
The building was somewhere she hated to be and usually avoided at all costs but on the anniversary of his death, was somewhere she had to go to feel closer to the love of her life.
She knew for the rest of her life she'd never forgive herself for dragging Ollie into that she had. Memories didn't disappear, neither did feelings but each day it got a little easier to ignore them.
She still ached desperately from the experience and mostly his loss and it wasn't something that'd ever go away and she knew that but here she was five years down the line and learning to cope a little better each day.